Sacred Feminine in the Center of the Circle

Dear readers,

I had such a beautiful morning and am feeling like sharing a bit of it with you. This has been my year of trying new things - a new Dance your Bliss class, seeing a counsellor bi-weekly ot overcome some writing blocks, attending a drum circle for the first time, and today I got brave and attended a Red Tent circle in Hudson, Quebec.

Run by Aine Sun, a beautiful heart-centered woman, this new Dana Center is a place for women to gather, listen to each other, share their stories and feel welcomed, seen and heard, with a minimum of ritual and ceremony.

Being seen and heard myself this morning, made me feel like a bucket of sunshine had been poured on my heart. I have been in a lot of circles in the past 20 years, lead some, started some, and I always come away from that deep listening space feeling renewed and happy.  It's simple, in a way, that really all we want is to be accepted for who we are, have a short space to express how we feel, and feel the invisible embrace of listening hearts mirroring back to us, I am valuabe, I am loved.

SoulCollage(R) card: Brigid 

On my drive home, I thought back to 1986, when I went back to University here in Montreal to study creative writing and a minor in women's studies. I already thought of myself as a feminist since my teens, bu my thirties I had let that slide a little. I loved the courses on mythology and women's religions around the world, and on women's literature. It began a life-long fascination with writing the feminine, writing about taboo subjects - breastfeeding, sex during pregnancy, the joy of children in their bodies, (although my daughter when she was seven or eight did not appreciate coming across my poem of her vulva dance, dancing with blue chalk all over her two year old body, like a little Goddess), and later a book on the emotional turmoil at menopause.

I have written about the feminine mysteries of menstruation and menopause, published articles and books, taken courses like the one I'm doing online right now called Goddesses of Self-Care, read a ton of books about When God was a Woman, and the 5,000 year period since the goddess has been demonized and relegated to the underworld as a witch or fertility figure. But now, today, I felt the light fill me up from within. I felt this sacred part of me could shine as I danced to some gentle music at the end, mybody was moving in tune with the heart-filled center, the feminine essence.

My struggles to understand both the feminine and the masculine as archetypes, and release myself from wounds and patterns instilled during childhood, have lead me here - to embrace the sacred feminine at the center of my being, as a living energy, not a stone statue, nor a picture on a wall, but inside my flesh and bone, my belly and thighs, my breasts and uterus, my legs and arms and all.

I can dance with my sacred feminine life energy in the center of my body. I share my appreciation, my wounded brokenness, my joy and my wild feminine life force with other women in the circle.

Next thing I'm going to do is take every book I have written, every poem, every class offering on the feminine, and dance around it, to celebrate my creative participation in awakening the goddess within, the sacred feminine energy of life within.

Aho!

Watch me dance!

Finding Trust in Transition Times by looking back: A New Year Beckons

Well, here we are, on the cusp of another New Year. Coming out of a busy holiday time, full of laughter, wine, friends and family, a little bit of too muchness – having enjoyed too much of a good thing, and also in need of rest.

At the same time, I am prompted by my inner taskmaster to begin to plan ahead (some of you probably planned ahead already last fall for 2019!). But one thing I have learned over time is that winter is a quiet time for me, energy wise.

Yet still I have my lists of projects, unfinished, or not yet begun. I see other facilitators’ offerings for workshops and retreats lined up all the way to fall 2019, and wonder, will I offer something new this year? Or repeat a theme that was popular in 2018, with SoulCollage(R)?

By chance I opened a journal of mine from almost ten years ago, November 2009, before I trained to become a SoulCollage facilitator. I was still leading journaling classes. There was a list of things under the theme: What do I love? I am very intrigued, because it appears to me that I have lost sight once again of what I love. I feel a bit worn down, a little fatigued with the need to always come up with new ideas and themes. A guilty part of my soul just wants to do nothing, see no-one, lead no one.

In yoga this morning, I felt a deep need to feel my own serene presence.

I got flashes during  the relaxation part of images of my child self – in Grade 4, as a competitive student, wanting to raise her hand and be seen and heard, at the top of her class. I also saw her flirting with the boys at school. Even younger, I saw her being a good helper to her mom, playing with the siblings and little ones, changing diapers, holding bottles.  

The need to be good, to be the best at school, the need to be seen and heard is perhaps what lead me to service, satsang and meditation in an ashram for 8 years in my twenties. And then perhaps lead me back to school to study English Literature and Creative Writing and compete as a writer in a world of fiction and poetry.  Then after my kids were born, it brought me out of my little part-time writing room into the classroom to lead journaling workshops and then add SoulCollage(R). Now, at age 64, I feel that need winding down.

So the list of what I loved in 2009 was:

I love talking and being heard. I love meaningful conversations, connections with people.

