Finding Trust in Transition Times by looking back: A New Year Beckons

Well, here we are, on the cusp of another New Year. Coming out of a busy holiday time, full of laughter, wine, friends and family, a little bit of too muchness – having enjoyed too much of a good thing, and also in need of rest.

At the same time, I am prompted by my inner taskmaster to begin to plan ahead (some of you probably planned ahead already last fall for 2019!). But one thing I have learned over time is that winter is a quiet time for me, energy wise.

Yet still I have my lists of projects, unfinished, or not yet begun. I see other facilitators’ offerings for workshops and retreats lined up all the way to fall 2019, and wonder, will I offer something new this year? Or repeat a theme that was popular in 2018, with SoulCollage(R)?

By chance I opened a journal of mine from almost ten years ago, November 2009, before I trained to become a SoulCollage facilitator. I was still leading journaling classes. There was a list of things under the theme: What do I love? I am very intrigued, because it appears to me that I have lost sight once again of what I love. I feel a bit worn down, a little fatigued with the need to always come up with new ideas and themes. A guilty part of my soul just wants to do nothing, see no-one, lead no one.

In yoga this morning, I felt a deep need to feel my own serene presence.

I got flashes during  the relaxation part of images of my child self – in Grade 4, as a competitive student, wanting to raise her hand and be seen and heard, at the top of her class. I also saw her flirting with the boys at school. Even younger, I saw her being a good helper to her mom, playing with the siblings and little ones, changing diapers, holding bottles.  

The need to be good, to be the best at school, the need to be seen and heard is perhaps what lead me to service, satsang and meditation in an ashram for 8 years in my twenties. And then perhaps lead me back to school to study English Literature and Creative Writing and compete as a writer in a world of fiction and poetry.  Then after my kids were born, it brought me out of my little part-time writing room into the classroom to lead journaling workshops and then add SoulCollage(R). Now, at age 64, I feel that need winding down.

So the list of what I loved in 2009 was:

I love talking and being heard. I love meaningful conversations, connections with people.

I love being connected to me.

I love being and feeling grounded.

I love moving with grace.

I love eating calmly with awareness, good healthy food.

I love having someone else clean and cook for me.

I love massages, Reiki and being loved.

I love my sisters and brothers.

I love my kids, and friends and family.

I love reading poems in public.

I love singing on stage.

I love the spotlight.

I love stepping out of bounds.

I love to be stretched.

I love music: flute drum bass.

I love being quiet and alone, diving deep into yoga, feeling peace.

On the next page of my journal was written, What do I want to do right now?

“Right now in this moment, I want to allow the wisdom of my heart to bypass the strategist. I want the dreamer to awake and tell me her deepest cherished dream. I want to hold her hand and shush and rock her until she dares speak out loud her deepest wish – she has not shown herself for fear of being judged and she is hiding underneath the bed. She doesn’t like to compete; she hates hype, marketing, meetings and the pressure to create goals. She is anti-goal. She lives for feeling, under the surface of things. She is a shy fish and my outer voice is too loud, it frightens her. I courted her in the past, but gave up, buried her under convention, under Should-Must-Duty.

Right now I want to listen.

Right now I want to receive guidance about where my life’s interests are – a book? Classes? Healing? I want to be healed.”

What surprises me about this list is that I did actually write and publish The Tao of Turning Fifty a few years down the road in 2012. I did lead classes from my home until the end of 2017 and workshops till 2018. I did seek out healers, osteopaths, massage therapists and acupuncturists and I did receive healing. In hindsight, it all unfolded exactly according to this desire, expressed silently in my journal, to myself.

What surprises me about reading this now, is that I am back in the same place – wondering what I really want to do. I have danced and sung in the spotlight with a quartet,  done some musical theatre and sang in an acoustic band with my husband, (check!).  I have a women’s circle and a SoulCollage(R) circle where my needs for being seen and heard, and creative expression,  are fulfilled.

I feel as if I have come full circle -  it is time for me to listen in again and receive guidance. I am still anti-goals. That hasn’t changed. I may be competitive by nature, but I have zero desire to get out there and compete in the world of self-care gurus and authors. I think I am winding down that ‘outward’ energy phase of my life. Is that possible? Didn’t I just sign up to be the Inner Wisdom guide? Will I be content to just do yoga, meditate and write in my journal? Of course, the SoulCollage(R) facilitator trainer part is new, and will unfold over the next five months. I am content to hold space for that new learning and to attend a conference of facilitators in Italy in June.

But the burning desire to share everything I learn and know has left me. Or at least died down for the moment. I feel afraid it may never return. I wonder who my persona will be without that fearless leader persona leading me.

