Reading May Sarton's Journal of a Solitude, I am realizing how peaceful the house is when Caitie is out (she is newly returned from Italy and a cooking class), and Julien is out (away in Europe too, for 3 weeks with his backpacking buddies), and Jacques is at work.....
We spent a lovely week on vacation together, at home, not going anywhere special, at least during the day. Filling our evenings with suppers with friends, a singalong with chorus friends, an evening out at the Just for Laughs gala with his office partners, afternoon wine with friends, and supper at a golf course restaurant with J's parents. It was not 'that' quiet, since for me it was a very social week.
So back to the peace and quiet of the house alone.
And how the mind gets silted up when there is no silence in which to turn over the thoughts, impressions, people we meet, things that occur. There is a need in some of us to capture it in writing, to examine and behold a thing, even if it's a cloud at sunset, from all angles.
Nourishment for the soul, being alone during the day and having the space to do the homely tasks, water the plants, feed the cats, walk the dog, wash sheets, and yet also do the reading and writing and reflecting that are so needed too, like water or food.
Speaking of food, the least favourite activity of mine is preparing food for myself. I have a quick toast with something on it and coffee in the morning, and often reheat a frozen Indian meal for lunch - it's got the protein, carbs and vegetables all there in one plate. Taking time to prepare a meal during the 'work' hours is too intrusive.
So, although I am not living alone or in total solitude, I have the luxury of my days with the computer, with my blog, or diary, with my books to read and thoughts to think. Of course, I don't allow myself recreational books or fiction, during 'office hours' - except for last week, while on a home vacation, I got two historical fiction books read by Sarah Dunant. The Birth of Venus and IN the company of the Courtesan, set in Florence and Venice respectively, in the 16th century, and both full of great story lines and fascinating details about the period.
I have not written every day in my journal, and am only writing once a week on the blog, but since I am doing more reading the thirst for writing is returning, and I have done some revising of stories - which I realize I've kept in draft form on the computer for years without editing or attempting to send out anywhere.
Perhaps there is a short story writer slumbering in me.....given more solitude, it may just awaken.
Solitude is the water, the nourishment, the balm and lotion needed for a writer, to soothe and provide the space to work in.
have a great summer day,
musemother
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Mothers and Sons
OK so I've never written a blog about my son yet. but here's a good reason to for one:
A letter to my son who is heading off to Europe with his buddies for 3 weeks.
We know you are a responsible, wonderful almost 19 year old, and don't need advice from your parents, but here goes anyway:
Don't keep all your money on you, even in the money belt. Either lock it in a locker, or keep it at home in your bank account and use your Visa card or interac card to access it through a bank machine. They're everywhere.
Do keep your wits about you, and have a map so you can find your way home, even if your faculties are slightly impaired (you know what I'm talking about!)
It is a myth that 5 guys stoned or drunk are equal to one guy sober and aware. Travel in groups is wise, but being conscious of one's surroundings is even more useful.
Don't pack the beer bong.
Mom and Dad would love to come rescue you, but you pay our flight costs if we do!
Enjoy some museums and cultural stuff too, it's not all about the open drug laws in Amsterdam.
Explore, enjoy, and come back home safe and sound, that's all we ask!
This is a trip you will remember all your life, with memories galore, pictures on facebook, but don't forget to email us when you change cities. We are still attached at the umbilical cord, until you leave home for good (and even then....)
your loving parents,
mom and dad
ps I packed some condoms with your toothpaste - don't leave home without it
A letter to my son who is heading off to Europe with his buddies for 3 weeks.
We know you are a responsible, wonderful almost 19 year old, and don't need advice from your parents, but here goes anyway:
Don't keep all your money on you, even in the money belt. Either lock it in a locker, or keep it at home in your bank account and use your Visa card or interac card to access it through a bank machine. They're everywhere.
Do keep your wits about you, and have a map so you can find your way home, even if your faculties are slightly impaired (you know what I'm talking about!)
It is a myth that 5 guys stoned or drunk are equal to one guy sober and aware. Travel in groups is wise, but being conscious of one's surroundings is even more useful.
Don't pack the beer bong.
Mom and Dad would love to come rescue you, but you pay our flight costs if we do!
Enjoy some museums and cultural stuff too, it's not all about the open drug laws in Amsterdam.
Explore, enjoy, and come back home safe and sound, that's all we ask!
This is a trip you will remember all your life, with memories galore, pictures on facebook, but don't forget to email us when you change cities. We are still attached at the umbilical cord, until you leave home for good (and even then....)
your loving parents,
mom and dad
ps I packed some condoms with your toothpaste - don't leave home without it
Monday, July 13, 2009
Menopause blog and link
Happy Monday! after scary thunderstorms and full lightshows of lightning, after rain that overflwoed the gutters and poured all the earth from my rock garden down to the grass below, we are back to sunny skies, albeit with clouds. My sister and I and our kids had a free show Saturday night right on our deck, watching the lightning crack and zap the sky over the lake.
Back to the blog, it's a good thing I can reread the promises I make to myself here - have to admit my 100 Days of Solitude has barely begun and already I'm losing track of what my goal was - to re-read my stories and journal about them, to get at the truth behind the lies I may tell myself about who I was, the masks I wear to cover whatever feelings are leftover from childhhood, teenage years, shame about my past - the first writing project I did back in Creative Writing 101 was a Taboo Journal, which led to a book ten years later called Little Mother. In it I addressed part of my childhood shame - having an alcoholic mother, and being the eldest of eight children. I was thrust into a role of 'mothering' at a young age, with no power or authority but lots of responsibility. (Had a chance to chat about this with my sister this weekend, so it came back to memory.)
Naturally, when I hit 13, I began acting out - I think my mom must have been pre-menopausal when I was 16 or so, (I got my period at age 15) but in any case, whether there were hormones in the mix or not, there was definitely lots of attitude and bad behaviour on my part. Some of the stories deal with the wild stuff that happened before I left home at 18. Definitely time for me to work on these stories. It takes courage.....
Anyway, today's G&M Life Section has a great article about the clash of menopause and puberty, for moms and teens:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/menopausal-mom-pubescent-teen-hormone-hell/article1215931/
I've blogged about it over at ms menopause's blog: http://www.msmenopause.blogspot.com/
Check out the weekly blogs there including The Art Of Napping, creating your own Menopause Party, Menopause poems and jokes, different approaches to healthcare such as Ayurvedic approach to menopause, Self-Care, and much more.
namaste, peace to you,
jennifer/musemother
Back to the blog, it's a good thing I can reread the promises I make to myself here - have to admit my 100 Days of Solitude has barely begun and already I'm losing track of what my goal was - to re-read my stories and journal about them, to get at the truth behind the lies I may tell myself about who I was, the masks I wear to cover whatever feelings are leftover from childhhood, teenage years, shame about my past - the first writing project I did back in Creative Writing 101 was a Taboo Journal, which led to a book ten years later called Little Mother. In it I addressed part of my childhood shame - having an alcoholic mother, and being the eldest of eight children. I was thrust into a role of 'mothering' at a young age, with no power or authority but lots of responsibility. (Had a chance to chat about this with my sister this weekend, so it came back to memory.)
Naturally, when I hit 13, I began acting out - I think my mom must have been pre-menopausal when I was 16 or so, (I got my period at age 15) but in any case, whether there were hormones in the mix or not, there was definitely lots of attitude and bad behaviour on my part. Some of the stories deal with the wild stuff that happened before I left home at 18. Definitely time for me to work on these stories. It takes courage.....
Anyway, today's G&M Life Section has a great article about the clash of menopause and puberty, for moms and teens:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/menopausal-mom-pubescent-teen-hormone-hell/article1215931/
I've blogged about it over at ms menopause's blog: http://www.msmenopause.blogspot.com/
Check out the weekly blogs there including The Art Of Napping, creating your own Menopause Party, Menopause poems and jokes, different approaches to healthcare such as Ayurvedic approach to menopause, Self-Care, and much more.
namaste, peace to you,
jennifer/musemother
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
On Women and Men
The lake is oddly still this morning, a grey and silver palette of moving light, no waves but large ripples coursing towards shore, one after the other, repetitive patterns, while white black-tipped gulls wing over head. One boat leaves a wake of silver behind it, ruffling the softness. Clouds hang low, and the tree tops emanate humidity. The new dock is luminous too with its aluminum legs and bright new cedar planks , hosting its two teak Adironack chairs, a perfect cottage picture.