I love being connected to me.

I love being and feeling grounded.

I love moving with grace.

I love eating calmly with awareness, good healthy food.

I love having someone else clean and cook for me.

I love massages, Reiki and being loved.

I love my sisters and brothers.

I love my kids, and friends and family.

I love reading poems in public.

I love singing on stage.

I love the spotlight.

I love stepping out of bounds.

I love to be stretched.

I love music: flute drum bass.

I love being quiet and alone, diving deep into yoga, feeling peace.

On the next page of my journal was written, What do I want to do right now?

“Right now in this moment, I want to allow the wisdom of my heart to bypass the strategist. I want the dreamer to awake and tell me her deepest cherished dream. I want to hold her hand and shush and rock her until she dares speak out loud her deepest wish – she has not shown herself for fear of being judged and she is hiding underneath the bed. She doesn’t like to compete; she hates hype, marketing, meetings and the pressure to create goals. She is anti-goal. She lives for feeling, under the surface of things. She is a shy fish and my outer voice is too loud, it frightens her. I courted her in the past, but gave up, buried her under convention, under Should-Must-Duty.

Right now I want to listen.

Right now I want to receive guidance about where my life’s interests are – a book? Classes? Healing? I want to be healed.”

What surprises me about this list is that I did actually write and publish The Tao of Turning Fifty a few years down the road in 2012. I did lead classes from my home until the end of 2017 and workshops till 2018. I did seek out healers, osteopaths, massage therapists and acupuncturists and I did receive healing. In hindsight, it all unfolded exactly according to this desire, expressed silently in my journal, to myself.

What surprises me about reading this now, is that I am back in the same place – wondering what I really want to do. I have danced and sung in the spotlight with a quartet,  done some musical theatre and sang in an acoustic band with my husband, (check!).  I have a women’s circle and a SoulCollage(R) circle where my needs for being seen and heard, and creative expression,  are fulfilled.

I feel as if I have come full circle -  it is time for me to listen in again and receive guidance. I am still anti-goals. That hasn’t changed. I may be competitive by nature, but I have zero desire to get out there and compete in the world of self-care gurus and authors. I think I am winding down that ‘outward’ energy phase of my life. Is that possible? Didn’t I just sign up to be the Inner Wisdom guide? Will I be content to just do yoga, meditate and write in my journal? Of course, the SoulCollage(R) facilitator trainer part is new, and will unfold over the next five months. I am content to hold space for that new learning and to attend a conference of facilitators in Italy in June.

But the burning desire to share everything I learn and know has left me. Or at least died down for the moment. I feel afraid it may never return. I wonder who my persona will be without that fearless leader persona leading me.

With gratitude, I come back to the list of what I love.

I think it’s time to let go of performing and being “good”. And it's time to lose the attitude of provitude, the always striving and pushing myself to be 'better than'. High time to be releasing and letting go of the fear of the future.

I welcome my own serene presence, dive into the sacred moment, and the next moment. Trusting it will all unfold for me in 2019, as it did in 2009.

“Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours to see, Que Sera Sera.”

Perhaps that little shy fish, la petite fille qui chantait aux fleurs, will surface and whisper in my ear, what she really loves to do.

I'm listening....

SoulCollage(R) card: Hearing the call 

Listening to Inner Calling at Mid-Life

Life's journey brings each of us face to face at some point with a search for meaning and purpose - perhaps we begin with one predefined for us by our parents/teachers or mentors. We either accept or reject this. We swim out into the deep waters of young adulthood armed with degrees and book knowledge, then sink or swim with our own hard-learned experiences, failed romances, achievements and ideals fulfilled or unfulfilled. Parenthood and career/work absorb us for twenty or thirty years and then Wham! we hit midlife. The satisfaction meter either glows Hot or Cold - Red or Green. Saying, keep on going this way, straight ahead or STOP. Pause. Rethink. Revise Strategy.

We ask ourselves, where am I on my map? Where am I on my journey towards those inner goals? A longing for a sense of purpose calls us once again, because the outer 'stuff' is now taken care of (or thrown into flux by job changes, health challenges, spousal betrayal). We are creatures of meaning. Not only doing, but being is important to us. We wonder, how am I doing? It's not only about my bank account, my RRSP, savings, success, but also, Where am I on the Authenticity and Satisfaction scale, the happiness and contentment with my life scale? 

Have I begun to pay attention to the inner calling of my heart? Have I begun to give back? Is there a passion that needs exploring, a reminder of my good ole days love for theater, singing, skiing or sailing? Or am I just too pooped to coop and need a bit of rest, some down time to recoup?

