Kathleen, a recent reader of musemother, gave me a great idea today. So I am posting the resource list of books from my class on the Feminine Mysteries. It's been a wonderful journey of over twenty years of reading....so don't try and read them all at once. Pick one that appeals to you....sends a tingle down your spine...
Most of the books are either entertaining, informative and/or inspiring. I would love to hear from you if you have a book that should go on the list. (Most are non-fiction but I've included the novels that explore the world of the feminine mysteries in an evocative way).
Adam, Eve and the Serpent, Elaine Pagels (Gnostic Gospels)
A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko
Blood, Bread and Roses, Judy Grahn (how menstruation created the world)
Daughters of Copperwoman, Anne Cameron (Native Canadian myth/stories)
Descent of Inanna, Sylvia Perrera (in depth discussion of myth by a Jungian analyst)
From Eve to Dawn, A History of Women in the World, Marilyn French
Her Blood is Gold, Lara Owens
Longing for Darkness, China Galland, (seeking the Black Madonna)
Inanna, myths of ancient summer, Kim Echlin (poetry/story format with artwork)
Mary Magdalene, The Bride in Exile, author?
Menopause, Initiation into Power, Joan Borysenko (4 cd set from Sounds True)
Out of the Garden, Women Writers on the Bible, ed Buchanan and Spiegel
Pathways to Bliss, Mythology and Personal Transformation, Joseph Campbell
Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality, Linda E. Savage, Ph. D.
Shakti Woman, Feeling our Fire, healing our World, Vicki Noble
Sister Moon Lodge, The Power & Mystery of Menstruation, Kisma K. Stephanich
The Birth House, Ami MacKay (novel)
The Blessings of the Curse, no more periods? Susan Rako, M.D.
The Chalice and the Blade, Riane Eisler, * symbols in antiquity
The Change, Germaine Greer
The Crone, woman of Age, wisdom and power, Barbara G. Walker
The Divine Feminine, Anne Baring and Andrew Harvey (see website)
The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe, Myths and cult Images, Marija Gimbutas
The Goddess Obscured, Transformation of Grain Protectress, Pamela Berger
The Golden Bough, J.G. Frazer (A Study in Magic and Religion)
The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, Jean-Yves Leloup, translated from the Coptic. 2002.
The Great Mother, Erich Neumann, (psychoanalyst, lots of great photos of statues)
The Hebrew Goddess, Raphael Patai
The Heroine’s Journey, Maureen Murdoch (Woman’s quest for wholeness)
The Language of the Goddess, Marija Gimbutas
The New Book of Goddesses and Heroines, Patricia Monaghan's Llewellyn, 1997.
The Red Tent, Anita Diamant (biblical fiction, rituals described in pre-Hebrew times)
The Sacred Hoop, Recovering feminine in American Indian Traditions, Paula Gunn Allen
The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy (menopause)
The Secret Wisdom of a Woman’s Body, Pat Samples
The Song of Eve, Manuela Dunn Mascetti (feminine archetypes)
The Power of Myth: “The Gift of the Goddess”, Joseph Campbell
The Penelopiad, Margaret Atwood (rewriting of Odysseus’ return)
The Return of the Great Goddess, ed. Burleigh Muten (poems and artwork)
The Unknown She, Eight faces of an emerging consciousness, Hilary Hart
The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler
The Wild Genie, Alexandra Pope, The Healing power of menstruation
The White Mare, The Dawn Stag, Jules Watson (fiction, Celtic priestesses)
The Wise Wound Myths, Realities, and Meanings of Menstruation, Penelope Shuttle and Peter Redgrove Bantam Books, 1990The Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets, Barbara Walker
Understanding the Old Testament, Bernhard W. Anderson.
Urgent Message from Mother, Jean Shinoda Bolen
When God was a Woman, Merlin Stone
Woman at the Edge of Two Worlds, The spiritual journey through menopause, Lynn V. Andrews
Woman’s Mysteries, Esther Harding (Jungian analyst, written in 1930's)
Woman, an Intimate Geography, Natalie Angier
Women who Run with the Wolves, Clarssa Pinkola Estes,
Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom, Dr. Christian Northrup
Women of the 14th Moon, writings on menopause, ed Dena Taylor, A C Sumrall
Poetry:
In Her Words, anthology of poetry about Great Goddess, ed Burleigh Muten
Claiming the Spirit Within, sourcebook of women’s poetry by theme
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
back to school
It's not fair! it's still summer, the cicadas are buzzing, it's hot and the pool is empty. My girl has begun last year of high school (sec 5 in Quebec, Gr 11 elsewhere); my son has started 2nd year of Cegep (2 yrs of college pre-university). They've bought their books, and binders and pens, their favourite pencil leads, done their own laundry, shopped for new clothes (altho thank god the school uniform from last year still fits, and the shoes!)
My tall gorgeous daughter who loves to dance, doing all kinds of auditions, stressed about getting on to the competition teams in hip hop or jazz ballet....beginning an Ayurvedic diet this week to help her bones and her health.
My tall gorgeous son who is driving himself wherever he needs to go, buying his own textbooks, marvelling at the cost of things. Booking his own orientation counsellor appointments, figuring out his next steps, without much advice or help from us.
And I am at home, negotiating, organizing, getting estimates, approving prices, buying furniture, planning our first major move in 12 and a half years, since the beginnings of grade school for my son. Packing up the likes of a five bedroom house, and emptying all its cupboards (soon, very soon).
All I want to do is lounge by the pool, savour the heat. Fall coming usually inspires me into action, but the crisp cool days are not here yet. We are jumpstarted into fall with school schedules, but far from sweater and loafer days.
sigh, this menopausal cycle is spiralling me inwards and out of words.
I love my collages, the cards I am making, the pastel colouring I do occasionally. And I love looking at the clouds. The dreamer in me wakes. The sky is my companion. and the sound of Om resonating from my stereo grounds me and soothes my agitated mind.
too much thinking makes the system acid, said the ayurvedic consultant. OK, maybe singing, swimming and meditating will make me more alkaline.....
happy weekend,
musemother
My tall gorgeous daughter who loves to dance, doing all kinds of auditions, stressed about getting on to the competition teams in hip hop or jazz ballet....beginning an Ayurvedic diet this week to help her bones and her health.
My tall gorgeous son who is driving himself wherever he needs to go, buying his own textbooks, marvelling at the cost of things. Booking his own orientation counsellor appointments, figuring out his next steps, without much advice or help from us.
And I am at home, negotiating, organizing, getting estimates, approving prices, buying furniture, planning our first major move in 12 and a half years, since the beginnings of grade school for my son. Packing up the likes of a five bedroom house, and emptying all its cupboards (soon, very soon).
All I want to do is lounge by the pool, savour the heat. Fall coming usually inspires me into action, but the crisp cool days are not here yet. We are jumpstarted into fall with school schedules, but far from sweater and loafer days.
sigh, this menopausal cycle is spiralling me inwards and out of words.
I love my collages, the cards I am making, the pastel colouring I do occasionally. And I love looking at the clouds. The dreamer in me wakes. The sky is my companion. and the sound of Om resonating from my stereo grounds me and soothes my agitated mind.
too much thinking makes the system acid, said the ayurvedic consultant. OK, maybe singing, swimming and meditating will make me more alkaline.....
happy weekend,
musemother
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Harnessing the Power of Menstrual Blood
The Globe & Mail in Canada ran a story on the uses of menstrual blood for stem cell research. Click on link below:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080819.wstem19/BNStory/specialScienceandHealth/home
August 19, 2008 at 4:12 AM EDT
A team of researchers from Canada and the United States has taken an important step toward harnessing the healing power of menstrual blood. ...
Wouldn't it be wonderful if scientific research could demonstrate what native americans have known for a very long time, that menstrual blood is full of generative properties, life-giving and life-enhancing. Mixed with water and poured on plants, it apparently feeds their growth.
Instead of being seen through the eyes of superstition and fear as a polluting element, we can begin to study the 'blessings of the curse', as Susan Rako sub-titles her book, No More Periods.
"As yeast is good for dough, so is menstruation good for women." says a Talmudic scholar.
"Menstrual blood is the only source of blood that is not traumatically induced. Yet in modern society, this is the most hidden blood, the one so rarely spoken of and almost never seen, except privately by women, who shut themselves in a little room to quickly and in many cases disgustedly change their pads and tampons, wrapping the bloodied cotton so it won't be seen by others, wrinkling their faces at the odor, flushing or hiding the evidence away. Blood is everywhere, and yet the one, the only, the single name it has not publicly had, for many centuries, is menstrual blood. " Blood, Bread & Roses, How Menstruation created the world, Judy Grahn.
"Several Native American cultures consider women in menses to be at the HEIGHT of her powers. For instance, the Lakota tribe would not permit a menstrual woman anywhere near warriors or healers. They believed that menstrual blood was so powerful that just the presence of such power would weaken the strength of warriors and interfere with a healer's ability to heal. The menstrual blood serves to purify, to cleanse, renew, and it prepares the woman for higher spiritual accomplishments. The Yurok, and Lakota tribes practiced monthly rituals by retreating into MOON lodges with other menstrual women. There they celebrated the power of their menstrual blood.
SO, at the height of my power, through the ebb and flow of life, giving and life-sustaining blood that flows through me, I isolate myself from the mundane petty distractions and instead focus inward. Thus CALLING VISION for MY PEOPLE. Simple. Get it? Indeed I do feel more creative, more artistic, more insightful, and with each monthly cycle I become more in tune with my connection to nature, thus accumulating a greater store of spiritual energy. ERGO, when I menstruate, I don't see it as negative darkness or as a curse. Instead I prefer to view the process in a more positive, healthy attitude: it is a natural, sacred connection to the cycles and rhythms of the earth.
Menstrual blood is LIFE GIVING and LIFE SUSTAINING. There are also native tribes that would return the sacred life-giving blood back to the earth. They would sit over seeds and let the sacred blood flow directly on the seeds or on newly planted seedlings, which INDEED DOES give the seeds growing power. I add here to any who are asking, What? That is sick! NO, NOT sick at all. For an experiment I suggest using INSTEAD menstrual cups to collect the powerful blood into a jar. Fill the remainder of the jar with water then use the solution to water your plants. Be sure to use plain water on other plants for comparing the difference. IT IS AMAZING how powerful menstrual blood is. Of course it is NOT a good idea to disclose this to most people because our current culture has deemed MENSTRUAL BLOOD as disgusting and gross. BELIEVE ME, MY PLANTS are so healthy it is amazing. (taken from www.mum.org)
nameste,
musemother
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080819.wstem19/BNStory/specialScienceandHealth/home
August 19, 2008 at 4:12 AM EDT
A team of researchers from Canada and the United States has taken an important step toward harnessing the healing power of menstrual blood. ...