Large white bellied fish leap in an arc out of the lake and return, wiggling off the parasites on their backs, I am told. We are patiently waiting for the rain to stop, and for the hot sunshine to dry us out. But it will be another grey, humid, possibly rainy day.
But enough of the landscape. I am eager to engage with a question brought up by an article I read yesterday.
What is woman’s work? Anne Southam, a well-known contemporary minimalist composer has been described in the G&M as “proud to call her work women’s music, or at least to point out that there’s something in what she does that is deeply grounded in women’s experience.
“’In the very workings of the music there’s a reflection of the work that women traditionally do, like weaving and mending and washing dishes...the kind of work you have to do over and over again.’” from an interview with Robert Everett-Green. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/ann-southam-a-one-woman-tone-poem/article1208502/
She describes how she creates a tonal centre, by taking a 12 tone row of notes and spinning it out one note at a time...
Although I have not heard her music, I like her description of the attraction of repetitive tones like bagpipes and drones, that can induce a trance-like state in the listener. It reminds me of what Blood Bread and Roses author Judy Grahn, www.judygrahn.org says about women’s menstrual cycles and women’s work: spinning wool, weaving, knitting, crocheting demand a total concentration from part of the mind, while the other part is left free to dream or create something from the imagination. Early women’s rituals around the menstrual cycle seem to dig into this needful repetition of sound or activity, whether through chanting, drumming, knitting or watching the breath in meditation. They are linked through repetition with the cycles of life that repeat in a woman’s body, flowing monthly, repeating like the phases of the moon, in recognizable patterns for those who pay attention.
Women’s work long ago was of planting, weeding, bending, gathering, washing, lifting, nursing, sweeping, pounding cloth on rock to clean it. Since ancient times women have aligned themselves with natural patterns of nature when they want to find themselves, restore their own rhythms, become attuned to life’s pulse.
Of course, it is a human thing, and men can attune to these rhythms too, but their world is more ‘outer’, less inner minded, by their physical design. Women's bodies through menstruating are naturally aligned with the rhythms of tide and moon.
Of course, all this is open for debate. Some will argue there is no difference between men and women, between male and female brain, psyche, intelligence, spirit, and so of course, there is no such thing as women’s work. Have we left some power or magic behind in our rush to embrace the masculine work-style? Have we left our creative imagination behind in our disdain of repetitive homely tasks? Is there such a thing as women’s writing, women’s music?
I leave it to you, to puzzle on this,
Musemother
Large white bellied fish leap in an arc out of the lake and return, wiggling off the parasites on their backs, I am told. We are patiently waiting for the rain to stop, and for the hot sunshine to dry us out. But it will be another grey, humid, possibly rainy day.
But enough of the landscape. I am eager to engage with a question brought up by an article I read yesterday.
What is woman’s work? Anne Southam, a well-known contemporary minimalist composer has been described in the G&M as “proud to call her work women’s music, or at least to point out that there’s something in what she does that is deeply grounded in women’s experience.
“’In the very workings of the music there’s a reflection of the work that women traditionally do, like weaving and mending and washing dishes...the kind of work you have to do over and over again.’” from an interview with Robert Everett-Green. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/ann-southam-a-one-woman-tone-poem/article1208502/
She describes how she creates a tonal centre, by taking a 12 tone row of notes and spinning it out one note at a time...
Although I have not heard her music, I like her description of the attraction of repetitive tones like bagpipes and drones, that can induce a trance-like state in the listener. It reminds me of what Blood Bread and Roses author Judy Grahn, www.judygrahn.org says about women’s menstrual cycles and women’s work: spinning wool, weaving, knitting, crocheting demand a total concentration from part of the mind, while the other part is left free to dream or create something from the imagination. Early women’s rituals around the menstrual cycle seem to dig into this needful repetition of sound or activity, whether through chanting, drumming, knitting or watching the breath in meditation. They are linked through repetition with the cycles of life that repeat in a woman’s body, flowing monthly, repeating like the phases of the moon, in recognizable patterns for those who pay attention.
Women’s work long ago was of planting, weeding, bending, gathering, washing, lifting, nursing, sweeping, pounding cloth on rock to clean it. Since ancient times women have aligned themselves with natural patterns of nature when they want to find themselves, restore their own rhythms, become attuned to life’s pulse.
Of course, it is a human thing, and men can attune to these rhythms too, but their world is more ‘outer’, less inner minded, by their physical design. Women's bodies through menstruating are naturally aligned with the rhythms of tide and moon.
Of course, all this is open for debate. Some will argue there is no difference between men and women, between male and female brain, psyche, intelligence, spirit, and so of course, there is no such thing as women’s work. Have we left some power or magic behind in our rush to embrace the masculine work-style? Have we left our creative imagination behind in our disdain of repetitive homely tasks? Is there such a thing as women’s writing, women’s music?
I leave it to you, to puzzle on this,
Musemother
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Michael Jackson farewell
Farewell Micheal, may the angels keep you safe.
You came from heaven, to heaven you return.
You came from earth, to earth you return.
You are of the elements, to the elements you return.
May your soul journey onwards into the light.
musemother
You came from heaven, to heaven you return.
You came from earth, to earth you return.
You are of the elements, to the elements you return.
May your soul journey onwards into the light.
musemother
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Embrace Writer's Block
and overcome it....
this is what I plan to do, and here is the quote that inspired me:
Embrace your writer's block. It's nature's way of saving trees and your reputation. Listen to it and try to understand its source. Often, writer's block happens to you because somewhere in your work you've lied to yourself and your subconscious won't let you go any further until you've gone back, erased the lie, stated the truth and started over.
taken from 36 Assumptions About Writing Plays, by Jose Rivera on the internet somewhere
My plan appears simple on the surface. I am going to write in my journal every morning for a minimum of 10 minutes for 100 Days. call it, 100 Days of Solitude (instead of 100 years).
On my computer I have a file called Fiction and Stories, with material in draft form for a whole book length manuscript. I thank my sister Sue for nudging me towards writing the story of my life - but I have already started years ago in classes taken on-line and various Autobiographical writing workshops. The problem is I hate editing them. I get mad at myself for the lousy writing, I lose interest in my own bleeping adventures, no matter how exotic they seemed at the time.
The material is there, and yes, I may have lied to myself many times about the 'me' in some of those stories; to find out where the 'lie' is, I'm going to re-read all of them and write in my journal till I get at the nugget of truth. (It helps that my kids are not here so no-one is even figuratively reading over my shoulder. The censor always kicks in when I get to about age 16....)
This great project idea just occurred to me five minutes ago, as I was considering spending $347 US dollars on a publishing reset course, supposed to give me tools to approach an agent or publisher with a Hook of a Book. (along with 6 CD's and a huge workbook). The thing is, I know a little about publishing, and I know a little about how to find an agent, and how to have a web presence (this blog). What I really need is to sit down and Just Do It (as my scented candle reminds me from my desk top), just bust my shoulders by typing the thing. (oh yeah and buy a wireless keyboard so I don't hurt myself)
So, as part of the adventure, I will blog a little about how the stories are coming along and maybe 'publish' a few extracts, as they come up.
Stay tuned for the life and times of,
musemother
(yes, she was a little mother once, but was she ever little?)
this is what I plan to do, and here is the quote that inspired me:
Embrace your writer's block. It's nature's way of saving trees and your reputation. Listen to it and try to understand its source. Often, writer's block happens to you because somewhere in your work you've lied to yourself and your subconscious won't let you go any further until you've gone back, erased the lie, stated the truth and started over.
taken from 36 Assumptions About Writing Plays, by Jose Rivera on the internet somewhere
My plan appears simple on the surface. I am going to write in my journal every morning for a minimum of 10 minutes for 100 Days. call it, 100 Days of Solitude (instead of 100 years).
On my computer I have a file called Fiction and Stories, with material in draft form for a whole book length manuscript. I thank my sister Sue for nudging me towards writing the story of my life - but I have already started years ago in classes taken on-line and various Autobiographical writing workshops. The problem is I hate editing them. I get mad at myself for the lousy writing, I lose interest in my own bleeping adventures, no matter how exotic they seemed at the time.
The material is there, and yes, I may have lied to myself many times about the 'me' in some of those stories; to find out where the 'lie' is, I'm going to re-read all of them and write in my journal till I get at the nugget of truth. (It helps that my kids are not here so no-one is even figuratively reading over my shoulder. The censor always kicks in when I get to about age 16....)
