Hearing the call, what is waiting to be born

This period of confinement due to the corona virus shutdown around the world is a challenging time for some, and a blessing for others.

If you are struggling to make ends meet, going crazy working at home while your children also need attention, I get it. I have the greatest sympathy (having been a writer who worked at home while my children were young).

But if you find yourself with some extra down time, and have managed to meet all your basic needs for shelter, food, safety, love and belonging, perhaps you are feeling the call for finding a deeper meaning and purpose.

Especially during the mid-life transition,  there is often a call to transformation, to reinvention. This is not so much a mid-life crisis involving little red sports cars as it is a sense of dissatisfaction, of wanting something more, of longing to get in touch with a deeper, soulful part of self. Or of finding meaning and being able to give back to the world.

Personally, I felt it most strongly during menopause, where everything I had done from age 30 to 49 began to drift away. I had been writing and publishing poetry, actively involved in the writing community doing readings and volunteering with the League of poets and local writers' organization, when I suddenly lost interest. I had two teens entering puberty at the same time as my hormones were rising, so the hot flash clash was part of this issue.

But I remember going to a week long writers' retreat and discovering over the course of that time that my true interest was not in belonging to a literary group. I wanted to reach out to women like me, mothers who were at home, part-time or full-time and trying to find their creative flow. I was not motivated by literary prizes as much as getting together with a circle of women and exploring our needs, our themes, our angst and our blessings. My women's circle became a sacred space for me to feel seen and heard.

The Creative Circle I was teaching from home sustained and fed me, as well as providing support for other women for about ten years, but then it happened again, I heard the call to reinvent myself. Maybe because I had been giving and supporting others all my life, as a eldest daughter, mother, and teacher, my well was a bit empty. I wondered how I could continue to serve while taking care of myself and feeding my soul. I took a year long course on Rites of Passage and how to create rituals so I could incorporate that on retreats with my circle of women and also celebrate their turning fifty.

But soon I was 60 and menopause long past. I was not an elder yet, nor a grandmother. Who was I now? What did I really want to do with my wild and precious life? I did what I often do when in a period of not knowing, I left for two weeks on a pilgrimage to Ireland visiting various sacred sites of the goddess with a Celtic Shaman. During a drumming ritual and ceremony, she helped remind me that my creative center was calling out for me to nourish it with something just for me. I came back still reluctant to stop leading workshops.

I was, however, keenly interested in my mother's ancestors from Ireland. How had my great grandmother's voices been shut down, and how could I dialogue with their stories of anxiety, depression and other challenges, and learn more about my own? I began writing a memoir, using letters and information from my mother, my maternal aunts, and a memoir written by a great-aunt about her life in the early years of the 20th century. I lost my mother recently, at age 89, and feel a need to get back to that writing and expand it.

All this to say, my life pattern since my mid-forties has been one of frequent reinvention, new projects, studying with teachers and travelling on pilgrimages, but above all, seeking to listen to the inner call and follow my intuition. Honing the feminine side and listening to my intuition may have been the real goal all along, rather than changing my role, giving myself a new job to do, or even a new book to write.

This call to finding our core values or selves, and honour our inner depths, may lead us to leave behind certain roles or aspects of our selves. We may feel disoriented or lost in the maze of choices available to us and not know what we really want. I know many women in my circle have gone through this in their late forties and fifties.

What I have found is that creative process has been so helpful - whether it's by using journal writing, taking a class on fairy tales and myth, using ritual and ceremony, or making collages and using the symbolic language of images, we need to find a way to go beyond our rational selves, and get back in touch with our deeper longing.

This inner voice is often covered over by the outer world of busyness, or by guilt of not being seen as productive - which makes this confinement period a great gift - we may have less structured work time, more silence, more alone time, and more opportunity to reflect, and get a clearer picture of what the elements calling out to us are. If we choose to, of course. There is always the option to pig out on ice cream and chocolate, binge-watch shows on Netflix and zone out, which I also have resorted to over the past two months. Right now my hunger is for something real, something deep and authentic, and perhaps you feel that way too.

What I want to offer you is a path to regain strength and serenity from simple practices that help to tend the soul, listen to your heart, and find where your life is calling you. Sorting and sifting, like Psyche in the underworld sorting peas and beans, is an essential task. Making peace with the past, embracing all the parts of us, the fabulous and the flawed, are also important mid-life tasks.

