Love the Fool in You

I love this post, found on Facebook.

The Shadow side of us includes all the parts we neglect, deny, want no part of. The parts that are too much, too little, too sensitive, too loud.

I practice self-accepance by making SoulCollage cards for the Fool in me, the Whiney crybaby, the Stoic one, the out of control Bossy one, as well as for the sides of me I love and accept.

check out www.soulcollage.com for a short video explaining how easy and fun it is, or visit my website at www.jenniferboire.com under Retreats and Classes.

xxx
Musemother

FINDING C.A.L.M.: 5 TIPS FOR CREATIVE SELF-CARE at Mid-Life:

Mothering, mid-life transition and menopause – doesn’t sound like a fun mix, does it? It can be a stressful time, and you definitely need to take care of yourself, but you also have to have fun!

image found on Pinterest

Now that my kids have flown the coop, I’m rediscovering the hobbies and activities I used to love doing as a child, and exploring new ones. For instance, when I was in high school, I remember spending hours making Bristol board-sized collages . Yet I hadn’t done it in over forty years. Two years ago I discovered SoulCollage® (www.soulcollage.com), so much fun and a lot of self-discovery.  I also joined a Sweet Adelines chorus 8 years ago, and that led to singing with a barbershop quartet and lots of fun performances. I hadn’t been on a theatre stage since high school, but a recent musical theatre experience of ABBA songs made me feel happy and alive.

FIND YOUR INNER CALM through small daily creative and soulful practices at mid-life. Take classes, experiment, find out what you are passionate about – I bet you it’s something creative!

1.   Get Creative and Flow –doing any artistic or creative activity using your right brain is the #1 way to slow down and love your life: get in the FLOW. (Flow is when you lose track of time, and are totally absorbed by doing something you love). Try journaling, SoulCollage®, writing poems; tell your stories to your grandchildren, take up crocheting, gardening, floral arranging,  pottery classes, piano lessons. You’ll stay young longer.

2.   Listen to your Intuition: get in touch with your wise inner self; to cultivate this, allow more down time for getting in touch with your intuition. Journaling is a great way to do this. Or get out into the woods, take a walk, and breathe in the natural world around you. Pause and appreciate life.

3.   Love your body:  move your body every day; join a Zumba or Salsa class. Find out what foods make you calm, (greens or protein for example vs sugar and caffeine). Make friends with your emotions through a body scan and/or relaxation exercises (see link on side-bar for Musemother’s Relaxation CD). Listen to the small signals before they become bigger, i.e. don’t let minor health issues or emotional upsets get swept under the rug.

4.   Be Mindful: the best anti-stress medicine is to use your breath in Yoga, Tai-Chi, Chi Gong or Meditation for calming the parasympathetic nervous system. New neuroscience research shows that when we meditate, the areas of the brain associated with stress slow down and the parts associated with feelings of joy, peace and compassion become active. It’s another way to experience FLOW in the body… and it’s as simple as doing some alternate nostril breathing or yoga, or focusing on a centering breath technique. 

5.    Play with friends! Energize yourself. Are you a couch potato? the weather is nice, get outside, play soccer, walk in nature or go lawn bowling. Remember what you used to love doing –singing and dancing? Join a theatre club or chorus (sharing fun activities with others is a known endorphin booster).

Bonus tip: One more habit you can build in to feel better, is to change your negative self-talk and fears by working with affirmations. When you change your thoughts and words, you change your beliefs and core vibration. Here are a few samples to get you started:

Sample positive affirmations for well-being (make up your own, write them down and read out loud):

1.   I am centered, happy, and healthy.

2.   I am worthy and deserving of love.

3.   I fully embrace my personal power.

4.   Each part of my life is balanced with my need to rest and rejuvenate.

5.   I joyfully embrace my creativity.

Happy Creative Self-Care!

Musemother

CALM: Creative, Artistic, Loving, Mindful.