This great project idea just occurred to me five minutes ago, as I was considering spending $347 US dollars on a publishing reset course, supposed to give me tools to approach an agent or publisher with a Hook of a Book. (along with 6 CD's and a huge workbook). The thing is, I know a little about publishing, and I know a little about how to find an agent, and how to have a web presence (this blog). What I really need is to sit down and Just Do It (as my scented candle reminds me from my desk top), just bust my shoulders by typing the thing. (oh yeah and buy a wireless keyboard so I don't hurt myself)
So, as part of the adventure, I will blog a little about how the stories are coming along and maybe 'publish' a few extracts, as they come up.
Stay tuned for the life and times of,
musemother
(yes, she was a little mother once, but was she ever little?)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Mothering, writing, solitude
notes from my journal about busyness, writing and mothering:
'I am missing the solitude of my journal, reading a book of short stories (Bang Crunch) woke that up in me, the need for self-expression or a quiet self-reflective mode - I am not obligated to write for anyone or anything but to recover lost parts of me - the urge to flaunt convention, to leap up in the face of tyrannical duty-bound daily life and its obstinancies of order. Truly, I tell myself lately, you must let go of the house-tasks, let go of cooking (alternately I berate myself for being lazy and not experimenting with new recipes). There is a battle within between the housemother who organizes and the artist who rebells, as if I can't decide which one I am.
But that black or white either-or thinking, is false, fatalistic, not creative - I am both and neither. I am all sides of myself, mother, writer, creative spirit, and I do not need to neglect either one - just satisfy the call right now for less 'outer activity' and more writing.
It is a sincere desire to create, not to escape household duties. but the frame or grid I put myself in leaves no time for 'being lazy' or loafing creatively. Thyroid issues are all about time, according to my dictionnaire des malaises et maladies, and so I imagine that my body mind soul are struggling with the same issues - what I tell myself becomes a reality. so I tell myself that time is elastic and stretches into whatever container I need to buoy me through the day. Being rigid about time allows it to pick me up and grind me in the teeth of agendas, appointments (did I really need a manicure today?) and then spit me out in pieces.
Pieces I have struggled to keep together may fall apart. I am a hostess with a unique style, not hyper orgnaized in advance (nor was my caterer for the prom cocktail, l hour late!). Being better organized reduces stress, so yes, we will improve.
I am juggling - or I am letting go of juggling all these balls - caitie julien jacques molly oreo zoe - am impatient when their needs pile on me - when is it time for me? Another typroid message. Ok I get it. I must create boundaries, limits, practise saying no, and getting down to the work at hand. Just do it! says my zena mooon candle on the desk - better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. (Robert Schuller)
Poet May Sarton in her Journal of a Solitude quotes a letter from a woman, who is complaining of something similar: "Can one be within the framework of a marriage do you think? I envy your solitude with all my heart and your courage to live as you must."
Then Sarton continues, "It is not irresponsible women who ask that question, but often women with children, caring women, who feel deeply frustrated and lost, who feel they are missing their 'real lives' all the time. Has this always been true and only now are we able to admit it? and what is the solution? It is partly no doubt, as women's lib has insisted, that it is time the warm nurturing powers, usually taken for granted in women, now be called out of men in equal measure. Roles should no longer be assigned on the basis of sex or of any preconceived idea of marriage, but should grow organically from the specific needs of two human beings and their capacities and gifts....no partner in a love relationship (whether homo or heterosexual) shoud feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable.
But the fact is that men still do rather consistently undervalue or devalue women's powers . ... and women, no doubt, equally devalue their own powers. But there is something wrong when solitude such as mine can be envied by a happily married woman with children. "
Happily married and still craving solitude, I have just had my first day totally alone, with only the dog and 2 cats, in a long time. Caitie has flown away to Italy, J & J are fishing till tomorrow, and the silent lake flows under a pewter sky.....
jenn
'I am missing the solitude of my journal, reading a book of short stories (Bang Crunch) woke that up in me, the need for self-expression or a quiet self-reflective mode - I am not obligated to write for anyone or anything but to recover lost parts of me - the urge to flaunt convention, to leap up in the face of tyrannical duty-bound daily life and its obstinancies of order. Truly, I tell myself lately, you must let go of the house-tasks, let go of cooking (alternately I berate myself for being lazy and not experimenting with new recipes). There is a battle within between the housemother who organizes and the artist who rebells, as if I can't decide which one I am.
But that black or white either-or thinking, is false, fatalistic, not creative - I am both and neither. I am all sides of myself, mother, writer, creative spirit, and I do not need to neglect either one - just satisfy the call right now for less 'outer activity' and more writing.
It is a sincere desire to create, not to escape household duties. but the frame or grid I put myself in leaves no time for 'being lazy' or loafing creatively. Thyroid issues are all about time, according to my dictionnaire des malaises et maladies, and so I imagine that my body mind soul are struggling with the same issues - what I tell myself becomes a reality. so I tell myself that time is elastic and stretches into whatever container I need to buoy me through the day. Being rigid about time allows it to pick me up and grind me in the teeth of agendas, appointments (did I really need a manicure today?) and then spit me out in pieces.
Pieces I have struggled to keep together may fall apart. I am a hostess with a unique style, not hyper orgnaized in advance (nor was my caterer for the prom cocktail, l hour late!). Being better organized reduces stress, so yes, we will improve.
I am juggling - or I am letting go of juggling all these balls - caitie julien jacques molly oreo zoe - am impatient when their needs pile on me - when is it time for me? Another typroid message. Ok I get it. I must create boundaries, limits, practise saying no, and getting down to the work at hand. Just do it! says my zena mooon candle on the desk - better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. (Robert Schuller)
Poet May Sarton in her Journal of a Solitude quotes a letter from a woman, who is complaining of something similar: "Can one be within the framework of a marriage do you think? I envy your solitude with all my heart and your courage to live as you must."
Then Sarton continues, "It is not irresponsible women who ask that question, but often women with children, caring women, who feel deeply frustrated and lost, who feel they are missing their 'real lives' all the time. Has this always been true and only now are we able to admit it? and what is the solution? It is partly no doubt, as women's lib has insisted, that it is time the warm nurturing powers, usually taken for granted in women, now be called out of men in equal measure. Roles should no longer be assigned on the basis of sex or of any preconceived idea of marriage, but should grow organically from the specific needs of two human beings and their capacities and gifts....no partner in a love relationship (whether homo or heterosexual) shoud feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable.
But the fact is that men still do rather consistently undervalue or devalue women's powers . ... and women, no doubt, equally devalue their own powers. But there is something wrong when solitude such as mine can be envied by a happily married woman with children. "
Happily married and still craving solitude, I have just had my first day totally alone, with only the dog and 2 cats, in a long time. Caitie has flown away to Italy, J & J are fishing till tomorrow, and the silent lake flows under a pewter sky.....
jenn
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Leonard Cohen in French
above is a link to youtube video of Graeme Allwright singing Leonard Cohen's the Stranger, in French. Geniale!
a great translation which keeps faithful to the mellow voice and rich text of Cohen's poetry in music.
hope this embedded link works!
enjoy the music of my favourite songster
in my favourite language
musemother
Monday, June 22, 2009
What Mommy Wars?
Read an article today in G&M Life pages, "Mommy wars" - whether full time daycare is ok for children, now that Ontario wants to offer it, is at the basis of this article. The title is so old, however, because mommies are just trying to do their best, it's not about which is better, full-time care with at home mommies or day care and working mommies. It's not a black or white issue.
Isn't it always about choice? whether the issue is birth control, abortion or full-time day care, parenting at home whether by fathers or mothers, it's all about choice. Women want to do what is best but they sometimes can't decide what that 'best' is.
Some of limited economic means feel they have no choice - between working and putting kids in day care and not eating, they choose working. The limited options for working parents (outside of Quebec's subsidized day care) are more of a problem than the working mother's guilt at not seeing every rite of passage unfold before her eyes. It isn't simple. And it isn't the same for everyone. See the recent blog about daddies at home, some due to job losses, some due to choice. It's not only about isolation versus self-fulfillment through work, either.
As a mostly stay at home mom who chooses to work from home, with workshops and retreats bringing me outside part-time, I have the best of both worlds. It has always worked best this way for me, hiring part time care when I needed it. When the kids were little, I both wanted to be with them, and wanted a foot outside of the house in my own creative world of writing. Now that they are teens, they need me less, but I'm still around when they do.
