Connect with your intuition

Garner your own soulful connection to the creative spirit within.

My goal is to help women cultivate faith in their own inner resources and increase their self-awarenes through journalling exercises, both visual and written.

To that end, I am developing a new website and a workbook for women in mid-life called The Tao of Turning 50.

I am making time this summer to follow my own advice and unplug from activities that no longer serve me, so I can focus on making my heart's desire manifest - to help other women understand their own mid-life journey.

Today I am looking at all the collages I've made and the vision boards, to help me make this come true. Hiring someone to design and build the website was the first concrete step I took a few weeks ago. And now I'm browsing my computer for pictures and artwork I can use for the new site. It's very exciting, a little intimidating, and completely do-able. 

Connecting with my intuition and journalling about what I wanted to do with my skills and talents brought me here.  Writing it down, asking the questions, turning in circles, attending workshops, doing yoga retreats, talking with the women in my circle, more questions and confusion. Finally, after what seemed a very long time, it became clear.  I was not headed back to school for more classes or degrees (I did that while having 2 babies and completing my master's over 6 years). I had published one book, but had no further offers of publication for poetry - so that seemed out.  I had been journalling since before I got married in 1984, so it seemed a natural first step - and less restrictive than teaching creative writing at university  - to help other women express them selves and get in touch with their own intuition, desires, dreams through writing.

So here I am - taking a giant step to manifest that intuition on paper and on-line.

I hope you'll follow me on the journey.  The way up and out is often by going down and in, first off.

Here we go,

jenn/musemother

The Healing H'art

"Go, not knowing where; bring, not knowing what, the path is long, the way unknown, the (s)hero knows not how to arrive there by herself - Russian fairy tale To collaborate with the Unknown, the unseen, to speak with whatever Voice I hear within, to add to the gift of humanity what only you can, and build a pathway home to your deeper self. Not writing to please or satisfy but to express what I find deep within,, to go below the surface fears, the doubts that I am not good enough, the worries that others will judge it worthless

Enter into communtion with the Muse, theh source, meet the art that seeks me, in Presence. Stop thinking and let the words flow freely, even if it makes no sense, until the answer arrives. flow like the water, not ice, not fixed, but fluid. (reading Marry Your Muse, by Jan Phillips) http://www.janphillips.com/ I am on a healing journey, using my healing h'art, as the background or tool.

Offering a retreat this weekend Breathing down your bones (see Facebook page Women's Retreat) and working on the marriage of yoga and writing today with Brigitte, yoga instructor. Releasing the desire to be 'known', to be somebody. Just letting go to the calling of the heart - to be in presence, to be healed in every moment. To ask the question, and receive the healing love as answer.

It calls me to go deeper into the body, into the breath, and feel what I feel. To explore in the yoga poses, the held bones, the deeper breath, the held emotions.  What is underneath?

If my body is the pen, what does it want to write?
let me know what you think about this,

musemother/jenn

Abundance and Need

Wealth is not measured by how much you have, but by how little you need.

Abundance, therefore, is a state of mind. Right now, what I need is a little time and space for my inner light to shine on me.  A little niche, or cleft inside, to focus on the stable, the real, the solid connection with Source.

Visiting Venice was truly an experience. One of the wonders of the world I guess. A city built on stone and brick and wood, slowly being eroded by water, surrounded by canals and lagoon, basically in a river delta that would have silted up had the engineers not tinkered with it over the centuries.  Like an aging dowager with too much rouge and tatty ancient lace, Venice is tired. She still likes a good party, a glass of wine and some carpaccio.  But she will not be here for much longer.  Meanwhile the tourists visit in the millions every year.

It reminded me of the state of the world. Unstable, foundation being eroded by the changeable waters, an island in the sea, floating, sinking, rising according to the tides and floods.

What am I anchored to? where is my foundation? I am an island in the sea.