Life is a process of growth and change. Little by little, we find new versions of ourselves waking up, or older versions and dreams we had forgotten being revealed. Paying attention to our lives requires we grow out of the limited awareness of ourselves as merely the 'roles' we play.  Learning that our struggles and challenges are great teachers, and that we have hidden allies on our side, will help us discover our dreams, our loves and fears and bring new self-awareness, as Bud Harris, the author of Sacred Selfishness says. SoulCollage(R) and journaling have both helped me redefine who I am, embrace all the parts of myself, the fabulous and the flawed with greater self-compassion.

I hope to offer an on-line class coming soon which will help us remember What Wants to be Born in You. It is never too late to dig deep and hear the call.

See my website for more information about what I offer and sign up for my newsletter so you can find out when this class will begin.  online classes can be followed by zoom from the comfort of your living room or bedroom; a circle of support created with you in mind.

www.jenniferboire.com

Inner Critic vs Inner Coach, creating a self-nurturing voice

Journeys start from where we are. Everything starts from where we are. Where we are is

where we’re supposed to be. —Evelyn Eaton.

Journaling can serve as a private, personal journey to self-awareness and self-love. A journal can be a place where, once we have purged the negativity, we can start to forgive ourselves, boost our self-confidence, appreciate who we are and bear witness to our accomplishments.

Calming the Critic or Self Saboteur –  the goal is to learn how to recognize and silence debilitating self talk; because our secret belief is that if we don’t put ourselves down, we’ll never be motivated to achieve. By building a loving, self-nurturing voice or Inner Coach, we can change our self-talk.

Remember, we don’t have to like every single thing about ourselves or what we do.  But in order to develop, we have to accept ourselves as we are. The biggest impediment to self acceptance is the inner critic, who can be so loud and continuous that we think it is our own true voice. However, it is only one aspect of our psyche. From the book 20 Minute Retreat, by Rachel Harris Ph.D.

Self Deprecating Critic Voice vs Self-Nurturing Coach Voice**

The best way to silence your inner critics is to nurture your inner coach – when he or she is cheering loudly for you and supporting you every step of the way, your critics will pipe down and know they’ve been beat.   

Here are some ideas to calm your Inner Critic and build your Inner Coach:

1) Know that your Inner Critic will never go away completely. By learning strategies to calm it, you can reduce its destructive power and live more freely.

2) Become mindful of when and how your Inner Critic talks. Start with noticing the words it uses and write them down. Make a list of 10 ways you hear yourself criticizing you. Notice the patterns of what your Critic says and how it makes you feel. This will create awareness of your negative self-talk and the affect that it has on you.

3) Explore the sources that have fed your Inner Critic. Whose voice is it? Consider who in your life disappointed you by being critical rather than helpful. Remember that many people misguidedly think that being critical is useful, even loving.

4) Interrupt your negative self-talk & replace it with a neutral and encouraging inner voice. Imagine a mentor or coach speaking to you. As you repeat this process over and over again, it will become easier. Imagine that your inner coach is sitting next to you as you write in your journal. (It will take practice to speak words of compassion. As is true for all learning, we develop through imitating.)

Base your image on a real person: perhaps a mentor or a sports coach or a best friend who supports and encourages you, someone who has had a significant influence on your life. Visualize that person’s face and hear his or her voice.

Now draw both your Inner Critic and your Inner Coach (inner sweetheart) and give them names.

Or make a SoulCollage® CARD FOR EACH. DIALOGUE WITH THEM IN THEIR VOICES.

Example:

Inner Critic:                                                                         Inner Coach:

You never listen; you talk too much               Not always true. When you are interested you listen closely.

I should have been there for my son today.     It’s not too late; you do care for him, spend 

                                                                         time with him at supper tonight.

Your thighs are too wobbly.                             Your legs are strong, they carry you through

                                                                          the day. Give them more walks outdoors.

You can’t handle this. You’re a failure.           Little by little, I address this issue bothering me.

 One step at a time, with patience and love I grow   stronger.

SoulCollage(R) card Inner Critic

**taken from various sources on-line, and adapted for my Creative Circle Journaling Class

Body Love in a Dangerous Time

“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.” ~John Lee, Writing from the Body

There is a war on Feminine Flesh. Do you know that song sung by the Bare Naked Ladies, Lovers in a dangerous time? These feel like dangerous times for women’s bodies. The worst part is that the assault comes from within us, not just from men in power, or from magazines, news, TV and video. Inside of ourselves there is a war going on against female cycles, female flesh. We either have too much or not enough. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. (I know as my pot belly gets bigger that this is an issue for me, that buying bigger pants will only partly solve!) In spite of the great consciousness awareness surrounding abuse and disrespect coming out of the #metoo movement, in 2018 it is still difficult for women to feel love and accept their own female bodies, just the way they are.