Wouldn't it be wonderful if scientific research could demonstrate what native americans have known for a very long time, that menstrual blood is full of generative properties, life-giving and life-enhancing. Mixed with water and poured on plants, it apparently feeds their growth.
Instead of being seen through the eyes of superstition and fear as a polluting element, we can begin to study the 'blessings of the curse', as Susan Rako sub-titles her book, No More Periods.
"As yeast is good for dough, so is menstruation good for women." says a Talmudic scholar.
"Menstrual blood is the only source of blood that is not traumatically induced. Yet in modern society, this is the most hidden blood, the one so rarely spoken of and almost never seen, except privately by women, who shut themselves in a little room to quickly and in many cases disgustedly change their pads and tampons, wrapping the bloodied cotton so it won't be seen by others, wrinkling their faces at the odor, flushing or hiding the evidence away. Blood is everywhere, and yet the one, the only, the single name it has not publicly had, for many centuries, is menstrual blood. " Blood, Bread & Roses, How Menstruation created the world, Judy Grahn.
"Several Native American cultures consider women in menses to be at the HEIGHT of her powers. For instance, the Lakota tribe would not permit a menstrual woman anywhere near warriors or healers. They believed that menstrual blood was so powerful that just the presence of such power would weaken the strength of warriors and interfere with a healer's ability to heal. The menstrual blood serves to purify, to cleanse, renew, and it prepares the woman for higher spiritual accomplishments. The Yurok, and Lakota tribes practiced monthly rituals by retreating into MOON lodges with other menstrual women. There they celebrated the power of their menstrual blood.
SO, at the height of my power, through the ebb and flow of life, giving and life-sustaining blood that flows through me, I isolate myself from the mundane petty distractions and instead focus inward. Thus CALLING VISION for MY PEOPLE. Simple. Get it? Indeed I do feel more creative, more artistic, more insightful, and with each monthly cycle I become more in tune with my connection to nature, thus accumulating a greater store of spiritual energy. ERGO, when I menstruate, I don't see it as negative darkness or as a curse. Instead I prefer to view the process in a more positive, healthy attitude: it is a natural, sacred connection to the cycles and rhythms of the earth.
Menstrual blood is LIFE GIVING and LIFE SUSTAINING. There are also native tribes that would return the sacred life-giving blood back to the earth. They would sit over seeds and let the sacred blood flow directly on the seeds or on newly planted seedlings, which INDEED DOES give the seeds growing power. I add here to any who are asking, What? That is sick! NO, NOT sick at all. For an experiment I suggest using INSTEAD menstrual cups to collect the powerful blood into a jar. Fill the remainder of the jar with water then use the solution to water your plants. Be sure to use plain water on other plants for comparing the difference. IT IS AMAZING how powerful menstrual blood is. Of course it is NOT a good idea to disclose this to most people because our current culture has deemed MENSTRUAL BLOOD as disgusting and gross. BELIEVE ME, MY PLANTS are so healthy it is amazing. (taken from www.mum.org)
nameste,
musemother
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
summer ease and rest
Summertime...and the living is easy :)
if I let myself go, some days I would just be as lazy and slothful as my cats sunning on the porch...
in yoga today, we held a lovely chest opening pose, a restorative pose, while lying on a bolster
it felt wonderful to lie there for many extra minutes, our instructor letting us dive deep, let the heart be opened, while she read us some inspiring lines from a book of poems
dive in and in
then at relaxation, I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper again, into a very peaceful resting space,
I did not want to get up, so I lay there while they chanted OM
I did not want to move, and it felt good to relax into this need for rest
It's been busy with the house/designer/contractor/quotes and decisions re our move in November to a new house so I haven't played this week with my mandalas, except to colour one in while practising a new song for the chorus. I looked at the soul collages and pasted some pictures in to the family committee card, but did not spend a whole morning with it, as I have been doing.
I love to sing, and when I feel deeply rested like today, then highly energetic, like this afternoon, no song is too high, or too hard to sing. Mardi Gras...he was there at the Mardi Gras....
so enjoy the blissful warm days of summer, even if it's raining more than usual, maybe the earth is cleansing herself, filling the coffers deep with that lovely, wet, resource.
enjoy the time you have whether at work or play,
dive in and in,
musemother
if I let myself go, some days I would just be as lazy and slothful as my cats sunning on the porch...
in yoga today, we held a lovely chest opening pose, a restorative pose, while lying on a bolster
it felt wonderful to lie there for many extra minutes, our instructor letting us dive deep, let the heart be opened, while she read us some inspiring lines from a book of poems
dive in and in
then at relaxation, I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper again, into a very peaceful resting space,
I did not want to get up, so I lay there while they chanted OM
I did not want to move, and it felt good to relax into this need for rest
It's been busy with the house/designer/contractor/quotes and decisions re our move in November to a new house so I haven't played this week with my mandalas, except to colour one in while practising a new song for the chorus. I looked at the soul collages and pasted some pictures in to the family committee card, but did not spend a whole morning with it, as I have been doing.
I love to sing, and when I feel deeply rested like today, then highly energetic, like this afternoon, no song is too high, or too hard to sing. Mardi Gras...he was there at the Mardi Gras....
so enjoy the blissful warm days of summer, even if it's raining more than usual, maybe the earth is cleansing herself, filling the coffers deep with that lovely, wet, resource.
enjoy the time you have whether at work or play,
dive in and in,
musemother
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Secret inside the Secret
just back from the Gaspe and a bucolic wedding at Lac Bijou, wee man-made lake with a tiny island and a bridge to the island. lit by torches at night, fairy like. the giant white tent with 3 peaks, big enough for 170 people, the dancing 'villagers', musicians and singers and talent, the family love, the huge heart-filled space we created as we celebrated my brother-in-law and his wife/love.
driving back 11 hours yesterday, it was sun and rain, sun and rain, huge banks of cumulous clouds, black nimbus, green marshes and flowers blooming along the roadside in clumps of yellow, blue, white and purple.
the St-Lawrence river by turns slate coloured or blue, shining or misty, curving or straight, and the mountains we drove through, winding and smooth-paved new roads easing our delivery back to Montreal
there are travel days like that when time is suspended, punctuated by french fries, doughnuts and iced cappucinos or Tim Horton's homemade soup....watching the Tudors on dvd in the back seat....or chewing gum to stay awake at the wheel
and the many stops for Mollie the shitzu mix to stretch her wee legs....
and now we're home, the pool needs filling, the flowers were watered by rain, but bedraggled, the wash is in the washer, smells of bleach in the kitchen and I'm here, writing about the return to normalcy after being suspended in a 4-day party mode.
what I want today is to travel deeply into the thirst for quiet that has surfaced, the need for re-collecting, re-vising, re-viewing, settling into thought and words again. the white room that is empty of all stimuli is not available, the chalet or cabin in the woods not ready yet, but there is this inner space, this separation from time and 'doing' and 'going', this place where I receive myself, sit and listen attentively and find out where and what the impulse is, the in-pulse.
Bella has reminded me of Rumi's heart-logic, so here's what I read just now:
Food for the soul stays secret.
Body food gets put out in the open
like us. Those who work at a bakery
don't know the taste of bread like
the hungry beggars do. Because the
beloved wants to know, unseen things
become manifest. Hiding is the
hidden purpose of creation: bury
your seed and wait. After you die,
all the thoughts you had will throng
around like children. The heart
is the secret inside the secret.
Call the secret language, and never
be sure what you conceal. It's
unsure people who get the blessing."
from Coleman Barks' the Soul of Rumi
I am hungry for the secret heart's revelation. Back to the bakery, then,
adieu,
jenn/musemother
driving back 11 hours yesterday, it was sun and rain, sun and rain, huge banks of cumulous clouds, black nimbus, green marshes and flowers blooming along the roadside in clumps of yellow, blue, white and purple.
the St-Lawrence river by turns slate coloured or blue, shining or misty, curving or straight, and the mountains we drove through, winding and smooth-paved new roads easing our delivery back to Montreal
there are travel days like that when time is suspended, punctuated by french fries, doughnuts and iced cappucinos or Tim Horton's homemade soup....watching the Tudors on dvd in the back seat....or chewing gum to stay awake at the wheel
and the many stops for Mollie the shitzu mix to stretch her wee legs....
and now we're home, the pool needs filling, the flowers were watered by rain, but bedraggled, the wash is in the washer, smells of bleach in the kitchen and I'm here, writing about the return to normalcy after being suspended in a 4-day party mode.
what I want today is to travel deeply into the thirst for quiet that has surfaced, the need for re-collecting, re-vising, re-viewing, settling into thought and words again. the white room that is empty of all stimuli is not available, the chalet or cabin in the woods not ready yet, but there is this inner space, this separation from time and 'doing' and 'going', this place where I receive myself, sit and listen attentively and find out where and what the impulse is, the in-pulse.
Bella has reminded me of Rumi's heart-logic, so here's what I read just now:
Food for the soul stays secret.
Body food gets put out in the open
like us. Those who work at a bakery
don't know the taste of bread like
the hungry beggars do. Because the
beloved wants to know, unseen things
become manifest. Hiding is the
hidden purpose of creation: bury
your seed and wait. After you die,
all the thoughts you had will throng
around like children. The heart
is the secret inside the secret.
Call the secret language, and never
be sure what you conceal. It's
unsure people who get the blessing."
from Coleman Barks' the Soul of Rumi
I am hungry for the secret heart's revelation. Back to the bakery, then,
adieu,
jenn/musemother
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Laundry and Writing
Canadian hero folds laundry
Today, CBC radio listeners have nominated Terry Fox as
an outstanding Canadian hero. May 10, 2004
Folding laundry, with quiet
determination
I understand that chaos
and its theory need to be folded and put
in its place.