With gratitude, I come back to the list of what I love.

I think it’s time to let go of performing and being “good”. And it's time to lose the attitude of provitude, the always striving and pushing myself to be 'better than'. High time to be releasing and letting go of the fear of the future.

I welcome my own serene presence, dive into the sacred moment, and the next moment. Trusting it will all unfold for me in 2019, as it did in 2009.

“Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours to see, Que Sera Sera.”

Perhaps that little shy fish, la petite fille qui chantait aux fleurs, will surface and whisper in my ear, what she really loves to do.

I'm listening....

SoulCollage(R) card: Hearing the call 

Body Love in a Dangerous Time

“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.” ~John Lee, Writing from the Body

There is a war on Feminine Flesh. Do you know that song sung by the Bare Naked Ladies, Lovers in a dangerous time? These feel like dangerous times for women’s bodies. The worst part is that the assault comes from within us, not just from men in power, or from magazines, news, TV and video. Inside of ourselves there is a war going on against female cycles, female flesh. We either have too much or not enough. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. (I know as my pot belly gets bigger that this is an issue for me, that buying bigger pants will only partly solve!) In spite of the great consciousness awareness surrounding abuse and disrespect coming out of the #metoo movement, in 2018 it is still difficult for women to feel love and accept their own female bodies, just the way they are.

None of us seems to be happy with our shape, or our hair, (if it’s curly you want it straightened, if it’s straight you spend hours curling it); our body size, our legs or sagging arm flesh, or our boobs heading south as we hit menopause.  This gets harder as we get older, as our aging bodies go through even more changes (why can’t I get rid of that last 10 lbs as I enter my mid-sixties?) and all this self hatred and judgement has lead to a boom in cosmetic surgery and diet crazes.

But I think it’s not just about bodies' aging. An awful lot of young girls and women feel anxious about their bodies, and it starts at a young age. My daughter, at age 8 came home from school one day to tell me she had a big tummy. Her friends were starting to criticize their bodies already!  It starts with anxiety about being “perfect” – all the celebrity images prime us for self-criticism - looking through a big pile of magazines recently, I could not find any positive images of women over size 6. They were all super thin, slim, and gorgeous or a few of the opposite – extremely overweight and unhealthy – where is the middle ground? Where are the images of women who fit somewhere in the middle, who look like you or I?

These ridiculously strict standards cause serious restrictions on our self-image, our self love and our  freedom: we’re hit from all sides - from the fashion  and cosmetic industry, even at the local parents’ committee, there are  body police everywhere, measuring us up, judging us on our weight gain (or loss), our clothing size, hair colour, how much cellulite we have, and offering the best surgery or botox to correct our imperfections….the harsh criticism from self and others never ends.

Food is no longer about nourishment. We are constantly monitoring our hunger, our food intake, counting calories, working out to lose the bag of chips we just ate, punishing and rewarding ourselves for lack of effort or sticking to the diet and exercise plan, hating ourselves in the mirror. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to look and feel our best – but we go to extremes - either obsessing about it or we numbing ourselves with cookies, ice cream or alcohol.  We have learned to disconnect from our bodies, from our intuitive knowing, and from our feelings.

Which ever way you look at it, there has been a long history of conflict surrounding women’s bodies, all the way back to Eve. Our bodies, our cycles and our sexuality have been banned and sent underground for so long, either seen as depravity and evil or simply banned and nonexistent, ignored by generations of women too traumatized to know differently. We have lost our collective memory, the knowledge that used to be passed down from mothers, aunts and sisters to their younger daughters, nieces and sisters. The once sacred women’s rites around the menstrual cycle and childbirth for example became suspect and connected to witchcraft, and thousands of women were burned, drowned or hung. There are many hundreds of years of history behind our relationship with our feminine nature, our bodies and our intuition.

I think it's time to declare a truce on the war with our body. What if we picked one small part of our body to reclaim and love back to a healthy relationship? We may not be able to transform our attitude overnight, but we can take little steps, one body part at a time. What if we actually began to feel worthy and deserving of self-love? 

What is Women’s Wisdom? We can only counter the negative baggage by beginning with ourselves, with loving our bodies, one part at a time. Embodied living means learning to live consciously, in touch with our inner guidance through our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and with acceptance of the feelings in our body. It means believing that our bodies are able to receive and transmit energy and information. We can begin to develop our intuition, our feminine wisdom.

Because I need to heal my relationship and begin listening to my body too, I am offering a women's one-day workshop called Body Love in a Dangerous Time. We will start by re-establishing some open communication with our bodies, by looking at one small part, acknowledging it, listening to it and dialoguing with it in our journals, in a judgement free zone of lovingkindness. 

