Sanctuary in Winter time

Well, it's been a slow month of January - slow as molasses a friend used to call me as I dawdled home from school. Yes, I'm moving slowly.

This week I'm posting a video blog instead of a weekly posting.

You can also hang out with me on Facebook at the Creative Soulful Woman page  here https://www.facebook.com/Creative-Soulful-Woman-937135933019599/?ref=hl

or the Tao of Turning Fifty page: https://www.facebook.com/TheTaoOfTurningFifty/?ref=hl 

here is the video of my Sanctuary and Playground:
https://vimeo.com/153929160

Happy Imbolc!

Jennifer
www.jenniferboire.com

10 Ways to Navigate Mid-life Smoothly

It's hard to live through any transition but Menopause is a real Trickster! Follow these tips to smooth out the rocky ride.

1.   Sleep when you’re tired and don’t feel guilty. Banish guilt. Take naps.

2.   Do one thing at a time and breathe:  Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so stop, take a few deep centering breaths and reconnect to the parasympathetic nervous system. Feel each out-breath grow longer than the in-breath. This brings you into deeper resonance with the rhythms of your body, slows your heart rate and allows your mind to unhook from anxiety or worry.

3.   Say NO more often; release perfectionism. Learn to say, I have enough, I do enough, I am enough. — Sark

4.   Get away – time alone is the #1 thing most mid-life women crave.

5.   Discover the power of doing nothing. Rest, hot baths, alone time, retreats, mini-retreats in your home – lower anxiety and regenerate energy.

6.   Listen to your inner Bitch Goddess – don’t stuff your anger, and don’t dump it on others. Write it in your journal. Rock your anger like a crying baby.

7.   Cultivate your own IGS (inner guidance system) by listening to your body’s needs for healthy food, rest, exercise, connection with others. Be Present.

8.   Mothering Ourselves: stop stretching yourself too thin. MAKE A LIST of things you can do for yourself. If you want to feel cherished and appreciated, start by cherishing and appreciating yourself. Speak up and ask for what you need. For example, write yourself a prescription for rest if you are tired.

9.   Fifty is Feisty. Change your mindset. Find the 10 best things about menopause. Celebrate being 50+. These are the best years!

10.                 Creativity: find what you love and do it. Use Journaling or SoulCollage® to discover where you are now, what your heart desires, get into Flow. Take some down time to rediscover what makes your heart sing. Do something just for the fun of it. Your joy is waiting for you!

first published on MindBodyGreen under 10 Ways to Celebrate Aging at http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6335/10-Ways-to-Celebrate-Aging.html

Jennifer Boire, MA, www.jenniferboire.com, author of The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know, Follow Musemother on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

"None of us needs instruction in how to recognize what our heart is saying. We do need guidance, however, on how to have the courage to follow those feelings, since they will force us to change our lives in any case. But consider the consequences of not listening to the heart's guidance: depression, confusion, and the wretched feeling that we are not on our life's true path, but viewing it from a distance." — Caroline Myss 

Valuing the Feminine and self-care at menopause

"In the Western world, we live in a culture that highly values productivity, assertiveness, aggression, drive, forward motion, which we like to consider as progress and have traditionally aligned with the world of work and the Masculine. We spend our lives with the on button pressed all the time, work work work. Being productive is good, however, we've created imbalance in banishing the day off, the Sabbath or rest day. The softer, inner values of rest, reflection and cultivating the artistic, inner soul qualities have become secondary. But that is exactly what we need as an antidote to being overly busy and exhausted. Getting in touch with the Feminine is an important survival tool for our planet right now, especially at mid-life, especially those in the caring professions. Taking a little down time to rest should not make us feel guilty, but somehow it does." from The Tao of Turning Fifty, Valuing the Feminine. 

Today in the Globe & Mail, two articles caught my eye. One was about a book called Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink. Author Katrina Alcorn writes that the solutions lie not in individual treatments for anxiety and mental illness, but in activism and workplace reform. http://tinyurl.com/k7887ld

The second article, on the Facts & Arguments page, was an essay about a woman whose son is learning about menopause in school: My 12-year-old son’s not ready for menopause is the title. So the Life section of the G&M today is dealing with two of my favourite topics - moms being stressed out and menopause. At mid-life, even stay-at-home moms, who are often crazy-making busy with volunteer projects and house management, let alone chauffeuring their kids, sometimes get into this feeling of being Maxed-Out, or overwhelm.

When I was in the throes of peri-menopause in my forties, (the pre-menopause period last 7-10 years before you are official menopaused, or have no more periods for 13 months), I also had two pre-teens on the cusp of puberty. I remember overwhelm as the major constant feeling at that time, and on some days when I felt myself losing control and shrieking, I wondered if they should put me in a straitjacket. My precocious daughter would write me birthday cards that said, I love you Mommy, in spite of your mood swings. 