That the poet and artist’s role
is to fold chaos and put order
into words is a given,
that the housewife’s role is
to fold laundry and put
order into her house
is a given,
that the poet/housewife has a role
and that both of these roles
are equally essential to the universe
for they promote order
over chaos
is equally true, thus
as long as there are housewives and poets,
the laundry of the world
will never be left in dirty piles
and the dirty chaos lying await
in the basements of the world
will be neatly cleaned and folded
one more day.
Today, CBC radio listeners have nominated Terry Fox as
an outstanding Canadian hero. May 10, 2004
Folding laundry, with quiet
determination
I understand that chaos
and its theory need to be folded and put
in its place.
That the poet and artist’s role
is to fold chaos and put order
into words is a given,
that the housewife’s role is
to fold laundry and put
order into her house
is a given,
that the poet/housewife has a role
and that both of these roles
are equally essential to the universe
for they promote order
over chaos
is equally true, thus
as long as there are housewives and poets,
the laundry of the world
will never be left in dirty piles
and the dirty chaos lying await
in the basements of the world
will be neatly cleaned and folded
one more day.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Back from New York, Books I've been reading
While in New York with my daughter, and without access to Internet, I actually lived day to day without blogging, without emails, without surfing the net. But thankfully, I had several new books with me, one The Cleft by Doris Lessing, an amusing and fictional account of the origins of a people who at first birthed only girls, and who gradually get used to seeing male children be born....treating them as misshapen monsters at first and killing them. She imagines a highly segregated society, with the men living over the other side of the mountain, brought up on deer's milk and learning to hunt, while the women live near the sea and swim and fish all day.
Another historical perspective was gleaned from Marilyn French's overview of women in From Eve to Dawn....a history of how women are treated, what status and privileges they enjoy (or mostly not) from prehistoric matrilineal clans to the creation of the major monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Fascinating and crammed with bizarre facts and treatment of women as virtual slaves without rights, this book is a must read for anyone wondering why it took so long for women to rise up and demand equality.
The sad thing is, our myths and metaphors, our spiritual narratives and origin stories do define us. They delineate what is 'normal', permissible and usual. My strongest reaction in reading these two books is how strong 'story' is for the human mind. In order to believe something is real, we need to have a story to lay it out for us, a beginning story. The original mother myths where women are honoured for their birthgiving and lifegiving powers are mostly buried under the father myths of origin. Who was Eve's mother, I wonder, knowing that Eve is a construct, a myth created to aid the subjugation of women. How undo the 'curse' laid on her, and bestow honour and beauty on the feminine mysteries once more?
All through the Marilyn French book, there are references to women mystics and our propensity for intuitive types of knowing. Another powerful book, Blood Bread & Roses, which I also had with me, posits that women's menstrual cycle is the basis for all ritual and religion, and even culture. It is a fascinating and plausible re-creation of the early prehistoric mind, searching for meaning and connection to the world outside it, but without the power of language to create meaning.
Women secluded themselves during their bleeding times for very practical reasons : wild beasts are attracted to the scent of blood and it is a life-threatening occurrence to be outdoors leaving a trail of blood behind one. Much safer to stay in the cave, but this creates a messy environment to share with children and men, so women created little seats or chairs to raise themselves off the ground and collect the blood, or they removed themselves completely into tents or huts made especially as shelters for bleeding women.
Women also tended to bleed together: this is known as entrainement. You've probably noticed if you live with other women that your cycles start to be in synch with each other. Women had more exposure to the moon, and no artificial light for thousands of years. So the link between their monthly 28 day cycle and the moon's was easily recognized and venerated. The first 'holy' sacred deities were moon goddesses. Women created elaborate rituals to protect their connecton or 'power' at this time and segegrated themselves in what became a kind of secret society of women (which in later centuries became threatening to men and considered witchcraft).
Women in native american cultures were often seen as having greater powers of Dreaming or having visions for their people during their menstrual time. And at least one modern author, Alexandra Pope, encourages women to use this enhanced sensitivity and cultivate solitude or stillness to create a sacred time for themselves, paying especial attention to their dreams and intuition. It appears that women do have special healing powers, when they allow their rational minds to slow down and allow the unconscious forces to guide them.
Of course, our rational scientific world and its emphasis on external proof of truth denies that there is power coming from within, or knowledge internally based without 'proof'. But most women who allow themselves to get in touch with it can vouch for its authenticity. In peri-menopause, many of us begin to weary of the solely outward focus of modern life and either experience nervous breakdown or simply a strong desire to be alone, to quit unsatisfying jobs or change careers, to allow this creative, healing power to manifest.
Have you felt the call? do you recognize that your menstrual cycle may be the barometer of your wisdom, your inner knowing? there are many good books now by women researchers and historians. This blog is my attempt at synthesizing this 'new' but ancient information.
happy reading,
musemother
Another historical perspective was gleaned from Marilyn French's overview of women in From Eve to Dawn....a history of how women are treated, what status and privileges they enjoy (or mostly not) from prehistoric matrilineal clans to the creation of the major monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Fascinating and crammed with bizarre facts and treatment of women as virtual slaves without rights, this book is a must read for anyone wondering why it took so long for women to rise up and demand equality.
The sad thing is, our myths and metaphors, our spiritual narratives and origin stories do define us. They delineate what is 'normal', permissible and usual. My strongest reaction in reading these two books is how strong 'story' is for the human mind. In order to believe something is real, we need to have a story to lay it out for us, a beginning story. The original mother myths where women are honoured for their birthgiving and lifegiving powers are mostly buried under the father myths of origin. Who was Eve's mother, I wonder, knowing that Eve is a construct, a myth created to aid the subjugation of women. How undo the 'curse' laid on her, and bestow honour and beauty on the feminine mysteries once more?
All through the Marilyn French book, there are references to women mystics and our propensity for intuitive types of knowing. Another powerful book, Blood Bread & Roses, which I also had with me, posits that women's menstrual cycle is the basis for all ritual and religion, and even culture. It is a fascinating and plausible re-creation of the early prehistoric mind, searching for meaning and connection to the world outside it, but without the power of language to create meaning.
Women secluded themselves during their bleeding times for very practical reasons : wild beasts are attracted to the scent of blood and it is a life-threatening occurrence to be outdoors leaving a trail of blood behind one. Much safer to stay in the cave, but this creates a messy environment to share with children and men, so women created little seats or chairs to raise themselves off the ground and collect the blood, or they removed themselves completely into tents or huts made especially as shelters for bleeding women.
Women also tended to bleed together: this is known as entrainement. You've probably noticed if you live with other women that your cycles start to be in synch with each other. Women had more exposure to the moon, and no artificial light for thousands of years. So the link between their monthly 28 day cycle and the moon's was easily recognized and venerated. The first 'holy' sacred deities were moon goddesses. Women created elaborate rituals to protect their connecton or 'power' at this time and segegrated themselves in what became a kind of secret society of women (which in later centuries became threatening to men and considered witchcraft).
Women in native american cultures were often seen as having greater powers of Dreaming or having visions for their people during their menstrual time. And at least one modern author, Alexandra Pope, encourages women to use this enhanced sensitivity and cultivate solitude or stillness to create a sacred time for themselves, paying especial attention to their dreams and intuition. It appears that women do have special healing powers, when they allow their rational minds to slow down and allow the unconscious forces to guide them.
Of course, our rational scientific world and its emphasis on external proof of truth denies that there is power coming from within, or knowledge internally based without 'proof'. But most women who allow themselves to get in touch with it can vouch for its authenticity. In peri-menopause, many of us begin to weary of the solely outward focus of modern life and either experience nervous breakdown or simply a strong desire to be alone, to quit unsatisfying jobs or change careers, to allow this creative, healing power to manifest.
Have you felt the call? do you recognize that your menstrual cycle may be the barometer of your wisdom, your inner knowing? there are many good books now by women researchers and historians. This blog is my attempt at synthesizing this 'new' but ancient information.
happy reading,
musemother
Friday, July 04, 2008
Knowing what you know as a woman
I find this book so comforting. It's a companion book to the Circle of Stone by the same author. There are times when we are beginning to birth something, a new idea, a new book, an essay or work of art, or even just a new phase of our life such as menopause, when we are unsure. And it's tempting to have someone else tell us what to do, what to think, where to go. It's easier to rely on outside authorities to shore us up.
But as Duerk says here, if we always rely on someone else, someone with 'authority', someone else will author our existence. We want to be our own authors. We want to spread our own wings, and for that, we need mirroring from a positive source. Often, in our birthing, we need the support of other women.
from I sit Listening to the wind:
"How might your life have been different, once, long ago, when you had worked very hard to know what you knew inside, and were ready to bring it forth....but were suddenly filled with fear and guilt and unable to express yourself...and you felt utterly alone? If there had been a circle of women waiting to receive you, eager to listen to your understanding of life.
If the women had known, from their own lives, that whenever a woman dares to bring forth the deepest meaning from within, she will be attacked by an old force inside, whose only purpose is to keep things as they are ...and the fact that those women existed made you feel less lonely.
And if the women had helped you, supported you with their warmth...and by the wisdom and daring of their lives, given you the courage to speak.
how might your life be different?
Judith Duerk
So, dear women reading this blog, take heart, take courage, and find that circle of women, in your community, in your city, or in your on-line community.
But as Duerk says here, if we always rely on someone else, someone with 'authority', someone else will author our existence. We want to be our own authors. We want to spread our own wings, and for that, we need mirroring from a positive source. Often, in our birthing, we need the support of other women.
from I sit Listening to the wind:
"How might your life have been different, once, long ago, when you had worked very hard to know what you knew inside, and were ready to bring it forth....but were suddenly filled with fear and guilt and unable to express yourself...and you felt utterly alone? If there had been a circle of women waiting to receive you, eager to listen to your understanding of life.
If the women had known, from their own lives, that whenever a woman dares to bring forth the deepest meaning from within, she will be attacked by an old force inside, whose only purpose is to keep things as they are ...and the fact that those women existed made you feel less lonely.
And if the women had helped you, supported you with their warmth...and by the wisdom and daring of their lives, given you the courage to speak.
how might your life be different?
Judith Duerk
So, dear women reading this blog, take heart, take courage, and find that circle of women, in your community, in your city, or in your on-line community.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Menopause Space for the heart
After all the reading I've done, and notes I've taken on women's initiation into menopause, and the passage we go through, I have come to a startling conclusion.