I have found a deep root, thanks to my teacher. A very solid link to source of peace and stability.  It doesn't pay to forget it.  The soul only drinks from the clear pure water of Source, and is easily tired of flashy, bright baubles, and light conversation.  There is abundance within.  How much do I need?

musemother

Mid Life Angst and Turbulence

More than the night sweats and hot flashes, what really changed for me at menopause was my emotional landscape. I wasn't sure what the cause was, but I became hyper-sensitive. I cried easily at movies, couldn't stand to watch car crashes or bloody violence on the TV screen, I would flinch or jump at loud noises, and was generally more anxious than I remember being, especially while driving.

I would never have related this to hormone imbalance or menopause, if I hadn't read the following on the http://www.womentowomen.com website.

Here's an excerpt of the useful information I found there:

"Let’s start by looking at the root cause of anxiety — the destructive effect of stress on hormone balance.

It now seems the norm for women to be “maxed out” in all directions. Most of us work, and the workplace has gotten more demanding. Most of us raise children and help care for aging parents. We often have relationship issues that create stress too. And we are conditioned to put ourselves in last place on the list of priorities.

The type of stress is just as important as the amount. So much of the stress we experience is constant — it never goes away. The human body simply isn’t designed for constant stress. When that occurs, our ability to cope with stress can be overwhelmed. If you inventory the stress in your life you may realize that much of it is unremitting. This can give rise to a serious condition known as adrenal fatigue. It is also a cause of chronic anxiety that is often diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.

The estrogen dominance common to perimenopause probably adds to this “anxiety response.” In a normal menstrual cycle, estrogen dominates at the beginning of the cycle, and progesterone rises in the second half. The progesterone has a calming, relaxing effect. But in perimenopause we have more cycles in which we don’t ovulate, so the progesterone level stays low. (Also see our article on irregular periods.) For some women, anxiety attacks are their major symptom of perimenopause."

Add to all this the bad habits we have of jumpstarting our bodies with caffeine and eating poorly when stressed, and you have the recipe for higher levels of anxiety." www.womentowomen.org

I know many women in the same boat, with aging parents and teen-agers, full-time or part-time jobs, or sick family members that need care-taking, and very little time to care for themselves, let alone eat a healthy meal and get to bed early every night. So if you are one of those women burning the candle at both ends, don't be surprised if you feel a little raw or as if your nerves are exposed. Susun Weed, in her book The Menopausal years The Wise Woman Way says this can also come about due to our own neglect of listening in.

"You may think your feelings are out of proportion, too sharp, quite irrational, possibly insane. But, I assure you, they are only raw from neglect. Receive them without judgment, nourish them, and your 'uncontrollable' feelings during the menopausal years will lead you to the deepest heart of your own secrets.

If you cannot tolerate those about you, leave. Go to the sheltering space of your cave. Claim your Crone's Year Away."  www.susunweed.com

Here's something you can do to feel better: write about your feelings in your journal, get in touch with your buried feelings (anger, grief, loss); Sing the blues or dance it out with some salsa music. Get more sunshine - not too hard in spring and summer. Move your body out into nature and take a long, healing walk. Get a massage - you'll be surprised what emotions well up sometimes while you are lying on a massage table. If tears come, let them. Find a homeopath to help you find a remedy. There are several remedies for emotional upset, overwhelm, feelings of depression or wanting to be left alone. Homeopathy was the only remedy I needed in menopause. It's inexpensive and has no side effects.

Finally, get thyself away on a retreat! - you may not be able to take a year off from your life, but you can certainly take one or two days. Find a woman's retreat by googling it, or look in your local health food store or yoga centre. I hold women's retreats once a season, so check this blog for announcements.



A new website coming in the fall, with my book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, and updates on courses and retreats.


Take good care of you!!

Nameste,
musemother

Mother's Day in Spirit

Good morrow to you, all mothers, daughters of mothers, grandmothers, and grand-daughters.

yes, it was yesterday, and I was with you all in spirit. I was enjoying my Mother's Day getaway in a women's retreat in my home-birthplace of Arnrprior Ontario with Karen Ely of A Woman's Way www.awomansway.com.