That’s where we begin, and then in the afternoon we’ll make a SoulCollage(R) card for a body part we want to improve our relationship with, or send some love to. SoulCollage(R) is a nourishing, expressive art form that uses images, intuition and imagination to make small 5 x 8 collages that reflect inner parts, emotions, archetypes and energies. (www.soulcollage.com) 

We’ll also spend some time breathing deeply and relaxing, finding and releasing areas of tension, and inviting in a sense of self-love, gratitude and wonderment at the beautiful beings we are.  We will take baby steps to feel good about our body parts, and infuse them with love and attention.

We will baby ourselves, ladies, we will love ourselves like we would love a precious child and make a start at healing the disconnect.

The Church says: the body is a sin.

Science says: the body is a machine.

Advertising says: The body is a business.

The Body says: I am a fiesta.”  ~Eduardo Galeano, Walking Words

much love to your on your journey
Jennifer
more information, times, date, cost at www.jenniferboire.com 

Women's Wisdom and Writing the Body: Dialogue

“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.” —John Lee from Writing from the Body

What is Women’s Wisdom? It means learning to live consciously, in touch with our inner guidance through our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and feelings in our body. It means believing that our bodies are able to receive and transmit energy and information. Instead of feeling trapped by the cyclical nature, the ups and downs of our emotions, women can begin to know and understand the waning and waxing that is as regular as the moon’s cycle. A good tool is journaling, and dialoguing with body parts.

Here is an exercise I have used in Journaling Classes to help women listen to their bodies. (taken from the book Writing From Life: Telling Your Soul's Story, Susan Wittig Albert.

Take out your journal. Sit for a few minutes quietly before writing, to get you connected and thinking about a body part. Start with a centering breath exercise, hands on heart, upper and lower heart, just breathing in and out for a minute.

Then pick a body part and imagine it can speak to you. What would it say? What does it want from you? what does it give to you? How does it feel to be this body part? Example below is with breasts, our most visible part, and one which holds conflicting feelings for many women.

Dialogue sample:

What Breasts Say

Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Anton_Nossik

We sing with milk for you, we love your caress. Sometimes we sag empty, other times balloon into gorgeous melons. When you lie down we softly melt into your ribs. We are a soft cushion for your son’s head, something to pinch for your daughter. Always a safe haven. 

We love to wear brushed cotton, hate metal under wires, undulate under sweaters, push out high beams in a T-shirt. Molded to wet skin in a bathing suit we are voluptuous. When expecting, you wait for our every twinge, hold us to yourself when running downstairs or in a field of grass singing. What do we fear? A stranger’s eyes undressing us. 

We were slow to come into being, ripened over many years into something you could be proud of. Our marvelous liquid is like love; hot, untamed squirts of bluish fire, we nourish, give life. 

We are called Wonder, or Fame.

If you want to continue with this, pick another body part and do the dialogue. 

Another creative idea: make a collage for this body part, and let your intuition choose the images and put them together on a page in your journal, or on a cardboard sheet.

See the Creative Soulful Woman Facebook page for an example of What the Uterus says.

https://www.facebook.com/creativesoulful/

Consent, Body Boundaries, Women's Words

The news is full of stories of sexual harassment and abuse these days. Women are standing up, speaking out, asking to be believed as they uncover stories they had silenced, hidden away out of shame or not wanting to rock the boat, or simply to keep their job. Millions of women are finally airing their pain and asking to be heard. Courage in numbers, they say.

It reminded me of my first trepidatious year in Creative Writing Class, writing a taboo journal that was to become my first book 10 years later. (a book of poems and birth journal, Little Mother published 1997). I remember mixed feelings about giving a voice to my female body. I had stories to tell, some of them about being pregnant, which I loved, and yet, it brought up scary dreams and I realized there were unconscious fears, especially as I got to the week before giving birth to my first child.

I was reading a lot about labour, of course, and what to expect. Also I was trying to understand how past sexual abuse or trauma to the body could delay or obstruct the labour process. I wholly wanted a "natural" childbirth, (having no idea what that meant). But in the effort to be cautious and prevent an oversized child, I was scheduled to be induced on Sept 19, my due date. After twelve hours of 'false labour,' and many derogative remarks from the two women obstetricians about my lousy, tight, stubborn cervix" I went home and tried to get my head around the resistance of my "failed induction". I had a feeling my uterus wasn't stubborn, it just knew it wasn't time yet. (I ended up dancing to African drum music a week later to get labour started).