Part of the problem was giving myself permission to just nurture myself and care for my own needs. When you're on call 24-7 as a mom, and some moms are on call all day at work as well, the fight or flight hormones are always on too, and you never seem able to relax, get a good night's sleep, or even take 15 minutes to yourself to read the paper without being interrupted. You learn to respond, you learn to take really good care of others - spouses, children, parents, co-workers, siblings, but you tend to put yourself last on the list, skipping meals, rushing around like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling.

It's a mindset, and a powerful social belief system, that pushes us to go faster and faster, achieve more and more, get more things crossed off the list. We are also highly addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes from stress and deadlines, so when it is calm and quiet, we wonder what to do with ourselves, and feel antsy or anxious. I can't even watch a 30 minute video anymore without checking my emails, going on facebook, constantly distracted and scattered.  It's a real struggle to be centered and calm, even for a quiet hermit like myself whose kids have flown out of the nest and only bug me when they need more cash in their bank accounts. 

So this little book I wrote while going through menopause, was all about Valuing the Feminine, valuing my down time, getting help from whatever modalities I could, osteopathy for sore shoulders, acupuncture, Reiki, reflexology - blessed moments of calm in a turbulent week that were like an Oasis of sanity. Self-care became my mantra, my crutch if you will, my absolute need - because if I cracked up and did need a strait-jacket, who was left to run things and take care of the household?

It really is in our best interest to slow down, do less, revise the list of things to do, cancel a few extra projects, not work until 8 pm, eat regular meals, do yoga and practice some form of centering technique whether tai chi or mediation or chi gong. We cannot serve our children, our jobs or our communities when we are fried, maxed out, and overwhelmed. Mid-life and menopause are forcing you to call a halt to the "too much" syndrome. If it's all too much, scale down. Do less. And if you need extra help from medication, hormonal treatments, herbal remedies, by all means, hunt them down. Find out what works for you. Girl friends are also great allies - just talking to someone about how you feel like you're going crazy can help you find some sanity.

Your sanity is important. Your health and well-being are crucial. You, mid-life mom, are the fulcrum, the center everyone is leaning on for support. You must be solid yourself before you can be there for them. Don't wait until you have a breakdown. Take a break, a serious reflective break, and make room in your life for your Self. If that means having a serious talk with your spouse or boss, please find the courage to go there.

The Tao of Turning Fifty is a workbook with exercises and journaling questions to help you put priorities where they belong. I'm headed to a book club meeting tonight, my first one as an author, and six or seven women will be discussing my book and looking for answers.  I know it will be a rich and rewarding evening.

namaste,
Jenn/Musemother

The Importance of Loving the Feminine

The Wild Feminine SoulCollage(R) Card

Today, I’ve been watching a movie about Marion Woodman, and musing on how to begin my Creative Circle classes next week. Feeling kind of tired after a busy holiday season, which began over a month ago in early December, I’ve been resting and napping, and wondering when my energy will return so I can get back to work. Even though I don't feel very creative right now, isn’t that part of feminine nurturance and the wisdom of the body? That it can’t always be about producing, or brain work, but that sometimes you have to nurture the body, rest, eat simple food, get out in nature and walk in the snowy forest. Then the creative cycle begins again.

I was lucky enough to attend a workshop with Woodman many years ago in Montreal on the three faces of the Feminine - Maiden, Mother, Crone. Her life’s work has been to understand and work with the sacred feminine, about the inner marriage with the sacred masculine, and how that union can heal the world. She talks with Andrew Harvey in the film about this big challenge we have now, to stop destroying the planet, the world we live on.

She recounts a significant dream she had one day of the Dark Madonna, a big black face-less goddess, who kept telling her to kneel lower, until she lay flat on the ground in the mossy earth and felt part of the living pulse of the earth. She says in the film that the message was to learn humility. The dark feminine involves embracing the body: by lying on the moss, the earth, this spinning planet we live on that is our mother, who feeds us physically. (Paraphrase from film Dancing in the Flames) 

By taking care of our bodies, we are also nurturing our connection with the earth, with the sacred feminine. www.dancingintheflames.com

Add to this a recent message in my inbox from Dr Christiane Northrup, who suggests if you make only one resolution, let it be this:

 “I've come to see that our bodies are the true altars—the most sacred places in our lives. That’s why my top resolution for women this year is simple: ‘Listen to and respect your body more than you have ever done before.’”  

She says in her newsletter: Your body needs regular doses of comfort and pleasure to be optimally healthy. Without it, you are much more likely to seek pleasure from external and unsustainable sources and behaviors, including drugs, alcohol, and sugar. 

Read more here:  http://www.drnorthrup.com/monthlywisdom/archive/jan2013.php

In another part of the movie about Marion Woodman’s life’s journey she says that through dreams, writing, images and creativity, you get in touch with the Soul inside, the real life, the real god or goddess. “’God creates’ is the energy that can pull you from a satanic energy that is taking you into death to a living energy that will take you into your own creation.”

So that is what I wanted to share today – take care of your body, nurture your soulful connection with creativity, and be prepared to play in 2013 with the images your soul sends you through dreams, images and poems.