What a wonderful gift to myself, plus my close friend Brigitte came along, and we got to share with each other on the journey.  I stopped in to see my mother at the end of the afternoon, saw my siblings and celebrated briefly before going home to a husband-cooked supper (not a cooked husband, but a meal cooked by him :))

So, what did I receive on Mother's Day? ahh, such gifts of nature, and childhood, and remembrance of my girl child spirit playing in the woods along the Ottawa River. Memories of the moments I felt most alive, most in tune with Mother Nature, Mother Earth, and the girl who sang to the trees and flowers.

In mid-life, a woman benefits greatly from communing with her young girl self - what did you love when you were eight years old? what activities did you do then that you no longer do? can you bring some of those back into your life? the walking and skipping, the laughing at the buzzing of a bee in a flower? the singing to the fireflies?

Find that little girl energy and I guarantee you there will be more joy in your life.

happy May, month of our mother,
musemother/jenn

Mid-Life Transition

Questions and more questions - where I am going? what do I love? what do I want to be when I grow up?

The mid-forties until mid-fifties is a time of questing and transition.  Lots of my friends are in this age-group, and are finding themselves dealing with questions and uncertainty.  Menopause is not all about the hot flashes, ladies.  The greatest longing women have at mid-life is to get to know themselves, their desires, their passions, and what the heck to do with the rest of their lives now that their families are demanding less of them, or the job they've devoted their life to developing expertise in loses its appeal.

It's a weird time - I remember grieving the lack of affection and connection with my teen-agers, especially my daughter who was so closely bonded to me up to age 13.  I certainly wanted them to be more independent and grown up so I could have more time for my interests, but when they showed signs of needing me less, it made me feel anxious and at a loss. Going through menopause while they went through puberty was not easy either - lots of flashing hormones and moodiness galore. It's difficult to keep calm, not follow their mood swings, in the midst of your own peaks and valleys.

Sometimes it feels like everything conspires against us - our bodies no longer feel under our control - weight gains or losses, shifts of body fat and shape, night sweats and the rest of it.  Digestion changes, and food intolerances surface. It feels like work-life balance is harder to achieve - more is being asked of us, and managing our time becomes a challenge.  It's difficult to even put ourselves on the agenda, get to the basic self-care and rest that we need to feel sane.


Women at mid-life often feel the need to get away, to be alone with themselves, to reflect and become more aware of their own center.  Where am I in my life? What do I want to do next? are frequent questions.  I find that journalling about this, and doing exercises designed to help me discover what I love, has been the greatest help.  Plus talking with the women in my women's circle - having someone just listen while I speak my own truth, however confused I may seem to be, just by speaking it, I come closer to knowing what I want, who I am at the core of me.

I remember around age 48 to 51 (when I hit menopause officially) being the toughest years.  I had been at home full time with my kids, volunteering at their school, trying to get published, doing readings and teaching a few classes.  I was searching around to find out where next to invest my time and energy - which project was calling me. It took a few years of taking courses, going on retreats, and lots of journalling, to finally come up with an answer that felt comfortable - I didn't want to go back to school yet again (having done that in my 30's).  I just wanted to find a focus that would merge my heart's desire and a way to work with my talents and skills. Teaching journal writing for women and leading retreats is what I discovered, and it has been such a pleasure - I get to explore my own interests and share them with other women.  The feedback I get is that it's eye-opening and life changing, and that's gratifying for me.

My feeling is that, although it's hard to stay with the questions and uncertainty, one has to develop patience to ride it out - to just be there in the turbulent waters - trying to ground and center - but not pushing the questions away.  Try to love the questions, as Rilke puts it:

“Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.” 
- Rainer Maria Rilke

In the questing, in the search for center, slowly slowly come the answers.  Know that this is a temporary time, the transition time, The Change, helps.  You will recover your sense of balance.  You will come through the hormonal storm feeling more whole, more yourself.  Piece by piece, bits of you will become clear - as the extraneous things that don't matter peel away, the real depths of your personality and psyche will show through.  You will discover what you want, what you've always wanted.  You will know yourself, and be true to yourself above all things.