Facing the fear of Mid-life Changes

Recently I spoke on 50 Ways to Love Turning Fifty at a local library. Near the end, when I opened up the discussion among the women present, it became clear that the real subject was the fear of going crazy with pre-menopausal changes. Every woman is different, of course, but many complain of unaccounted for mood swings, a strong need to be alone, a serious lack of sleep, a libido so low it's scraping the floor. There are a host of other emotional symptoms that come along with the hormonal changes.

Often, doctors don't seem to be aware that women need a heads up – women don't only want to know if their estrogen or progesterone is high or low. They want to know that they are not going crazy. They want to know that some of this is normal, and may hit them in their 40's before they're even thinking about menopause. (Average age is 51, but peri-menopause can start 7-10 years before that).

If you have any overwhelming emotions or issues, it's definitely worth talking to a health professional, whether it's naturopath, homeopath or an open-minded doctor, to find out how to mitigate the symptoms. Sometimes the emotional rollercoaster is worse than any physical hot flashes etc. Sometimes, seeing a therapist may be called for, to help clear away any emotional ‘stuff’ you've been sweeping under the carpet for too long. 

Bottom line is this: take care of your self. Lighten your load, let your family know when you need help, rest when you can, make yourself less busy. It’s time to accept that there are major changes afoot, and you need to assimilate all this 'stuff' coming up. Get away when you can, and most importantly, talk to girlfriends who are open to talking about menopause.

There is a chapter in my book The Tao of Turning Fifty about the descent of Inanna, a wonderful ancient story about a woman being totally stripped of all her powers in the underworld, then returning with new life. It reminded me of my own menopausal journey, which in some ways was a journey into the dark caverns of frozen emotions. There definitely is a return to the surface, as you let go of the old stories and return with new understanding, new clarity and refreshed vigour. Don't lose hope!

I hope this book will be a lantern in the darkness or a guidepost to  women who are experiencing turmoil and are not sure which way is up. I can see now that some of the physical issues I was facing in my forties and fifties, the bursitis, frozen shoulder and a broken leg - were physical manifestations of my inner journey. Ways that I was 'allowed' to slow down, and receive extra love and tender care. Ailments that forced me to treat myself with kindness and compassion, instead of pushing on past my limits

.

So this is a reminder to you, if you are travelling through mid-life and experiencing any turmoil, that you are not alone. Other women have been there, are voyaging along with you. Please take good care of yourself. Don't put self-care off -- don't put yourself last on the list. Your family, husband and children deserve the best of you. 

You are worthy and deserving of taking a creative break, of rest and good nutrition, as well as healthy exercise. Get out our journal, or call up a friend, and talk to someone today about how you feel.

Namaste,

Musemother/Jenn

or Women's Week!

“The woman’s journey

is to realize

her power is

within her.

As a woman.”

                                                           

                                                                                 Joseph Campbell, Pathways to Bliss



Celebrate Women's Week!  Enter the The Tao of Turning Fifty give-away on my Facebook site, with 3 great prizes – 

1) an autographed copy of The Tao of Turning Fifty plus my Musemother Relaxation CD 

2) a copy of the book 

3) a copy of the Musemother CD

Share this with your friends. I would LOVE to make it to 1000 likes on my Facebook page.

TO ENTER THE CONTEST (starts today) :  

http://gvwy.io/rm1eizq 




Namaste,
Jenn/Musemother
www.jenniferboire.com

Self-Care: What Small Daily Practice can you do?

“Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion and treat themselves accordingly.” ~ Martha Beck

(from my March Newsletter)

Happy Lunar New Year,

Welcome to the gentle, dream-filled year of the Ram, symbol of o-operation, strength and determination. I am writing to you from the depths of winter here in Montreal, a still white landscape out my window. The land is sunny, most days, but caught in a polar freeze.

And I feel the need to confess something to you, who may look at me as a teacher, retreat leader or wise woman. It’s taken me a long time, but I have finally begun, at age 60, to intuit what my inner rhythm is. Especially since the empty nest years have arrived now, with more free time to be creative, volunteer my time, or just have tea with friends, it has been challenging to not be over busy. I love taking on too many projects, (I’m sure it makes me feel worthy and deserving). But lately, my body has been sending me messages of overwhelm and I have to listen.

