Hearing the call, what is waiting to be born

This period of confinement due to the corona virus shutdown around the world is a challenging time for some, and a blessing for others.

If you are struggling to make ends meet, going crazy working at home while your children also need attention, I get it. I have the greatest sympathy (having been a writer who worked at home while my children were young).

But if you find yourself with some extra down time, and have managed to meet all your basic needs for shelter, food, safety, love and belonging, perhaps you are feeling the call for finding a deeper meaning and purpose.

Especially during the mid-life transition,  there is often a call to transformation, to reinvention. This is not so much a mid-life crisis involving little red sports cars as it is a sense of dissatisfaction, of wanting something more, of longing to get in touch with a deeper, soulful part of self. Or of finding meaning and being able to give back to the world.

Personally, I felt it most strongly during menopause, where everything I had done from age 30 to 49 began to drift away. I had been writing and publishing poetry, actively involved in the writing community doing readings and volunteering with the League of poets and local writers' organization, when I suddenly lost interest. I had two teens entering puberty at the same time as my hormones were rising, so the hot flash clash was part of this issue.

But I remember going to a week long writers' retreat and discovering over the course of that time that my true interest was not in belonging to a literary group. I wanted to reach out to women like me, mothers who were at home, part-time or full-time and trying to find their creative flow. I was not motivated by literary prizes as much as getting together with a circle of women and exploring our needs, our themes, our angst and our blessings. My women's circle became a sacred space for me to feel seen and heard.

The Creative Circle I was teaching from home sustained and fed me, as well as providing support for other women for about ten years, but then it happened again, I heard the call to reinvent myself. Maybe because I had been giving and supporting others all my life, as a eldest daughter, mother, and teacher, my well was a bit empty. I wondered how I could continue to serve while taking care of myself and feeding my soul. I took a year long course on Rites of Passage and how to create rituals so I could incorporate that on retreats with my circle of women and also celebrate their turning fifty.

But soon I was 60 and menopause long past. I was not an elder yet, nor a grandmother. Who was I now? What did I really want to do with my wild and precious life? I did what I often do when in a period of not knowing, I left for two weeks on a pilgrimage to Ireland visiting various sacred sites of the goddess with a Celtic Shaman. During a drumming ritual and ceremony, she helped remind me that my creative center was calling out for me to nourish it with something just for me. I came back still reluctant to stop leading workshops.

I was, however, keenly interested in my mother's ancestors from Ireland. How had my great grandmother's voices been shut down, and how could I dialogue with their stories of anxiety, depression and other challenges, and learn more about my own? I began writing a memoir, using letters and information from my mother, my maternal aunts, and a memoir written by a great-aunt about her life in the early years of the 20th century. I lost my mother recently, at age 89, and feel a need to get back to that writing and expand it.

All this to say, my life pattern since my mid-forties has been one of frequent reinvention, new projects, studying with teachers and travelling on pilgrimages, but above all, seeking to listen to the inner call and follow my intuition. Honing the feminine side and listening to my intuition may have been the real goal all along, rather than changing my role, giving myself a new job to do, or even a new book to write.

This call to finding our core values or selves, and honour our inner depths, may lead us to leave behind certain roles or aspects of our selves. We may feel disoriented or lost in the maze of choices available to us and not know what we really want. I know many women in my circle have gone through this in their late forties and fifties.

What I have found is that creative process has been so helpful - whether it's by using journal writing, taking a class on fairy tales and myth, using ritual and ceremony, or making collages and using the symbolic language of images, we need to find a way to go beyond our rational selves, and get back in touch with our deeper longing.

This inner voice is often covered over by the outer world of busyness, or by guilt of not being seen as productive - which makes this confinement period a great gift - we may have less structured work time, more silence, more alone time, and more opportunity to reflect, and get a clearer picture of what the elements calling out to us are. If we choose to, of course. There is always the option to pig out on ice cream and chocolate, binge-watch shows on Netflix and zone out, which I also have resorted to over the past two months. Right now my hunger is for something real, something deep and authentic, and perhaps you feel that way too.

What I want to offer you is a path to regain strength and serenity from simple practices that help to tend the soul, listen to your heart, and find where your life is calling you. Sorting and sifting, like Psyche in the underworld sorting peas and beans, is an essential task. Making peace with the past, embracing all the parts of us, the fabulous and the flawed, are also important mid-life tasks.