The Gift of Stillness in the Midst of Chaos

“Art,” wrote Saul Bellow, “has something to do with the achievement of stillness in the midst of chaos… an arrest of attention in the midst of distraction.” quoted from World Enough and Time by Christian McEwen.

Thanks to Suzie Banks Baum, for introducing me to Gwarlingo, who posted an article about Christian McEwen and her wonderful, inspiring book, and thanks to Michelle at Gwarlingo for reminding me again this morning in her newsletter about the importance of finding stillness in the chaos.

It's not even Christmas yet, and we've had two big Christmas parties, one with friends and neighbours, one with family, some of whom drove 10 hours to come and be with us in a pre-Noel party.

It is always wonderful to be with close family, see the new babies and rock them to sleep on my knee, cook comfort food for the guests, and as this was a potluck Shepherd's Pie party, with champagne, the preparation was only getting the house ready and getting out a few dips and snacks.

But in the days after, with a scattered brain and nervous edginess that linger, I am needing to find the stillness again. This is my challenge in the coming 12 days of Christmas....

My kids are both home now, the house is more full of their presence and good-natured helping out (yes, after age 20, they do become human again). I love that they love this home, the full fridge, food appearing on demand, warm blankets and all the amenities of "home". 

So I'll be nurturing and providing for the family, as well as wrapping presents and stuffing stockings, and my reading and writing time will be curtailed. The SoulCollage cards sit in their special bag, keeping each other company, but far from my eyes. The only 'art' I create will be my presence, what I choose to speak, or write in a card perhaps. This heartfull presence needs nurture and care. I felt it ebb very low yesterday, and this morning I sat a bit longer in meditation, needful, and mindful of filling the well.

I wish you that awareness, and a few moments of stillness in the coming celebrations. Take a moment to watch the ducks fly by the window, or the cardinals in the cedar. Step outdoors and look up at the cloud formations or the night stars. Breathe a little peace into your day, into your heart. And know that in the slowing down of the season, the winter darkness, our bodies too need more rest and stillness. Try and find that, if you can, and make peace with the need to be still.


happy Solstice
Jenn/Musemother
ps there is a free sample of a meditation from my Relaxation CD on my website at www.jenniferboire.com

December Light Celebrations

Ok, it's an auspicious day, 12-12-12. And the ice has newly formed on the lake outside my window (actually a widening of the St-Lawrence River). Winter has finally arrived.

What I want right now, in this moment, is to breathe into this little quiet spot, this brief oasis of tranquility before the holiday parties are unleashed (well, we've had two already, but the crunch will be Dec 24-Jan1). My classes are over, my shopping is almost done, and I'm taking a break today to bask in the sunshine (even if it's freezing out there), and take a minute to be thankful for all that has come my way this year. All the new friends, and the new learnings.

I am celebrating peace in my heart. I can't wait for the whole world to find peace, but I can practice peace, now.

I am celebrating more joy and happiness, after a lot of self-work, self-love and body-work, to release the holding and negative thought patterns of yesteryear.

I am celebrating my children's accomplishments, as they wind up their busy exam and project schedule.

I am celebrating having a warm home and hearth to cook in, eat in, and to enjoy the company of my spouse at the end of the day in.

I am thankful for all of you who pop up on occasion to read Musemother's thoughts and articles.

May your world be a quieter, gentler, inner-directed, peaceful place this holiday season.  May you go at your own pace, and follow the rhythm of existence, slow down and enjoy yourself with all your company, family and friends.

Merry Holidays, Solstice, New Year,
Jenn/Musemother

Finding the joy of menopause

“Lie back, and the sea will hold you”

                First Lesson, Philip Booth

Yes, I want to tell you, there is emotional turmoil.  Yes, there is pain and a descent into darkness. Yes, you may feel like you’re lost in a dark tunnel with no way out some of the time. The rest of the time, you dance and laugh at parties with a glass of Merlot in your hand, and serve the children tacos and spaghetti, whichever is their favourite. You come home from work tired and decide to read a book after supper, but instead you fall asleep at 8:30, wake up sleepless at 3:00 a.m.

Two years earlier, I felt like bug soup. Inside my chrysalis, all my ragged edges, horns and spotted caterpillar shape, the multiple legs and little prickly bits were all melting, turning into bug soup, and I felt mush-muscled. Only God knew what shape I would take or how my wings would form, which colours scintillate.  Some wild blue turquoise, yellowy green, something completely different than the rose or fuchsia I imagined.

I felt tired, not only physically, but mentally tired of resisting this quiet destiny. No flames, flammèches or fireworks; it was low-key and subterranean, a lying low until strength could be gathered for flight. The peri-menopause is the period before the coming cessation of bleeding, not wholly begun yet because I was still bleeding profusely every 28 days, except for one month missed. This was the chrysalis phase, an in-between transition—I was not yet transformed, not of one world-- the young energetic past--nor of the other (mellow, old and wise) but on a shuttlebus between the two states. Perhaps 49 is not the end of energy and youthful vigour (although in the sorry shape I was in, both hips and shoulders aching, it felt like it). But just a transition phase.