Here is an extract from the book, and birth journal:

Sept 21, 1990: When God cursed Eve for eating the apple, he decreed: "In pain you shall bring forth your children." Our heritage as women. I want to look at my fear of pain, reasons for tightness. 

teenager's fingers [in my vagina] around 4 years old
trauma of first blood (15 years)
doctor's hurtful examinations: forcing a cold metal speculum when internally bleeding (ectopic pregnancy, age 22 years).
blood, sign of miscarriage (twice in two years)
amniocentesis: another violation, but by needle. 
Hanging on tightly to this pregnancy, fear of losing the fetus. I have to say goodbye to "Eustache" [foetus name] and hello to the separate new individual, Andre-Julien, the child-boy. Leave behind the known for the unknown. Birth = rite of passage. A Rupture.

Don't touch my labour pain! "Les femmes qui accouchent transpirent, gémissent, vomissent parfois, émettent des sons bizarres, perdent le contrôle qu'elles ont habituellement sur leurs fonctions corporelles."  (translation: Women who give birth sweat, moan, sometimes vomit, emit bizarre sounds, lose control they usually have over the bodily functions.)

"The best way to get out of pain is to go into it." Say yes, accept. (advice from L'une a l'autre, Winter 1987, magazine for midwives).

I did not list all the ways I had felt invaded sexually, including an encounter in which I bit a man's arm so he would let go of me....but I was becoming aware that there was a connection between the fear of invasive "others" and my body's natural power to give birth. The whole book was a form of meditation on taboos surrounding the female body, sexuality and mothering.

It has been a life-long passion of mine to understand my body, its messages, signals, and symbols, and its relation to the larger world - (the second book is non-fiction look at menopause - The Tao of Turning Fifty.)

The question I have now is, is it even safe to be a female in this 20th century? perhaps safer in Montreal than in Mogadishu, Somalia. It seems like not enough has changed since I was a little girl or a teen aged one trying to negotiate her sexual boundaries. 

Maybe none of us is safe until we speak up, speak out and use our body language to clearly communicate what is out of boundary, what actions and words we refuse to acquiesce to. Even grown women need to learn this, and not adhere to the old "polite, good girl" behaviour, not stay silent and squirm with shame or rage.

I heartened by two educational videos I watched on Facebook today, one from Kenya, where boys and girls are both being taught to use their voice strongly to say no to aggression (sexual or otherwise) and stand up for each other. Check out their program at No means No! https://www.nomeansnoworldwide.org/

What I wish is that I had been coached on this as a child, instead of being told to be quiet, stuff my feelings inside, be good. Sure, we got the warnings about strange men and not talking to anyone we didn't know. But unfortunately, often it's the people you do know that are hard to say no to. The older brother, the babysitter, the uncle, the fathers and grandfathers, the step-fathers and friends of the family.

I wish the world were a safer place for women. Let's start by telling our stories, using our voices, standing up for ourselves.  Warrior Women find your Courage! Let all girls find their voice, be encouraged to defend themselves. May all boys be taught how to stand up for their sisters and friends, as well as themselves.

Woman in fog (The cusp of menopause)

If only she could, she would give her

heart to her husband, a womb to her daughter

arms to her son. But her body lies on the floor

awaiting rejuvenation, still breathing, broken

What to do on the days when tears drop

into her soup?  It’s OK to do nothing, she thinks

except simple tasks like laundry.

She picks up a book of poems instead

reads, “Trees lose parts of themselves inside a circle of fog”*

She’s in a thick fog, has shed her leaves

absorbed moisture till she has water

on the brain,  disoriented by the shift  that wakes her

at night, puts other parts to sleep,

brought to her knees in a wave of heat and tears,

unable to exchange the chef’s hat

for the sombrero.

Her feet feel heavy, her mind dull.

She tells herself,  it is only temporary,

lie fallow, compost.

Oh the music she needs to comfort her

and the long night she’ll travel through

until the bright dawn reclaims her.

Human, faulty, imperfect,

like the low thrum she hears in Cohen’s voice.

Claiming darkness as its source,

it rings true, full of light.

*by Francis Ponge. 

Spring Energy

I am learning something powerful and useful in my 61st year. I'm starting to become more aware of what feeds my energy and what drains my energy, and where my cycles flow up or down.

For instance, this winter I laid low., very low, lots of resting and napping to get me through the cold winter and lack of light. On sunny days, I sometimes laid on the rug with the cat and dog, soaking up the light. I made a lot of art, collages and SoulCollage(R), but no lesson plans.

My coach had suggested to look at my calendar and schedule a year in advance, and notice in which parts I felt most inspired and energetic, and when I usually felt low energy. Up until now, I used to begin teaching classes every January and April following the school year. But this winter, I realized I'd be tired after the holidays and put it off.

And put it off, and put it off.