The other day, on a teleconference about Self-Care, I heard three small words that shifted something in my inner world: small daily practices. The presenter was making self-care sound important, she was writing a PhD on the subject. I sat up and took notice. She acknowledged the challenges we face because our culture, our work and our schools don’t train us to respond to our need for feeling at ease. We are trained to look elsewhere, to treats or movies and vacations for contentment. The whole notion of tuning inwards takes practice.

While I have been practicing meditation and yoga for a long time, my daily work habits are more about running around in circles, needing to feel useful but often feeling pressured for time. Even the cat and dog take priority over my well-being! On top of that, I have some of the paradoxical characteristics of the creative personality. *

For instance, I can be wildly energetic, then crave quiet and rest; am both extroverted and introverted, needing social company and solitude in equal measure; both painfully self-doubting and wildly self-confident. “Despair alternates with bliss, despair when they aren’t working, and bliss when they are,” says Juliet Bruce.

Which means the energy vortex in my home is not always calm and flowing.
But in the words of Tami Kent, author of the book Wild Creative, there is a way to work creatively that honors inner flow. It may mean throwing out the list-making habit: “Rather than attempting to be creative in all areas at once, I follow the creative flow to the priority at hand. If I tried to make a list of everything I did, crossing off tasks in a linear manner, I would accomplish much less and with less creative insight. Instead, I live each day from the presence of my center and take direction from the guidance that arises naturally. …pausing and receiving guidance from within is the way to align with your creative channel. …Simply follow the flow.”

This was my aha moment this week, both Tami Kent and the Self-Care piece. I had had a crazy Monday, jumping up from meditation too fast to call someone who needed help making costumes– I was ready to throw away the Monday mini-retreat, that small practice that keeps me feeling grounded in my internal oasis. And in the process, I rode roughshod over my Creative Soul in panic. It turns out she had spent the night at the hospital with her daughter, and couldn’t use me until later in the week. So I thankfully returned to my journal and continued where I had left off. Inside my body, I could feel how off-kilter the rushing had made me. So this week, I decided that was the end. It does harm to my psyche as well as my body, to respond in panic to the adrenaline rush.

A lifetime of bad habits sometime overcomes our common sense or inner wisdom. I know that I want to make self-care and creative flow a habit, not just for the hour I sit to practice meditation, but at the computer, in my kitchen, and generally, all around. Small daily practices help me slow down and pause, checking-in to see how I feel and what is needed before dashing off in high gear.

I’m going to need help. I release the worry that other people may feel I am not responding quickly enough to their needs. I honour and pay attention to my own feelings. What small daily practice can you do?

One last thing: I am starting a give-away March 3 on my blog and Facebook site, with 3 great prizes – 1) an autographed copy of The Tao of Turning Fifty plus my Musemother Relaxation CD, 2) a copy of the book, and 3) a copy of the CD.

You can share this with your friends. I also want to make it to 1000 likes on my Facebook page.

TO ENTER THE CONTEST (starts TUESDAY MARCH 3) :  here is the link - http://gvwy.io/rm1eizq

Namaste,

Jennifer/Musemother
www.jenniferboire.com


*  http://expandedconsciousness.com/2015/02/17/10-paradoxical-traits-highly-creative-people/

The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life

I am relishing this latest Creative Circle class, as we near the end of exploring our Heroine's quest or Journey. We have been journaling and making SoulCollage(R) cards each week, for seven weeks now.  Below is a card I made about meeting the Beast, and my brave-hearted little girl (lion-heart or Coeur de lion) who is leaping into the fray, small but mighty.

The mid-life journey (anywhere from mid-40's to mid-60's) has lead me on many inner adventures, and a few life changes too. Why do I look at it as a Heroic Quest? 