Yes, at this phase the tears come more easily, and even a little something wrong upsets you. But what I want to talk about is the joy that follows, the big joy, not just a little joy, that does come finally after the dust settles, or after you come blinking out of the tunnel, into the place where you don’t recognize yourself. Once you come up into the clear mountain air, a small ray of sunshine appears, then a whole bright day ahead.

Where did I find my joy? In discovering I was ready to serve – not like before, not to forget myself, nor to give all my power away by being a good girl and getting kudos or to please others, but opening to being a fully satisfied, complete woman, a woman with power. In discovering I have wings, and in learning how to spread them – not to fly away – necessarily, but to rise above the pettiness, jealousy and drudgery of my own mind, to find the purity, clarity, and peace of heart within. Oh, my wings are real; they are white and muscular. But they shine invisibly, growing out from my heart center.

Where did I lose my joy? In making myself small, too small to see. In resentment, and fear of speaking out, fear of owning my truth, fear of what my neighbour thinks of me. I used to feel it hunched a little in my neck and shoulders, but it’s leaving, being cleared away by the work I am doing and the grace of god. I am an ordinary woman with extraordinary powers, that have also been given to each woman. The power to love, the power to inspire by my actions, the power to forgive myself for being human and making mistakes. Where do I find my joy? In sharing the wealth: in hearing your stories, and in sharing mine. In making it brand new, each new day. In realizing I am flawed but fabulous!

My life story is fairly ordinary: I was a child, I  learned to love, I loved people who sometimes hurt me, but I am extraordinarily blessed in being with a caring, gentle man I love and had two children with him; I have bled once a month (almost) since I was fifteen, and since age 51 I am finished with that. I have been in the liminal space, in between young and old, but I am still in the middle years. From here, I can look backwards and forwards, but my pleasure is to stay right here, right now, in the present. And breathe, once more, into the closer, immediate present.

Getting some nurturing, in Rolfing therapy and healing massages and osteopathic treatments have helped open up the shoulder and neck muscles and release the fear I’ve been holding. I also had some coaching in which I discovered I wanted to work with ordinary women, not be a literary wunderkind. I have found my joy, in the possibility of speaking in my own voice to other women, in leading workshops and retreats and sharing my discoveries, and in all of us learning that we are not alone.

And where I really found my joy was in the openness to not knowing, to relaxing into the questions, dialoguing with my inner Wise Self in my journal as I rappelled down the mountain inch by inch, finding a safe ledge to stand on, then finding there was water down below where I could float on an air mattress, and let the sea support me. 

Ah that is where my joy is, in being supported by the universal ocean. The trust I am learning to feel inside. That is worth gold; that feeds and nurtures me.

I wish you the courage to stick with the questions in the transition phase and emerge on the other side of the mid-life transition into your wonderful, powerful Joy.

Namaste,

Musemother

Self-Care at Menopause

If you are in the throes of menopause and have spent any time browsing the web, you know that there are many sites proclaiming to have the answer : progesterone cream, hormonal treatments, natural supplements, wicking pyjamas, all kinds of products.  I just did a quick tour of the some of Top 30 Menopause Blogs and came away dizzy with the array. They make it sound like menopause is a disease!

What is different with my approach is that I believe self-awareness is key. Yes, you may need to change doctors if yours doesn't believe that you are in perimenopause at age 46 and that you are too young! and yes, herbal remedies and homeopathy got me through my six year perimenopausal journey - motherwort for anxiety and red clover for hot flashes. But the midlife transition for me was not so much a physical event as a major emotional upheaval. It was more of a quest for self, actually.

I was impatient, irritable and flew off the handle easily. Was it triggered by hormones? was it the fact that my kids had hit puberty and were cranky cavemen and self-centered fashionistas? Perhaps we were all a little wonky due to hormones. My poor husband! But really, instead of putting myself away in a straitjacket, the best solution was to get the self-care I needed. Part of that included talk therapy, reiki treatments, massage and getting away on weekend retreats to feed my need for alone time.

In fact, getting away and having time alone to think was very helpful. I did not want my family to suffer from my outbursts, and I recognized that I needed more time alone. Being a writer, there is always a conflict between solitary writing time and taking care of meals, laundry, house management time. Buying an older house and renovating it completely, top to bottom, probably added to my stress level too. But in having the courage to face the down times and the feeling like I'm going crazy times (and in having wonderful girlfriend to cry on their shoulder with), and in journaling my journey, I got through it.

It all seems in the distant past now, my kids have recently left home for university in different cities, so my creative time is all mine. In the last two years, I have discovered that working with other women in facilitating workshops and retreats is fulfilling me much more than sitting in my little office writing. I think the journey through our forties and fifties is a huge wake-up call for self-care, for discovering what we love, for seeking and finding our authentic selves. We stop being able to play the game, or fulfilling the surface roles society demands of us. We need to feel connected to our heart's desires, and something deep inside keeps bugging us until we pay attention.