What I don't need is an intellectual understanding of the process. What i do need is to feel well in my body, mind and spirit.
What provides this most completely is to talk with other women in a group, in a circle, or one-on-one. Even writing this blog is a way of reaching out to other women who may be going through something similar.
I have a huge thirst to be heard and to be seen. It's a point of frustration for many women in their marriages, that women feel their husbands are preoccupied with their work, or with their hobbies and other concerns, and there is not enough 'dialogue'. We worked on this, my husband and I, in a weekend workshop on communication, and even practised the dialoguing for a few months before we fell out of the habit. It doesn't seem to come naturally to some men, to sit and open up, talk about their feelings.
Women on the other hand, usually love a good gab fest, and if they are able to drop down into the deep listening mode and allow the other person a chance to speak from the heart, a deeply satisfying communion takes place. We know each other's troubles because we have lived them too. We empathisize, sympathize and this energizes us, to share what we know, what we feel.
So what I want to offer to women is what I need myself - a space to be heard and seen. A space to explore my longings, my childish heart, the whims and desires of the lost little girl I want to free from her middle-aged cares and concerns.
I don't need to explain, theorize, discuss and debate. I want to encourage free self-expression and remind participants (if it's a workshop setting) that for this to happen we (I) need to button our lips, listen without commenting, and respond from the heart without judgment or criticism, resisting the impulse to give advice or tell the other person what we (I) think she needs.
What I remind myself, here and now, is that I don't have to have all the answers.
My brain is tired of facts, figures, statistics and medical information about menopause.
The best medicine for my heart is this lovely, deep, nourishing, satisfying, timeless space where there is room for the heart to speak.
I'll be away for two weeks, with my daughter while she attends a design course in NY. Will be retreating, treating myself to some soul collage work, some reading and writing time, and some space for the heart. Have a good summer, and be well.
nameste,
jenn
aka musemother
What I don't need is an intellectual understanding of the process. What i do need is to feel well in my body, mind and spirit.
What provides this most completely is to talk with other women in a group, in a circle, or one-on-one. Even writing this blog is a way of reaching out to other women who may be going through something similar.
I have a huge thirst to be heard and to be seen. It's a point of frustration for many women in their marriages, that women feel their husbands are preoccupied with their work, or with their hobbies and other concerns, and there is not enough 'dialogue'. We worked on this, my husband and I, in a weekend workshop on communication, and even practised the dialoguing for a few months before we fell out of the habit. It doesn't seem to come naturally to some men, to sit and open up, talk about their feelings.
Women on the other hand, usually love a good gab fest, and if they are able to drop down into the deep listening mode and allow the other person a chance to speak from the heart, a deeply satisfying communion takes place. We know each other's troubles because we have lived them too. We empathisize, sympathize and this energizes us, to share what we know, what we feel.
So what I want to offer to women is what I need myself - a space to be heard and seen. A space to explore my longings, my childish heart, the whims and desires of the lost little girl I want to free from her middle-aged cares and concerns.
I don't need to explain, theorize, discuss and debate. I want to encourage free self-expression and remind participants (if it's a workshop setting) that for this to happen we (I) need to button our lips, listen without commenting, and respond from the heart without judgment or criticism, resisting the impulse to give advice or tell the other person what we (I) think she needs.
What I remind myself, here and now, is that I don't have to have all the answers.
My brain is tired of facts, figures, statistics and medical information about menopause.
The best medicine for my heart is this lovely, deep, nourishing, satisfying, timeless space where there is room for the heart to speak.
I'll be away for two weeks, with my daughter while she attends a design course in NY. Will be retreating, treating myself to some soul collage work, some reading and writing time, and some space for the heart. Have a good summer, and be well.
nameste,
jenn
aka musemother
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monthly period alert
Clipped this out of the Globe & Mail, Canada's national newspaper:
heather Rivers, a student at the University of Chicago, has created a web site to help women keep track of their periods.
You can visit http://www.mon.thly.info to find out more. Here's a brief snippet from them about how it works:
You register on the site. Each time you start your period, add the date to your Mon.thly account, and it will use your history to predict the next time your cycle will start. This provides you with a record of your menstrual cycles, which can be an important addition to your medical history. If you want, Mon.thly will also email you a customized reminder before or on your next estimated start date.
It will help you predict your ovulation date, tell you what phase of your cycle you are in, calculate the average length of your cycle and your 'normal' date of ovulation.
Personally, I would use my own body as the sign for ovulation, using the mucuous method as explained on this site: http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/fertility-charting.htm
It's especially important in peri-menopause because, as my doctor told me, after age 40 your ovulation may occur any time after the last day of your period, not only in the 14 day range.
But what a wonderful idea to have your own menstrual chart on-line, with monthly reminders that you should carry some pads or tampons in your purse that week. Most of us blithely go along without recording the dates, without looking at the moon, or using any other system of remembering. It's the first step to getting to know your body better.
Check it out.
heather Rivers, a student at the University of Chicago, has created a web site to help women keep track of their periods.
You can visit http://www.mon.thly.info to find out more. Here's a brief snippet from them about how it works:
You register on the site. Each time you start your period, add the date to your Mon.thly account, and it will use your history to predict the next time your cycle will start. This provides you with a record of your menstrual cycles, which can be an important addition to your medical history. If you want, Mon.thly will also email you a customized reminder before or on your next estimated start date.
It will help you predict your ovulation date, tell you what phase of your cycle you are in, calculate the average length of your cycle and your 'normal' date of ovulation.
Personally, I would use my own body as the sign for ovulation, using the mucuous method as explained on this site: http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/fertility-charting.htm
It's especially important in peri-menopause because, as my doctor told me, after age 40 your ovulation may occur any time after the last day of your period, not only in the 14 day range.
But what a wonderful idea to have your own menstrual chart on-line, with monthly reminders that you should carry some pads or tampons in your purse that week. Most of us blithely go along without recording the dates, without looking at the moon, or using any other system of remembering. It's the first step to getting to know your body better.
Check it out.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Grandmothers invented youth?
Here are two reasons that evolution and women's cycles go together.
First, from a theory developed by Leonard Shlain, in Sex, Time & Power, Gyna Sapiens (or women) were faced with an “evolutionary quandary” 150,000 years ago: birthing babies with heads so big they could tear them apart.
Being creative and resourceful, human females through evolution, adapted to having a monthly menses. We are the only female mammal to endure such frequent housecleaning, and the only one to experience orgasm and be sexually receptive all year round. If the pheromones are not right or if the mood strikes, we can also deny a male sex (thanks to a brain that can override sexual urges powered by instinct and hormones).
Our new big brains required a lot of oxygen, and with women losing blood periodically she needed a lot of iron. Ergo, she needed her man to hunt meat. Man gives woman meat, woman gives man sex.
Probably it was a woman who first connected the act of sex to the cessation of full-moon bleedings, followed by childbirth. (and the first to create calendars by marking this on a deer or antelope antler). She would have been the first to comprehend what Shlain calls deep-time, the ability to look to past and future, linking cause and effect: ‘having made this backward-looking link between sex and pregnancy, she peered more months into the future and realized that she had risked her life by engaging in sex.’
"A woman might have been first to contemplate death and to realize its inevitability, but when the men were clued in, they refused to go gently into that good night. It became a man’s priority to protect and provide for his own offspring so that he might live on through them. In short, they became husbands and fathers and patriarchs to boot.”
excerpted and adapted from from a review of Sex, Time & Power: How Women’s Sexuality shaped Human Evolution by Leonard Shlain, which appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, written by Julie Mayeda , 2003
Here's another interesting fact about women's cycles: “Orangutans do not go into menopause. Chimpanzees do not need extract of mare pee. …Only in human females does the fertility program shut down years before death.” (Woman, An Intimate Geography, Natalie Angier)
Angier studied a tribe called the Hadza, from northern Tanzania, who are basically living as if they were still in the Stone Age. Here, the grandmothers help ensure the survival of young children so the mother can look after the newborns, by helping to gather food, clothe and protect, or babysit. Because of the long ‘childhood’ (until puberty, or age 13 on average) of humans, they need protection longer, and mothers need help, so they can forage, cook and clean. The grandmothers and aunts help not only their own grandchildren, but the children of anyone who needs it. Men’s hunting is not as reliable as foraging, and nursing women can’t forage very far, so grandmothers who are not lactating or birthing (in menopause) are crucial to tribe’s survival.
Besides which, the old wise women, with their accumulated knowledge of plants and dangers, and their long term memory, are a useful resource. “Before we could stay young, we had to learn to be old.” ie grandmothers invented youth. The brain could develop longer, because youth lasted longer, while granny fed the kids and helped mom have more kids, nurse them 2 years instead of 4-5 like chimpanzees, and the brains could grow and develop.
So there you have it, the case for menopause in evolution is that it frees up the grannies to babysit and forage for food, letting the human brain of babies grow for a longer period of time.
Wow, what a neat cycle!
see more articles on menopause (and poetry) at http://www.msmenopause.blogspot.com/
nameste
musemother
First, from a theory developed by Leonard Shlain, in Sex, Time & Power, Gyna Sapiens (or women) were faced with an “evolutionary quandary” 150,000 years ago: birthing babies with heads so big they could tear them apart.
Being creative and resourceful, human females through evolution, adapted to having a monthly menses. We are the only female mammal to endure such frequent housecleaning, and the only one to experience orgasm and be sexually receptive all year round. If the pheromones are not right or if the mood strikes, we can also deny a male sex (thanks to a brain that can override sexual urges powered by instinct and hormones).
Our new big brains required a lot of oxygen, and with women losing blood periodically she needed a lot of iron. Ergo, she needed her man to hunt meat. Man gives woman meat, woman gives man sex.
Probably it was a woman who first connected the act of sex to the cessation of full-moon bleedings, followed by childbirth. (and the first to create calendars by marking this on a deer or antelope antler). She would have been the first to comprehend what Shlain calls deep-time, the ability to look to past and future, linking cause and effect: ‘having made this backward-looking link between sex and pregnancy, she peered more months into the future and realized that she had risked her life by engaging in sex.’