A woman's cyclical journey through life involves many transformations. She leaves behind one self to become another - from pre-puberty to teen, from maiden to mother, and at menopause, her body and hormones are changing once again. The Heroic Quest involves a separation from the old life, a descent into the abyss, a revelation or transformation, and a return. Most women go through this more than once! Even Joseph Campbell calls mothering a heroic task.

It takes courage to be a woman, but it also calls on the power of the Feminine. We can stride into the forest and wrestle the Beast or bears, but more often the strength that is needed is slower, more patient, as in labour and childbirth. 

A woman's strength comes from her center, from the wholeness of her being, and it demands her Presence, her intuitive knowing and response to what is needed. At menstruation, we learned to tune in and listen better to our own hormonal rhythms, our mood swings and emotional needs. At childbirth, we learn to surrender to the body and a baby coming out, and then to its needs for food and rest. 

At Menopause, we transform once more, and learn the big lesson of Descent and Return. We are on our way to becoming Elders. And the need for self-care becomes paramount, so we can better serve the young children, men and women coming up behind us. 

We can fight these rhythms of change, the seasons and cycles, and suffer being out of whack, out of tune with ourselves. Or we can listen to the inner rhythm, connect to body, mind and soul, giving ourselves that tender, gentle care we so lovingly lavish on others. 

That self-compassion and kindness, that gentle self-love goes a long way to healing the heroine's angsts and fears. Follow your intuition, and a pathway will open up in the dark woods. Follow your bliss, and don't let the dragons of fear paralyze you. 

This is your Quest, your Journey. And you will emerge brighter, better, stronger than before. The second half of life awaits you. Enter and Enjoy!

Musemother

www.jenniferboire.com

Angry at Winter? Here's my plan

I went to bed yesterday shivering and cold, the area where my desk is, right by the lovely picture window, lets in a lot of cold air. New house, new windows, not so great at -25 Celsius. Depressing piles of snow out my window and grey skies. It made me wonder why we put up with this climate in Canada.

This morning, the depression was replaced with anger - I've had it with winter. Every morning we check the thermometer, hoping for an improvement. It's only mid-February. It's been below -15 for weeks. Weather channel says another month of this....arrgh. 

How I decided to vanquish winter

This particular winter feels like a long famine of colour and comfort, so I decided I needed a feast. I popped into the grocery store after getting my car washed (all the salt on the roads had turned it light gray and my red coat is covered in this grime). A balmy -8 this morning, at least the doors won't freeze shut. Then the sun came out,  bonus! 

Filled the shopping cart with bright  greens, kale, lettuce, asparagus! cauliflower, pears and grapefruits, then papaya and strawberries (I normally only buy fruit in season, but the colours screamed out at me - pick me!). Next I picked up some lovely yellow and coral coloured tulips - I'll beat these blahs with flowers. Rack of lamb, pulled pork, (normally I only order organic meat online from a regional farm, but I am really pissed off at winter today). To top it off, dark chocolate with sea salt for dessert.

We will feast our way through the rest of this week. I'm making soups and stews: cabbage soup, onion soup, lentil soup, the slow cooker working double time. Crisping Kale in the oven with garlic salt, cayenne and Herbamare (to make chips) - I am not going to take this winter lying down in starvation, that's for sure. 

While I was out and about today, buying gifts for my niece's new baby, I saw a coffee depot in the mall and did something I NEVER do, bought a caffe latte and chocolate almonds (I haven't drank coffee in the afternoon since menopause 9 years ago). I am so mad at winter I'm throwing my old cautious lifestyle out the window. Take that sluggish moods and blah depressing feelings.

Kicking the frozen slush of the tire walls of my car made me feel better, but not stepping into deep icy puddles in the parking lot, watching my UGG boots get white tipped with salt. Back home, let the pooch run on the frozen lake, for a whole 15 minutes, which is the longest we've been outside in weeks! These are the only excursions out of doors, besides driving to the grocery store or out to Hudson Music Club rehearsals.

