Summer Time

Good morning from the Cafe Aurora!

I have no internet connection at home, until my power supply cord arrives in the mail, so here I am at a cafe having a late breakfast and writing to you.

Had a great poetry reading the other night, reading a very emotionally strong and resonant poem, Birth and Death Mother. At least three people asked me for a copy, but since it's been sent to a poetry contest, I will hold off on publishing it here.

Summer time, day after Canada Day (see overthetopquartet blog next door for picture of our new shoes), singing with the quartet is fun and light-hearted, but I must confess I am glad to take a summer break.

I am taking a very inspiring retreat coaching class with Helene Van Mannen, retreatcoaches.com (look her up on facebook). Very very packed with good information, and I will be experimenting with retreats at my place this summer. We have a winning combination: the lake nearby, the big deck to do yoga flow on, a hot tub to relax those tense muscles, and an awesome group of women to share with.

It's becoming clearer than ever that this work is what is calling my heart, as well as journal writing classes for women.For those who have patiently followed my blog, in all its questing for meaningful work and where to put my focus, this is good news. No more whining and complaining from me about how lost I feel, OK?

It's been a long haul, I've had to be patient, and so I give all you fellow seekers in mid-life this advice: hang in there, write down your soul in your journal, keep asking the questions and listening to the answers from within, take chances and when you hear a call, answer it. Take baby steps and grow your confidence, and find an unconditional support person who loves you and will encourage you to say Yes when the call comes.

have a great long weekend,
musemother

Follow your bliss

Just found a box of candles I had ordered from zena moon and the one scented with strawberry says, Follow your Bliss.

I love that quote from Joseph Campbell, and the meaning behind it - do what you love and the money will follow.  It means taking risks, or feeling your way out of the comfort zone, often, stretching yourself into a new space, using your imagination.

But think how your life would be without it? Once I got some help in visualizing this from a counsellor. She had me imagine myself leading retreats, the faces on the women after finishing a restful creative retreat, the thanks they gave me, the way I felt. Then she had me imagine down the road a ways, perhaps a book tour, or a publicity tour of some kind, opening up the country, then the continent, perhaps the world to my retreats.

At the end of five minutes of visualization, I felt energized, alive, happy, fulfilled.

Then she had me imagine the opposite: if I stayed where I was, doing what I was, hiding my light, not sharing it with the world, cooped up in my little room, in a funk of mild depression.  What did it feel like in my body? my shoulders sagged, and my head drooped. Five years down the road, I was more anxious, withdrawn, depressed, and my health was deteriorating.  I had no energy, no vitality.  I surprised myself in seeing my mother's body in this future.  That's how she looks now.  A person who so gave herself to what was expected of her, that she lost herself somewhere along the way. I could see myself ending up bitter, tired, unwell, battling fatigue and depression.

Back to that candle - the sticker's on zena moon candles always have great quotes. This one says,

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it., Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."  Friedrich Nietzche.

Wow! I want to feel alive, that's what I want.

happy May, spring of all possibilities

musemother

What's Blocking You?

Winter is an excellent time to retreat, to nourish our inner lives, to withdraw and make plans, whether it be for a new project, a new garden in spring, a new writing schedule, or a new self-care program you want to begin.  Our energy is naturally centered near the hearth, near the warmth of indoors, at least for the solitary non-skiers amongst us.  My favourite activity is curling up with a good book beside the fireplace or a sunny window when it's minus 20 outdoors. The dogs and cats have it right - find a spot in sun, on top of a comforter or quilt, and nap.

But sometimes the lack of sun in winter can create a lethargy or winter blues in us northern climate dwellers. A lack of energy that translates into resistance to doing the creative work you usually love. Or from starting that creative project you've been dreaming about. Or maybe it's not that the lack of sunlight, you just feel blah and uninspired and blocked and you don't know why.

As I was surfing my favourite inspirational websites this week, I came across a post on resistance that really spoke to me. I have several writing projects on the back burner, and not sure why I'm blocked about getting started on the next stages, so I've been journalling about it, asking my guides for clarity. Here's the post on resistance, by Marjory Mejia.

Resistance:
"Are you feeling the pull towards expression but are encountering some resistance in your life? Do you wish you could do something you have always wanted to do but somehow you can’t get started? Are you afraid to fail? Scared of criticism? Do you doubt yourself? This is resistance, which can happen around anything and everything.


We may be tempted to see resistance as our enemy. As the Dalai Lama states, “The enemy is a very good teacher.” We can envision this resistance as a demon and start feeding it to satisfaction until it finally releases its grip on us and we reclaim this energy to do our work.

We can look at resistance in terms of forces of nature. Just like there is a force that is expansive and propels our blooming there is another that is shrinking and contracts our spirit. For all of you facing some blockages around creative expression, it might help to realize that all those fears are a measure of how important it actually is to do the work you came here to do.

What is waiting to be born within you? Can you nourish it this winter? Author Steven Pressfield in his book The War of Art, states that resistance is the block between “the life we live, and the unlived life within us.” Let’s not wait all our lives to start living."
posted by Marjory Mejia on Owning Pink.