I spent the months of January til March recuperating, as well as dancing and singing in a Broadway show, but I didn't teach any classes. (I did lead my first long distance retreat, in Costa Rica, which was fun & challenging). But I kept thinking my energy would come back, and it finally did - once the play was over, end of March!

In some ways, this has been a Year of Living Selfishly, by which I mean, soulfully listening in to my Self to see what need comes up first  - what my body, heart and soul need.  (and since my kids are studying out of town, it's mostly  'me time' anyway). It's taken a lot of patience, (and I am not by nature very patient) but I'm learning to listen in.  Actually, I keep thinking I've found the "next thing", the next project, the ideas on the back burner come forward, and then go right back to simmer mode. It's been hard to not dig up the roots and stir the earth around the little shoots to pull them up out of the ground.

I did, however, come up with a Seasonal Retreat plan. Instead of deciding last minute, I've actually got a women's spring retreat http://jenniferboire.com/event/sacred-self-care-retreat/, booked for April 30 and one for August 6 (Summer Retreat). The Fall and Winter retreats will be end of October and end of January. 4 Seasons, 4 Retreats.

What have I learned about myself in this process? that there's no point pushing things - I'm a Type A person who likes to organize and plan ahead - but this is not a full-time job for me, there is no where to punch in. I am my own boss and I can adjust my schedule. What I do need, at this venerable age of 61, is to envision my work as a cycle that feeds me as well as feeding other women - all the Creative Circle classes and retreats I've lead in the last 8-10 years, have been very fulfilling. But as a teacher and facilitator, sometimes I'm on the "leading" side of things and not receiving as much as I need to.

I'm just musing here, but it is slowly become clearer. I journal every morning, and that helps me see patterns. I practice collage in my Art Journal and SoulCollage(R). I make myself mini-retreats to check in on a weekly basis and ask for guidance.  Having a creative life is not a linear thing, and surprisingly, I'm just learning that.  The spiral of life, and of life energy, moves in and out, around and back. The cycle of the year, of the months and the moon, is connected to my energy cycles and even sleep cycles.

So it begins with listening in. It begins with circling my self, with keen awareness. Sitting down and paying attention, hearing the still small voice that guides me so subtly. Making a friend, yes, befriending that soul energy that is flowing underneath my list of 'to do's and my activities. Changing gears at the last minute, if it feels right to.

Mapping and making art with Cat Caracelo has been very nurturing and nourishing. thanks to this artful process, I'm gaining new insights.

Spring Energy is definitely here!

Valuing the Feminine Way

"Let's put a woman's mid-life struggle for self-care into context. in the Western world, we live in a culture that highly values productivity, assertiveness, aggression, drive, forward motion which we like to consider as progress, and have traditionally aligned with the world of work and the masculine. we spend our lives with the on button pressed all the time, work work work. Being productive is good, however, we've created imbalance by banishing the day off, the Sabbath or rest day. The softer, inner values of rest, reflection and cultivating the artistic, inner soul qualities have become secondary. but that is exactly what we need as an antidote to being overly busy and exhausted. getting in touch with the feminine is an important survival tool for our planet right now, especially at mid-life, when so many workers are burning out, especially those in the caring professions. taking a little down time to rest should not make us feel guilty, but somehow it does.

"How do you get in touch with and strengthen your connection with the Feminine? on the most basic level, you acknowledge it whenever you take care of your body through conscous eating, exercising, bathing, resting, healing and lovemaking. you also  nurture your connection to the Feminine by listening to your emotions and feelings." from The Tao of Turning Fifty What Every Woman in her Forties needs to Know.

I would also add, creative flow and soulfulness are great antidotes to overwhelm, and they help us reconnect to the Self and find our wholeness. It's also lots of fun to be creative. We are all creative beings.

Explore your creative soulfulness today!

Jennifer

FINDING C.A.L.M.: 5 TIPS FOR CREATIVE SELF-CARE at Mid-Life:

Mothering, mid-life transition and menopause – doesn’t sound like a fun mix, does it? It can be a stressful time, and you definitely need to take care of yourself, but you also have to have fun!

image found on Pinterest

Now that my kids have flown the coop, I’m rediscovering the hobbies and activities I used to love doing as a child, and exploring new ones. For instance, when I was in high school, I remember spending hours making Bristol board-sized collages . Yet I hadn’t done it in over forty years. Two years ago I discovered SoulCollage® (www.soulcollage.com), so much fun and a lot of self-discovery.  I also joined a Sweet Adelines chorus 8 years ago, and that led to singing with a barbershop quartet and lots of fun performances. I hadn’t been on a theatre stage since high school, but a recent musical theatre experience of ABBA songs made me feel happy and alive.