Life is a process of growth and change. Little by little, we find new versions of ourselves waking up, or older versions and dreams we had forgotten being revealed. Paying attention to our lives requires we grow out of the limited awareness of ourselves as merely the 'roles' we play.  Learning that our struggles and challenges are great teachers, and that we have hidden allies on our side, will help us discover our dreams, our loves and fears and bring new self-awareness, as Bud Harris, the author of Sacred Selfishness says. SoulCollage(R) and journaling have both helped me redefine who I am, embrace all the parts of myself, the fabulous and the flawed with greater self-compassion.

I hope to offer an on-line class coming soon which will help us remember What Wants to be Born in You. It is never too late to dig deep and hear the call.

See my website for more information about what I offer and sign up for my newsletter so you can find out when this class will begin.  online classes can be followed by zoom from the comfort of your living room or bedroom; a circle of support created with you in mind.

www.jenniferboire.com

Visioning 2020 and New Starts

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings." - Wendell Berry

SoulCollage(R) card: Take a Flying Leap 

It seems change is the only constant. We are in constant flux, even those of us who rigidly resist change will grow older, lose loved ones, contract illnesses that force us to rest or review our lifestyle; we watch our children grow up and become parents, and if you are a woman, you could potentially even go through at least three metamorphoses from puberty to pregnancy and menopause, where your body transforms and you lose an old identity to become a new person.

Here we are at the start of a new year, and perhaps the whole month of January is a good time to revision what came last year, and what is coming ahead in 2020. Perhaps you are in the middle of a reevaluation, a reinvention or transition of some kind. Perhaps you are ready to take a leap, but have a fear of the unknown.

I seem to go through transitions regularly - in the early fall of 2019 I remember facing the new season with a certain amount of resistance. There were big changes in my role as facilitator that made me uncertain, fearful or just plain stuck, blocked. Something new was on the horizon, I hadn't stepped into it fully yet, and it felt overwhelming or just mystifying. Who will I be if I let go of how I used to be, or what I was doing before? Who will I become?

The creative process of SoulCollage(R) is a great tool for exploring these inner parts of self - to use the random intuitive side of the brain to choose images, create cards for them, and dialogue with them to find out what new insights or perspectives my inner wise self comes up with. Especially when I feel stuck, I am always surprised by the depth and wisdom my own psyche discovers. 

Looking back from this vantage point, the frozen dam got unblocked and a wealth of new connections were made, the energy I needed arrived, and the new year has begun with many new opportunities for exploration and growth. I did get some counselling help, which was wonderful, to be able to say out loud what had been simmering underneath. And my daily card readings helped clarify my relationship to some underlying issues.

What transitions are you facing? Is there something unclear, some unknown future beckoning to you? A change coming that you are resisting? At midlife this happens frequently - and according to psychologist Elizabeth Strazar, the midlife shift involves the awakening and emergence of the soul - a longing for creative inspiration, meaning-making and spiritual connection. Our deeper self wants to be seen and heard.

Come explore those inner parts of self and let them out to play with a creative process I love, SoulCollage(R), on Sunday, Feb 2 at the Yellow Umbrella Center in Beaconsfield, Quebec from 1-4 pm. We will find some allies, discover what our challengers are, and find some of the gifts hiden in the bottom of our travel bag. No art experience is necessary.

You will be amazed by the surprising inner wisdom that pops up with the use of your imagination, your intuition and selected images. The soul speaks the language of images. And you may find some inner guidance that satisfies you in this time of transition. 

SoulCollage(R) is the doorway to your inner wisdom.

see the link on my Home page under Events www.jenniferboire.com

Heart Focus card 

"Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don't get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It's a very tender, non-aggressive, open-ended state of affairs." - Pema Chodron

Here be Dragons: Transition Times, Facing the Unknown

SoulCollage(R) Card: Taming the Dragon 

“The human spirit is capable of an endless number of extraordinary feats. It is a dragon slayer, animating its presence within our being to challenge images and thoughts that arise from the depths of our darkness, intent upon reshaping how we see the landscape of our life.” -  Carolyn Myss

A few years ago, I took a class called Dark Gifts. I was intrigued by the title and ready to face my fear of writing the true stories of my childhood with a dysfunctional (but loving) family. I knew it was going to be scary, even though I had previously written a book of poems called “Little Mother”, and dived deeply in my journal for many years. But I also knew there was treasure to be uncovered in that dark cave.

At each transition point in my life, it seems, the dragons raise their heads and blast me with “thou shalt not pass here” messages. I am a brave and curious soul, usually, not reckless, not Game of Thrones kind of adventurer, but eager to understand my own processes and move onward and upward. Still, after the dizzying mid-life transition at menopause, I felt a bit weak in the knees, a bit less sure of myself, so this course beckoned to me.