None of us seems to be happy with our shape, or our hair, (if it’s curly you want it straightened, if it’s straight you spend hours curling it); our body size, our legs or sagging arm flesh, or our boobs heading south as we hit menopause.  This gets harder as we get older, as our aging bodies go through even more changes (why can’t I get rid of that last 10 lbs as I enter my mid-sixties?) and all this self hatred and judgement has lead to a boom in cosmetic surgery and diet crazes.

But I think it’s not just about bodies' aging. An awful lot of young girls and women feel anxious about their bodies, and it starts at a young age. My daughter, at age 8 came home from school one day to tell me she had a big tummy. Her friends were starting to criticize their bodies already!  It starts with anxiety about being “perfect” – all the celebrity images prime us for self-criticism - looking through a big pile of magazines recently, I could not find any positive images of women over size 6. They were all super thin, slim, and gorgeous or a few of the opposite – extremely overweight and unhealthy – where is the middle ground? Where are the images of women who fit somewhere in the middle, who look like you or I?

These ridiculously strict standards cause serious restrictions on our self-image, our self love and our  freedom: we’re hit from all sides - from the fashion  and cosmetic industry, even at the local parents’ committee, there are  body police everywhere, measuring us up, judging us on our weight gain (or loss), our clothing size, hair colour, how much cellulite we have, and offering the best surgery or botox to correct our imperfections….the harsh criticism from self and others never ends.

Food is no longer about nourishment. We are constantly monitoring our hunger, our food intake, counting calories, working out to lose the bag of chips we just ate, punishing and rewarding ourselves for lack of effort or sticking to the diet and exercise plan, hating ourselves in the mirror. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to look and feel our best – but we go to extremes - either obsessing about it or we numbing ourselves with cookies, ice cream or alcohol.  We have learned to disconnect from our bodies, from our intuitive knowing, and from our feelings.

Which ever way you look at it, there has been a long history of conflict surrounding women’s bodies, all the way back to Eve. Our bodies, our cycles and our sexuality have been banned and sent underground for so long, either seen as depravity and evil or simply banned and nonexistent, ignored by generations of women too traumatized to know differently. We have lost our collective memory, the knowledge that used to be passed down from mothers, aunts and sisters to their younger daughters, nieces and sisters. The once sacred women’s rites around the menstrual cycle and childbirth for example became suspect and connected to witchcraft, and thousands of women were burned, drowned or hung. There are many hundreds of years of history behind our relationship with our feminine nature, our bodies and our intuition.

I think it's time to declare a truce on the war with our body. What if we picked one small part of our body to reclaim and love back to a healthy relationship? We may not be able to transform our attitude overnight, but we can take little steps, one body part at a time. What if we actually began to feel worthy and deserving of self-love? 

What is Women’s Wisdom? We can only counter the negative baggage by beginning with ourselves, with loving our bodies, one part at a time. Embodied living means learning to live consciously, in touch with our inner guidance through our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and with acceptance of the feelings in our body. It means believing that our bodies are able to receive and transmit energy and information. We can begin to develop our intuition, our feminine wisdom.

Because I need to heal my relationship and begin listening to my body too, I am offering a women's one-day workshop called Body Love in a Dangerous Time. We will start by re-establishing some open communication with our bodies, by looking at one small part, acknowledging it, listening to it and dialoguing with it in our journals, in a judgement free zone of lovingkindness. 

That’s where we begin, and then in the afternoon we’ll make a SoulCollage(R) card for a body part we want to improve our relationship with, or send some love to. SoulCollage(R) is a nourishing, expressive art form that uses images, intuition and imagination to make small 5 x 8 collages that reflect inner parts, emotions, archetypes and energies. (www.soulcollage.com) 

We’ll also spend some time breathing deeply and relaxing, finding and releasing areas of tension, and inviting in a sense of self-love, gratitude and wonderment at the beautiful beings we are.  We will take baby steps to feel good about our body parts, and infuse them with love and attention.

We will baby ourselves, ladies, we will love ourselves like we would love a precious child and make a start at healing the disconnect.

The Church says: the body is a sin.

Science says: the body is a machine.

Advertising says: The body is a business.

