Inner Critic vs Inner Coach, creating a self-nurturing voice

Journeys start from where we are. Everything starts from where we are. Where we are is

where we’re supposed to be. —Evelyn Eaton.

Journaling can serve as a private, personal journey to self-awareness and self-love. A journal can be a place where, once we have purged the negativity, we can start to forgive ourselves, boost our self-confidence, appreciate who we are and bear witness to our accomplishments.

Calming the Critic or Self Saboteur –  the goal is to learn how to recognize and silence debilitating self talk; because our secret belief is that if we don’t put ourselves down, we’ll never be motivated to achieve. By building a loving, self-nurturing voice or Inner Coach, we can change our self-talk.

Remember, we don’t have to like every single thing about ourselves or what we do.  But in order to develop, we have to accept ourselves as we are. The biggest impediment to self acceptance is the inner critic, who can be so loud and continuous that we think it is our own true voice. However, it is only one aspect of our psyche. From the book 20 Minute Retreat, by Rachel Harris Ph.D.

Self Deprecating Critic Voice vs Self-Nurturing Coach Voice**

The best way to silence your inner critics is to nurture your inner coach – when he or she is cheering loudly for you and supporting you every step of the way, your critics will pipe down and know they’ve been beat.   

Here are some ideas to calm your Inner Critic and build your Inner Coach:

1) Know that your Inner Critic will never go away completely. By learning strategies to calm it, you can reduce its destructive power and live more freely.

2) Become mindful of when and how your Inner Critic talks. Start with noticing the words it uses and write them down. Make a list of 10 ways you hear yourself criticizing you. Notice the patterns of what your Critic says and how it makes you feel. This will create awareness of your negative self-talk and the affect that it has on you.

3) Explore the sources that have fed your Inner Critic. Whose voice is it? Consider who in your life disappointed you by being critical rather than helpful. Remember that many people misguidedly think that being critical is useful, even loving.

4) Interrupt your negative self-talk & replace it with a neutral and encouraging inner voice. Imagine a mentor or coach speaking to you. As you repeat this process over and over again, it will become easier. Imagine that your inner coach is sitting next to you as you write in your journal. (It will take practice to speak words of compassion. As is true for all learning, we develop through imitating.)

Base your image on a real person: perhaps a mentor or a sports coach or a best friend who supports and encourages you, someone who has had a significant influence on your life. Visualize that person’s face and hear his or her voice.

Now draw both your Inner Critic and your Inner Coach (inner sweetheart) and give them names.

Or make a SoulCollage® CARD FOR EACH. DIALOGUE WITH THEM IN THEIR VOICES.

Example:

Inner Critic:                                                                         Inner Coach:

You never listen; you talk too much               Not always true. When you are interested you listen closely.

I should have been there for my son today.     It’s not too late; you do care for him, spend 

                                                                         time with him at supper tonight.

Your thighs are too wobbly.                             Your legs are strong, they carry you through

                                                                          the day. Give them more walks outdoors.

You can’t handle this. You’re a failure.           Little by little, I address this issue bothering me.

 One step at a time, with patience and love I grow   stronger.

SoulCollage(R) card Inner Critic

**taken from various sources on-line, and adapted for my Creative Circle Journaling Class

8 Steps for Improving Negative Energy

When negative energy surrounds you, what do you do? 

Having a shitty day? I am easily affected by bad weather, bad news and bad moods. Some days I swear the planets are lined up against me (Mercury retrograde anyone?). But I refuse to be own worst enemy. Especially with the fading light in fall, and the coming winter in the Northern Hemisphere, I need help to counter that bad soul-sucking negativity and fight my tendency to wallow in downright depressing thoughts. 

Here are 8 powerful game changers that really work for me:

Stop: stop listening to the hate messages, whether from outside you or inside your own mind. Step Back. Remove yourself from the victim/target mode.

Feel: drop down into your solar plexus, put your hands on your belly. Now do a body scan, letting your attention go from the top of your head down to your feet, and breathe through any tension or tightness you find. Purposely send breath to those tight, frightened spaces. Either do a sitting forward bend, or roll over into standing rag doll, and just breathe long, deep breaths for a minute. Let your feelings bubble up and don’t be afraid to feel what you feel. You will survive!

Listen in: how do you feel now? Write down what is coming up for you – tears, anger, fears, relief? Let it out on paper.

Change the inner tape: notice the old messages you are hearing and where they come from. Is that your mother’s voice haranguing you? Your oldest brother, your Grade 10 English teacher telling you you’re not good enough? Too fat, too lazy, too loud, too whatever? See next point for rewriting the script.

Enlist help of Inner Coach or Best Friend for support: rewrite the script with the help of an Inner Coach that you imagine (a friendly, encouraging voice) or call up a real best friend. Counter every negative statement with a positive one. Critic: You never listen, you talk too much. Inner coach: When you are interested you listen closely.

Playlist: play some uplifting music. Music helps me shift into softness, self-compassion and wellness. Find your Lift me Up songs and play them, in your Iphone, on your stereo, on Spotify. Strong, Beautiful Woman by is a great example. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBI5B7DuVl0

I find Deva Premal’s yoga music very soothing too. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSmToj9VZ4s 

Move your body: if you still feel lousy, get up and shake it off, literally, shake your body all over for 5 minutes or go for a brisk walk. A change of pace, change of air, and physical movement will help bring you out of that blue funk.

Enlist the help of Mama Nature : sit at the roots of a tree and breathe your bad feelings down into the ground, into the tree, and breathe in the green healing energy of that Mama tree. Release, release, release and make room for new healing energy. It’s as close as the ground you walk on, the air you breathe. Do like a tree and breathe out the bad stuff.

Get Creative: pull out the crayons, felt tip pens, doodle or draw a mandala.  (Just for the fun of it, release the perfectionista within and don’t judge the outcome, just enjoy the process). Move pen on paper and let the Joy of Colour lift your spirits. If that feels too daunting, browse some magazines, cut out some bright, colourful images, and make a collage. You can do this! 15 minutes, tops.

I hope these tips help you move that negative energy out, and some positive uplifting energy in! I know it works for me.

xxx

Jenn

www.jenniferboire.com