It may take some digging, some writing, some researching and reflecting, but it's worth it. Take the time, and make the time for you. Make finding yourself and your happiness an item on your agenda. Stop burning the candle at both ends in working late and ignoring your needs for regular meals and sleep. Your menopause will be smoother if you slow down and take care of your needs.

take care now
Jenn/Musemother
www.jenniferboire.com

Welcome to 2012

Ok, you've received them too, a slew of Happy New Year pictures and copies of articles on Resolutions or Non-resolutions...getting a wee bit tired of hearing how it's all going to change in this new year. First off, I just got back from five days away, so naturally, the first thing on my list is laundry.

Actually, the first thing on my list today was Clearing Space, and decluttering, which includes emptying suitcases and washing clothes, but more importantly, clearing the mental space I need to begin my day.

Lucky me, I got to sleep in, unlike J who had to leave for work at 7:00 a.m. But instead of waking up to a cranky day of dust and decay, I decided to dust off the soul space. Listening to a CD with Ram chant helped heal my scattered cells and bring center back into focus.  I knelt on the floor and placed the crown of my head on the rug at the end of my yoga stretches, surrendered to peace. Ah, breath fills my lungs and muscles feel more serene, less antsy. Feel the well fill up again after busy dizzy streets of NY, colourful restaurants and French cooking, crazy fun in the city with our kids and friends. Back to ice on the lake, sun sparkling on frozen space out my window and sweet silence filling the air around my eardrums.

This is how my New Year begins.  Usher in the tranquility, release sadness, cranky moods and overwhelm.
Dust off the list of things to do and pick one or two things that really need my attention.

When the brain tires of firing up its 305 million circuits and synapses, it seeks its common denominator, the Anti-dote to stress and confusion, the One singular bell that rings a clear note.....ummmm, I like that. Re-balanced, I stand, two bare feet on the carpet, bent over, looking at my toes, soft chant on the stereo, a mother-lode of reverence.

Then up and on to the day: delete the 250 emails that accumulate while away, send in revisions for my book, delete delete the distractions that divide my attention.

Quiet the loud clanging of commerce and daily bickering over who has more than me - a bigger room, child, cow, wife, necklace, pot of gold, book sales, glass of wine, more facebook likes....

I am not going to plan for the future, at least not today. Today, I begin with rest and Decluttering.
amen,
jenn

Menopausal Journey and the Feminine

The gift of the menopausal journey is the wisdom to know when to rest, to listen to our feminine wisdom.

Too often we align ourselves with the outer values of the work force:  production, performing, success and goal-making - and these drive us forward until we hit the brick wall of exhaustion.  Helen Luke, author of  Woman, Earth and Spirit, The Feminine Symbol and Myth http://www.bookfinder.com/author/helen-m-luke/would say this is because we don't value the feminine values of receiving, openness, and holding space. The feminine fertilizes in the dark space where the seed lies in the earth, receiving nourishment, light and water and heat from above. It is the earth's nature to foster growth in the dark so that the seed may reach up to the light. This inner fertilizing of our soul growth is as important as the creative output phase.

The soul needs tranquility, and rest, not only fire; inner cultivation occurs in the darkness by resting, finding completeness and wholeness from within.  "The way back and down to those springs [water of life] and to the roots of the tree is likewise the way on and up to the spirit of air and fire in the vaults of heaven." Luke

If we don't give ourselves time to rest and be still, to listen within, due to the pressure to perform and feel worthy, then we "scorch our inner garden with the destructive fire" according to Luke.  We burn up, we burn out. We feel dry and empty.

So if you are feeling scorched, and in need of some fertilizing power, think about what elements you need to help you rest and go within.

Consider going on a retreat, or making yourself a mini-retreat for an hour, by unplugging the phone, the computer and emails and writing in your journal. Even over lunchtime, you can make a mini-retreat by walking outside in the sunshine, finding a shady tree to sit under, reflecting on the waters of life that nourish you and what they may be.

Fifty is strong. Fifty is the end of the burdens of retarded childhood, one’s own and one’s children’s.  It is freedom from menstruation. It is full of power. It is being totally alive and having plenty of time to be alive.  Louise Mattlage, Women and aging

jenn/musemother

Power of the Pause, intro

We live in a society that is obsessed with productivity and work. We have even banished the Sabbath or sacred rest day. We want material goods and professional success and we are willing to work like crazy to get it. But at what price?

Listen to the nerve-brain-Crunch of constantly being connected to twitter facebook instant messaging, texting, blackberry - crackberry..... The saying “we are all connected” is used in the Ecological movement as a metaphor for our need to take care of the planet and each other – but what we are more likely to be connected to is the super highway of Information on the internet and constant feeling of pressure, of 24/7 work and less play or down time. Increased access and speed of information coming to us increases our expectations of absolute productivity. Our response time has come down to immediate or instant, we have lost the impulse or the know-how to Pause and Rest – there is no more Sabbath, no ‘day off’ of our Instant Connection to Everything.

In the larger picture, all this 100% Connection to Information and all work no play, is the path to Burn-Out and Exhaustion. And that is what is worrisome.

Busy is the new "fine" - we are proud to be busy.

But the cost to our selves is high.