When they were little, the options were easier for me to afford. I tried full time daycare and lasted three days, when my son was one year old. I opted for home-care three days a week with a nanny. Even though my home office was just upstairs, which made it difficult to not intervene when there were tears, I did have the time and mental space to mark papers, prepare teaching plans. The biggest discovery was a shared office in a dingy university English department with rundown furniture and a tiny space-- that felt like being on vacation compared to being at home with two small kids all day. Yet I was there to see the first teeth fall out.
The hardest challenge I faced was graduating from university and no more teaching position - graduating to a full-time mommy role, albeit with pre-school and kindergarden schedules filling in for some of the time. Still, I don't think my life was any easier, or harder, than my sister's lifestyle. She went back to work after trying to stay home full time with her second baby. I think she lasted three or four months before she knew it wasn't good for her mental health to be cooped up at home. She missed her work, she missed the stimulation of a job and co-workers. But then, she had to drop them off in winter at the homecare around 6:30 am and pick them up after dark in the evening. When they got older, they prepared their own meals some nights and she'd arrive in time to take them to Tae Kwon Do twice a week.
My solution to the 'going crazy feeling' was to keep active in the writing community as a volunteer, organizing readings, meetings, writing a newsletter, going to see other writers read, reviewing books, working on projects I could do from home. I also joined mothering groups, mom and tot groups, and volunteered at their schools. I kept busy, fought my lack of patience and mounting anger with therapy sessions, wrote about my lack of patience and anger at being the only one they called out to in the middle of the night, explored the issues that came up for me so intensely in a book called "Little Mother".
In my experience, the Mommy wars have been inside of me, not with other women. I appreciate that staying at home is very difficult unless you build a network of friends to support you. I appreciate that working full time means you only get to see your kids between 6 pm and bedtime, which at some ages means an hour and a half of get supper ready, get pyjamas on, and hop into bed. There are advantages and disadvantages to both choices.
Can governments support working parents better? yes. Can we give stay-at home parents more tax breaks? Yes - Penelope Leach's 1994 book "Children First" makes a very strong argument for government support and family friendly workplaces being good the the economy and for families. Let's give parents more options, more choice.
Two other excellent books about the pitfalls, challenges and joys of mothering: The Mother Zone by Marni Jackson, and The Myth of the Perfect Mother, Parenting without Guilt, by Jane Swigart. Both these books help us see mothering as something outside of the stereotypes we have unconsciously swallowed. The emotional reality is that it draws out the best and the worst of us, and yet, without children the 'world' would cease to exist. The reality is that parenting work is "heroic". It takes courage to give a child what they truly need.
nameste
musemother
Isn't it always about choice? whether the issue is birth control, abortion or full-time day care, parenting at home whether by fathers or mothers, it's all about choice. Women want to do what is best but they sometimes can't decide what that 'best' is.
Some of limited economic means feel they have no choice - between working and putting kids in day care and not eating, they choose working. The limited options for working parents (outside of Quebec's subsidized day care) are more of a problem than the working mother's guilt at not seeing every rite of passage unfold before her eyes. It isn't simple. And it isn't the same for everyone. See the recent blog about daddies at home, some due to job losses, some due to choice. It's not only about isolation versus self-fulfillment through work, either.
As a mostly stay at home mom who chooses to work from home, with workshops and retreats bringing me outside part-time, I have the best of both worlds. It has always worked best this way for me, hiring part time care when I needed it. When the kids were little, I both wanted to be with them, and wanted a foot outside of the house in my own creative world of writing. Now that they are teens, they need me less, but I'm still around when they do.
When they were little, the options were easier for me to afford. I tried full time daycare and lasted three days, when my son was one year old. I opted for home-care three days a week with a nanny. Even though my home office was just upstairs, which made it difficult to not intervene when there were tears, I did have the time and mental space to mark papers, prepare teaching plans. The biggest discovery was a shared office in a dingy university English department with rundown furniture and a tiny space-- that felt like being on vacation compared to being at home with two small kids all day. Yet I was there to see the first teeth fall out.
The hardest challenge I faced was graduating from university and no more teaching position - graduating to a full-time mommy role, albeit with pre-school and kindergarden schedules filling in for some of the time. Still, I don't think my life was any easier, or harder, than my sister's lifestyle. She went back to work after trying to stay home full time with her second baby. I think she lasted three or four months before she knew it wasn't good for her mental health to be cooped up at home. She missed her work, she missed the stimulation of a job and co-workers. But then, she had to drop them off in winter at the homecare around 6:30 am and pick them up after dark in the evening. When they got older, they prepared their own meals some nights and she'd arrive in time to take them to Tae Kwon Do twice a week.
My solution to the 'going crazy feeling' was to keep active in the writing community as a volunteer, organizing readings, meetings, writing a newsletter, going to see other writers read, reviewing books, working on projects I could do from home. I also joined mothering groups, mom and tot groups, and volunteered at their schools. I kept busy, fought my lack of patience and mounting anger with therapy sessions, wrote about my lack of patience and anger at being the only one they called out to in the middle of the night, explored the issues that came up for me so intensely in a book called "Little Mother".
In my experience, the Mommy wars have been inside of me, not with other women. I appreciate that staying at home is very difficult unless you build a network of friends to support you. I appreciate that working full time means you only get to see your kids between 6 pm and bedtime, which at some ages means an hour and a half of get supper ready, get pyjamas on, and hop into bed. There are advantages and disadvantages to both choices.
Can governments support working parents better? yes. Can we give stay-at home parents more tax breaks? Yes - Penelope Leach's 1994 book "Children First" makes a very strong argument for government support and family friendly workplaces being good the the economy and for families. Let's give parents more options, more choice.
Two other excellent books about the pitfalls, challenges and joys of mothering: The Mother Zone by Marni Jackson, and The Myth of the Perfect Mother, Parenting without Guilt, by Jane Swigart. Both these books help us see mothering as something outside of the stereotypes we have unconsciously swallowed. The emotional reality is that it draws out the best and the worst of us, and yet, without children the 'world' would cease to exist. The reality is that parenting work is "heroic". It takes courage to give a child what they truly need.
nameste
musemother
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Peace and Cake
It's funny about blogs. Now that I am aware that there are people who subscribe and follow this blog, I am more conscious about what I want to say, and who I am saying it too. Most of the time what I write is a spur of the moment inspiration. I also realize that there are men reading this, not only women - (maybe the 'go pee when you have to' on my list of 7 Tools doesn't make sense to a man - is it only women who hold it in while they continue scurrying around doing a million other things that need doing?)
Anyway, today is worth writing about. Today was Debra's 50th birthday party, and she prepared a garden party for us, where we were treated like queens. She prepared food herself, had some of it catered, from salads and wraps to chocolate cake and fruit platter. We drank champagne, and chatted with some of her friends we didn't know yet. She had about 15 people there, including her mother-in-law, so I figure she has a lot of good friends, a lot to be grateful for.
As the party wound down, a few of us sat still drinking tea and talking about stuff - about massage (since our gift to her was a certificate for an hour and a half massage); about how we are all so tense, hold on to so many tensions inside. I had a wonderful conversation with Doris, 78, who suddenly asked me, 'how do you relax? sometimes I can't sleep more than 3 hours a night. I don't know how to turn it off, the mind is always thinking.'
I thought I could share a few tips about breathing, the slow relaxing outbreath, the yogic centering breath, but really it wasn't the place for that. But when I mentioned the word Sabbath, talking about the book I'm reading called Sabbath, Restoring the Sacred rhythm of Rest (Wayne Muller) http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Wayne%20Muller&page=1 her face lit up. "Synagogue! that's where I feel at peace, she said. "I sit and close my eyes, listen to the music, sometimes we have to sing along, and I feel transported." Wouldn't it be nice to find an inner temple to be transported to?
Isn't that what we all want? a way to find that sacred space in which we forget our worries, let go the 'holding' we do, and just come back, settle back into simplicity, into a comfortable feeling of being at home with ourselves, of being rocked into serenity. Some of us find it in music, some of us find it in churches, or by the lake, but all of us have this natural urge to feel peace within.
That is a topic that I can safely say transcends gender. Women, men, mothers and fathers, we all want to feel that simple, homey, feeling of peace.