FIND YOUR INNER CALM through small daily creative and soulful practices at mid-life. Take classes, experiment, find out what you are passionate about – I bet you it’s something creative!

1.   Get Creative and Flow –doing any artistic or creative activity using your right brain is the #1 way to slow down and love your life: get in the FLOW. (Flow is when you lose track of time, and are totally absorbed by doing something you love). Try journaling, SoulCollage®, writing poems; tell your stories to your grandchildren, take up crocheting, gardening, floral arranging,  pottery classes, piano lessons. You’ll stay young longer.

2.   Listen to your Intuition: get in touch with your wise inner self; to cultivate this, allow more down time for getting in touch with your intuition. Journaling is a great way to do this. Or get out into the woods, take a walk, and breathe in the natural world around you. Pause and appreciate life.

3.   Love your body:  move your body every day; join a Zumba or Salsa class. Find out what foods make you calm, (greens or protein for example vs sugar and caffeine). Make friends with your emotions through a body scan and/or relaxation exercises (see link on side-bar for Musemother’s Relaxation CD). Listen to the small signals before they become bigger, i.e. don’t let minor health issues or emotional upsets get swept under the rug.

4.   Be Mindful: the best anti-stress medicine is to use your breath in Yoga, Tai-Chi, Chi Gong or Meditation for calming the parasympathetic nervous system. New neuroscience research shows that when we meditate, the areas of the brain associated with stress slow down and the parts associated with feelings of joy, peace and compassion become active. It’s another way to experience FLOW in the body… and it’s as simple as doing some alternate nostril breathing or yoga, or focusing on a centering breath technique. 

5.    Play with friends! Energize yourself. Are you a couch potato? the weather is nice, get outside, play soccer, walk in nature or go lawn bowling. Remember what you used to love doing –singing and dancing? Join a theatre club or chorus (sharing fun activities with others is a known endorphin booster).

Bonus tip: One more habit you can build in to feel better, is to change your negative self-talk and fears by working with affirmations. When you change your thoughts and words, you change your beliefs and core vibration. Here are a few samples to get you started:

Sample positive affirmations for well-being (make up your own, write them down and read out loud):

1.   I am centered, happy, and healthy.

2.   I am worthy and deserving of love.

3.   I fully embrace my personal power.

4.   Each part of my life is balanced with my need to rest and rejuvenate.

5.   I joyfully embrace my creativity.

Happy Creative Self-Care!

Musemother

CALM: Creative, Artistic, Loving, Mindful.

A Brave And Startling Truth poem for today

Take a moment and sip a cup of tea while reading this poem. Then get your journal out and write down your thoughts or reaction to Maya's brave words.

Musemother

We, this people, on a small and lonely planet
Traveling through casual space
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns
To a destination where all signs tell us
It is possible and imperative that we learn
A brave and startling truth
And when we come to it
To the day of peacemaking
When we release our fingers
From fists of hostility
And allow the pure air to cool our palms
***
We, this people, on this small and drifting planet
Whose hands can strike with such abandon
That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness
That the haughty neck is happy to bow
And the proud back is glad to bend
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body
Created on this earth, of this earth
Have the power to fashion for this earth
A climate where every man and every woman
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety
Without crippling fear

When we come to it
We must confess that we are the possible
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world
That is when, and only when
We come to it.

~ Maya Angelou ~   (A Brave and Startling Truth)

Full Moon in Scorpio and Mid-Life tasks

Reflection on the May 14 Full Moon, 2014

"This Scorpio Full Moon asks us to contemplate the most important law of life—facing what needs to die and acknowledging what wants to live—so we can understand what we value and what supports our future growth. 

We cannot grow further as individuals or as a world until we accept don Juan’s wisdom to take ‘death as our adviser’. We fear death and refuse to face it until we are forced to—unfortunately, we are facing death because we let climate change get out of hand instead of dealing with it years ago. 

This Scorpio Full Moon can push us to face what we’ve refused to face and finally acknowledge the task." ~ Cathy Lynn Pagano, http://www.wisdom-of-astrology.com/

What I feel is that mid-life women go through this stage as part of their journey. We are over fifty, we are facing a finite length of time, and our own mortality. And we are renewing our identity and perhaps letting go of our old self to welcome in something new we can't quite imagine yet. 

At mid-life, this ‘dying and letting go’ is one of our most important tasks. 

It means doing the underground work, the sorting and dividing, looking at all the tasks we do, the projects left unfinished, the projects not yet born but simmering, the patterns that no longer serve us, and looking also at what ignites a fire in our heart, what makes us truly come alive. 

It is time to let go and burn what is draining, exhausting and depleting our energy, and welcome in what is gratifying, promotes growth and allows us to feel one with our authentic self.