Give yourself the time needed to drift a little while, to be in the hallway between two doors - one hand on the future door handle, one hand on the past - not knowing what the next step is, but trusting that the universe will unfold as it should, and above all, be gentle with yourself in the unfolding -

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Desiderata

nameste,

musemother

Grounding Myself in Self-Knowing

"Can one actually find oneself in someone else? In someone else's love? ... I believe that true identiy is found as Eckhart once said, by 'by going into one's own ground and knowing oneself.'" Gift from the Sea,  Anne Morrow Lindbergh



I am trying to discipline myself this morning, through writing in my journal after meditating, and before getting to the To Do List.  To discover where my own ground is, and how best to know what I want to work on. I am trying to put my work on the front burner, on the top of the list.  But it's very tempting to let the world decide for me what is important. My daughter or my son, the quartet or the chorus can all throw 'stuff' at me that needs to be done. The house is an octopus with tentacles in every room, and piles of laundry await me every Monday. I still need to put away the table and decorations from our Easter Brunch yesterday, and my son came back from residence with suitcases full of sheets and things to put away.

So I was reading some quotes from Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsh http://www.cwg.org/
that inspired me and I share some of them here:


"I am is the strongest creative statement. It sets in motion what you call forth.

First think about what you want to be, do, have. Think often until very clear. Think about nothing else. Discard all negative thoughts, pessimism, doubts, fears, disclipine your mind to hold fast to the original creative thought. When your thoughts are clear and steadfast, begin to speak them as truths. Say them out loud. Use the command, "I am".

I tell you this...your life proceeds out of your intentions for it."

So here goes, I'm going to take my own advice, and think long about some "I am" statements that I want to manifest.  Affirmations written in "I am" form may help me get where I'm going.

I am focused on helping women give themselves permission to take care of themselves.

I am worthy and deserving of putting my full attention on writing this book, Tao of Turning Fifty.
I am reaching out to other women in mid-life to share their stories with me.
I am worthy and deserve time to pursue my own interests and have my needs met.
I am growing in self-awareness, self-knowledge, and this make the world a better place!

I am enjoying the sunshine on the lake this morning and a calm meditative mood.
enjoy the Spring Sun,
musemother/jenn

 

Earth Day and Easter

There's a reason Earth Day is in Spring - we are giving thanks for newly green sprouts, tulips and crocuses poking their greenery above earth, snow melted, and wetness falling to provide more green leaves.

Easter, as my sister put it in her blog Aurum, is about rebirth and fertile earth. Tammuz and Adonis were  middle eastern gods celebrated during spring rituals celebrating the dying and resurrecting of the seasons - they were both beloved of goddesses who represented Mother Earth - Inanna and Astarte or Ishtar, much like the Greek story of Demeter and Persephone, who lived in the underworld for 6 months of the year, creating winter. See this website for the mythological stories behnd Easter. //www.prime.org/easter.htm

The very name "Easter" is derived from Eastre, or Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon Goddess of spring and dawn. So there are many ancient pre-Christian references to this spring festival.

I also remember loving the newness of a Spring Coat and Hat (worn with little white gloves and patent leather shoes) for Easter Mass every year. Later this turned into a lace veil, when hats were no longer required at church. Easter was a magical time of chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and candy appearing on the dining room table behind closed doors, no entry until after attendance at Mass. And of course, Good Friday was a solemn walk around the stations of the cross contemplating a dying god.

Earth Day is a relatively new phenomenon, founded by US Senator Gaylord Nelson in 1970 to put the plight of the environment on the political front burner through a grass-roots movement (much like the anti-Vietnam protests which blossomed on university and college campuses). http://earthday.envirolink.org/history.html  Read his story for the background on how the environmental movement got started with a concern for what humans are doing to the earth we live on.

I am grateful to both mythology, Christianity, Earth Day and grass-roots environmental protesters in the 70's for bringing attention to how we treat the abundant gifts of the earth, for the cyclical beauty of recurring seasons, for the potential for regeneration and new life out of death. For we have reason to celebrate life after a long cold winter, and to wonder at the circle of life and death and our place in the mystery.