Know this Winter: I will not be defeated by you nor by seasonal affective disorder. I am going to make comfort food, roasts, stews, bake cakes and bread (gluten free chocolate of course), and keep my self bundled up in cashmere, wool scarves, and double layers of quilting. I may even get the cross country skis out if it goes above -10 this weekend.

Stay Warm and Eat lots of Fattening Foods! see poem below on February.

Musemother

February

BY MARGARET ATWOOD

Winter. Time to eat fat

and watch hockey. In the pewter mornings, the cat,   

a black fur sausage with yellow

Houdini eyes, jumps up on the bed and tries   

to get onto my head. It’s his

way of telling whether or not I’m dead.

If I’m not, he wants to be scratched; if I am   

He’ll think of something. He settles

on my chest, breathing his breath

of burped-up meat and musty sofas,

purring like a washboard. Some other tomcat,   

not yet a capon, has been spraying our front door,   

declaring war. It’s all about sex and territory,   

which are what will finish us off

in the long run. Some cat owners around here   

should snip a few testicles. If we wise   

hominids were sensible, we’d do that too,   

or eat our young, like sharks.

But it’s love that does us in. Over and over   

again, He shoots, he scores! and famine

crouches in the bedsheets, ambushing the pulsing   

eiderdown, and the windchill factor hits   

thirty below, and pollution pours

out of our chimneys to keep us warm.

February, month of despair,

with a skewered heart in the centre.

I think dire thoughts, and lust for French fries   

with a splash of vinegar.

Cat, enough of your greedy whining

and your small pink bumhole.

Off my face! You’re the life principle,

more or less, so get going

on a little optimism around here.

Get rid of death. Celebrate increase. Make it be spring.

Margaret Atwood, “February” from Morning in the Burned House

10 ways to practice Self-Love, on Valentine’s Day or Every Day

As a Scorpio, eldest daughter and born Caretaker (I found this out at www.archetypes.com), I am often great at giving out advice but not so great at doing it myself. This list reminds me how important it is to fill my own well so I can share the love with those around me.

1.      Stop, listen, pay attention: I love the acronym for PAIN. Pay Attention Inside Now. How do you feel? What are you missing right now? Where does something not feel right? Where do you feel awesome? Noticing how you feel is the first step to taking action.

2.      Body Love: Honour the body’s messengers/guidance: those signals are popping up to help you. Don’t put it off. For instance, if you’re tired, take a short nap. If you’re hungry, make yourself a healthy snack or smoothie; if you’re stressed, take a stretch break and breathe. Don’t make excuses; love yourself by listening to the body’s messages.

3.      Loving TLC - Pamper yourself: this is not selfish. You can’t feed the world from an empty well. Need a mental health day? Give yourself permission to lounge and relax, read a book in bed all day. Or if this is difficult, book a massage. Get your hair or nails prettified; buy yourself a bunch of yellow tulips. Mid-February can be pretty bleak, so add some color to your life.

4.      Free to be me Love - Do something silly only you love to do: jump on the bed and giggle, convince a friend, sibling or partner to go sliding with you (even if you hate the cold, get out and play). Make a chocolate fondue and smear chocolate all over your fingers then lick them clean.

5.      Funny Love - Loosen up and laugh more: find a funny movie you haven’t watched in years, make it as corny as you can find, The Three Stooges or Maxwell Smart, something you used to love as a kid that will tickle your funny bone.

6.      Friend Love: call a friend you haven’t spoken to in over a month – we get so busy, we forget that a long talk with a close friend can open the heart; not a text, Facebook message or email – a real heart to heart in person or on the phone, if possible. If they live far away, surprise them with a Skype call.

7.      Creative Love: give yourself a creative break today. I love Sark’s book Succulent Wild Woman - she recommends staying in bed in your jammies and colouring with pens or crayons. Getting your creative flow on is a surefire mood booster. If you haven’t gotten your paints out for a while, set up the easel in the kitchen and make a mess. Do some collage, if you want something simple – all you need is glue, scissors and a few magazines. Get in the Flow; you’ll love yourself for doing it. As Sark says: Live like a full cup of self love, sharing the overflow with the world.