The Body says: I am a fiesta.”  ~Eduardo Galeano, Walking Words

much love to your on your journey
Jennifer
more information, times, date, cost at www.jenniferboire.com 

Fall Equinox and revamp

SoulCollage(R) card: Colour Life Art

Dear readers,

What a hot summer we have had in Montreal! I have also done some traveling outside of the country, on an artist's residency in France and on a week long retreat with Prem Rawat https://www.premrawat.com/, but I'm back in town, getting ready for the new fall season.

Happy Fall Equinox by the way! I can feel the cooler air and see the geese already winging south overhead. It makes me feel a bit melancholy to hear that honking, as the wheel of the year turns, and we head into fall and winter.

But with a new season comes a new look for my website - you'll probably see it at the beginning of October. I'm very excited about the new video, and can't wait to show you what I've been working on!

Apart from the revamp, it's been a little quiet from the blog and newsletter (haven't sent one out in a year!). Nada! you must be wondering what I have been up to.

All will be revealed, very soon, in a few weeks.It still involves SoulCollage(R), journaling and sacred self-care and seasonal retreats, but I'm stepping away from offering weekly classes. Hoping for more down time, more inward musing time, perhaps more writing time, who knows?

In the meantime, here's a poem by Meister Eckhart to whet  your whistle.

A human being 

has so many skins inside, covering the depths 

of the heart. 

We know so many things, 

we don't know ourselves! 

Why, 30 or 40 skins or hides, 

as thick and hard 

as an ox's or bear's, 

cover the soul. 

Go into your own ground 

and learn to know 

yourself there.

Autumn colours 

That is the lesson our life journey brings us, doesn't it - how to know ourselves.

Please stay in touch!

xxxxx

Jennifer

www.jenniferboire.com

www.soulcollage.com

SMALL DAILY PRACTICES - CREATIVE SOULFULNESS

Which one of these can you incorporate into a daily ritual or practice to help you FEEL and listen to what your soul is saying? Try one on for size today.

Centering breath: take 5 minutes to connect with your belly breath, and come home to Calm. Release busy thoughts, and breathe.

Communion with Nature: sky, earth, stars, trees, birds, moon, walk outdoors 15 minutes

Grounding practice – when spinning too fast, slow down and breathe roots from your feet into ground. Really feel your breath coming down into your feet, down into ground.

Beauty: let yourself be enthralled by the veins on a leaf, a bright green bug, the indigo at twilight

Expressive arts: have fun with collage, doodles, acrylic paint, any artistic expression – move your body to music, add a little bit of creative play. What new thing can you try?  photography, water colour, drumming?

Journaling: Staying in touch with my soul, by listening to what it has to say and writing it down: I feel, I need, I sense, I remember, I want, I desire, I am. Or simply, What does my soul have to say about this?

Dreams – keep a journal by your bed, stay in bed 4 minutes longer to capture your dreams. Dr Estes says every night we dream 5-7 “stories”, our soul’s way of teaching  and reflecting to us what is going on in our lives. Learn how to decode the metaphors by writing down all the nouns and verbs and watching the associations that pop up.

Bookstore browsing: pencil in a one-hour book store browse; let your intuition guide you to a new  book

Cup of tea with that book: pencil it in your agenda, 10 minutes 1x a day.

Relaxation – find a CD* that soothes you, 20 minutes before bedtime or take a 30 minute nap. Do like the cats and dogs do and find a comfy blanket in the sun to curl up in. (*Sounds True, Eversound)

Meditation, mindfulness: 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour – what do you need to really satisfy your soul’s desire for stillness, inner peace?

Tai chi, yoga, chi gong: can you move your body mindfully once a day, stretch first thing in the morning, do some tai chi at lunchtime, or do a little downward dog before bed?

Make a playlist for your mood: sunny upbeat, darker days, stress free, happy rock ‘n roll, soulful R&B

TAKE TIME FOR YOUR LIFE

Tend your inner garden and water your soul with these practices.

namaste, Jennifer

Soulfulness in women has a season and a cycle

Where are you in your soul cycle?

The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, questing and resting, creating and incubating, being of the world and returning to the soul-place. 

 ~ Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés

stay tuned on www.jenniferboire.com for new Creative Soulfulness page, classes and SoulCollage workshops in the fall

A Brave And Startling Truth poem for today

Take a moment and sip a cup of tea while reading this poem. Then get your journal out and write down your thoughts or reaction to Maya's brave words.