It's right under our noses, it's so close and attainable. If we can leave it some space, & breathe into it. Allow it to catch up with us. Stop for a moment and catch the wind in your sail, let the calm inner self be where you are. Stop holding on. Surrender your restlessness. "Quench our thirst with Sabbath tranquillity" as Wayne Muller puts it. Lose our fear of resting and non-doing. Find our wellness in just being.
I wish that for Doris, and I wish it for Debra, and I wish it for all of us.
nameste,
jenn
Anyway, today is worth writing about. Today was Debra's 50th birthday party, and she prepared a garden party for us, where we were treated like queens. She prepared food herself, had some of it catered, from salads and wraps to chocolate cake and fruit platter. We drank champagne, and chatted with some of her friends we didn't know yet. She had about 15 people there, including her mother-in-law, so I figure she has a lot of good friends, a lot to be grateful for.
As the party wound down, a few of us sat still drinking tea and talking about stuff - about massage (since our gift to her was a certificate for an hour and a half massage); about how we are all so tense, hold on to so many tensions inside. I had a wonderful conversation with Doris, 78, who suddenly asked me, 'how do you relax? sometimes I can't sleep more than 3 hours a night. I don't know how to turn it off, the mind is always thinking.'
I thought I could share a few tips about breathing, the slow relaxing outbreath, the yogic centering breath, but really it wasn't the place for that. But when I mentioned the word Sabbath, talking about the book I'm reading called Sabbath, Restoring the Sacred rhythm of Rest (Wayne Muller) http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Wayne%20Muller&page=1 her face lit up. "Synagogue! that's where I feel at peace, she said. "I sit and close my eyes, listen to the music, sometimes we have to sing along, and I feel transported." Wouldn't it be nice to find an inner temple to be transported to?
Isn't that what we all want? a way to find that sacred space in which we forget our worries, let go the 'holding' we do, and just come back, settle back into simplicity, into a comfortable feeling of being at home with ourselves, of being rocked into serenity. Some of us find it in music, some of us find it in churches, or by the lake, but all of us have this natural urge to feel peace within.
That is a topic that I can safely say transcends gender. Women, men, mothers and fathers, we all want to feel that simple, homey, feeling of peace.
It's right under our noses, it's so close and attainable. If we can leave it some space, & breathe into it. Allow it to catch up with us. Stop for a moment and catch the wind in your sail, let the calm inner self be where you are. Stop holding on. Surrender your restlessness. "Quench our thirst with Sabbath tranquillity" as Wayne Muller puts it. Lose our fear of resting and non-doing. Find our wellness in just being.
I wish that for Doris, and I wish it for Debra, and I wish it for all of us.
nameste,
jenn
Monday, June 15, 2009
daddy bloggers enter the real world
"Taking care of kids is no picnic...it can be gruelling. When the kids are napping or late at night, it really kind of helps to get on-line and bitch or share stories."
Mommy bloggers? no, this quote is from an article in the Globe & Mail (http://www.globeandmail.com/ Lifestyles section Monday June 15)
about Daddy bloggers, lots of whom are newly at home because of the economic downturn. Bitching about childcare just got a masculine edge.
All of a sudden, these once upon a time important people with jobs are facing a lack of recognition, a lack of a way to measure their "own success" by promotions and raises. "Nobody's patting you on the back, nobody wants to take you to lunch," says Ron Mattocks, whose blog is www.clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/. Welcome to the club Clark, the super woman club.
I remember feeling this shock to the ego, inspite of the joy of having children, and wondering why things hadn't changed much since the 50's when my mother was staying at home with her kids. Millions of women have experienced this lonely transition to working at home, feeling like you've disappeared into a black hole, and millions have gone back to work because they couldn't hack it being at home full-time. Nobody said it would be easy, but men are now having a chance to experience what women have known for a long time. And they are smart enough to be building on-line networks to cope with the isolation.
Another recent article by Margaret Wente in the Saturday Globe & Mail asks where women's happiness went. Apparently women now have more power, better jobs, more equality, but we are less happy than we were in 1970. Ms Wente should read more daddy blogs. They're venting about the same issues, "you're used to networking within your profession and now you're isolated at home. There's nobody there except for two kids and you're breaking up fights, you're doing laundry and you're finding barbie doll heads clogging up the toilet." Article by Sarah Boesveld on Daddy Bloggers (http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/daddys-lost-his-job-now-hes-got-a-blog/article1180495/)
Men who stay at home with their kids at least are doing half of the job working women are now expected to do. Being a stay-at-home-most-of-the-time-mom myself and working from home, I have all the frustrations of the moms who work full-time and raise kids, but I probably get more sleep - at least I'm not doing laundry at 10 pm on a Monday night or spending my weekends catching up on housecleaning and errands. Happiness, for most modern mothers, would be having a cleaning lady come in once a week so they can enjoy their weekends. Having a wife would be even nicer.
I think that's why women are less happy. They don't have access to the free services of a wife. They have to pay to hire housecleaners, lawn and garden specialists, day care providers and babysitters, window washers and laundromats. Ergo, they forego these services unless they can afford to pay for them. And even some who can afford it would rather do it all themselves, even if it leads to exhaustion. Now I hope the women with daddies at home are getting more sleep and not feeling guilty that the men are carrying half of the load.
Women have been battling the lack of self-esteem and pats on the back for all the caring they do for a far longer time. Maybe having more men stay at home with their kids will turn out to be a boon for women and mothers. It may mean that the role of childcare, caretaking and house managing gets a boost in status, if more men take on this role. Or it may mean that the men who stay at home to care for their kids just lose status, get bored and return as quickly as possible to the 'real world' of perks, raises and bonuses. The end of the article on daddy bloggers states that he won't be a stay-at-home dad or "housebound" much longer - he's looking for a real job, to be back "being the primary breadwinner."
Does that mean his wife will go back to double time? doing the unclogging of toilets, driving kids to dentist appointments, and working full time? It doesn't say much for the real value of the real work parenting and housekeeping involves.
Either way, mommies and daddies are blogging about the ups and downs of being at home, while they're waiting for a 'real job'. One day, in my imagination, both women and men will agree that raising children is a very tough job indeed, and worthy of the highest recognition as a real job, if not the highest salary.
Meantime, let's welcome the dads into the blogosphere!
musemother
Mommy bloggers? no, this quote is from an article in the Globe & Mail (http://www.globeandmail.com/ Lifestyles section Monday June 15)
about Daddy bloggers, lots of whom are newly at home because of the economic downturn. Bitching about childcare just got a masculine edge.
All of a sudden, these once upon a time important people with jobs are facing a lack of recognition, a lack of a way to measure their "own success" by promotions and raises. "Nobody's patting you on the back, nobody wants to take you to lunch," says Ron Mattocks, whose blog is www.clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/. Welcome to the club Clark, the super woman club.
I remember feeling this shock to the ego, inspite of the joy of having children, and wondering why things hadn't changed much since the 50's when my mother was staying at home with her kids. Millions of women have experienced this lonely transition to working at home, feeling like you've disappeared into a black hole, and millions have gone back to work because they couldn't hack it being at home full-time. Nobody said it would be easy, but men are now having a chance to experience what women have known for a long time. And they are smart enough to be building on-line networks to cope with the isolation.
Another recent article by Margaret Wente in the Saturday Globe & Mail asks where women's happiness went. Apparently women now have more power, better jobs, more equality, but we are less happy than we were in 1970. Ms Wente should read more daddy blogs. They're venting about the same issues, "you're used to networking within your profession and now you're isolated at home. There's nobody there except for two kids and you're breaking up fights, you're doing laundry and you're finding barbie doll heads clogging up the toilet." Article by Sarah Boesveld on Daddy Bloggers (http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/daddys-lost-his-job-now-hes-got-a-blog/article1180495/)
Men who stay at home with their kids at least are doing half of the job working women are now expected to do. Being a stay-at-home-most-of-the-time-mom myself and working from home, I have all the frustrations of the moms who work full-time and raise kids, but I probably get more sleep - at least I'm not doing laundry at 10 pm on a Monday night or spending my weekends catching up on housecleaning and errands. Happiness, for most modern mothers, would be having a cleaning lady come in once a week so they can enjoy their weekends. Having a wife would be even nicer.