"A woman might have been first to contemplate death and to realize its inevitability, but when the men were clued in, they refused to go gently into that good night. It became a man’s priority to protect and provide for his own offspring so that he might live on through them. In short, they became husbands and fathers and patriarchs to boot.”
excerpted and adapted from from a review of Sex, Time & Power: How Women’s Sexuality shaped Human Evolution by Leonard Shlain, which appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, written by Julie Mayeda , 2003
Here's another interesting fact about women's cycles: “Orangutans do not go into menopause. Chimpanzees do not need extract of mare pee. …Only in human females does the fertility program shut down years before death.” (Woman, An Intimate Geography, Natalie Angier)
Angier studied a tribe called the Hadza, from northern Tanzania, who are basically living as if they were still in the Stone Age. Here, the grandmothers help ensure the survival of young children so the mother can look after the newborns, by helping to gather food, clothe and protect, or babysit. Because of the long ‘childhood’ (until puberty, or age 13 on average) of humans, they need protection longer, and mothers need help, so they can forage, cook and clean. The grandmothers and aunts help not only their own grandchildren, but the children of anyone who needs it. Men’s hunting is not as reliable as foraging, and nursing women can’t forage very far, so grandmothers who are not lactating or birthing (in menopause) are crucial to tribe’s survival.
Besides which, the old wise women, with their accumulated knowledge of plants and dangers, and their long term memory, are a useful resource. “Before we could stay young, we had to learn to be old.” ie grandmothers invented youth. The brain could develop longer, because youth lasted longer, while granny fed the kids and helped mom have more kids, nurse them 2 years instead of 4-5 like chimpanzees, and the brains could grow and develop.
So there you have it, the case for menopause in evolution is that it frees up the grannies to babysit and forage for food, letting the human brain of babies grow for a longer period of time.
Wow, what a neat cycle!
see more articles on menopause (and poetry) at http://www.msmenopause.blogspot.com/
nameste
musemother
Monday, June 09, 2008
Preventing burn-out in middle-age
Over the weekend, I held my first retreat for women, Heart's Rest or The Power of Doing Nothing. Well, it's not true that we did 'nothing', but to our crazy minds bent on staying busy and productive at all costs, it may have looked like 'nothing'.
What it was, was rejuvenating, like drinking cool water from a deep well. Part of the pleasure was in stretching into our bodies, giving each other a light massage and doing some partner breathing - all of which slowed us down, brought us into the moment.
The other pleasureable aspect was sharing such fun and creativity with six other women. We danced, we moved, we played, we told our stories. We did some journal writing and collage to express "what we need right now" - I hope it was as much fun for the participants as it was for me. Especially to sit and talk in a circle about our needs, and about the need for balance, and try to discover what nurturing the feminine means.
One thing I want to provide with these mini-retreats is a safe space for women to explore their stuff, whatever that may be. I can see that the format and exercises will change each time, depending on the need or theme of the retreat. But underneath it all is the need for busy women to 'get away', for however short a period, and be alone, or be with other women who need to 'get away'. To acknowledge our need for leaving the house and family behind occasionally and filling our own cup.
When that cup is empty, we are at risk for burn-out, even if we are stay-at-home moms. I have felt close to that dry, arid, empty feeling that precedes the smell of smoke and actual burning out, and I don't want to go there.
I have also seen friends go through burn-out and seen how long it takes them to get their health, both physical and mental, back again. It's like a coiled wire that has lost its spring, no capacity to bounce back, no capacity to respond to normal stresses, always on crisis mode, always feeling overwhelmed.
So to prevent that 'frying' experience, what can we do? Simple things, but so hard to do. Like establishing boundaries - what my limits are, what I can do, and what I cannot do. Knowing when to say no. Knowing when the tired feeling comes and doesn't leave that I need more than a good night's rest. I need to get away, drop all my 'duties', and swim in the fresh waters of "doing nothing" so I can restore my imagination, pleasure in life, and creativity. I need a retreat.
Even if it's something small, treat yourself to a swing in a hammock, or run outside in the rain, do something fun and unexpected, drink your tea with your left hand if you're right handed, hang upside down from a monkey bar, swing, and pump your feet higher and higher, till you can see blue sky.
Let the world glimpse your girlish wildness, (see today's poem Trust, at http://www.wisdomforwomen.blogspot.com/)
and above all, listen in to your body's guidance,
have a great day,
musemother
What it was, was rejuvenating, like drinking cool water from a deep well. Part of the pleasure was in stretching into our bodies, giving each other a light massage and doing some partner breathing - all of which slowed us down, brought us into the moment.
The other pleasureable aspect was sharing such fun and creativity with six other women. We danced, we moved, we played, we told our stories. We did some journal writing and collage to express "what we need right now" - I hope it was as much fun for the participants as it was for me. Especially to sit and talk in a circle about our needs, and about the need for balance, and try to discover what nurturing the feminine means.
One thing I want to provide with these mini-retreats is a safe space for women to explore their stuff, whatever that may be. I can see that the format and exercises will change each time, depending on the need or theme of the retreat. But underneath it all is the need for busy women to 'get away', for however short a period, and be alone, or be with other women who need to 'get away'. To acknowledge our need for leaving the house and family behind occasionally and filling our own cup.
When that cup is empty, we are at risk for burn-out, even if we are stay-at-home moms. I have felt close to that dry, arid, empty feeling that precedes the smell of smoke and actual burning out, and I don't want to go there.
I have also seen friends go through burn-out and seen how long it takes them to get their health, both physical and mental, back again. It's like a coiled wire that has lost its spring, no capacity to bounce back, no capacity to respond to normal stresses, always on crisis mode, always feeling overwhelmed.
So to prevent that 'frying' experience, what can we do? Simple things, but so hard to do. Like establishing boundaries - what my limits are, what I can do, and what I cannot do. Knowing when to say no. Knowing when the tired feeling comes and doesn't leave that I need more than a good night's rest. I need to get away, drop all my 'duties', and swim in the fresh waters of "doing nothing" so I can restore my imagination, pleasure in life, and creativity. I need a retreat.
Even if it's something small, treat yourself to a swing in a hammock, or run outside in the rain, do something fun and unexpected, drink your tea with your left hand if you're right handed, hang upside down from a monkey bar, swing, and pump your feet higher and higher, till you can see blue sky.
Let the world glimpse your girlish wildness, (see today's poem Trust, at http://www.wisdomforwomen.blogspot.com/)
and above all, listen in to your body's guidance,
have a great day,
musemother
Monday, June 02, 2008
Mothers and Daughters Sex Talk 101
How many times have you wished you could broach the topic of sex with your teenaged daughter, only to shy away at the last minute, or have her give you the yucky face and walk out of the room if you bring it up.
Here are some salient points from Mother-Daughter Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup, (chapter on Love and sex, Aphrodite Rising) which may make it easier.
“The good news is that whenever a mother has the courage to heal the unhealthy patterns in her own life, her daughter is likely to benefit as well. What it may have taken a mother half a lifetime to become conscious of, her daughter may learn in a much shorter period of time.” all quotes from Mother Daughter Wisdom
“Good self-esteem sets the stage for healthy relationships with boys --and everyone else!”
Good advice: “If a guy tells you he needs you and can’t live without you, run the other way!”
Wisdom Challenge: Make sure your daughter is protected from STDs or pregnancy; if you are not ready to talk about it openly yourself, make sure she is given the necessary information and protection (whenever she asks for it) by her doctor.
Knowledge is Power: Teens need to know about their own fertility cycle, not just about condoms and birth control. i.e. when pregnancy is most likely to occur.
“A good first step in helping your daughter understand the way in which her sexual being is ultimately an expression of the divine life force is through a discussion of her menstrual cycle. By the age of fourteen most girls will be quite familiar with the mechanics of the cycle- though it’s always good to review it with them, for example when in the cycle they ovulate, for how long do they remain fertile, and so forth. But beyond the mechanics, you need to make sure they know something about the meaning of the menstrual cycle.
“The life force that governs the menstrual cycle is the same life force that governs the waxing and the waning of the moon and the ebb and flow of the tides.” Our bodies are part of this miracle.
Northrup says, the menstrual cycle governs the flow not only of bodily fluids but also of mood and creativity. One thing a conscious mom can do is to encourage her daughter to observe how she feels at different times during her cycle, emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. For example, she may notice that her energy, creativity and libido are full speed ahead at ovulation. And she may notice that she becomes far more inward and introspective just before her period is due.
This mirrors the creative process – at times we have high energy versus down times to incubate a project. Following her cycle will help her develop trust and respect for her body by paying attention to inner processes.
Feeling Safe: Let her know that her body is her own and that oral sex is sex.
“A girl needs to understand that her self-worth cannot be enhanced in any sustainable way by engaging in sexual activity with a partner who has only a physical connection with her.”
Tell her not to let herself be pressured to have sex just to gain status. “Girls may think they’re proving themselves the equals of boys by emulating them in their sexual behavior, ….[but] this culture values males more highly than females”. Our culture still treats females with loose sexual behaviour as ‘ho’s.
Oral sex is degrading for girls, since it is not usually reciprocal. Instead, it’s seen as a service girls provide for boys – what are they getting in return? Fleeting attention of a boy and an increased risk of STD’s. (The recent rise in STD’s among teens is due in part to increase in oral sex practices). The double standard is alive and well.
On the positive side, girls need to know healthy ways of dealing with sexual impulses.
They should not be taught to feel guilty about their sexual desires. Self-pleasuring is a safe and effective way for girls to deal with sexual energy, until a loving committed sexual relationship comes along. Orgasm is good for her bodily health and vitality. This same life force can also express itself in art, music, literature, scientific breakthroughs and doing good works.
Overview: What all Adolescent Girls need to know about Sex:
How to value themselves and their bodies, including their capacity for pleasure
The sexuality-spirituality connection of the feminine cycle
The facts about both male and female sexual anatomy
The facts about how to prevent pregnancy and protect oneself against sexually transmitted disease.
Some interesting statistics from a study in New Zealand:
The average age for first sexual intercourse was sixteen
54 % of women wish they had waited longer.
Curiosity was the main reason for virginity loss in 27 % of women and 35% of men.
7 % of women felt forced into their first experience.
15% of women were in love at the time.
10% of women and men admitted to being a little drunk at the time.
30% of women said the act was ‘on the spur of the moment’.
This certainly reflects my own teen-aged experience : lots of peer pressure, curiosity, fuelled by wanting to not be 'square', and a little too much alcohol. I highly recommend this book for every mother wanting to understand her relationship with her daughter.