8.      Soulful Love - Pray/write/dialogue with your Soul: Don’t have a soul mate? Your soul or inner voice would love to speak with you. Author Janet Connor of Writing down your Soul, suggests that you just lay it all out in your journal – what you’re feeling, a dilemma you’re in, a challenge facing you – then let your inner voice respond with what is sure to be wise words. I love using this journaling tool to access my inner wisdom.

9.      Full Body Love: look at yourself in the mirror and see past the crow’s feet, the crooked eyebrows and the shadows under your eyes – see past the flaws, don’t curse them. Bless them! Say out loud while gazing into your right eyeball. I love you! I will cherish and love you all the days of my life. To help you with this, put on John Legend’s gorgeous song: All of Me.

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections

10.   Ultimate Self-Love Party: strip naked, in front of a full-length mirror and touch with a loving touch every part of your body that needs some extra attention or love right now. Unhappy with your thighs? Touch them with loving thoughts. Saggy underarms? Touch them with love. Purposefully ignore the self-hate and ride over it with the voice of your Inner Best Friend, and again, sing All of Me: Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections… Remember, what you curse falters, and what you bless, flourishes.

Bonus points: a little sexy self-loving can’t hurt – get out your rose smelling almond oil and an inspiring book (Deep Down or 50 Shades of Grey) and play with your partner or your pillow!

Find the time and space to be your own best lover this Valentine’s. Don’t get caught up in the cliché of red roses and chocolate hearts: you deserve to love yourself, today, and every day.

Valentine's is for the lover in you

Dear ones,

it has been too long. I am posting frequently on Facebook, sending out monthly newsletters, leading classes and retreats, but I have forgotten to come back to this blog.

I guess it's a sign of where my attention is going.

But today, this week, Love Week, here is something to watch and listen to, to remind you that your heart longs to be loved, held, cared for, to love and be loved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pm6dvYnUrIs

and here are some Lovely Quotes about Love (music by Stuart Hoffman). Watch this lovely slideshow, prepared by Mitch Ditkoff, who is trying to make this go viral and raise money for www.tprf.org (a great cause, peace and dignity for all).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR33tqKz8r4


Happy Lover's Day!

Musemother

Happy Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year

Here are some great winter quotes for you to muse on:

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”  ― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

Here's a good one on Home:

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.”  ― Edith Sitwell

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.” 
― Yoko Ono

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." [Meditations Divine and Moral]” 
― Anne Bradstreet, The Works of Anne Bradstreet

“Snow flurries began to fall and they swirled around people's legs like house cats. It was magical, this snow globe world.”  ― Sarah Addison Allen, The Sugar Queen


Have a cozy, snug winter holiday,

Musemother

How to find Harmony & Peace

It's the end of the year, very very soon. But first we hit the holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Solstice, Christmas, the ring in the New Year...

But before that, before any resolutions come across the plate like a home run hit.....ponder this.

"Trying to be all things to all people leads to anxiety, irritability and burnout. It's time to dial it back - by about 30 per cent - and put your own well-being first."

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/giving-your-70-per-cent-can-be-better-overall/article22068990/

This excerpt from a great article in yesterday's Globe & Mail hits the nail on the head. Constantly striving to do more, faster and better only makes us less effective sometimes. It can affect our productivity by using up all our reserves of energy. We're so afraid of appearing lazy or selfish, even to our own Inner Critics, let alone our family and co-workers, that we don't know how to let up on the gas pedal. Crash and burn victims are all around me, too many cases of burn-out and chronic fatigue.

This article quotes several  life-work balance experts, such as Renee Peterson Trudeau, who say it actually makes more sense to dial it back a bit, and reserve up to 40 per cent of your energy for yourself. Take the time to slow down, put important things first, and really, finaly, tune into your inner wisdom. 