Here’s the thing about dragons – what I found out when I asked it why I couldn’t pass (in a guided meditation), is that there was no good reason – and when I imagined my little girl self singing it a lullaby, the dragon actually lowered its hoary head and let me come closer. The tears that flowed from my eyes melted some of my own armour, showing me the true nature of courage; by allowing myself to be vulnerable, as Brene Brown says, more courage began to flow. It felt like a pivotal moment. (I’m still working on those childhood stories).

What I’m discovering with my creative practice of SoulCollage® is that the first step, after creating a safe space to play/work in, is to call in my allies and guides for help in facing the dragons. I have made several Protector cards, Wise Elder and Earth Mother cards, cards that feel nurturing and loving and accepting. I also have a few warrior cards, and a ferocious Mountain Lion who stands guard and protects my boundaries. Now I also know that my innocent girl child has a light and power that can fight the dark.

SoulCollage(R) Card: Mountain Lion Protector 

In the workshop I’m offering this weekend, called Darkness to Light, Navigating Transitions, we are going to name and claim our dragons, the boogeymen who say – Stop! You can’t go forward! There be dragons here!  And we will also find and name our allies. We have all been through many transitions in our lives, but in the face of the current transition or challenge, we sometimes forget the skills and tools we learned the last time around. For instance, most of us have survived a lot of challenges: we made it through adolescence, challenging relationships, illnesses, loss of a loved one, or a job change – but when we are in the middle of it, it feels just as scary every time to face the unknown, to be uncertain of the future. I remember Joan Borysenko describing it in a workshop on Change as being in the hallway, with one door closed and the other one not opened yet.  It’s normal to feel uneasy about what is not seen yet, and unknown.

SoulCollage(R) Card: Goddess Blessing Child with Sun and Water

This is why we need to call in our allies. We also need to name our challengers, pull the dragons out of the dark and ask them to speak to us, ask them: what is the treasure you are guarding? What gift do you have for me? What can I give you in return? There is always a gift in the darkness; hiding in the shadows is our gold.

Writing this article, I came across this powerful piece called Meeting the Dragon, by Robert Holden:  “’On the path of bliss you will meet a dragon. On the dragon there are many scales. Every one of them says ‘Thou Shalt Not’," said [Joseph] Campbell. The dragon may take many forms. For instance, a person who discourages you, who says “You can’t” and “You shan’t.” When I was 20 years old, I worked at a BBC radio station for the summer. I loved it. On my last day, the station manager asked to meet me. It was a short meeting. He told me I shouldn’t pursue my interest in radio as I didn’t have the personality or the talent for it. I burst into tears in front of him. What he said sounded like the truth; not just an opinion. This month marked the start of my ninth year hosting my Shift Happens! radio show for Hay House Radio. Not every “Thou Shalt Not” is true.

The dragon is, essentially, an inner experience. It’s often a self-doubt, a judgment, or a belief that breathes fire at you. One of my dragons is the “inner critic” that would roar at me when I sat before the blank page. Over the years, I learned to tame this dragon. Initially, I did everything I could to avoid it, to outrun it, to heal it, and to slay it. One day, I had a revelation. It struck me that the “inner critic” had never been published! I was released. The inner critic still roars at me from time to time, but it has no fire.”

This piece spoke to me personally, because I studied Radio & TV Arts for one year at university, but gave it up, thinking I was not the competitive type of person it took to make it. These days, I have the chutzpah that I didn't have at age 19.

While some people express and explore through words, others use images or dance, breathwork or yoga or any other expressive art to feel the fear, find their strength and glide around the dragons. No matter which modality you use, one thing I’m sure of, your spirit has more power in it than you know. Reclaim your inner resources, your inner wisdom and find your playful spirit of resilience. Perhaps you won't slay the dragon, but have a conversation with it. Use your intuition, your imagination, and most of all, use imagery and symbolism, the language of the soul, to get to the bottom of your treasure.

And of course, if it feels too overwhelming and difficult, consult a professional who can help you face your fears and move forward.

There may be dragons here, but there also be Transformation and Healing!

Playfully yours in creativity, 

Jennifer

Art Collage: Warrior Monk Flies down the Path with Eagle 

Mid-Life Journey Through the Wringer

One summer, while vacationing in Nantucket, I went down to the ocean with my teenage kids, to watch them body surfing and jumping through the 10 foot high waves. It looked like fun, my husband was joining them, but I hesitated on the edge, watching. In one brave moment, I decided to dive through a big wave and reach them on the other side, thinking I knew how, from observing them.