I will spend this Easter in the company of family, celebrating two new births (great-grandchildren for my father-in-law), remembering recently deceased family members (my mother-in-law and an uncle), and eating from the bounty of Mother Earth in a Spring Feast.

How will you remember and give thanks?

Happy Easter, Joyeuses Paques
musemother/jenn

Honouring the Heart's Call

excerpt from the Artist's Creed by Jan Philips, Marry Your Muse http://www.janphillips.com

I believe that the time I spend creating my art is as precious as the time I spend giving to others.

I am worth the time to create whatever I am called to create.

These messages about self-worth and creativity are very timely. While working with the Visual Journaling workbook, I chose to write about an inner conflict, and the one that came up for me was the conflict between serving and writing (whether non-fiction, stories or poems). It's very easy for me to respond to a call for help, or get involved in a project that is worthy, giving my time to others, or "othering" as I have started to call it. It's like mothering. I respond in a flash to my kid's needs, especially if they're sick or unwell. Partly for selfish reasons, I think, because it feeds my "good girl" image of myself. It makes me feel good to do good deeds. There's nothing wrong with that. However, when it becomes an obsessive-compulsive reflex, to always respond to calls from others and never make time for my own work, that is a problem.

The problem is also that my 'work' doesn't always pay. I may send out a story or poem and get paid in copies of a magazine, or get paid $50, or more if I am lucky, for a book review. I have chosen to work in the creative side, not the journalistic side of writing, and there is no immediate reward. This makes it justifiable in my sub-conscious, anyway, to put it off. The other volunteer jobs I am doing are not paying me either, to be coordinator of my chorus' management team, to be teaching writing classes at the Cancer Wellness Center, to find speakers for my women's circle, even writing this blog, but they do give back in terms of a feeling of fulfillment, or community giving.

Having been brought up enamoured of the Christian ideal of serving others first, plus living in a community environment where service was highly prioritized for most of my twenties, has made this my built in default mode. How to retrain my thinking and value my own creative work, even if I am not paid for it? Even if the book deal is far off, and the draft has been sitting on my computer for two years....waiting for me to give it my attention, waiting for me to value my own work. I've been running after workshops and retreats to try and jump start my commitment to a project outside of me, but I'm beginning to think the problem is on the inside of me.

That is why I am loving reading this book, Marry Your Muse. I recommend it to all you creatives who are torn between doing your paid job, your housework, your caretaking work, your volunteer work and your heart's passion. Consider this: you will be at peace with yourself when you respond to the voice of your own heart. We can better respond to all things from that awareness, whether it be the call to serve or the call to write.

Entering my own quiet place, in the silence, I listen and learn what is next for me, where my path is leading, and how I can be of service while remaining true to the work to which I am called.

Maybe my being creative and writing is the greatest service I am being called to perform. How will I know if I never give myself the time to find out? to practice listening.

Making time to create is like making time for prayer.....

nameste,
musemother

My imagination is a lake

the lake is a mirror with ice chunks this morning
sun, gulls, a few ducks resting.
how do I receive inspiration? randomly
from the earth, air and sky
I am nature bound. Connecting to my essence
flowing with it.
I relax and access my imagination. Even
a minute staring at the lake calms my mind.

The ice melts, the water flows.
It is just the way it is. Enough warmth
in the air breaks up the frozen, gets
it moving.

Let the imagination warm up too!
let the intuition speak in a loud voice!
Receive and give, receive and give.

Heart - your true excitement comes
in creation.

Self care and Journaling

We all must learn to believe that we are worthy and deserve time to pursue our own interests, to have our needs met and to enjoy lives that are rich, full and abundant in every way. Until we learn this soul lesson, we will always be in conflict as we continue to put others' needs ahead of our own.

My growing makes the world a little better for everyone....

