"I listened for the faint sound of my own true voice, buried far below all of my identities and roles and accompplishments, below my shoulds and my have-tos, my fears and my hopes.
..."Finally, slowly, I began to hear the voice of my deep womansoul crying out for a life of my own, pleading for a chance to discover my own unique song; to dance to my own choreography; to define my own purpose, direction, and vision, separate from what the world expected of me; separate from trying to be good and stay out of trouble.
I heard her saying, You are enough; just you, just who you are; you are good enough. You can stop proving it now. It's safe to come out; trust me, I will lead you. Trust this process. Trust that you are not alone." I Am A Woman finding Her Voice,
I just re-read this on an earlier blog posting, and can't believe this is still my theme! But I am putting it up here again today, to remind myself, and any of you who need to hear it, that now is the time to Listen In carefully for your own wisdom.
I am always too busy for this. Every day, I get up and meditate, ok, that's a good start, but my journal sits on the desk not used, my yoga strap waits on the chair for me to lie down and do some leg stretches, the list of things to do and things to shop for is right here beside me, and I managed to pay some bills and get toilet paper holders installed - but look at the time! 11:12 a.m. and I didn't manage to write anything in my journal, or sit and calmly listen for my own inner wisdom today.
When will I make time? If I don't schedule time for writing in my journal it doesn't happen. Or rarely, on a whim, once every two weeks. I am blogging more often, and also at http://www.owningpink.com/, which is a great place to find unconditional love and support, and read about finding your mojo. I've started editing a poetry collection, and I sent out copies of my Tao of Turning Fifty to friends for comments and feedback. So yes, small steps towards acknowledgeing my Womansoul.
Had lunch with a close friend from way back on Tuesday, and she is going through menopause. The thing that she misses the most is finding her own rhythm - needing time alone so she can find out what her rhythm would be like, if she didn't have to cook meals for someone else, oversee homework, be interruped in her creative process by house management details and daily stuff. She's a dancer, movement director, choreographer living the precarious life of grant to grant funding for projects, with no fixed income.
I thought her point about rhythm and being constantly interrupted was so apropos - finally at menopause you think the kids are big enough to handle breakfast alone, drive themselves to appointments (note: I had to interrupt meditation this morning at 8:15 to drive daughter to college for exam because my son was exceptionally not going today), and you think, I love my family, love my spouse, but I just need to find TIME for ME. It sounds so selfish. We are trained not to put ourselves first. But I think it becomes a necessity, and if you are a creative person even more so, to put yourself on the TO DO list.
Ok inner voice, I'm going to schedule you in, right now. And then I'll get to the errands, appointments, bills, and things.
sigh,
jenn/musemother
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