I think that's why women are less happy. They don't have access to the free services of a wife. They have to pay to hire housecleaners, lawn and garden specialists, day care providers and babysitters, window washers and laundromats. Ergo, they forego these services unless they can afford to pay for them. And even some who can afford it would rather do it all themselves, even if it leads to exhaustion. Now I hope the women with daddies at home are getting more sleep and not feeling guilty that the men are carrying half of the load.
Women have been battling the lack of self-esteem and pats on the back for all the caring they do for a far longer time. Maybe having more men stay at home with their kids will turn out to be a boon for women and mothers. It may mean that the role of childcare, caretaking and house managing gets a boost in status, if more men take on this role. Or it may mean that the men who stay at home to care for their kids just lose status, get bored and return as quickly as possible to the 'real world' of perks, raises and bonuses. The end of the article on daddy bloggers states that he won't be a stay-at-home dad or "housebound" much longer - he's looking for a real job, to be back "being the primary breadwinner."
Does that mean his wife will go back to double time? doing the unclogging of toilets, driving kids to dentist appointments, and working full time? It doesn't say much for the real value of the real work parenting and housekeeping involves.
Either way, mommies and daddies are blogging about the ups and downs of being at home, while they're waiting for a 'real job'. One day, in my imagination, both women and men will agree that raising children is a very tough job indeed, and worthy of the highest recognition as a real job, if not the highest salary.
Meantime, let's welcome the dads into the blogosphere!
musemother
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Knowing the source of Joy
in you is the Hottest Topic. It is the news.
The joy that you have in you needs to be honoured. The love, not the love mixed up with lust, but the love that expresses itself in kindness, in gratitude and understanding, needs to be honoured. And indeed, the God that is within you also needs to be honoured. And the greatest of all gifts, the blessing of all blessings, the kindness of all kindnesses, the most subtle, most beautiful, needs to be honoured.
What does honour mean? To recognize it for what it is worth. To honour, respect, to acknowledge the most magnificent but the simplest of things in your life.
You honour everything else – you honour those things that do not honour you. What happens when you honour this God in you? God in return honours you, and the homage that is paid to you is called peace. That’s your reward.
It’s called Joy. It is called understanding.
You honour this breath and it brings you peace. That is simplicity. You need to start seeing simplicity in a new light. You need to start seeing the divine in a new light. And it is in your heart, not in a temple, but in the temple that resides in your heart.
...Search for this joy. Wherever you find it, fulfill your thirst. And if you don’t find it, look me up. I make it possible – it’s not just words.
Prem Rawat, Sydney Australia, May 5, 2009 (adapted from video on Mspeaks.com)
I couldn't resist printing this out on the blog today - just watched the video at www.mspeaks.com, free webcasts of events Maharaji is doing around the world. We may see him in my home town this weekend, and I am so excited!
Living words for the living....
nameste,
musemother
The joy that you have in you needs to be honoured. The love, not the love mixed up with lust, but the love that expresses itself in kindness, in gratitude and understanding, needs to be honoured. And indeed, the God that is within you also needs to be honoured. And the greatest of all gifts, the blessing of all blessings, the kindness of all kindnesses, the most subtle, most beautiful, needs to be honoured.
What does honour mean? To recognize it for what it is worth. To honour, respect, to acknowledge the most magnificent but the simplest of things in your life.
You honour everything else – you honour those things that do not honour you. What happens when you honour this God in you? God in return honours you, and the homage that is paid to you is called peace. That’s your reward.
It’s called Joy. It is called understanding.
You honour this breath and it brings you peace. That is simplicity. You need to start seeing simplicity in a new light. You need to start seeing the divine in a new light. And it is in your heart, not in a temple, but in the temple that resides in your heart.
...Search for this joy. Wherever you find it, fulfill your thirst. And if you don’t find it, look me up. I make it possible – it’s not just words.
Prem Rawat, Sydney Australia, May 5, 2009 (adapted from video on Mspeaks.com)
I couldn't resist printing this out on the blog today - just watched the video at www.mspeaks.com, free webcasts of events Maharaji is doing around the world. We may see him in my home town this weekend, and I am so excited!
Living words for the living....
nameste,
musemother
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Knowledge of the Self
Today, in a singing lesson I was reminded of the importance of learning by feeling, of letting go of the mind's intense desire to 'get something' or 'get it right', and go with the rapture.
Click on the link below for an excerpt from an interview with Burt Wolf and Prem Rawat, about self-knowledge, reason, logic, feeling and the heart:
http://www.tprf.org/prem-rawat/prem-rawat-interviews.htm
enjoy!
musemother
Click on the link below for an excerpt from an interview with Burt Wolf and Prem Rawat, about self-knowledge, reason, logic, feeling and the heart:
http://www.tprf.org/prem-rawat/prem-rawat-interviews.htm
enjoy!
musemother
Monday, June 08, 2009
7 Tools for Gaining Essential Wisdom
Tuning into body guidance - a revised version from earlier blog post
(with thanks to all the teachers who have inspired me: Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Marion Woodman and special thanks to Maharaji for showing me the well of peace within).
I believe our wisdom is close at hand, right within us, and very doable. You don't need a book to tell you how to tune in. All you need you have already, if you can live close to the body/
belly/heart wisdom.
If we can listen to our need for rest, food, inner peace, we can begin the healing we need. In my experience this involves trusting myself, and accepting that I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.
This is my challenge right now, and I share it with you because it is simple, (if not easy) to start following your body's guidance right now. (The first rule is so simple, you'll laugh. But it has been trained out of us since childhood.)
l. Eat when you are hungry. Enjoy your food (fresh, organic produce whenever possible) sitting down - taking time to digest and savour the flavours. Notice when you feel satisfied. If you are really adventurous, let yourself be served once a week. This feels wonderful!
2. Sleep when you are tired and take naps whenever possible. Set your body clock by going to bed at a reasonable hour. Can you find your own need for rest?
3. Strike two items off your to-do list every day and be happy with that. Do not be a slave to ‘getting it all done’. This helps me to practice feeling "I am enough". And from the Adrenaline Junkies List by Cheryl Richardson, I add, Do Not Spread yourself too thin. Learn to say No and disappoint people, gently.
4. Take time to sit in silence once a day to center yourself in the breath for at least 10 minutes. Make inner peace a priority, because it is :)
5. Stretch, shake your body, dance, do yoga, walk, or move a new muscle. Wake up your body every day. (thanks to Brigitte for this insight)
6. Go pee when you have to – respond to the first call. This is harder than it sounds.
7. When you have your monthly period, give yourself what you need – either rest or exercise. Consider that PMS is the result of not listening to your body guidance. Sit with your center and ask yourself, hot water bottle or pilates? Your gut will guide you. This is your time to be alone; your intuition is stronger now. Pay attention.
As with any list, you can start with any one of these in any order, and do what you can. Just begin somewhere to take care of you!
I have found that when I take care of myself and treat my body less harshly, more lovingly, I naturally become less harsh and more loving to others. My favourite gift to myself is a massage or Reiki session to balance my energy and relieve anxiety and stress.
Remember, whatever I bless flourishes, whatever I criticize falters. So love your body.
(from the Woman's Belly Book)
nameste,
musemother
(with thanks to all the teachers who have inspired me: Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Marion Woodman and special thanks to Maharaji for showing me the well of peace within).
I believe our wisdom is close at hand, right within us, and very doable. You don't need a book to tell you how to tune in. All you need you have already, if you can live close to the body/
belly/heart wisdom.
If we can listen to our need for rest, food, inner peace, we can begin the healing we need. In my experience this involves trusting myself, and accepting that I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.
This is my challenge right now, and I share it with you because it is simple, (if not easy) to start following your body's guidance right now. (The first rule is so simple, you'll laugh. But it has been trained out of us since childhood.)
l. Eat when you are hungry. Enjoy your food (fresh, organic produce whenever possible) sitting down - taking time to digest and savour the flavours. Notice when you feel satisfied. If you are really adventurous, let yourself be served once a week. This feels wonderful!
2. Sleep when you are tired and take naps whenever possible. Set your body clock by going to bed at a reasonable hour. Can you find your own need for rest?
3. Strike two items off your to-do list every day and be happy with that. Do not be a slave to ‘getting it all done’. This helps me to practice feeling "I am enough". And from the Adrenaline Junkies List by Cheryl Richardson, I add, Do Not Spread yourself too thin. Learn to say No and disappoint people, gently.