Be the best you can be....Allow yourself time and space to Grow.

from Visual Journaling, Going Deeper than Words
(using art to get in touch with feelings and give voice to your soul, even if you can't draw).
Barbara Ganim and Susan Fox

Real Meditation is the Rhythm of this Breath

Want to know what the true meditation is like? watch this clip about the Breath of Life.

Menopausal Journey and the Feminine

The gift of the menopausal journey is the wisdom to know when to rest, to listen to our feminine wisdom.

Too often we align ourselves with the outer values of the work force:  production, performing, success and goal-making - and these drive us forward until we hit the brick wall of exhaustion.  Helen Luke, author of  Woman, Earth and Spirit, The Feminine Symbol and Myth http://www.bookfinder.com/author/helen-m-luke/would say this is because we don't value the feminine values of receiving, openness, and holding space. The feminine fertilizes in the dark space where the seed lies in the earth, receiving nourishment, light and water and heat from above. It is the earth's nature to foster growth in the dark so that the seed may reach up to the light. This inner fertilizing of our soul growth is as important as the creative output phase.

The soul needs tranquility, and rest, not only fire; inner cultivation occurs in the darkness by resting, finding completeness and wholeness from within.  "The way back and down to those springs [water of life] and to the roots of the tree is likewise the way on and up to the spirit of air and fire in the vaults of heaven." Luke

If we don't give ourselves time to rest and be still, to listen within, due to the pressure to perform and feel worthy, then we "scorch our inner garden with the destructive fire" according to Luke.  We burn up, we burn out. We feel dry and empty.

So if you are feeling scorched, and in need of some fertilizing power, think about what elements you need to help you rest and go within.

Consider going on a retreat, or making yourself a mini-retreat for an hour, by unplugging the phone, the computer and emails and writing in your journal. Even over lunchtime, you can make a mini-retreat by walking outside in the sunshine, finding a shady tree to sit under, reflecting on the waters of life that nourish you and what they may be.

Fifty is strong. Fifty is the end of the burdens of retarded childhood, one’s own and one’s children’s.  It is freedom from menstruation. It is full of power. It is being totally alive and having plenty of time to be alive.  Louise Mattlage, Women and aging

jenn/musemother

Inner Peace and Adrenaline Rush

Life goes by so quickly - my god - it was yesterday I bought a new printer, and today it's already 5 years old, the printer head can't be replaced because the model doesn't exist anymore. It cost me $350 to buy this Canon printer/scanner/fax and today I replaced it for $129 plus tax.

Watching people downtown on Tuesday night, St-Denis and Ontario Street, I was struck by the speed we were all moving. I was rushing, late to a poetry reading sound-check, they were rushing - Ginette Reno was doing a launch at Theatre St-Denis, we were all dressed in black or dark winter colours, and walking as quickly as we could, pushing past the slower ones.

Last night driving to a practice with my quartet just after supper time, I saw commuters still coming home from the train station, walking to their homes, everyone seemed to walk so quickly - probably hungry for their supper.

Is it just me, or have we speeded up the pace of life? I don't feel old yet, at 56 I'm certainly not one of the old fogies driving at 30 Km, but I feel allergic to all this speed and rushing. I have been used to it, even addicted to the adrenaline rush for years now. Running, rushing, pushing myself to go faster and get more done. And yes, always meditating every day, so allowing some time for slowness. But modus operandi was fast faster and fastest.  I pride myself on getting back to people within the same day of receiving a request - why I have no idea.

I'm listening to a CD for my retreat: I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me is good to go....I am gentle with myself (Karen Drucker http://www.karendrucker.com) and it feels so soothing.  I want to slow down the pace so I can bear it, so my body can keep up, so that my inner peace can catch up with me.

Menopause has slowed me down somewhat. The sore shoulder has slowed me down somewhat. Doing retreats and leading writing workshops brings me into the present where my enjoyment is, and more and more, I choose to move at that rhythm.