Musemother

We, this people, on a small and lonely planet
Traveling through casual space
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns
To a destination where all signs tell us
It is possible and imperative that we learn
A brave and startling truth
And when we come to it
To the day of peacemaking
When we release our fingers
From fists of hostility
And allow the pure air to cool our palms
***
We, this people, on this small and drifting planet
Whose hands can strike with such abandon
That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness
That the haughty neck is happy to bow
And the proud back is glad to bend
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body
Created on this earth, of this earth
Have the power to fashion for this earth
A climate where every man and every woman
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety
Without crippling fear

When we come to it
We must confess that we are the possible
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world
That is when, and only when
We come to it.

~ Maya Angelou ~   (A Brave and Startling Truth)

On Being Selfish, and Mothering Myself

I am reading a book about daughters who feel unmothered (for whatever reason, losing a mother, neglectful or absent mother, narcissistic and over critical mother). Will I Ever Be good Enough, by Karyl McBride. http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/resources/dr-karyls-blog/ 

It helps explain why I have never felt ‘good enough,’ why I keep so busy, and why it feels selfish to take time for me. So I wondered, if I could invent a kind, supportive mother for myself, what would she be like?

My ideal supportive female guide would listen to my worries, soothe my brow with a calm hand. She says, there, there. It’s all right. Don’t sweat the small things –even the big things are out of your control. Stop worrying about your grown kids.

She encourages me in my creative projects, tells me I deserve a morning off to just muse, write, listen to soothing music at least once a week. You deserve more playtime – sunshine and walks outside. You are allowed to enjoy your life –supper with your husband, watching Hercule Poirot movies, snuggling on the couch with dark chocolate and a bowl of popcorn. You can breathe into meditation and yoga every morning because you love to do that. You can pour rose scented Epsom salts in a bath and soak your tense muscles. Lie down and rest for 30 minutes in the afternoon.

When I’m sick, she brings me bowls of hot broth and tea, soft Kleenex. She reminds me not to eat fatty stuff when I’m sick, just dry crackers. She reminds me of my mom when I was little.

Yes, I did have a loving, caring mother, but mid-way through my childhood, she became overwhelmed with caring for a house of children, and alcoholic. She counted on me and my sister to help cook, clean and organize laundry. She tried to check out of her life when I was sixteen. Then went into rehab.

I was a good daughter, up to a point. Around age 15 I began to act out (it was the 70’s, what didn't we do!). We dared our mothers to discover our trespasses. They surely would have reined us in if they knew the half of it.

In the last year of my twenties, I fell in love, got married, went back to school, and got pregnant, in that order. Writing poetry and becoming a mother pushed me back into healing the mother wound. In my first book, Little Mother, I poured out my nostalgia, and my distress at an imperfect childhood. It became an exploration of the dark and light side of motherhood. I loved my kids passionately and yet needed time alone to write. I felt split down the middle.

Fast forward to menopause – the grand awakening to self-care. The therapist I went to see for anger management issues said, you have to learn to be more selfish. The very word was anathema to me. I felt useful doing volunteer work. I guess I had a strong good girl streak. But when I broke my leg skiing one year, something else broke down. The capable superwoman cracked. I could not take care of everyone if I didn't take care of me. My body was hurting, my shoulders ached. I kept taking on too many projects and responsibilities, trying to find my self-worth. I wanted to get out of the house, and my therapist suggested I teach at the women’s center.  

So I began. In the middle of my menopausal journey, I began to teach what I needed to learn. How to be selfish, how to carve space and time for my creative side, for my own sanity. How to ask for help. How to honour my need for time alone, and soothe the restlessness.

At menopause, the rocky road to healing began. I learned to mother myself. If I was tired, I took naps. If I was sad, I sat in the bathtub and wailed. If I was hungry before meals, I ate snacks. I was not very good at this, often blowing up at suppertime. The kids would say, eat something mom, you’re cranky.

Finally, my two kids were grown. I had mothered them sufficiently, taught them a few useful things about laundry and cooking. They both chose to go to school away from home. I had the quiet house to myself, my sanctuary, so I began to lead retreats and classes from home. Slowly my class has grown from five women four years ago to eleven in two classes this session.  I am still teaching exercises for discovering what you want to do with your life, what you love, what you would do if it weren't selfish.

I have to thank my therapist, Fani, for teaching me that I needed to be more selfish. And Jennifer Louden for her Woman’s Comfort Book http://jenniferlouden.com/ which helped me create a self-nurturing voice. Dr Christiane Northrup’s books on menopause and women’s wisdom http://www.drnorthrup.com/and Joan Borysenko http://www.joanborysenko.com/ for her wisdom about transition times and burn-out. I have many teachers and mentors, but long ago, Prem Rawat  http://www.premrawat.com/ showed me an inner practice that is my root, my anchor, how to find stillness in my center.