4. Take time to sit in silence once a day to center yourself in the breath for at least 10 minutes. Make inner peace a priority, because it is :)
5. Stretch, shake your body, dance, do yoga, walk, or move a new muscle. Wake up your body every day. (thanks to Brigitte for this insight)
6. Go pee when you have to – respond to the first call. This is harder than it sounds.
7. When you have your monthly period, give yourself what you need – either rest or exercise. Consider that PMS is the result of not listening to your body guidance. Sit with your center and ask yourself, hot water bottle or pilates? Your gut will guide you. This is your time to be alone; your intuition is stronger now. Pay attention.
As with any list, you can start with any one of these in any order, and do what you can. Just begin somewhere to take care of you!
I have found that when I take care of myself and treat my body less harshly, more lovingly, I naturally become less harsh and more loving to others. My favourite gift to myself is a massage or Reiki session to balance my energy and relieve anxiety and stress.
Remember, whatever I bless flourishes, whatever I criticize falters. So love your body.
(from the Woman's Belly Book)
nameste,
musemother
Friday, June 05, 2009
Friends Encouragement
Blogs are more than a personal diary, at least for me, the blog is a place to share information, reach out and touch someone with interesting facts or insights, and even make new friends. I especially love getting feedback and hearing from readers.
A friend wrote me this week to say she had visited the blog, browsed it, and found it chock-full of information and resources.
That encouragement is so helpful! thanks Sylvie for writing to me with your feedback.
I will never feel the need to 'tweet' about what I'm doing every minute of the day, because that is too much minutaie for anyone to be interested in. But today was not an ordinary day! I had a colonoscopy for the first time. Every person over 50 is supposed to have one, so I finally accepted my doctor's advice and booked one. It didn't take long, and the day before was more of a bother, what with emptying the colon all day.
However, if they offer a sedative, take it. I tried to be tough and go without it, but there was some discomfort and pain as they tried to reach all the way to the end of the colon, turning corners and helping the instruments along from outside as best they could.....won't go into more detail, but it was definitely easier once they put the drugs in an intravenus needle... I am so much more afraid of needles than of pain, that I put it off till the last minute, and now the Demerol is still wearing off.
Here is a quote from Conversations with God:
"For most of your life you've lived at the effect of your experiences. Now you're invited to be the cause of them. That is what is known as conscious living. That is what is called walking in awareness....
Be patient. You are gaining wisdom. And your joys are now increasingly available without pain. That too is a very good sign.
You are learning (remembering how) to love without pain; to let go without pain; to create without pain; to even cry without pain."
enjoy the new sun and warmth,
musemother
A friend wrote me this week to say she had visited the blog, browsed it, and found it chock-full of information and resources.
That encouragement is so helpful! thanks Sylvie for writing to me with your feedback.
I will never feel the need to 'tweet' about what I'm doing every minute of the day, because that is too much minutaie for anyone to be interested in. But today was not an ordinary day! I had a colonoscopy for the first time. Every person over 50 is supposed to have one, so I finally accepted my doctor's advice and booked one. It didn't take long, and the day before was more of a bother, what with emptying the colon all day.
However, if they offer a sedative, take it. I tried to be tough and go without it, but there was some discomfort and pain as they tried to reach all the way to the end of the colon, turning corners and helping the instruments along from outside as best they could.....won't go into more detail, but it was definitely easier once they put the drugs in an intravenus needle... I am so much more afraid of needles than of pain, that I put it off till the last minute, and now the Demerol is still wearing off.
Here is a quote from Conversations with God:
"For most of your life you've lived at the effect of your experiences. Now you're invited to be the cause of them. That is what is known as conscious living. That is what is called walking in awareness....
Be patient. You are gaining wisdom. And your joys are now increasingly available without pain. That too is a very good sign.
You are learning (remembering how) to love without pain; to let go without pain; to create without pain; to even cry without pain."
enjoy the new sun and warmth,
musemother
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Being and Doing the work you love
"Doing is a function of the body. Being is a function of the soul. The body is always doing something. Every minute of every day it's up to something. It never stops, it never rests, it's constantly doing something.
.The soul is forever being. IT IS BEING WHAT IT IS BEING, regardless of what the body is doing, not because of what it's doing...your soul doesn't care what you do for a living, and either will you when your life is over.
...Go ahead and do what you really love to do! Do nothing else! you have so little time. How can you think of wasting a moment doing something for a living you don't like to do? what kind of a living is that? that is not a lving, that is a dying!
If you say, But, but....I have others who depend on me...little mouths to feed...a spouse who is looking to me...I will answer: If you insist that your life is about what your body is doing you do not understand why you came here. At leaast do something that please you - that speaks of Who You Are.
Then at least you can stay out of resentment and anger toward those you imagine are keeping you from your joy.
What your body is doing is not to be discounted. It is important. But not in the way that you think. The actions of the body were meant to be reflections of a state of being, not attempts to attain a state of being.
...
You have a right to your joy; children or no children; spouse or no spouse. Seek it! find it! and you will have a joyful family, no matter how much money you make or don't make. and if they aren't joyful and they get up and leave you, then release them with love to seek their joy.
...
Your life work is a statement of Who You Are. If it is not, then why are you doing it?
Do you imagine that you have to?
you don't have to do anything.
If 'man who suports his family, at all costs, even hiw own happiness" is Who You Are, then love your work, because it is facilitating your creation of a lving statement of Self.
If 'woman who works at job she hates in order to meet responsibilties as she sees them' is Who You Are, then love, love, love your job, for it totally supports your Self image, yuour Self concept.
Everyone can love everything the moment they understand what they are doing, and why.
No one does anything he doesn't want to do.
.The soul is forever being. IT IS BEING WHAT IT IS BEING, regardless of what the body is doing, not because of what it's doing...your soul doesn't care what you do for a living, and either will you when your life is over.
...Go ahead and do what you really love to do! Do nothing else! you have so little time. How can you think of wasting a moment doing something for a living you don't like to do? what kind of a living is that? that is not a lving, that is a dying!
If you say, But, but....I have others who depend on me...little mouths to feed...a spouse who is looking to me...I will answer: If you insist that your life is about what your body is doing you do not understand why you came here. At leaast do something that please you - that speaks of Who You Are.
Then at least you can stay out of resentment and anger toward those you imagine are keeping you from your joy.
What your body is doing is not to be discounted. It is important. But not in the way that you think. The actions of the body were meant to be reflections of a state of being, not attempts to attain a state of being.
...
You have a right to your joy; children or no children; spouse or no spouse. Seek it! find it! and you will have a joyful family, no matter how much money you make or don't make. and if they aren't joyful and they get up and leave you, then release them with love to seek their joy.
...
Your life work is a statement of Who You Are. If it is not, then why are you doing it?
Do you imagine that you have to?
you don't have to do anything.
If 'man who suports his family, at all costs, even hiw own happiness" is Who You Are, then love your work, because it is facilitating your creation of a lving statement of Self.
If 'woman who works at job she hates in order to meet responsibilties as she sees them' is Who You Are, then love, love, love your job, for it totally supports your Self image, yuour Self concept.
Everyone can love everything the moment they understand what they are doing, and why.
No one does anything he doesn't want to do.
from Conversations with God, book 1 by Neale Donald Walsch
jenn/musemother
Monday, May 25, 2009
Goal Setting and the Feminine Way
“In this culture we are told to set goals. We are supposed to know where we are going and then take specific steps to get there. But this is not always possible, or even wise. It is the male model of linear, rational thinking. But the life process of women…is more chaotic and disorderly, more circular and intuitive. Sometimes we can’t see the next horizon until we step out of the old life. We don’t yet know where we are going. We may not know the place until we arrive.”
A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko
Here’s what one Jungian analyst and author says:
"The feeling values of the Feminine are woman’s earth and blood. They form the foundation of human interaction and flow out to nourish all of society. In places where Feminine feeling values are ignored or persecuted, life becomes oppressive and barren."
From I sit listening to the wind, Judith Duerk
Waiting, stillness, feelings, not knowing where I am going....
these are all uncomfortable places for me to be, to be waiting for my daughter during her physiotherapy appointment, to be waiting for my husband to come home from a golf tournament now knowing if he wants supper or not, to be inside my body feeling what I am feeling during all these moments instead of elsewhere in my thoughts, far in the future or lost in the past.
Every organization uses goal setting, every life coach encourages us to set goals for the future to help us get started on the present.