What do you think? Is slowing down an option in this hyper-fast world?

musemother

Heart Centered Healing

Since October I have been living with a frozen shoulder, and seriously questioning the source of its restricted movement - was I being asked to do less, to rest more? Yes, partly. Was I being asked to relinquish my self-stated role as Overarching Boss of Everything (at least in my household)? yes, partly.  Was it about surrendering to my left side, my receptive, feminine side and letting go of the yang, masculine active side? yes, partly.  But today I heard another piece of the message.

A friend of mine, Lauren Young http://ascendingenergies.com/ had set up an interview with me over the phone as practice for a class he is doing at the NHC (http://www.nhcinstitute.com/). He began by asking me if I had any questions - and the only thing that really popped up for me was a question relating to the shoulder injury.  He told me it was not related to doing too much, but more related to the heart energy and its expression being stuck. He suggested it was an energetic blockage, like a bunch of tangled knots in my shoulder, but coming from my heart's desire for full expression. (I first typed this as 'nots' in  my shoulder....hmmm)

While listening to him, I was getting an internal message that this might also be linked to my desire to be more public, more out there in the world with my message for women, with a new book I'm writing, the retreats and workshops I lead and need to publicize better.  And also about the need to protect myself, the push-pull conflict of wanting to be more available for new opportunities, and yet fearful of how much I want my private time for myself, for quiet reading, reflection and resting.  It could also be about how I manifest my energy in the world - as loving energetically flowing person, or as fearful of being judged, vulnerable, unloveable person. Finally, what I learned is that the most important power I have within me is the power of my intention. What do I truly want?

This was an important new understanding for me, and I look forward to exploring it some more.

It was very helpful to have a trained, intuitive counsellor bring clarity and guidance on this issue. Thanks Lauren!

I subsequently had an energetic healing treatment with Lauren, and much of the pain was removed immediately. That night, some of it came back, as I had overused my newly freed arm in writing all afternoon. I will need a second treatment, it hasn't gone away completely. But I also learned about a book by Donna Eden called Energy Medecine and ordered her Kit on-line.http://www.innersource.net/em/

If you haven't done so already, check it out. Everyone should know how to improve their energy and move towards healing what is stuck!

nameste
musemother/jenn

Reclaim Empty Space for Yourself

Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it’s about self-preservation."—Audrey Lorde

I'm preparing a retreat for March 27, and as always, the exercises that call out to me to offer are usually things that I am working on myself or are close to my heart.

It seems life is always too busy for us to take a moment for ourselves. A busy mom, with three kids, in my yoga class today was complaining of sore legs, and the instructor asked, do you ever get a chance to sit for 10 minutes in the day? No, she replied, quizzically, as if this was unheard of.

I well remember those days of small children and non-stop activity. Life with young adults who have their own lives and barely check in for meal times is quite different.  But I still make myself crazy busy some days, and forget to stretch when I'm on the computer, or resist getting out for a walk in the sunshine with my dog because of the 'list of things to do'.

Here are a few suggestions for reclaiming that empty space on the agenda and filling it with Me Time (for your sanity and health, adapted from Oprah magazine).

Do one thing at a time.Don’t make the bed while brushing your teeth, check your voice mail while eating lunch or half listen to the kids while glancing at the news.

Get lost in the flow....learn a new musical instrument, write in your journal, sketch in a notebook, swim laps in a pool.

Stolen moments: take those tiny nooks of time to walk to work, eat lunch outside on a bench, make dinner without answering the phone, breathe deeply and check in with your body every hour or so, gaze out the window and daydream; The practice of doing nothing feeds your need to replenish, which is just as important as the to-do list.

Be silly. Do one fun, spontaneous thing that makes you laugh – dance alone, blast a CD during morning commute, eat a lollipop in public. 

Take a half-hour walk with a friend and leave your cell phone at home. Focus on discovering something new in your surroundings you’ve never noticed.

Give yourself a day of doing nothing, to balance the days of doing too much. Rest, or engage in joyful activity - what will recharge you?