For all the teachings, and the journey so far, I am truly grateful.

xxxx

Musemother

ps I also want to thank my mom, for being there.

Journal questions for you:

If I could relax and let go, what would I do just for fun?

If I could let go into joy, receive creative joy, what would I do?

If it weren’t selfish, what would I love to do?

Turning 50, er 59

I used to be able to link the blog directly to Facebook notes, but somehow that stopped happening.

What I really am doing these days, besides resting in the sun? dancing in a Musical theatre show every night this week, and preparing for an interactive lecture at Beaconsfield Library, Tuesday Oct 1, 10 am.

And thinking about how wonderful my fifties have been.

There's a life coach somewhere who said we should keep track of our victories, especially when we feel a little down on ourselves for not accomplishing much. Looking back at my fifties so far, I can see a lot has happened.

My kids hit their teens, then grew up enough to leave home and attend University in 2 different cities.

My husband has joined three different bands, and I sing along in one of them.

I wrote a book, self-published it, and attended many workshops on how to promote and publicize in this age of social media. The Tao of Turning Fifty is popular with the women who attend my classes and retreats.

Am leading more and more weekend retreats for women, and day-long mini-retreats.

Learned how to SoulCollage(R) and became a facilitator, so I can share this intuitive and creative process of self-awareness with others.

Hired a web master and created a new website to share the books, CD, and classes.Took fab author photos (bartered with a student for a class).

Recorded Musemother Relaxation CD, at home, while looking at the lake.

Sang, recorded and helped produce Friends of Peace album in our home studio.

Began teaching Creative Journaling from my home, and now am calling it the Creative Circle.

Volunteered at the West Island Cancer Wellness Centre teaching journal writing for one year.

Organized a fundraiser Golf Benefit Tournament in Montreal 2012, with my husband, for TPRF and 60 Million Girls foundations.

Helped organize a Concert for Peace at the Hudson Music Festival summer 2013, fundraiser for TPRF.org and wrote an article about the successful (and unforgettable) musical event.

Recently enrolled in a year-long course (in French) to become a Facilitator of Rituals, with Ho Rites de Passage.

Performing with my quartet and in some group numbers, Still in the Mood, musical revue with Hudson Music Club at the Village Theatre. (a life-long dream!)

so there it is, only some of what I've done in my fifties, 

I feel better already!

Jennifer

aka Musemother

Mid-Life: Ripe with my own Knowing

Ripe is defined as something that has matured: having arrived at a stage of growth or development as to be ready for reaping or eating, as in a grain or fruit, or a high point of development or excellence, as in a human being.

Sometime in your mid-40's you may start to get a whiff of fall changes coming. You can smell those tomatoes ripening on the vine....it's not mid-summer anymore. You might not be looking forward to this kind of ripening, even though it may turn out to be the best time of your life.

Every season has it's challenges and discoveries, but somehow, for a lot of women turning fifty is a big one. It may be the fear of growing older, wrinkles, gray hairs and pudgy love handles. It may be fear of losing your shiny fertility, mourning (or celebrating) the closing of the baby factory. It may be facing a knee or hip replacement, or even your own mortality, or the grave illness of your parents.

But the joys of turning fifty, for me, far outweigh the slight inconvenience of any changed facial features and hair colour, or having to deal with new creams, hair dyes and oh yeah, more Zumba. The calm acceptance and internal joy didn't come right away though - at first it was all topsy turvy emotions, upside down confusion and a lot of questions.

Being a work at home mom, the big question was what to do now that the fledglings had pushed off out of the nest into university. They didn't need me hovering, there was no more school to volunteer at, and I felt distinctively un-useful, unneeded, but also free! After a few small pangs of grief at letting go, I realized the upside: no more cranky voices calling Mom! down the hallway when they couldn't find their cell phone or their favourite pair of socks. No more laundry baskets overflowing in the hallway. I could buy eggplant and cook my favourite spicey meals!

But what would I do with my new found time? and what did I want to do?

This is where my journal came in handy. I asked myself a lot of questions on my Quest. And, being a perpetual learner, I also took courses, went on weekends away on retreat or to workshops, sniffing out that ever elusive Purpose to my Life. I had already gone back to school in my 30's, and gotten two degrees over ten years, so that was not the object of my search.  It took a few years of trial and error, but I ended up back where I had started - teaching writing classes to women,but with some new tools to add to my journaling classes, (SoulCollage(R) so that it morphed into a more Creative Circle. I also wrote a book on the mid-life transition and menopause and incorporated those learnings into my classes as well. (The Tao of Turning Fifty).