Ask yourself, where is my power? What feeds its root? What brings you the greatest Joy? Believe in yourself and find the Courage to go for that.

Yes, it means dying to the old ways, and allowing rebirth to happen.

It means cutting away what makes us feel small, what keeps us limited.

On a personal level, what is pushing you to take action?

What is calling you to move towards living an optimal, creative life?

 I found that Journaling and SoulCollage(R) were two really great tools that helped me reflect and find my own answers. (As well as a lot of books, classes and on-line workshops to further clarify). If you need help with getting started, visit my website, check out the book The Tao of Turning Fifty, or just pop me a question in the comment box or my email info@jenniferboire.com

Namaste,

Jennifer

Musemother

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Valuing the Feminine and self-care at menopause

"In the Western world, we live in a culture that highly values productivity, assertiveness, aggression, drive, forward motion, which we like to consider as progress and have traditionally aligned with the world of work and the Masculine. We spend our lives with the on button pressed all the time, work work work. Being productive is good, however, we've created imbalance in banishing the day off, the Sabbath or rest day. The softer, inner values of rest, reflection and cultivating the artistic, inner soul qualities have become secondary. But that is exactly what we need as an antidote to being overly busy and exhausted. Getting in touch with the Feminine is an important survival tool for our planet right now, especially at mid-life, especially those in the caring professions. Taking a little down time to rest should not make us feel guilty, but somehow it does." from The Tao of Turning Fifty, Valuing the Feminine. 

Today in the Globe & Mail, two articles caught my eye. One was about a book called Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink. Author Katrina Alcorn writes that the solutions lie not in individual treatments for anxiety and mental illness, but in activism and workplace reform. http://tinyurl.com/k7887ld

The second article, on the Facts & Arguments page, was an essay about a woman whose son is learning about menopause in school: My 12-year-old son’s not ready for menopause is the title. So the Life section of the G&M today is dealing with two of my favourite topics - moms being stressed out and menopause. At mid-life, even stay-at-home moms, who are often crazy-making busy with volunteer projects and house management, let alone chauffeuring their kids, sometimes get into this feeling of being Maxed-Out, or overwhelm.

When I was in the throes of peri-menopause in my forties, (the pre-menopause period last 7-10 years before you are official menopaused, or have no more periods for 13 months), I also had two pre-teens on the cusp of puberty. I remember overwhelm as the major constant feeling at that time, and on some days when I felt myself losing control and shrieking, I wondered if they should put me in a straitjacket. My precocious daughter would write me birthday cards that said, I love you Mommy, in spite of your mood swings. 

Part of the problem was giving myself permission to just nurture myself and care for my own needs. When you're on call 24-7 as a mom, and some moms are on call all day at work as well, the fight or flight hormones are always on too, and you never seem able to relax, get a good night's sleep, or even take 15 minutes to yourself to read the paper without being interrupted. You learn to respond, you learn to take really good care of others - spouses, children, parents, co-workers, siblings, but you tend to put yourself last on the list, skipping meals, rushing around like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling.

It's a mindset, and a powerful social belief system, that pushes us to go faster and faster, achieve more and more, get more things crossed off the list. We are also highly addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes from stress and deadlines, so when it is calm and quiet, we wonder what to do with ourselves, and feel antsy or anxious. I can't even watch a 30 minute video anymore without checking my emails, going on facebook, constantly distracted and scattered.  It's a real struggle to be centered and calm, even for a quiet hermit like myself whose kids have flown out of the nest and only bug me when they need more cash in their bank accounts. 

So this little book I wrote while going through menopause, was all about Valuing the Feminine, valuing my down time, getting help from whatever modalities I could, osteopathy for sore shoulders, acupuncture, Reiki, reflexology - blessed moments of calm in a turbulent week that were like an Oasis of sanity. Self-care became my mantra, my crutch if you will, my absolute need - because if I cracked up and did need a strait-jacket, who was left to run things and take care of the household?

It really is in our best interest to slow down, do less, revise the list of things to do, cancel a few extra projects, not work until 8 pm, eat regular meals, do yoga and practice some form of centering technique whether tai chi or mediation or chi gong. We cannot serve our children, our jobs or our communities when we are fried, maxed out, and overwhelmed. Mid-life and menopause are forcing you to call a halt to the "too much" syndrome. If it's all too much, scale down. Do less. And if you need extra help from medication, hormonal treatments, herbal remedies, by all means, hunt them down. Find out what works for you. Girl friends are also great allies - just talking to someone about how you feel like you're going crazy can help you find some sanity.