But if I listen to the feminine wisdom about being close to stillness, and feelings and being willing to wait until uncertainty clears, I may become less goal-centered and more centered: more willing to be circular....to listen to non-logic, to intuition, to quiet whisperings heaving up from underground. To pay attention to the non-visible, the not known by the 5 senses, and yes, to the five senses too.
To be a woman going in circles and spirals, getting closer to the center with each step. The goal, not out here, but in here, and unfolding.
nameste
musemother
A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko
Here’s what one Jungian analyst and author says:
"The feeling values of the Feminine are woman’s earth and blood. They form the foundation of human interaction and flow out to nourish all of society. In places where Feminine feeling values are ignored or persecuted, life becomes oppressive and barren."
From I sit listening to the wind, Judith Duerk
Waiting, stillness, feelings, not knowing where I am going....
these are all uncomfortable places for me to be, to be waiting for my daughter during her physiotherapy appointment, to be waiting for my husband to come home from a golf tournament now knowing if he wants supper or not, to be inside my body feeling what I am feeling during all these moments instead of elsewhere in my thoughts, far in the future or lost in the past.
Every organization uses goal setting, every life coach encourages us to set goals for the future to help us get started on the present.
But if I listen to the feminine wisdom about being close to stillness, and feelings and being willing to wait until uncertainty clears, I may become less goal-centered and more centered: more willing to be circular....to listen to non-logic, to intuition, to quiet whisperings heaving up from underground. To pay attention to the non-visible, the not known by the 5 senses, and yes, to the five senses too.
To be a woman going in circles and spirals, getting closer to the center with each step. The goal, not out here, but in here, and unfolding.
nameste
musemother
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Eve Ensler speaks for Congolese Women
Usually I write about myself, my needs, and my own dreams, but today I received a newsletter from Eve Ensler and V-Day.org, and realized there is something more important to bring your attention to. Recently Eve and Stephen Lewis were invited to speak to my country's parliament about the situation in Congo.
Eve has been doing some wonderful and difficult work over there, gathering support and publicizing the atrocities perpetrated on women and their vaginas through rape and violence. I heard Stephen Lewis address the members of 60 Million Girls foundation about AIDS in Afrida two years ago and was impressed by his clarity, and his anger. These two people are working tirelessly to give silent women a voice.
In solidarity with those women, and without knowing what else to do exactly to support this effort except raise my voice, I have posted a poem entitled Mother Famine on the http://www.wisdomforwomen.blogspot.com/ blog. Below is a link to Eve's speech. Please take five minutes and read it. I know there are rapes happening around the world (1 in 3 women), but the situation in Congo is particularly dire.
Read Eve Ensler's speech to Canadian Parliament about the rape of the women in Congo at link below. "Until The Violence Stops: How Canada Can Help End The Use Of Sexual Violence As A Weapon In War."Read Eve's speech to the Canadian Parliament at:
http://www.vday.org/canada-parliament
taken from V-Day Newsletter, May 14, 2009
musemother/jenn
Eve has been doing some wonderful and difficult work over there, gathering support and publicizing the atrocities perpetrated on women and their vaginas through rape and violence. I heard Stephen Lewis address the members of 60 Million Girls foundation about AIDS in Afrida two years ago and was impressed by his clarity, and his anger. These two people are working tirelessly to give silent women a voice.
In solidarity with those women, and without knowing what else to do exactly to support this effort except raise my voice, I have posted a poem entitled Mother Famine on the http://www.wisdomforwomen.blogspot.com/ blog. Below is a link to Eve's speech. Please take five minutes and read it. I know there are rapes happening around the world (1 in 3 women), but the situation in Congo is particularly dire.
Read Eve Ensler's speech to Canadian Parliament about the rape of the women in Congo at link below. "Until The Violence Stops: How Canada Can Help End The Use Of Sexual Violence As A Weapon In War."Read Eve's speech to the Canadian Parliament at:
http://www.vday.org/canada-parliament
taken from V-Day Newsletter, May 14, 2009
musemother/jenn
Monday, May 11, 2009
Gift of Solitude
Hope your mother's day weekend was pleasant, restful and socially full - can all those go together? it depends who is doing the cooking I guess, and the numbers of extended family that descend on you.
Our brunch was somewhere else, with Chinese food ordered in, with both my mother and my mother-in-law attending, as well as 16 other family members. So it was fun, sociable, and exhausting - only because the night before my daughter had her last dance show and invited 30 of her fellow-dancers in the graduating class to come and celebrate at midnight! Needless to say, our sleep was cut short a bit.
This morning, while sitting at the osteopath's office waiting for Caitie's appointment to be over, I read A Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I have seen this book quoted, seen the book title on other blog lists, but can't believe I haven't read it before now.
It is exactly the book I would love to write - on the importance of solitude and alone time for women to find themselves, to nurture their souls, and not only once a year on vacation or retreat, but every week, and even every day.
We give and give outwards, and need to spiral back inwards, like the shells Lindbergh picks up on the beach and uses as metaphors for the stages of a woman's life. How easily she writes! And she writes from experience, having had five children, a busy home life, and authored several books.
It's not only artists or monks who need and appreciate solitude. But it is a foreign topic to most of us, who fill our days with radio, TV, newspapers and 'busy-ness'. We are perhaps afraid to be alone, to be silent. Since our young childhood we are taught how to occupy ourselves, how to be sociable, and the worst punishment is to be sent to your room, alone, cut off from the world.
Yet I feel as Lindbergh does, that our nourishment comes from within, from our own thoughts and reflections, from the time we use to center-down, as the Quaker's say.
Here's to centering within, in the midst of your day. Take a minute to look out the window, refresh your gaze, let your mind wander. Daydream a little, or watch the clouds, and see if this little break for your mind can replenish the well.
If you have a chance to plan for a half-day retreat somewhere, or even a daily walk in the woods, make that a priority on this lovely spring day.
nameste,
Jenn
Our brunch was somewhere else, with Chinese food ordered in, with both my mother and my mother-in-law attending, as well as 16 other family members. So it was fun, sociable, and exhausting - only because the night before my daughter had her last dance show and invited 30 of her fellow-dancers in the graduating class to come and celebrate at midnight! Needless to say, our sleep was cut short a bit.
This morning, while sitting at the osteopath's office waiting for Caitie's appointment to be over, I read A Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I have seen this book quoted, seen the book title on other blog lists, but can't believe I haven't read it before now.
It is exactly the book I would love to write - on the importance of solitude and alone time for women to find themselves, to nurture their souls, and not only once a year on vacation or retreat, but every week, and even every day.
We give and give outwards, and need to spiral back inwards, like the shells Lindbergh picks up on the beach and uses as metaphors for the stages of a woman's life. How easily she writes! And she writes from experience, having had five children, a busy home life, and authored several books.
It's not only artists or monks who need and appreciate solitude. But it is a foreign topic to most of us, who fill our days with radio, TV, newspapers and 'busy-ness'. We are perhaps afraid to be alone, to be silent. Since our young childhood we are taught how to occupy ourselves, how to be sociable, and the worst punishment is to be sent to your room, alone, cut off from the world.
Yet I feel as Lindbergh does, that our nourishment comes from within, from our own thoughts and reflections, from the time we use to center-down, as the Quaker's say.
Here's to centering within, in the midst of your day. Take a minute to look out the window, refresh your gaze, let your mind wander. Daydream a little, or watch the clouds, and see if this little break for your mind can replenish the well.
If you have a chance to plan for a half-day retreat somewhere, or even a daily walk in the woods, make that a priority on this lovely spring day.
nameste,
Jenn
Friday, May 08, 2009
Mothering Recognition
http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=M0xAdlv8raRJ_Cnx8B71pjExNzgzNjA1&referred_by=15713813-PPlF02x&p=moveon
Click on the above link to watch a video nominating yours truly for Mother of the Year,
but then you can click on the label that says, send one to all your friends, and it will insert their names and send to their email address, once you fill it out.
This is a very smart website, from momsrising.org in the U.S., and although I am Canadian, I heartily endorse the sentiment. Moms need more recognition and thanks!
happy mother's day,
mother yourself today
jenn/musemother
Click on the above link to watch a video nominating yours truly for Mother of the Year,
but then you can click on the label that says, send one to all your friends, and it will insert their names and send to their email address, once you fill it out.
This is a very smart website, from momsrising.org in the U.S., and although I am Canadian, I heartily endorse the sentiment. Moms need more recognition and thanks!
happy mother's day,
mother yourself today
jenn/musemother
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