What this may translate into practically is sitting down and doing some journalling around the question, why am I feeling stuck? or what is blocking me? how and where does resistance manifest itself?

List the ways you feel stuck, starting with how it feels in the present moment to be stuck.
Then add another column of What I want to feel - instead of feeling stuck.
and a third column of What fulfilling that want will look and feel like, practically.
(excercise borrowed from Writing down the Soul)

Ask yourself also, do I deserve to have a creative, fulfilled relationship with my work? Are you feeling a tiny bit unworthy or undeserving of help from the universe? Explore that feeling in your journal.

Do you value your work?  What came up for me this morning was how little I value the time and effort I put into my writing and teaching work.  I say I value it, but deep inside, I allow it to be belittled by my inner critic or pushed aside by other priorities.  I don't stand up for it.  I don't always make time for it, put it at the top of my list.

So, in facing the demon, accepting the lessons of what being stuck means and feels like for you, you may be able to turn it around into a self-nurturing moment of understanding.  With a little quiet nurturing of your soul/spirit, a little rocking of the injured self that feels not capable of advancing instead of beating yourself up about being lazy, you might just feel more open to getting started on something.

have a creative weekend, even if it's curled up the fire reading a good book,
enjoy
jenn/musemother

daddy bloggers enter the real world

"Taking care of kids is no picnic...it can be gruelling. When the kids are napping or late at night, it really kind of helps to get on-line and bitch or share stories."

Mommy bloggers? no, this quote is from an article in the Globe & Mail (http://www.globeandmail.com/ Lifestyles section Monday June 15)
about Daddy bloggers, lots of whom are newly at home because of the economic downturn. Bitching about childcare just got a masculine edge.

All of a sudden, these once upon a time important people with jobs are facing a lack of recognition, a lack of a way to measure their "own success" by promotions and raises. "Nobody's patting you on the back, nobody wants to take you to lunch," says Ron Mattocks, whose blog is www.clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/. Welcome to the club Clark, the super woman club.

I remember feeling this shock to the ego, inspite of the joy of having children, and wondering why things hadn't changed much since the 50's when my mother was staying at home with her kids. Millions of women have experienced this lonely transition to working at home, feeling like you've disappeared into a black hole, and millions have gone back to work because they couldn't hack it being at home full-time. Nobody said it would be easy, but men are now having a chance to experience what women have known for a long time. And they are smart enough to be building on-line networks to cope with the isolation.

Another recent article by Margaret Wente in the Saturday Globe & Mail asks where women's happiness went. Apparently women now have more power, better jobs, more equality, but we are less happy than we were in 1970. Ms Wente should read more daddy blogs. They're venting about the same issues, "you're used to networking within your profession and now you're isolated at home. There's nobody there except for two kids and you're breaking up fights, you're doing laundry and you're finding barbie doll heads clogging up the toilet." Article by Sarah Boesveld on Daddy Bloggers (http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/daddys-lost-his-job-now-hes-got-a-blog/article1180495/)

Men who stay at home with their kids at least are doing half of the job working women are now expected to do. Being a stay-at-home-most-of-the-time-mom myself and working from home, I have all the frustrations of the moms who work full-time and raise kids, but I probably get more sleep - at least I'm not doing laundry at 10 pm on a Monday night or spending my weekends catching up on housecleaning and errands. Happiness, for most modern mothers, would be having a cleaning lady come in once a week so they can enjoy their weekends. Having a wife would be even nicer.

I think that's why women are less happy. They don't have access to the free services of a wife. They have to pay to hire housecleaners, lawn and garden specialists, day care providers and babysitters, window washers and laundromats. Ergo, they forego these services unless they can afford to pay for them. And even some who can afford it would rather do it all themselves, even if it leads to exhaustion. Now I hope the women with daddies at home are getting more sleep and not feeling guilty that the men are carrying half of the load.

Women have been battling the lack of self-esteem and pats on the back for all the caring they do for a far longer time. Maybe having more men stay at home with their kids will turn out to be a boon for women and mothers. It may mean that the role of childcare, caretaking and house managing gets a boost in status, if more men take on this role. Or it may mean that the men who stay at home to care for their kids just lose status, get bored and return as quickly as possible to the 'real world' of perks, raises and bonuses. The end of the article on daddy bloggers states that he won't be a stay-at-home dad or "housebound" much longer - he's looking for a real job, to be back "being the primary breadwinner."

Does that mean his wife will go back to double time? doing the unclogging of toilets, driving kids to dentist appointments, and working full time? It doesn't say much for the real value of the real work parenting and housekeeping involves.

Either way, mommies and daddies are blogging about the ups and downs of being at home, while they're waiting for a 'real job'. One day, in my imagination, both women and men will agree that raising children is a very tough job indeed, and worthy of the highest recognition as a real job, if not the highest salary.

Meantime, let's welcome the dads into the blogosphere!

musemother