Stay tuned for more about The Power of the Pause, Lecture at Beaconsfield Library, Tuesday, February 8, 7:30 pm.
Jennifer

Treading Air like a Seagull

You should see them r ight now - if I was handy with the camera I'd show you - they are hovering in heavy winds right at the shoreline, waiting for fish, I guess, and holding their wings steady, flapping, falling, rising, essentially in the same spot. 4 of them with white tail feathers and grey wings, playing with the wind.

What I was thinking of earlier this morning was the way the dark brooding skies and white-capped grey water were cut by a bar of light just between the tree tops and clouds. Now that light is gone, and we're moving towards more darkness.

What I was thinking of last week (and re-reading today) was the way the rain floods down the zinc roof and pools on the black earth in the empty flower beds. It overflows the gutters so that it feels like water is dripping from everywhere - the grey of the lake and the grey of the sky are depressing, if I allow it, but since the weather is unusually mild for November it isn't so bad. It's the lack of light and sunshine in winter, that gets me down.

What boosts my energy, mood and immune system - as we head into the dark season - is seeing wonderful white Christmas lights wrapped around the trees in my front yard, and along the outline of the house, transforming it into a fairy-lit land. It finally occurs to me tht we decorate this way because we need the light; it feeds us and since we're still scaredy cats most of us, even adults, and don't like the darkness in winter, we  leave the lights on to comfort ourselves.  Divali, Christmas, Hanukkah candles, it's all about lighting a lamp against the dark.

I am thinking of Christmas also in terms of having to prepare the house, decorate, make food - comfort food to welcome the family hordes and the brand new baby we all are looking forward to seeing, and hopefully to hold - all 28 of us. What will that be like? First Christmas also without Jacqueline, Ninine, great-grandma for the first time, who passed away this July.

In the meantime, I am treading air in time and space, like the seagulls, healing a sore shoulder, resting and napping more than usual, waiting for the creative Festive energy to brighten me up again.

To follow my own advice, I must go with the flow, even in the down times, and accept the resting is needed. The only way out and up is to go down and in.

nameste,
musemother

How a Good Night's Sleep can Change Everything

Monday I woke up feeling sick, so I slept in an extra hour, meditated lying down (risky, I know) to prevent dizziness, purposely didn't get on the computer until after a shower and time outside with my journal. I  did reply to a few emails and managed to get some laundry done, walk the dog, do groceries, but mostly it felt like a low-key go slow kind of day.  I even made some medicinal tea (soy bancha ginger) and quinoa flake porridge to heal the intestinal upset, and found the time to make a nice supper. 

The day went smoothly enoug, as I slowed down, took time to take care of myself.  I even had the energy to try out a new red wine/rose sauce for chicken in spite of my lack of appetite.  I just didn't push myself to 'get things done', and things happened at their own pace. I also lay for 20 minutes with my hubby's head in my arms at the end of the day, comforting him for a hard day - one of those where everything you do goes wrong - soothed his forehead, all the while thinking - because I took care of me today, I am in a healthy space to give out and take care of him.

I was in bed at 9:30 with a book, and slept deeply.

Then, bing, Tuesday morning I woke up and my energy was back. The headache and tummy ache were gone. I felt tons better.  Ready to sort out my daughter's messy room (while she's travelling in Europe), do more laundry (my son is a bit overwhelmed with the laundry baskets piling up, as he's working). I got an agenda going, replied to emails, and sat down to write in my journal, all before 10.00 a.m. 

Sometimes a good night's rest changes everything.

Also, when my heart is in a good space and I am gentle with myself, a healing presence is all I have to offer.  When I rush out every night, leave them to reheat a frozen dinner, they can survive, but the love is not the same as in a home-cooked meal lovingly prepared.

I still want to do that whenever I can (at least 3 or 4 nights out of 7). And teach them to prepare healthy meals as well, of course.

The value of a calm, centered caretaker in the home, whether male or female, cannot be underestimated.  I hope you dads at home that follow this blog will send me your own stories of how taking care of yourself helps you take care of your loved ones.

have a great day,
musemother

Clear your mind

After ecstasy, the laundry!

Zen philosopher

 Don't you love coming home to your own bed after being away on vacation?

But don't you also hate the laundry?  there are several piles of laundry on my floor right now. My husband did a few loads yesterday, and even folded them in neat piles (guess he was desperate for some clean socks and underwear). I  managed to get two more loads done today, and my daughter is doing her own, (so I really can't complain).

But besides the piles of white, dark and pale on my wood floor, it's the mental clutter and confusion that got me down today.  I was so clear on my purpose a few weeks ago, then I left for vacation and relaxed my mind, with lots of reading by the pool, swimming in turqouise waters, drinking afternoon wine and singing and dancing whenever possible.

This morning, back to ordinary life and reality: off to the dentist with my daughter, so I postponed my own writing and reflecting (tried to write in the dentist's reception area but the local radio station playing top 20 music made it difficult). Of course, she snuck in a quick shopping stop since we were downtown. And a quick stop to buy sushi for lunch (and groceries).

