Menopause and Marriage, How to Help Your Man

Hot flashes, mood swings, dealing with emotions, (especially increased PMS), anger, feeling out of control - night sweats, flooding, sleepless nights...it's all a bit much to share as a couple. Poor men who have to live with us!

What can you do to make it a smoother transition time for all?

Menopause expert Susun Weed suggests two things: take a sabbatical (if you're a mom, not really possible) or  get away as much as you can. And talk it over with your family, especially your husband or partner. Let them know what you are going through.

Here's some advice form a Menopause Forum on-line:

You really do need to communicate to those around you so that they know that what you're going through is difficult, not in your control, involuntary, and not anyone's fault including them. Why be a saint? This is a time when you need SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING and all the TLC that you can get.  (Daily Strength)

I heartily agree. Going through Menopause may be a breeze for some small percentage of women, but for most of us, it feels like we're in the middle of a tornado, an emotional rollercoaster, and unfortunately the ones we love most are directly in the line of fire.

Taking time away was the most beneficial remedy for me - my mind was split and scattered in so many directions, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted, even in my marriage. It helped me to get away for a weekend retreat, or even just spend a day away from home, to think my own thoughts. It wasn't entertainment or distraction I was looking for, (although some women swear by Girls' Nights Out and alcohol or weed). What I wanted was a calm, serene environment, preferably with no loud noises, no radio or TV, almost a padded white room, where I could hear myself think.

Your husband will appreciate your newly recharged, serene self when you return. It's a wise investment in your couple to get away alone.

Ask for Help: My husband is not good at reading self-help books, so I needed to give him a resume of what the symptoms were, and what I was doing to help myself. Unfortunately, I had to break my leg before I was really able to ask for help. Then he got on board, made lunches in the morning, drove the kids to school, took them skiing on the weekends, and ended up spending more one on one time with them. I needed to step back from being Overarching Boss of Everything.

Menopause affects Momma big time, so naturally it affects the whole house. The best thing you can do is figure out what you need to feel better. If you suffer from severe lack of sleep, mood swings, depression, fatigue or burn-out, that just makes it worse. Get some help, see a women's health specialist, whether doctor, nurse or naturopath, and find out what's at the root of your imbalance. Don't blame all your symptoms on Menopause. If it doesn't feel normal, it's not normal. You can get saliva testing or hormone and blood tests, and get to the bottom of what is off kilter.Bottom line is, if you feel better, everyone will feel better: 

I do know this, at mid-life women are challenged with turning their attention onto them selves for a change. Proper diet, good exercise, a good night's sleep, sharing the work load with others, asking for help and not trying to be Superwoman will all help you cope better.

But do talk to your family. Let your husband and loved ones know that this is temporary, this is not You! And ask for their help and support. Don't shove it under the rug. It's time to have another kind of "Talk", the Menopause Talk.

take good care now,
Musemother/Jenn

ps a great article in the Globe & Mail Life & Arts page today. Fire and rescue in the marriage bed. 

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/