This journey to the Self and greater meaning involves not only caring for others, my family, mother, children, aunts, friends, coworkers, but also checking in with me. Have  I grown, developed my gifts and talents? Have I only worked and not played? (that sure makes me a dull girl!) Is my life balanced on the Wellness Wheel of Life (physical, mental, spiritual, body mind and soul). Is it time to take stock and realign with my Core Values, or find out what they heck they are?

Welcome to your mid-life transition! all those questions come up, as you face your own mortality (around age 50 usually). You look back at where you started - you try to gauge how much you might have left to do, or perhaps you simply release all expectations and collapse into complacency, or if you're lucky, deep satisfaction, in perfect flow. Optimal experiences abound - you've sorted out your inner conflicts, and you're feeling good about yourself, you're loving the grandchildren, and your leisure time. Quality of life is finally yours.

If this is not the case, ask yourself - have I listened to my heart's calling lately? What do I really love to do,what takes me into a 'flow' experience, out of time, forgetting about my self and problems? Then ask yourself, how can I make more room for that kind of experience in my life?

It might mean taking a new class, exploring a new hobby, or volunteering part-time to work with young kids, but it always involves lining ourselves up with a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.

If you feel drained, your psychic energy all sucked into doing stuff you hate - then midlife is a great time to stop, reflect, make changes, and bring more attention to doing what you love. Maybe it's time to build a creative life!

The book Flow outlines how a combination of facing challenges and growing skills is required at all levels of our life - at work, play, in family, with friends - to develop and grow happiness. It takes a certain amount of discipline to harness our psychic energy away from self-defeating negative thoughts and investing energy into creative pursuits that fulfill us. TV watching for instance feeds apathy, while gardening may bring harmony. 

We can better cope with stressful events, and create order out of chaos when we learn how to control our inner environment - our minds. 

So that's where listening to the Inner calling of the heart comes in. Discovering myself, from the inside, realigning myself with what I love to do, with my real internal goals (to be needed, to be loved, to give back, to be creatively fulfilled...) and getting closer to my gifts and talents brings harmony and unity back to my soul.

It gives meaning to my life and helps resolve inner conflicts, once I know what I want, and then take concrete steps to learn the skills or use my talents to achieve it. Following someone else's agenda for happiness will never bring me back to my own center, my own peace.  I need to discover what only I love.

What would you do, if you didn't care what anyone else thought of you? if it wasn't too selfish? if it was just for your own enjoyment? What did you used to love doing that you no longer do? Journaling about these questions will help you uncover the Inner Calling of your heart and help you find meaning and purpose at mid-life.

Namaste,

Musemother

Meditate on your Heart Month

February is Heart Month

I'm going to write more about what opening into heart awareness means for me, as I did in my monthly newsletter for my website (sign up at www.jenniferboire.com),
but for the moment, here's something I found on Facebook, with some lovely music and visuals to help you focus and breathe through your heart.

http://chandinilove.tumblr.com/


Namaste,
Musemother

Peace in the Heart

A discovery

Slow down, turn down the volume.

Begin to hear a sweet immortal sound,

played in the heart of every human being

on the face of the earth.

It is the most divine

of all meditations,

sweeter and more fulfilling

than any yoga.

Listen to that sweet sound.

It is the ultimate mantra

you don’t have to speak or remember.

the one mantra going on for every single being.

Listen. Within you.

It is the single-most profound poetry.

Listen.

It is a song more rhythmic

than you can imagine.

Listen to you.

Listen to this beautiful, sweet sound.

Listen to that request.

Within you lies a poetry,

a song that is being sung every single day

in a language understood by every person

on the face of this earth.

It does not distinguish between rich or poor.

It does not distinguish between holy and sinner.

It does not distinguish between weak and strong.

It is the same for every single person.

Listen to that song that is in your heart.

Listen to that request that is in your heart,

like a little bee comes to the flower,

like the flower turns towards the sun, 

come with your thirst,

all you need is you. 

The above poem is from a collection of poems found in the words of Prem Rawat, that I am working on right now. It's been a pleasure to work with these words, excerpted from his live addresses, and barely shaped, just a little, by me. 

Listening to Prem in person is even better. He speaks in poems. He touches the heart. He speaks unscripted, from the heart, from his own experience.

I am very excited to let you know that he is touring North America this summer (in Europe right now, Denmark on Sunday), and that you can request an invitation to hear him, at no cost. He'll be in Canada in July : Toronto, Roy Thomson Hall, July 8, and Montreal, Palais de congres Wed July 11, 7:30 pm.

Please watch this short, inspiring video and at the bottom of the youtube screen is an address to click for the invitation request.

Prem Rawat in North America:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fgMmjwdiic&feature=youtu.be

May your thirst lead you on!

Musemother/jenn