Did I mention I then needed a nap? 3 hours of sleep two nights ago, between airports and flights had created a serious sleep deficit (not to mention watching the Oscars till midnight last night).  All that to say, during my nap, or somewhere in the end of it, I began to mentally berate myself for all the things I wasn't getting done, for my lack of energy and focus, for the confusion I felt after reading about mommy blogs with hundreds of thousands of followers (and comparing them to my meagre following), and then the flood of things I had not done or was unclear about doing just got worse.

Finally I jumped out of bed, since it wasn't feeling very restful, and got back on the computer. Re-reading some of the emails I received while away, I ran across one from Jennifer Louden, a link to her Facebook page www.jenniferlouden.com and an entry on Simple Action. It recommended taking one step at a time, not trying to do it all at once (ie write a paragraph not a whole chapter), and also recommended being kind to myself, ie not beating myself up mentally. How timely was that! I had just been writing in my journal about how I needed to feel ok right now, and stop feeling as if there is something wrong with me.

Then I ran into a message from Lao Tzu, through my sister Sue, which said, clear the mental clutter:  Cease all restless activity and your true nature will appear. Correct your mind.

That would describe my nap, lots of useless, restless mental activity, making lists of all the things I need to do - since I  have a chorus concert and competition coming up and my quartet is singing two new songs also, there is a lot I felt I should be doing today. 

My advice to myself is simple: let go of mental anguish, clear up mental clutter. Sit in the quiet of your room and listen to soothing music. Make a mini-retreat and write in your journal. Help yourself out of confusion by staying in the present moment. I am not this flotsom and jetsom rushing downstream in the muddy waters. I am clear water. Relief and stillness floods my being just to be reminded of that.

Nameste,

jenn/musemother

In the Stillness of Retreat

In the stillness of this moment, I am peace.

I'm listening to a Retreat music CD, taking a few moments to prepare for a retreat March 14 that I will lead at H-OM yoga studio in Hudson, Quebec.

This music is gently rocking me into a feeling of peace, like a lullabye, coming to a slower breathing rate, in spite of the frantic pace of the morning, trying to pack, make lists, prepare for a 2 week vacation in Turks & Caicos (yes, I am so lucky!).

I am waiting, I allow myself to wait, 
I am waiting, I allow myself to wait.
My life's been moving , way too fast
I need to stop and take a breath
to see what the Lord wants me to do
so for now I wait and I listen....

Wish I could post the music too, it's very relaxing and soothing piano and voice.

Just wanted to leave you with a reminder to Breathe, Listen, Wait, Rest...if you are in transition, if you are impatient to start something new, if you are leaving something behind, if you are just crazy busy and don't know when you'll get a break.....Take One Now.   

"I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me....I hold myself like a newborn baby child."

Don't wait for a break down, a broken leg, or a break-up to push you into Self-Care mode.  Be gentle with yourself, with your tender heart, now, today, this moment.

You are precious, valuable and loved :)

take good care,
musemother/jenn

music cd available from A Woman's Way  www.awoman's way.com
or
www.karendrucker.com for the music from A Retreat of My Own

The Ragged Edge of Modern Life

Here we are on the eve of Christmas, wrapping presents, running to the Pharmaprix for last minute stocking gifts because we just realized Janie has 2 more than Johnnie, and forgot about the cat and the dog's stockings....

awakening from a short sleep because of partying with neighbours the night before, more tired than yesterday...

sex is just a dream you had the other night, it didn't actually happen....

too pooped to coop, and forever catching up with more caffeine, and weary to the bone.

What do the latest health studies call this?  Adrenal fatigue syndrome (or another name for burnout according to an article in Vogue's December issue, the reason I bought the magazine, called The Ragged Edge). http://www.vogue.com/

We are all plugged in more than ever, and our nerves are over stimulated and 'hypertweeted'. Not only mid-life women are being treated for stress-related illnesses, but women in mid-life are particularly vulnerable. "When we're under ling-term stress, our adrenal glands continually churn out high levels of the hormone cortisol. Eventually the adrenals can't sustain that level of activation, cortisol levels plummet, and our body can no longer respond effectively to stress." Dr. Amy Saltzman, M.D. in Menlo Park California, Vogue December issue 2009.

I've blogged about adrenal fatigue on ms menopause blog (http://www.msmenopause.blogspot.com/) and there are wonderful articles at http://www.womentowomen.com/ on this subject.

It's a bit like having the fight or flight option on your adrenal glands always on 'on'.  We wear ourselves down by the constant beep of the phone, computer, email, blackberry, calling us to action.  Everything feels like an emergency when you are always rushing, or addicted to the adrenaline fix, as Cheryl Richardson calls it in her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care.  It's difficult to unhook ourselves from being always reachable, always available, yet it causes a severe attention deficit as we try to multi-task our way through our days, dealing with clients emails, stirring the stew pot on the stove, helping Janie with her homework and catching the 6:00 news on TV at the same time.