Help your daughter be prepared. Arm her with knowledge, and if it's appropriate share your own stories with her.
nameste,
musemother
Here are some salient points from Mother-Daughter Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup, (chapter on Love and sex, Aphrodite Rising) which may make it easier.
“The good news is that whenever a mother has the courage to heal the unhealthy patterns in her own life, her daughter is likely to benefit as well. What it may have taken a mother half a lifetime to become conscious of, her daughter may learn in a much shorter period of time.” all quotes from Mother Daughter Wisdom
“Good self-esteem sets the stage for healthy relationships with boys --and everyone else!”
Good advice: “If a guy tells you he needs you and can’t live without you, run the other way!”
Wisdom Challenge: Make sure your daughter is protected from STDs or pregnancy; if you are not ready to talk about it openly yourself, make sure she is given the necessary information and protection (whenever she asks for it) by her doctor.
Knowledge is Power: Teens need to know about their own fertility cycle, not just about condoms and birth control. i.e. when pregnancy is most likely to occur.
“A good first step in helping your daughter understand the way in which her sexual being is ultimately an expression of the divine life force is through a discussion of her menstrual cycle. By the age of fourteen most girls will be quite familiar with the mechanics of the cycle- though it’s always good to review it with them, for example when in the cycle they ovulate, for how long do they remain fertile, and so forth. But beyond the mechanics, you need to make sure they know something about the meaning of the menstrual cycle.
“The life force that governs the menstrual cycle is the same life force that governs the waxing and the waning of the moon and the ebb and flow of the tides.” Our bodies are part of this miracle.
Northrup says, the menstrual cycle governs the flow not only of bodily fluids but also of mood and creativity. One thing a conscious mom can do is to encourage her daughter to observe how she feels at different times during her cycle, emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. For example, she may notice that her energy, creativity and libido are full speed ahead at ovulation. And she may notice that she becomes far more inward and introspective just before her period is due.
This mirrors the creative process – at times we have high energy versus down times to incubate a project. Following her cycle will help her develop trust and respect for her body by paying attention to inner processes.
Feeling Safe: Let her know that her body is her own and that oral sex is sex.
“A girl needs to understand that her self-worth cannot be enhanced in any sustainable way by engaging in sexual activity with a partner who has only a physical connection with her.”
Tell her not to let herself be pressured to have sex just to gain status. “Girls may think they’re proving themselves the equals of boys by emulating them in their sexual behavior, ….[but] this culture values males more highly than females”. Our culture still treats females with loose sexual behaviour as ‘ho’s.
Oral sex is degrading for girls, since it is not usually reciprocal. Instead, it’s seen as a service girls provide for boys – what are they getting in return? Fleeting attention of a boy and an increased risk of STD’s. (The recent rise in STD’s among teens is due in part to increase in oral sex practices). The double standard is alive and well.
On the positive side, girls need to know healthy ways of dealing with sexual impulses.
They should not be taught to feel guilty about their sexual desires. Self-pleasuring is a safe and effective way for girls to deal with sexual energy, until a loving committed sexual relationship comes along. Orgasm is good for her bodily health and vitality. This same life force can also express itself in art, music, literature, scientific breakthroughs and doing good works.
Overview: What all Adolescent Girls need to know about Sex:
How to value themselves and their bodies, including their capacity for pleasure
The sexuality-spirituality connection of the feminine cycle
The facts about both male and female sexual anatomy
The facts about how to prevent pregnancy and protect oneself against sexually transmitted disease.
Some interesting statistics from a study in New Zealand:
The average age for first sexual intercourse was sixteen
54 % of women wish they had waited longer.
Curiosity was the main reason for virginity loss in 27 % of women and 35% of men.
7 % of women felt forced into their first experience.
15% of women were in love at the time.
10% of women and men admitted to being a little drunk at the time.
30% of women said the act was ‘on the spur of the moment’.
This certainly reflects my own teen-aged experience : lots of peer pressure, curiosity, fuelled by wanting to not be 'square', and a little too much alcohol. I highly recommend this book for every mother wanting to understand her relationship with her daughter.
Help your daughter be prepared. Arm her with knowledge, and if it's appropriate share your own stories with her.
nameste,
musemother
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The true measure of success
(c) Free nature photos
Just got an email from Hay House promoting a book about success.
"Success is not about driving yourself harder; it is about letting go of what blocks your heart," writes Robert Holden, author of Success Intelligence.
In my on-going search for the best use of my talents, I have recently decided to offer a retreat for women called "Heart's Rest, The Power of Doing Nothing". My heart and soul have been telling me ever since I hit menopause that writing poetry and trying to get published in a literary environment was no longer fulfilling me. But I wasn't sure of the next step.
Today, I visited a new Yoga Space, called H-OM, near Montreal. Standing there in the middle of the wooden floor, basking in the reflective colours of red-orange on the walls (my favourite colour), I whispered to myself, This is what I want to do. This is where I want to be.
I am not a yoga teacher, nor do I want to be one. But I fervently want and need to rest, to create space for my heart and soul, to stretch and move my body to inspiring music, and do writing exercises that allow me to reach inside to where my authentic self lies and dialogue with me. And to share this with other women needing the same thing.
So, the path widens, or at least becomes a little clearer. I am finding Home.
There is one home, of course, that I carry with me, within me, and every time I flounder and look for direction, I can use the homing device that's built in to find my way back. To ground myself, get centered, find the comfort of peace inside. But to know what and where I want to manifest that peaceful feeling in the world is a big peace of my mid-life puzzle. It's all coming into place, and I remind myself once again, I am OK. I have everything I need.
It seems that little steps are all that is asked of me, or all that I ask of myself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Stop and rest by the side of the path anytime I am confused. Sleep in, take a nap, trust that the path unfolding is the right one. That if my heart and mind are aligned, and my body is well taken care of, and the compass points towards Home, all is well.
My path is not in striving, nor in pushing myself harder towards some semblance of 'success'. The success I am looking for is the one that smacks of comfort, of being here now, of acceptance of myself exactly how I am in this moment. I am not a high diver, I am not an adventurous person or risk taker, but I can take small risks - small steps into the Unknown, and make success from the heart real.
Making the Unknown Known, my mission.
nameste,
jenn
Monday, May 26, 2008
Designed for joy
Someone told me, look within.
Someone showed me where to look.
Someone, a beautiful someone, makes sure I get lots of reminders
of my true design, true address of home.
To see video, Designed for Joy click: http://wordsofpeace.com/new.html
have a great day,
Jennifer
Someone showed me where to look.
Someone, a beautiful someone, makes sure I get lots of reminders
of my true design, true address of home.
To see video, Designed for Joy click: http://wordsofpeace.com/new.html
have a great day,
Jennifer
Friday, May 23, 2008
Nebulous thoughts and feelings
Middle of the night, sleepless (again!) and wildly thinking, thinking, thinking.
Ok, it was too much wine, a very rich dinner at a gala event, and my liver on overload that woke me up.
But the subject of my thoughts was something I am not sure I can put into words. I'm reading a book called The Heroine's Journey, which is awakening all kinds of recognition in me, about this quest or journey of finding wholeness.
For the longest time, underground or under my conscious awareness, there has been a desire to stop all outer influences, and spend time with myself. I imagined it as a white room, bare of colour and all distractions. A space to recover and discover who I am.
As a mother of two teenagers, one dog and two cats, living that way has not really been an option, but as I have described elsewhere on this blog, I do get time away as often as I can, on retreat or with my chorus, for a weekend or as long as 10 days, if I'm travelling afar.
But in spite of feeling satisfied with my surface life, underneath, this niggling feeling is still there, and in the middle of the night it returned. What if I could just shut off the outside world? what if I could take a sabbatical from being 'mom'? And what if I don't want to be a wife anymore either?
It's terrifying to consider this much change, and let me reassure friends and family reading this that I am not leaving my family. It's the roles I want to leave behind. I want to honour this call from within, this ever growing need to sever the connection with my 'servant self' as I want to call the part of me that puts everyone else's agendas first. Usually it's innocuous: a birthday party, a gala supper, a social event we've planned for, but over time, it bends me and shapes me into a person I'm not sure I want to be anymore.
My inner critic's voice is saying, but you can't cut off all ties, you can't live as if you are alone, you can't be selfish, the utmost mortal sin for a woman.
Something in me wants to let the wild in, let the spontaneous expression of my soul out. I don't know how, I don't know where it will lead me, but its discomfort is causing me to quest for time alone, to discover what I need. To be my own person, to be authentic, to be able to respond from within instead of relying on societal convention to guide my behaviour.
In my journal I wrote:
I am releasing old self-doubt. I am calling on self-confidence to help me move forward. I am a fox, invisible in my lair, observing the hunters on horseback as they search for me. I am a bat, hanging in this dark stillness, moist air cool and musty. Wings folded close together over my heart. Eyes closed, resting, restlessness fading, twitching eyelids, feet. Prayer-like, the way hands are folded at the heart. Dreaming a vision of what I want to be."
I remind myself, I am OK, I have everything I need. Release the need for struggle and suffering. Be well. Be well. be well.
And I continue to journey towards knowing.
nameste,
musemother
Ok, it was too much wine, a very rich dinner at a gala event, and my liver on overload that woke me up.
But the subject of my thoughts was something I am not sure I can put into words. I'm reading a book called The Heroine's Journey, which is awakening all kinds of recognition in me, about this quest or journey of finding wholeness.
For the longest time, underground or under my conscious awareness, there has been a desire to stop all outer influences, and spend time with myself. I imagined it as a white room, bare of colour and all distractions. A space to recover and discover who I am.
As a mother of two teenagers, one dog and two cats, living that way has not really been an option, but as I have described elsewhere on this blog, I do get time away as often as I can, on retreat or with my chorus, for a weekend or as long as 10 days, if I'm travelling afar.
But in spite of feeling satisfied with my surface life, underneath, this niggling feeling is still there, and in the middle of the night it returned. What if I could just shut off the outside world? what if I could take a sabbatical from being 'mom'? And what if I don't want to be a wife anymore either?
It's terrifying to consider this much change, and let me reassure friends and family reading this that I am not leaving my family. It's the roles I want to leave behind. I want to honour this call from within, this ever growing need to sever the connection with my 'servant self' as I want to call the part of me that puts everyone else's agendas first. Usually it's innocuous: a birthday party, a gala supper, a social event we've planned for, but over time, it bends me and shapes me into a person I'm not sure I want to be anymore.