Wham! I was pulled under, rolled around and sent into a spinning topsy turvy roll, struggling to get back to the sandy shore. My husband held out his hand to help me, only to get thrown on top of me, as we rolled over and over, unable to stand or catch our breath until the Wringer was done with us. Once I got back on my knees on the sand, gasping for air, I pulled up my bathing suit, shook the sand out of my bottom, and walked shakily back to the cottage to lie down for a while, thoroughly K-O'd by the ocean's powerful waves. A lesson in surrender, and a full Neti saltwater cleanse at the same time.

Recently I was looking at a SoulCollage(R) www.soulcollage.com card I made called Transcendence or Coming Through, which shows a big blue tsunami sized wave, and a woman in performer's mode, arms up, as if to say, Ta-Da! I made it through in one piece.  Thinking back on my menopausal or mid-life journey, that is what it feels like now. Ta-Da! I'm ok now, I can breathe and stand on my own two feet.  Made it through! I know the mid-life transition can feel that way for some women. It's like a huge wave that sends you rolling, topsy turvy, no longer sure there the sky is, where the ground is, where your center is.

And make no mistake, you have to dive in to that wave, you can't really avoid it. But I want to reassure you, you will come out the other side, as long as you take time for yourself: lots of down time, slowing down to feel what you feel, taking notes, and allowing life to teach you whatever lessons it needs to show you. There's no point avoiding the work you need to do - there's no point shutting down your emotions, withdrawing from the process. This is major roadwork - renovations are underway. You are not the project manager, you are the house being renovated. Or so it feels like sometimes.

As Alexandra Pope says in her wonderful book The Wild Genie http://wildgenie.com/ you have to go down and in before you can come up and out.  Face the fears, the demons, give yourself some stretching time to be in your body, do some yoga or tai chi, let yourself write down what you need, allow yourself to imagine what you love, what would really bring you alive, get in touch with your wild feminine landscape - your inner creative fire. Don't fall back asleep - this beautiful transformation called mid-life is a wake-up call to a deeper, more authentic you.

You will make it through the wringer - find some friends to talk with, read all the books and blogs you can find, and perhaps even look into The Tao of Turning Fifty, written by a woman who has been through the wringer and now can say, Ta-Da!

musemother
https://www.facebook.com/Musemother
www.jenniferboire.com  free book excerpt and link to amazon.com

Women in transition

I just received the Kripalu fall catalogue, with workshops and classes listed - there are so many wonderful offerings for cultivating intuition, journeying to the self, awakening your feminine power, reflecting on spirituality and stress, healing emotional trauma, self healing, finding enlightenment and fulfillment, and kayaking and yoga, on top of it! (http://www.kripalu.org/)

But I didn't see anything specifically offering something for women in transition, or women in mid-life, which is where I am, and maybe some of you too.

What is this mid-life transition about? why is so fraught with emotional turmoil, ups and downs? It seems like it should be the best time of our lives - garnering more experience, more wisdom, more time for ourselves, if only we can give ourselves permission to take the time....

In my forties, my kids were hitting puberty as I was entering peri-menopause. The tug of war between their needs and roller coaster emotions and my needs and roller coast of emotions seemed to take up all the space in the house sometimes.  I often felt the need to just get away, so I could calm down and find myself again. It seemed like huge waves of hormones or emotions were always sweeping me away, pulling the rug out from under me.

I did find some herbal helpers, thanks to Susun Weed's wonderful book, Menopause the Wise Women's Way, (http://www.susunweed.com/) and finding Dr. Christiane Northrup's book The Wisdom of Menopause was another lifesaver - http://www.christianenorthrup.com/.  Reading that my brain was being rewired in menopause for greater intuition and inner wisdom helped me trust the changes my body and brain were going through. A few homeopathic remedies like sepia helped with feelings of overwhelm.  And eventually, I got through it, I made it through the other side of fifty.

That is why I am working on this book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, to share the wisdom and resources I discovered, and to let women in transition know that they are not going crazy, that it's temporary insanity at best, and that things will be better, much better once the Change works its magic.  You see, you do need to go through a transition, to become more connected to your own intuition, trust your inner knowing, and become that wise woman you always admired in other women.

Stay tuned for the book's publishing date, I'm working hard to get it out in the fall of 2011, as well as a new website which will link to this blog.

syonara
jenn/musemother