Your sanity is important. Your health and well-being are crucial. You, mid-life mom, are the fulcrum, the center everyone is leaning on for support. You must be solid yourself before you can be there for them. Don't wait until you have a breakdown. Take a break, a serious reflective break, and make room in your life for your Self. If that means having a serious talk with your spouse or boss, please find the courage to go there.

The Tao of Turning Fifty is a workbook with exercises and journaling questions to help you put priorities where they belong. I'm headed to a book club meeting tonight, my first one as an author, and six or seven women will be discussing my book and looking for answers.  I know it will be a rich and rewarding evening.

namaste,
Jenn/Musemother

Exhaustion and the Mid-Life Woman: Letting Go

She pictured herself hanging on with all her fingers to a wooden dock, and then, after hours of cramping hand pain, finally just lifting off her fingers, letting go of the dock, letting the gentle water and waves pull her backwards, like a pair of huge motherly arms gently tugging on her from behind, guiding her down river. It would be so easy, to just fall back, stop striving, stop rushing, stop getting things done, move backwards instead of forwards. Why do we always have to run forward, move forward, progress? The sense of accomplishment was nothing to her now. It only burdened her, the constant list of things to do. She wanted to refuse to function with lists, although all her life it had kept her organized, sane, functional.

Now she simply wanted, if she could admit to the truth without guilt, she very much wanted to let go, and stop. Everything. Deadlines. Doing. Shopping. Decorating. Renovating. Driving. Registering. Volunteering. Managing. Coping. At a very deep level, the fear of her inner blank slate was going away. She wanted that white room. Actually, the fear was rising to the surface and she was seeing it, instead of hiding behind the business. And now that she looked at the fierce holding on out of fear in the face, she no longer could do it. Something, some vision of a deeper life, some need for inner psychic peace and ease, called to her. 

How ignore it now, when she was so exhausted anyway?

excerpt from a short story I am writing, started in 2005, and finally I am re-reading it and recognizing the truth of that moment. 

namaste

jenn/musemother

ps I just posted this on Facebook on the Tao of Turning Fifty page

https://www.facebook.com/TheTaoOfTurningFifty?ref=hl

Menopausal Journey as Rite of Passage

Is menopause merely the cessation of your period?  Is it about losing your memory, having hot flashes,  and losing your fertility? Or is it a mid-life reorientation project? Do you feel like you're falling down the Rabbit Hole?

This journey you are embarking on somewhere in your forties is a deeper phase to your woman's journey, a developing and a continuing and it involves a lot of unknowing. It felt to me like being in a labyrinth in the woods, a circular path that branches out and leads in so many different directions it's really easy to get lost.

What is the path of a woman's life?  Especially a woman who decides to have children, who gives over her body to create another body.  How does she regain her center (if she has lost it) and how does she keep those boundaries clear - me, us, them? How does she find herself again? Menopause is part of that journey towards finding yourself in mid-life.

Menopause is not an overnight thing. It creeps up on you slowly. You don't notice it happening until one day you realize your period hasn't come this month, or maybe you’ve skipped two months and your pregnancy test comes back negative.  Then it comes back again for six months, so you forget there's something going on.  Or suddenly you notice your PMS has increased to two weeks out of the month, and if you really stop and look at it, you see your emotional landscape is a little out of whack.  Or maybe you just aren't sleeping well at night and all the Chamomile tea or hot milk can't calm the hyper little gerbil running in its cage between 2 and 4 a.m.

There are many different physical symptoms and lots of websites to describe them to you, everything from sore joints to hot flashes and heart palpitations. What my blog tries to point to is not the symptoms, but the journey.  It's as if you are on the highway to Ottawa from Montreal, and took a side road without realizing it.  You look up and wonder where you are, the landscape doesn't look familiar, the trees are in the wrong place, and the road signs post names of towns you don't remember or recognize. You need to figure out where you are.

One way you can honour your not knowing is by standing still.  The first thing to do when you feel lost is to stop running in circles, stop pretending you know where you are.  Stop and ask for help.

Someone who has been there before may help you. Someone who has been lost and found the way home again.

This mid-life woman's way has been largely uncharted till recently.  The women who came before us perhaps felt 'women's stuff' didn't matter, or the subject was so taboo, no one actually talked about it.  Or they were told it was just their uterus being hysterical. The male hero story describes the quest of the masculine, but where are the stories of the Feminine Quest?

It is time to honour your own knowing, your own woman’s journey.  Questing. Know that the way out is the way in.  Going down and in will lead you up and out.

To help you with this rite of passage, I have written The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know. Check out my website at www.jenniferboire.com for a free excerpt.

Take good care now, and stay in touch,

Musemother/Jenn

also on Facebook and Twitter