What if you use this holiday as a real unplugged vacation?  Go somewhere where there is no internet.  Unplug the computer and the phone, and just sit in front of the fire unwrapping presents and sipping hot chocolate, or even better, get outside and get some physical activity, skiing, snowshoeing, swimiming (if you live in Hawaii or Australia).

Get lots of Vitamin B, fish oil land asian ginsent. Eat well, rest, and devote at least a little bit of time every day to doing nothing - be that by watching your breath, sitting in zen meditation or looking out the window at the amazing changes in the sky moment by moment.

Happy Holidays, Happy Restfulness,
May the new year bring you permission to feel more serenity, tranquility and love,

musemother/jenn

Sabbath and Resting

The idea of Sabbath is a very old one, and recently a book on the subject revealed how important a rest day is for our mental sanity and health.

Wayne Muller, in Sabbath, Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest, shows how our relentless pursuit of progress and success is a form of violence we do to ourselves. In the passage I opened up this morning, he explains that our putting paradise or heaven off into the after life means that we only get to rest once we get to heaven. Heaven is where the green pastures are, the place we can lie down and be taken care of, but that we have to work work work until we get there.

"This then is the theology of progress. Only when we get to the end can we lie down in green pastures, be led beside still waters, and allow our soul to be restored. this is the psalm we sing when people have died. This is the psalm we save for death, because in the world of progress, you do not rest in green pastures, you do not lie beside still waters, there is no time. Never in this life, only in the next. ...

But we must ask this question: What if we are not going anywhere? what if we are simply living and growing within an ever-deepening cycle of rhythms, perhaps getting wiser, perhaps learning to be kind, and hopefully passing whatever we have learned to our children? what if our life, rough-hewn from the stuff of creation, orbits around a God who never ceases to create new beginnings? what if our life is simply a time when we are blessed with both sadness and joy, health and disease, courage and fear --and all the while we work, pray and love, knowing that the promised land we seek is already present in the very gift of life itself, the inestimable privilege of a human birth? what if this single human life is itself the jewel in the lotus, the treasure hidden in the field, the pearl of great price? what if all the way to heaven is heaven?

"Sabbath challenges the theology of progress by reminding us that we are already and always on sacred ground....the time to lie and love and give thanks and rest and delight is now, this moment, this day. Feel what heaven is like; have a taste of eternity. Rest in the arms of the divine...The time to sleep, to rest, is now. We are already home."

I am taking his mesage to heart this morning; lying here in the sun with Mollie, soaking up the warmth of an unusally warm November day. Recuperating after an osteopathic treatment on my shoulders yesterday, and following her advice to rest more today, drink more water, let the body readjust.

It is difficult to just lie here and do nothing. But I can feel the energy flowing inside my body, feel the stillness nourish me. "Heaven's in our hearts" sings Tracy Chapman on the CD playing right now, as if in synchronicity with the moment and what I am writing.

It is too easy to always be 'too busy' to give ourselves the gift of rest.

Sabbath used to be a law, a day imposed on us to rest, reflect, do nothing 'useful' or productive, experience the gift of receiving. In its origins, it was a day when it was illegal to work.

You can reinstate it in your life, make it a habit, even if there is no church to attend. Spirit can touch you in nature, spirit can call you to prayer right in your bedroom. Heaven could be right here on earth. If you allow, permit, surrender to the possibility :)

nameste,
musemother

Ahh

The lake is rippling westward this morning. Six ducks fly low to the water in formation. The trees blew off their leaves on Saturday int he wind and rain. A few spots of yellow and rust on the island across from me.

I am so grateful for the chance to retreat yesterday, on the first day of November, my birth month and the day we turn back the clocks - a signal that winter is approaching.

I am grateful for the women who participated, who came and sat, and wrote and listened to poems that heal the woman's soul, who shared their wholeness and wept a little at a new discovery.

I am grateful for the peace and tranquillity that emanates from the human heart, that is so contagious and wonderful.

I am grateful for the chance to be a witness.

I am grateful for the soothing music and for the spirit of peace that music brings.

This morning I am a little stiff, but grateful to have spent the afternoon in the company of women who seek a deeper listening.

Next time, I'm looking for a room with tables and chairs to work on, to do our creative artwork, colouring, collage, mandalas and writing - we're getting too old to sit on the floor :)

May the sacred space of retreat remain with you, today,

nameste,
honour the light within you,
jenn/musemother

A Spring Retreat for Women

CREATING SANCTUARY

BRING BALANCE AND HARMONY INTO YOUR LIFE

H-OM YOGA STUDIO

Treat yourself to a restful mini-retreat

Nurture your Self through visualization, relaxation techniques and

creative exercises (journaling, collage) plus:

Gentle yoga with Debra Leibovitch

Sunday, April 26 12:30 pm – 4:00 pm
H-OM yoga center in Hudson, 3187 Harwood
Directions: Take the 40 west; Exit #26, go right, first building on your right in a small mall

Cost: $50.00

First 4 people to register will receive a Zena Moon candle!

email jenco1@sympatico.ca to reserve

Facilitator Jennifer Boire has lead workshops and retreats at the West Island Women’s Centre