Five Gifts
of Pro-Aging, by Marcia Newman,
Balboa
Press, $11.99 US
Baby Boomers may have been at the forefront of many
liberation movements, (and there are 78 million of us in the cohort) but
currently, more and more women are succumbing to slavery of a different kind - to
a youth-obsessed culture: dying our hair, injecting botox, nipping, tucking and
otherwise refusing to accept looking our age. Author Marcia Newman had her own aging crisis one
day while looking in the mirror, and decided it was time to confront the fear
of looking like her mother by letting her hair go gray.
Newman’s work as a psychologist had also convinced her
that what women particularly need to do is to age consciously and comfortably, and
her intention with this book is to provide some tools for a happier, more aware
ageing process, mainly for women. Her chapters focus on the five gifts of the title: Authenticity, Self-healing (by allowing emotions to be felt), practicing the gift of Discernment, contacting
our inner Wildness and Collaboration with others.
Newman provides journaling questions throughout the
book, and a questionnaire to start off with, so the reader can assess and
confront the fears about growing older, and also discover the ways we exhaust ourselves
by taking care of Everything and Everybody. Part of learning a healthier
conscious attitude towards aging is in learning not to feel guilty when it’s
time to take care of ourselves. Living an authentic life, according to the
author, means that sometimes others around you may be upset with your
decisions, but healthy women are able to let go of the guilt. She offers tools to help women
develop healthier instincts and boundaries and manage their own high expectations
of themselves (and also release perfectionism and procrastination).
In The Gift of Discernment chapter, I especially liked
her description of the exertion/exhaustion cycle-- how women love to keep busy,
yet how this continuously drains our energy, because we never learn to use the brake,
only the gas pedal. She suggests journaling, and asking the body for a
dialogue, to check in and find out for instance, which warning signs you
receive when you’re heading for an over-exertion/exhaustion cycle. Two questions help the reader discern what their
level of energy is: what depletes you and what gives you time and space to
come ‘home’ to yourself?
It’s time to get back in touch with our inner
wildness, Newman says, stating that the inner Wild woman is weary from too many
choices, too many electronic gadgets, and having to be pleasant and nice all
the time. Her pro-aging consciousness promotes unplugging for half a day to get
back in touch with nature, and finding a place that makes you feel at home, to
let the mammalian side come out to play. More wildness includes allowing more time
for erotic intimacy. She quotes Gail Sheehy, author of Sex and the Seasoned Woman, who describes the spicy, seasoned woman as one who wants to live a full and passionate life over 50, and won’t settle for
less.
Facing the limiting beliefs, the inner ‘dragon’ or negative naysayer, and
taking steps to reduce its power over you, is crucial, according to Newman. She
offers steps for allowing the inner howl to come out, and find creative joy
again.
Bottom line in this book, ladies, is all about self-care.
Newman rightly says that creative ideas will flow when we nurture our selves,
and will also bring back more energy. Feeling more alive, less deadened, is the
antidote to feeling ‘old’. “The Universe
will remind us when we go down a people-pleasing, passionless, dead-end road
that we weren't in love with in the first place…..The gift of wildness will
always help you find a new open road.”
The only small off note in this book is the last chapter, The Gift of Collaboration, where I felt
the voice got a little preachy in that new-age way. I grow tired of
reading about The Patriarchy, especially when it’s capitalized, even if I agree
with her. We do live in an overly productive, always 100% on society, and suffer from “the competitive game of compare
and despair” as she calls it. I have watched one of the movies she recommends, The Burning Times, about the 50 years of
European witch hunting and inquisitions, but I’m not sure why watching the list of movies she recommends will help us be more pro-aging. It was the only chapter that felt like a
lecture instead of a helping hand.
Newman finishes on a high-note with some ‘feminine
(heart-based) principles’ to foster collaborative learning and leadership and a
Pro-Aging Women’s Credo.
“…we
don’t buy into the old aging stereotypes nor endorse today’s youth worshiping…
We
are responsible for our own wellness. …We are the lightworkers,
the
peace bearers….We appreciate and nurture our chosen tribe
…
We’ve always heard the cries of Mother Earth and are active participants in
healing our planet.”
I recommend reading this book and journaling
along with it, as you face the monster in the mirror, and the received beliefs
you carry inside you about aging. I also
believe the second half of life can be as vital and passionate as the first
half. Now, if I could only get used to seeing more gray in my hair…. yesterday
I swear I saw my mother in the mirror!
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