My inner critic's voice is saying, but you can't cut off all ties, you can't live as if you are alone, you can't be selfish, the utmost mortal sin for a woman.
Something in me wants to let the wild in, let the spontaneous expression of my soul out. I don't know how, I don't know where it will lead me, but its discomfort is causing me to quest for time alone, to discover what I need. To be my own person, to be authentic, to be able to respond from within instead of relying on societal convention to guide my behaviour.
In my journal I wrote:
I am releasing old self-doubt. I am calling on self-confidence to help me move forward. I am a fox, invisible in my lair, observing the hunters on horseback as they search for me. I am a bat, hanging in this dark stillness, moist air cool and musty. Wings folded close together over my heart. Eyes closed, resting, restlessness fading, twitching eyelids, feet. Prayer-like, the way hands are folded at the heart. Dreaming a vision of what I want to be."
I remind myself, I am OK, I have everything I need. Release the need for struggle and suffering. Be well. Be well. be well.
And I continue to journey towards knowing.
nameste,
musemother
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Anger and Menopause
Before having children, I was not aware of all the anger simmering inside. If it was ever provoked, it came out in tears. A situation at work or in a relationship could make me feel helpless, teary, overwhelmed, but not like hitting someone or yelling.
Once children came along the floodgates were opened. All kinds of emotions rose to the surface, comfortable happy giddy, or irritable, cranky and angry. Was it because of the hormone release in childbirth? was it because there were now vulnerable small people to take care of and I had no idea how to deal with their crying fits or tantrums? their obvious disregard for my needs? or simply because my own emotions were so raw from lack of sleep, nursing babies, being on call 24-7?
For whatever reason, it was always a shock to see my anger burst out, to find myself slamming cupboard doors, or needing to take a brisk walk around the block, get out of the house, let off steam. It felt even worse when I saw a white handprint on my 2 year old's red behind.
I needed to find out more about anger. I was part of a Babysitting Coop and Moms and tots group that welcomed speakers, so I found a psychologist to speak to us. She described anger as an iceberg, with sadness underneath the surface of the water. I saw a therapist at the university where I taught part-time and began to uncover the legacy of emotional hurts from childhood and the connection to mothering. A book was born along the way, "Little Mother".
A pattern emerged. It seemed that 3 days before menstruating, emotions were definitely peaking. As I grew closer to menopause, my episodes of PMS grew longer, more intense. I especially felt bad when I would blow up for no good reason, some small disregard of 'rules' or schedules by the children, now pre-teens. After one particular shrieking incident where I lost it completely, I began to see a family counsellor again, for help in dealing with my emotional overload. My father had just died and I was two years away from complete menopause.
Now, in reading about peri-menopause, I find references to anger as being a signal from our inner wisdom. I found another speaker on PMS, who also describes it in these terms, as an ally, a messenger, a loud voice that won't be shushed, uncovering the wounds and slights that I have shoved under the carpet the rest of the month. It's the way my inner self calls out for attention.
Instead of giving in to anger, or allowing it to control my relationships, I want to find out what is underneath these uncomfortable feelings, because although the outburts are less frequent, my children still receive the brunt of it, now that they are teens and mood swings are affecting all of us. Here is why it's important to act:
"Your emotions are your inner guidance system. Your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs have a most profound effect on your health", says Dr. Christiane Northrup. "Listen to your anger, discover the underlying issues and take action or it may turn inward and cause depression - a risk factor for heart disease, cancer and osteoporosis." (Wisdom of Menopause)
If I don't learn to speak up about what is bugging me, if I avoid conflict and confrontation and act like a people pleaser to keep harmony and balance in the household, if I allow myself to 'do too much for others', it always backfires and ends up exploding out of me anyway. Or I feel sad and not listened to, like I have no voice. This is no one's fault but mine. It estranges me from the people I want to be close to.
When I am courageous and say what I feel, when I stop hiding my real emotions from others, and simply state what I need in a non-threatening tone, I am surprised by the change this provokes in others. We find a closeness, a connection that is nourishing. It may be that my programming for serving others first gets in the way of my truth-speaking. Maybe I can let go of 'feeling selfish' about staying in bed one morning instead of getting up to make coffee and toast for fully grown people who know how to work the coffee machine and the toaster....
There are so many ways I want to practice being true to myself, allowing myself to feel what I feel. In this role of 'housewife' and mother that I am growing out of....in the perfectionist attitude that doesn't allow me to focus on my own work because I might be a bad mother....in the limiting belief that my joy, my expression of creativity is less important because it doesn't bring in as much money.
Menopause has taught me a lot about myself. It is the 'mother of all wake-up calls' as Dr. Northrup puts it. The emerging self is crying out for its own needs to be met. The solution is to learn to take better care of myself, find a balance between caring for others and caring for me.
"In truth, you are being urged, biologically, to pause from everyone - from mankind in general - in order to do important work on yourself.... [one of the most common feelings is] "the longing for time alone, for a refuge that provides peace, quiet and freedom from distractions and demands.
"Even if you can't charter a plane to a deserted island, odds are that if you acknowledge and validate your need for solitude then you can clear some time and find a private corner to which to retreat daily." [away from telephones, noise, interaction with others]
This has been my medicine for anger: to rock my soul, soothe my body and mind, with precious time alone. It's not just for the hermit in me, but a good practice.
nameste,
musemother
Once children came along the floodgates were opened. All kinds of emotions rose to the surface, comfortable happy giddy, or irritable, cranky and angry. Was it because of the hormone release in childbirth? was it because there were now vulnerable small people to take care of and I had no idea how to deal with their crying fits or tantrums? their obvious disregard for my needs? or simply because my own emotions were so raw from lack of sleep, nursing babies, being on call 24-7?
For whatever reason, it was always a shock to see my anger burst out, to find myself slamming cupboard doors, or needing to take a brisk walk around the block, get out of the house, let off steam. It felt even worse when I saw a white handprint on my 2 year old's red behind.
I needed to find out more about anger. I was part of a Babysitting Coop and Moms and tots group that welcomed speakers, so I found a psychologist to speak to us. She described anger as an iceberg, with sadness underneath the surface of the water. I saw a therapist at the university where I taught part-time and began to uncover the legacy of emotional hurts from childhood and the connection to mothering. A book was born along the way, "Little Mother".
A pattern emerged. It seemed that 3 days before menstruating, emotions were definitely peaking. As I grew closer to menopause, my episodes of PMS grew longer, more intense. I especially felt bad when I would blow up for no good reason, some small disregard of 'rules' or schedules by the children, now pre-teens. After one particular shrieking incident where I lost it completely, I began to see a family counsellor again, for help in dealing with my emotional overload. My father had just died and I was two years away from complete menopause.
Now, in reading about peri-menopause, I find references to anger as being a signal from our inner wisdom. I found another speaker on PMS, who also describes it in these terms, as an ally, a messenger, a loud voice that won't be shushed, uncovering the wounds and slights that I have shoved under the carpet the rest of the month. It's the way my inner self calls out for attention.
Instead of giving in to anger, or allowing it to control my relationships, I want to find out what is underneath these uncomfortable feelings, because although the outburts are less frequent, my children still receive the brunt of it, now that they are teens and mood swings are affecting all of us. Here is why it's important to act:
"Your emotions are your inner guidance system. Your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs have a most profound effect on your health", says Dr. Christiane Northrup. "Listen to your anger, discover the underlying issues and take action or it may turn inward and cause depression - a risk factor for heart disease, cancer and osteoporosis." (Wisdom of Menopause)
If I don't learn to speak up about what is bugging me, if I avoid conflict and confrontation and act like a people pleaser to keep harmony and balance in the household, if I allow myself to 'do too much for others', it always backfires and ends up exploding out of me anyway. Or I feel sad and not listened to, like I have no voice. This is no one's fault but mine. It estranges me from the people I want to be close to.
When I am courageous and say what I feel, when I stop hiding my real emotions from others, and simply state what I need in a non-threatening tone, I am surprised by the change this provokes in others. We find a closeness, a connection that is nourishing. It may be that my programming for serving others first gets in the way of my truth-speaking. Maybe I can let go of 'feeling selfish' about staying in bed one morning instead of getting up to make coffee and toast for fully grown people who know how to work the coffee machine and the toaster....
There are so many ways I want to practice being true to myself, allowing myself to feel what I feel. In this role of 'housewife' and mother that I am growing out of....in the perfectionist attitude that doesn't allow me to focus on my own work because I might be a bad mother....in the limiting belief that my joy, my expression of creativity is less important because it doesn't bring in as much money.
Menopause has taught me a lot about myself. It is the 'mother of all wake-up calls' as Dr. Northrup puts it. The emerging self is crying out for its own needs to be met. The solution is to learn to take better care of myself, find a balance between caring for others and caring for me.
"In truth, you are being urged, biologically, to pause from everyone - from mankind in general - in order to do important work on yourself.... [one of the most common feelings is] "the longing for time alone, for a refuge that provides peace, quiet and freedom from distractions and demands.
"Even if you can't charter a plane to a deserted island, odds are that if you acknowledge and validate your need for solitude then you can clear some time and find a private corner to which to retreat daily." [away from telephones, noise, interaction with others]
This has been my medicine for anger: to rock my soul, soothe my body and mind, with precious time alone. It's not just for the hermit in me, but a good practice.
nameste,
musemother
Friday, May 09, 2008
Mothering Your Self on Mother's Day
Dear woman reading this blog,
We can all celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, whether we are daughters or mothers. Whether you have physically birthed children or not, you probably mother others in some way. Maybe it's fellow employees at work, bringing them tea or coffee and a muffin. Maybe you give someone a shoulder massage when they're tense and uptight. Maybe you take the elderly woman next door a quart of milk and some eggs when you do your grocery shopping. Maybe you send someone's child home from school when they have a fever. Maybe you have three kids of your own, and need a sabbatical from mothering.
We all mother others in different ways. But this weekend, this day, how can you mother yourself?
This morning after the kids left, I made myself a one-hour mini-retreat with that theme in mind. I had a hot bath with lavender oil. I meditated, then lay on the floor and did some leg stretches, moved into downward dog, then rolled into happy baby pose down on the carpet. I stretched and yawned, feeling myself held and caressed by a loving presence. I wrote in my journal for two pages. Then I put on some Indian tabla and flute music and danced a little happy prayer of thanks dance.