Above all, though, my biggest realization was how important self-care, down time and rest and napping were to keep me sane and balanced. And somehow, my own need of self-nurturing, self-kindness and compassion has lead me to help other women nurture themselves and put themselves on the list. Developing an inner coach and realizing how loud my inner critic were was a big part of that.

So the mid-life journey has been a circular one, not linear, not outer goal oriented, but more inner goal oriented. I asked myself, What do I need to make me happy? How can I use my skills and talents to give something back? What do I love to do? What will make me feel fulfilled and aligned with my purpose?  With over half my life gone by, and many accomplishments (including two beautiful, healthy children, by some grace), turning fifty was a good time to re-evaluate, re-assess, look into my deepest heart's longing and allow it to surface. This involved getting some help to re-imagine myself as a retreat leader, doing what I love to do - with a focus on yoga, meditation, visualization and more time swimming in that centered core place that feels so nourishing.

Entering one's fifties is high time for becoming a little more mature - and the ripeness I'm feeling is that connection to my inner knowing. A little more confidence in following my intuition, a lot more of being sure of what I want, what I am willing to do, the kind of people I want to be around. Last night my husband was talking about his own future - at what age he would like to retire, how much of a nest egg we will need, and then he added, what I want is to be around people with Heart!

I had to laugh, because both of us are nearing age 60 now, and after 30 years of marriage, at least we can agree on this - no more wasting time on cocktails, business meetings, fundraisers, parties and events where there is no Heart. And that's what the ripeness of my own knowing has brought me. Knowing what I love to do, and who I love to be with.

Happy Mid-Life Journey to you,
Musemother/Jenn

The Art of Finding Yourself Through Journaling

“Wonder occurs when you decide to live, to endure and assign meaning to your experiences.” Christina Baldwin, Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice.

Summer is still with us - yes - but in my mind and heart I am turning towards fall, preparing classes and defining just what it is I am offering through the Creative Circle class: creative journaling with SoulCollage®.    

Some of the benefits of journal writing have been explored in books, studies and you can certainly google them on-line. Everyone has a slightly different focus or purpose for journaling. Here are some of the things this class incorporates:

·           Learn 7 different journaling techniques  (free writing, poetic writing, affirmations, gratitude lists, soul dialogue, creative doodling/ visual journaling)

·           Delight in discovering your own story, patterns and meaning through journal prompts

·           Learn SoulCollage®,  an excellent right-brain activity: creative, intuitive & fun

·           Use mindfulness, body presence and relaxation exercises including guided visualizations to enhance your journaling and  over-all well-being

·           Get in touch with and develop your intuition through journaling

·           Discover your Inner Feminine: lineage, family stories, inherited myths

·           Make connections with other like-minded, caring women in the Creative Circle

“Journal-keeping is a means of documenting the spontaneous flow of your life and growth. It is a vehicle for experiencing the present more fully and also witnessing past patterns and setting goals for the future. Lucia Capacchione, The Creative Journal, the Art of Finding Yourself

see my website for Registration Details in mid-August

The Gifts of Taking Time For Yourself

Having a snow day here in Montreal, yeah! good for those moms who can't go anywhere and good for those kids who wanna stay home and play games or build snow forts, but boo hoo, my Creative Circle class was cancelled! We still had yoga this morning at my house, which felt like being wrapped in a white cocoon, the window and the lake outside are all white! The Green Spring we felt yesterday has been covered up.

So afterwards, over lunch, I picked up a book from my pile of books to read, since the driveway hasn't been ploughed yet: Finding the Deep River Within, http://deepriverwithin.com/book/ and re-read it, looking for an exercise we are going to use in class next week on Doing what you love. And lo and behold, the same message I just blogged about yesterday, came shouting back at me: "In order to take time-in, we need to choose it." Alone time without distraction is what author Abby Seixas calls 'time-in'.  Slowing down, watering the root of your soul with some down time, is so nourishing, but you have to make time for it.

Her point in the first few chapters is well taken - that until we recognize how pressured we are by the culture, how aligned and in synch we are with technological speed and multi-tasking (a computer term by the way), it's hard to disengage and slow down without feeling we're going against the grain. Usually it takes an illness or a deep sense of fragmentation or falling apart before we even consider slowing the pace (without feeling guilty). Unless you are a gardener, or a person who loves to cook from scratch...then you know what I'm talking about.