To that end, this year I have done 70% of my shopping on-line, and rejoice every time a big box is left at my door - I have a big extended family on both sides, and even with gift exchanges and name picking, there is a long list, including not only my children, siblings, but god-children and niece's new babies, etc.

I have yet to hit the shopping mall and face the wrath of tired shoppers circling the parking lot looking for a spot that isn't 3 miles away.

If you still feel like you need to feel worthy and acceptable by 'doing it all', read this article and take a deep breath. Consider the notion of "The power of Less" or "haiku productivity" - that introducing some idea of restraint on your activity may actually help you prioritize. Go from frazzled to peaceful - it's worth a try.

Love yourself, love the holidays, love your family, but save 30% of your day for resting, recouping and relaxing. Get the little elves to help you decorate and wrap and cook. 

How does that sound?

best wishes for happy festivities and Love,
Musemother

Listening to your own wisdom

I was reminded today during a wonderful Zumba class and chat with personal trainer Brigitte that I am often being guided to trust my inner resources instead of finding the answers outside myself. We had a great talk while recovering from all that physical exertion, lying on the floor.

Twice in the past ten years I have met with creative coaches, one of whom was a channeler of 'guides', to help me find the right direction for my life and how best to use my gifts. Both times I was told, 'my guides are telling me you have to find the answer yourself.' Or, 'I think you need to go sit with the Unknown for a while and see what comes up'.

There is a booming business in clairvoyants, angelic voices being channelled and all kinds of ways to seek guidance from other people, even crystals, but the most challenging thing I've ever had to do is trust that I am receiving guidance, if I can just pay attention to the signs and signals that are coming at me, and listen to my heart.

Today, after Zumba, I was looking into some inquiry cards that a SoulCollage facilitator posted a link to. The card of the day (they pose questions, don't give answers), was What is my next step?

I thought that was pretty serendipitous so I stared at the patterns of the card, hoping to find an answer. Something vague floated around in consciousness for a while, then I thought, ok, let's just order the cards. 

Back to my inbox, an email from my sister asking if I had seen a writing submission for a magazine -  http://www.darkmatterwomenwitnessing.com  which I had not heard of, and there I found an amazing article by Deena Metzger about indigenous people, and her path as a healer. She is a writer I admire, and I know she addressed the SoulCollage conference last year, so I read her story with great interest, especially about the importance of dreams.

I had a dream that I was trying to figure out, and a line somewhere jumped out at me - about grief and grieving, that we move from the frozen part of grief to feeling grief, and that answered a question I had been asking Brigitte earlier about the remnants of a frozen shoulder. She and I were trying to get to the bottom of any emotional baggage that was stuck and hindering the healing (over 3 years now), besides the overuse of computer and bad posture on my part. 

Deena also wrote that sometimes she asks herself, how would a wise elder act, before acting. How would someone who cares for the earth, for all her relations, for community, acting out of compassion, not competition, act?

And that reminded me that this whole 'right shoulder', inner masculine side of me that is very competitive, and overactive, could calm down a little and listen to her inner wise elder. I have a few SoulCollage(R) cards that are African elders, male and female, and I have wondered why there were so many indigenous people in my Archetypes suit. 

Anyway, one goes in circles sometimes, bopping from one website article, to another. But today, they all felt linked, and it brought me back full circle to my own inner wisdom. I love that through journaling and SoulCollage(R) answers come to me from my own subconscious, when I am relaxed and not forcing things, just 'playing'.

and now, off to dream....

Musemother
see www.soulcollage.com for more information 
or visit my website www.jenniferboire.com

Five Gifts of Pro-Aging, by Marcia Newman,

Balboa Press, $11.99 US

Baby Boomers may have been at the forefront of many liberation movements, (and there are 78 million of us in the cohort) but currently, more and more women are succumbing to slavery of a different kind - to a youth-obsessed culture: dying our hair, injecting botox, nipping, tucking and otherwise refusing to accept looking our age.  Author Marcia Newman had her own aging crisis one day while looking in the mirror, and decided it was time to confront the fear of looking like her mother by letting her hair go gray.