You can make up your own self-care ritual; it doesn't have to be elaborate. It might involve doing something you hardly ever give yourself time for, like a mineral foot soak, or a special hair treatment. It might involve making yourself a healthy dinner with fresh green vegetables that your kids hate (asparagus, artichokes, green beans). Or lying on the floor in happy baby pose, rocking on your back and remembering that the universe is holding you up, you can trust in the power of love.
Whatever makes you remember that cherished, loved feeling, of I deserve love, do that.
Or follow the simple instructions below to practice the compassionate breath. Start by sitting, and inhale deeply. As you exhale, sigh out Aah. Take several long soothing breaths. Then with your hands one on top of the other over your heart, feel the drumbeat. Let youself become absorbed in the rhythm of its pulse.
As you connect to the energy of your heart, imagine it spreading across your arms, legs, torso and into your head.
Imagine the loving heart energy filling up every cell. As you inhale, gather loving heart energy into your heart and palms. With every exhale, let the energy spread to each and every cell.
Inhaling, collect this healing gift in your heart, As you exhale, allow it to radiate out and surround your body with its protective power. Feel it encompass your entire being, encircling your head, face, and neck all the way down to your sit bones.
Let it flood any part of your body that might feel uncomfortable, achy, tight .
From a deep inner smile, let a slight smile light your face.
When you feel complete return your hands to your lap. Notice the connection between yoour hands and loving heart even when they are not touching.
Inhale, exhale with a sigh, Aah. Repeat three more times.
Notice how you feel at this moment. Allow your eyes to open very slowly.
(taken from Yoga for your spiritual muscles, by Rachel Schaeffer )
Happy Mother's Day weekend,
Jennifer
We can all celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, whether we are daughters or mothers. Whether you have physically birthed children or not, you probably mother others in some way. Maybe it's fellow employees at work, bringing them tea or coffee and a muffin. Maybe you give someone a shoulder massage when they're tense and uptight. Maybe you take the elderly woman next door a quart of milk and some eggs when you do your grocery shopping. Maybe you send someone's child home from school when they have a fever. Maybe you have three kids of your own, and need a sabbatical from mothering.
We all mother others in different ways. But this weekend, this day, how can you mother yourself?
This morning after the kids left, I made myself a one-hour mini-retreat with that theme in mind. I had a hot bath with lavender oil. I meditated, then lay on the floor and did some leg stretches, moved into downward dog, then rolled into happy baby pose down on the carpet. I stretched and yawned, feeling myself held and caressed by a loving presence. I wrote in my journal for two pages. Then I put on some Indian tabla and flute music and danced a little happy prayer of thanks dance.
You can make up your own self-care ritual; it doesn't have to be elaborate. It might involve doing something you hardly ever give yourself time for, like a mineral foot soak, or a special hair treatment. It might involve making yourself a healthy dinner with fresh green vegetables that your kids hate (asparagus, artichokes, green beans). Or lying on the floor in happy baby pose, rocking on your back and remembering that the universe is holding you up, you can trust in the power of love.
Whatever makes you remember that cherished, loved feeling, of I deserve love, do that.
Or follow the simple instructions below to practice the compassionate breath. Start by sitting, and inhale deeply. As you exhale, sigh out Aah. Take several long soothing breaths. Then with your hands one on top of the other over your heart, feel the drumbeat. Let youself become absorbed in the rhythm of its pulse.
As you connect to the energy of your heart, imagine it spreading across your arms, legs, torso and into your head.
Imagine the loving heart energy filling up every cell. As you inhale, gather loving heart energy into your heart and palms. With every exhale, let the energy spread to each and every cell.
Inhaling, collect this healing gift in your heart, As you exhale, allow it to radiate out and surround your body with its protective power. Feel it encompass your entire being, encircling your head, face, and neck all the way down to your sit bones.
Let it flood any part of your body that might feel uncomfortable, achy, tight .
From a deep inner smile, let a slight smile light your face.
When you feel complete return your hands to your lap. Notice the connection between yoour hands and loving heart even when they are not touching.
Inhale, exhale with a sigh, Aah. Repeat three more times.
Notice how you feel at this moment. Allow your eyes to open very slowly.
(taken from Yoga for your spiritual muscles, by Rachel Schaeffer )
Happy Mother's Day weekend,
Jennifer
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Mother's Day Message
“It was a privilege to have children, it was not a right. The elders, the women, they used to determine even who could have children. Had abortion medicines. And if somebody was abusing a child, they took that child, and the women couldn’t have children anymore. They determined that.
Children are sacred, living treasures, gifts from the Great Spirit. You always treated them as if they didn’t belong to you; they belonged to the Creator.”
Betty Laverdure, Ojibway elder, found in A Woman’s Book of Life, Joan Borysenko
Like any rite of initiation or test of endurance, giving birth is a heroic act. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, yet leads to a joyful sense of well being once the alien inside has been delivered. In facing pain (with or without epidural), we step through a doorway into another world. And give birth not only to a new child, but also to ourselves as New Mothers.
"To be a mother is an absolute mystery, which is relative to nothing else, comparable to nothing else, it is an impossible task and yet, gets done even by ‘bad mothers.’"
translation of text from Les Filles de Demeter, Chantale Proulx
There is a spiritual dimension to giving birth, recognized since ancient times as part of the Great Mysteries, the Blood Mysteries, the mystery of the cycle of life. Even our body’s make-up and physiology supports an experience of something ‘beyond’ or ‘above’ us in bringing a bond to this new, vulnerable little being.
“A woman’s biology is specially crafted to produce pleasure, excitement and joy for her in the ancient dance of relationship…a biochemically sustained infatuation gives rise to strong spiritual expressions of inter-connectedness and deep communion.” A Woman’s Book of Life, Joan Borysenko.
And yet, often, the loneliness and lack of support, the lack of know-how, lack of sleep, and the demanding nature of the job can make us feel like we need a sabbatical from motherhood.
On this day of honour to Mothers, Mother’s Day, please write me with your thoughts on these questions:
What was the experience of becoming a mother like for you? What keeps you going? What support networks have you built for yourself to help you be a better Mom?
Remember how precious it is to be able to be a mother:
6.4 million American woman get pregnant a year
44% are intended (2.8 million); that leaves a majority due to failures in contraception.
4 million women give birth each year
1.6 million abortions/ 47% of women will have an abortion by age 45
7.5 million (13% of reproductive age) are infertile or have difficulty getting pregnant
2.3 million couples seek help with infertility
statistics taken from A Woman’s Book of Life, published 1996
nameste,
musemother
Children are sacred, living treasures, gifts from the Great Spirit. You always treated them as if they didn’t belong to you; they belonged to the Creator.”
Betty Laverdure, Ojibway elder, found in A Woman’s Book of Life, Joan Borysenko
Like any rite of initiation or test of endurance, giving birth is a heroic act. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, yet leads to a joyful sense of well being once the alien inside has been delivered. In facing pain (with or without epidural), we step through a doorway into another world. And give birth not only to a new child, but also to ourselves as New Mothers.
"To be a mother is an absolute mystery, which is relative to nothing else, comparable to nothing else, it is an impossible task and yet, gets done even by ‘bad mothers.’"
translation of text from Les Filles de Demeter, Chantale Proulx
There is a spiritual dimension to giving birth, recognized since ancient times as part of the Great Mysteries, the Blood Mysteries, the mystery of the cycle of life. Even our body’s make-up and physiology supports an experience of something ‘beyond’ or ‘above’ us in bringing a bond to this new, vulnerable little being.
“A woman’s biology is specially crafted to produce pleasure, excitement and joy for her in the ancient dance of relationship…a biochemically sustained infatuation gives rise to strong spiritual expressions of inter-connectedness and deep communion.” A Woman’s Book of Life, Joan Borysenko.
And yet, often, the loneliness and lack of support, the lack of know-how, lack of sleep, and the demanding nature of the job can make us feel like we need a sabbatical from motherhood.
On this day of honour to Mothers, Mother’s Day, please write me with your thoughts on these questions:
What was the experience of becoming a mother like for you? What keeps you going? What support networks have you built for yourself to help you be a better Mom?
Remember how precious it is to be able to be a mother:
6.4 million American woman get pregnant a year
44% are intended (2.8 million); that leaves a majority due to failures in contraception.
4 million women give birth each year
1.6 million abortions/ 47% of women will have an abortion by age 45
7.5 million (13% of reproductive age) are infertile or have difficulty getting pregnant
2.3 million couples seek help with infertility
statistics taken from A Woman’s Book of Life, published 1996
nameste,
musemother
Monday, May 05, 2008
Mothering Daughters; Hormone Replacement
If you haven't gotten it already, here is an excerpt from Dr. Christiane Northrup's newsletter, Monthly Wisdom, about mothering daughters:
Having daughters is about the most joyful thing going. If you’re looking for resources for raising a daughter and enhancing your ability to parent, I have the following suggestions:
Mother-Daughter Wisdom, the book and the Mother-Daughter Wisdom DVD of my very popular PBS show.
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, the book and the movie.
A Time to Celebrate: A Celebration of a Girl's First Menstrual Period by Joan Morais.
Celebrating Girls: Nurturing and Empowering Our Daughters by Virginia Beane Rutter.
Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of her Body by Toni Weschler, MPH.
Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear by Pam Leo.
The Mother-Daughter Project: How Mothers and Daughters Can Band Together, Beat the Odds, and Thrive Through Adolescence by SuEllen Hamkins and Renee Schultz.
for those of you in peri-menopause looking for an alternative to Hormone Therapy, Dr. Northrup has some information on bioidentical hormone replacement:
Seminar on Natural Hormones
I am happy to share with you an invitation to an educational audio Internet seminar hosted by the Center for Bioidentical Hormone Replacement (BHRT). The BHRT World Summit will help you understand how hormones can affect the health of your entire body, including your moods, sleep, and weight. Experts who have come together to impart science-based education to the public will also discuss ways to bring one’s hormones into balance. I highly recommend that you take advantage of this opportunity. Read for yourself about the BHRT World Summit by clicking here.
More on Mother's Day and what you can do to mother yourself, later this week.
take care
Musemother
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