As far back as the sixth century BC, Lao Tzu was dealing with this 'running around', so it may not be something 'new' per se, the need to get back to a rich inner life:

There is no need to run outside

for better seeing,

nor to peer from a window. Rather abide

at the center of your being;

For the more you leave it, the less you learn.

Search your heart and see

If he is wise who takes each turn:

The way to do is to be.

Not surprisingly, one of the six tools for getting back in touch with that inner river within is Journaling. I know, I know, the excuses we all come up with...the feeling of never having enough time, or not being 'good' at it.  But just sitting down to untangle my thoughts, and hear myself muse out loud or on paper about what's going on underneath the ruckus on the surface is really healing.  It helps me sort through my feelings, and even begin to acknowledge some of those feelings. It doesn't take an hour, even ten minutes feels good.

Of course, the best way to make time for either journaling or time alone uninterrupted is to write it in your agenda. I just made a hair appointment for Thursday at 1 pm. Why can't I also write in 'meditation, 7:30 am, followed by Journal writing 8:30 for 10 minutes'. There, done. Morning is not always the best time for people (especially busy moms) to take time alone in. You can do it over tea at lunchtime, you can take a walk alone during a break. Or you can write in your journal before bedtime.

Get creative about feeding this deep need of your soul to have a long conversation with you!  You will actually find yourself being more productive, you'll have clearer vision, and feel less bone-tired, once you get in touch with that soul energy slumbering underneath your busy schedule....try it.

Take small steps and make it doable, so you have a better chance at success!

take care

Musemother

When life slows down to a crawl and you don’t want to get out of bed

(this is a story about not wanting to write)

Is it February? Is winter not over yet in your part of the world? In my landscape, it is whiter than white, blowing snow, blue above the clouds, a little sunshine sparkling on snow, drifts and piles of white everywhere, and a crisp coldness. Some days I find that invigorating, and head out to the frozen lake (Lac St-Louis is really part of the St-Lawrence river) and cross country ski, especially when there is fresh snow covering the ice.

But some days, like one day this week, the cold, the clouds, the constant bundling up and trying to stay warm got me down. Or maybe it was my immune system fighting off cold or flu germs (I have been sneezing a lot). All I wanted to do was stay in bed. I had planned a writing day. Actually, it seems to go with the territory, that when I plan to work on my stories, resistance comes up and I suddenly feel a huge weight on me, inertia sets in, and I can’t get motivated. I want to hide under the pillows and sing, woe is me.

So I lit a candle and got out my Native American totem cards, picked four cards and wrote in my journal. Put on some soothing music (Bija, my favourite heart-beat like pace of sound), and hunkered down on my bed to write out what the cards said (great advice, always). Then I pulled out a book I’m supposed to review, (Mothering from your Center) and read a chapter on birth energies and did the visualization of my creative center, and whoops – before I knew it was writing, making notes on the book, on my experience of energetically releasing two previous miscarriages from over 23 years ago. My passion came back, my interest in writing, my mojo was back. I had a productive day.

There is no magic cure for inertia, but what I found worked (yesterday, then again today) was just snuggling down into it. Of course, I work at home, so it’s easier for me to stay in my pj’s and read a book. Today I pulled out a collection of erotica, short stories, excerpts and poems and before I knew it, I was hotly inspired to write - jumped up to the computer and revised one of my old chestnuts (stories that have barely survived my total ignoring of them for over ten years), and actually sent two stories out to  literary journals. It helps that they accept email submissions, so I didn’t have to get dressed and go to the post office or the nearest mail box, or look for stamps.

Now that is way more than I have done in over a year, in fact, the only things I have sent out are to a once a year story competition, and I remind myself not to do that anymore – I haven’t published any short stories yet (well, one, in a parenting magazine), and so submitting to open ‘auditions’ if you will is more productive than sending a one-off to a competition that 500 other writers are sending to.

My secret was just to keep moving – to pick up a book, to just put a little oil in the machine,  get the motor running, purring a little, before stepping on the gas and taking her out for a ride. I’m still sluggish, even more so after eating lunch and now my digestion system is slowing me down, but here I am typing up this blog post, see I didn’t even know it was going to be a blog post until just now. And I am working again. In spite of inertia and slug like slowness.

On a day where you feel as slow as molasses in January, even if it’s February, take it slow and easy. Put one foot in front of the other, pour yourself a cup of hot tea, and hunker down to it. Gently. You can do it!