Newman’s work as a psychologist had also convinced her that what women particularly need to do is to age consciously and comfortably, and her intention with this book is to provide some tools for a happier, more aware ageing process, mainly for women. Her chapters focus on the five gifts of the title: Authenticity, Self-healing (by allowing emotions to be felt), practicing the gift of Discernment, contacting our inner Wildness and Collaboration with others.

Newman provides journaling questions throughout the book, and a questionnaire to start off with, so the reader can assess and confront the fears about growing older, and also discover the ways we exhaust ourselves by taking care of Everything and Everybody. Part of learning a healthier conscious attitude towards aging is in learning not to feel guilty when it’s time to take care of ourselves. Living an authentic life, according to the author, means that sometimes others around you may be upset with your decisions, but healthy women are able to let go of the guilt. She offers tools to help women develop healthier instincts and boundaries and manage their own high expectations of themselves (and also release perfectionism and procrastination).

In The Gift of Discernment chapter, I especially liked her description of the exertion/exhaustion cycle-- how women love to keep busy, yet how this continuously drains our energy, because we never learn to use the brake, only the gas pedal. She suggests journaling, and asking the body for a dialogue, to check in and find out for instance, which warning signs you receive when you’re heading for an over-exertion/exhaustion cycle.  Two questions help the reader discern what their level of energy is:  what depletes you and what gives you time and space to come ‘home’ to yourself?

It’s time to get back in touch with our inner wildness, Newman says, stating that the inner Wild woman is weary from too many choices, too many electronic gadgets, and having to be pleasant and nice all the time. Her pro-aging consciousness promotes unplugging for half a day to get back in touch with nature, and finding a place that makes you feel at home, to let the mammalian side come out to play. More wildness includes allowing more time for erotic intimacy. She quotes Gail Sheehy, author of Sex and the Seasoned Woman, who describes the spicy, seasoned woman as one who wants to live a full and passionate life over 50, and won’t settle for less. 

Facing the limiting beliefs, the inner ‘dragon’ or negative naysayer, and taking steps to reduce its power over you, is crucial, according to Newman. She offers steps for allowing the inner howl to come out, and find creative joy again.

Bottom line in this book, ladies, is all about self-care. Newman rightly says that creative ideas will flow when we nurture our selves, and will also bring back more energy. Feeling more alive, less deadened, is the antidote to feeling ‘old’.  “The Universe will remind us when we go down a people-pleasing, passionless, dead-end road that we weren't in love with in the first place…..The gift of wildness will always help you find a new open road.”

The only small off note in this book is the last chapter, The Gift of Collaboration, where I felt the voice got a little preachy in that new-age way. I grow tired of reading about The Patriarchy, especially when it’s capitalized, even if I agree with her. We do live in an overly productive, always 100% on society, and  suffer from “the competitive game of compare and despair” as she calls it. I have watched one of the movies she recommends, The Burning Times, about the 50 years of European witch hunting and inquisitions, but I’m not sure why watching the list of movies she recommends will help us be more pro-aging. It was the only chapter that felt like a lecture instead of a helping hand.

Newman finishes on a high-note with some ‘feminine (heart-based) principles’ to foster collaborative learning and leadership and a Pro-Aging Women’s Credo.

“…we don’t buy into the old aging stereotypes nor endorse today’s youth worshiping…

We are responsible for our own wellness. …We are the lightworkers,

the peace bearers….We appreciate and nurture our chosen tribe

… We’ve always heard the cries of Mother Earth and are active participants in healing our planet.”

I recommend reading this book and journaling along with it, as you face the monster in the mirror, and the received beliefs you carry inside you about aging. I also believe the second half of life can be as vital and passionate as the first half. Now, if I could only get used to seeing more gray in my hair…. yesterday I swear I saw my mother in the mirror!

Musemother

link to purchase the bookhttp://bookstore.balboapress.com