Attend a one-day retreat, Sunday, March 27, Spring Wellness Retreat, H-OM yoga studio in Hudson. $75. 10 am to 4 pm. Bring a lunch. Come recharge your batteries with creative journaling exercises and gentle yoga. www.homyogacenter.com

nameste

jenn/musemother

International Woman's Day Call Out

Today I browsed several women's websites and blogs, and honestly have to say, WoW! there are a lot of seriously inspiring women who are Influencers and Leaders in the world. Here are a few: Eve Ensler, found of V-Day and writer of the Vagina Monologues (http://www.vday.org/vday_video.html), Oriah Mountain Dreamer, author of The Invitation (http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/), Lissa Rankin, doctor, author and founder of http://www.owningpink.com/, Joan Borysenko, author of a new book on burnout: Fried, why you burn out and how to revive (www.joanborysenko.com); Alexandra Pope, author of The Wild Genie and expert on the benefits of the menstrual cycle (http://www.wildgenie.com/) and Janet Connor, author of Writing down your Soul, one of the books that has influenced me most this past year http://www.writingdownyoursoul.com/tp40/default.asp?ID=122654 and Jennifer Louden who is re-inventing herself from the Comfort Queen to a teacher of teachers, at http://www.jenniferlouden.com/.

There are many more, but I'll stop the list here - I have a wonderful women's circle here in Beaconsfield, and I send my love and appreciation to all 10 of them, plus the 37 wonderful women in the West Island Chorus, a barbershop chorus in the Sweet Adeline's family, and the three lovely ladies in Over the Top Quartet with whom I sing.  All my female friends - who know who you are - who bring me such support and love, and companionship, and are always available to raise a glass and say cheers!

To the women in my writing workshops, to the fellow yoginis in my yoga class, to my yoga instructors, to my mother and sisters, to all the women who have crossed my path and are probably on my email list....Happy Women's Day!

thanks and praise,
jenn/musemother

Exploring rest in many forms

Funny thing happens when you get hurt, have a body part that aches or is not functioning...you become very aware of your body. Pain wakes you up to the fact that you are living in a human body. It has limitations, it has ecstacies. It can root me in the present moment just to listen to my breath coming and going.

This frozen shoulder, my right shoulder, my lifting, stirring, writing, moving, pushing, do everything with arm, is forcing me to slow down. I can grocery shop, but I can't lift the heavy bags. I can cook, but I need help getting out the heavy Creuset pots. It irks me to have to ask for help. But when I try and do everything I used to do my arm aches all night and I can't sleep.

I did acupunture, physio, and now I'm trying yoga nidra and soon qi-gong. The acupuncture helped, but it's still been five months now, and my chiropractor/naturopath mentioned it may take nine months before it resolves!

Last night, in my first yoga nidra class, we lay on our mats, after doing some initial leg stretches, and twists, covered ourselves with a comfy blanket and gathered pillows under our legs or heads, and spent 45 minutes listening to the yoga instructor leading us through all the parts of the body, and even some emotional mapping - what was coming up, what did we feel in our bodies. It was so deep, I think I may have fallen asleep! apparently yoga nidra has that effect.

The benefits of a 45 minute session equal 3-4 hours of sleep. It takes us into a deep alpha state, I'm guessing. Here is what Barbara Pearce sent our class about yoga nidra:

Yoga Nidra works by putting to rest the constant low grade state of alarm or fear that many or most of us live in. Through the use of the Inner Resource, the Rotation of Consciousness, breath-work, opposites, the cultivation of ananda AND Pure Being (non separative Awareness) we are invited into ever deepening states of relaxation and ease...each step helps to soothe the ancient fears that live in our deep unconscious and nervous system. Continued practice can help to bring more awareness to this primal function so that we notice when it arises and then have choice with it. Eventually the practice can open to an experience of fearlessness that comes in the recognition that no "other" exists. When everything is seen as "me", there is no threat.” ~ Anne Douglas

It's an interesting experience; I'm going back for 5 more classes. We'll see just how restful this kind of rest can be.

nameste,
Jenn/musemother

Valentine's Week

Consider that February is really the middle of winter and you understand why we need a Valentine's Week, not just one day.

Hold your sweetie every night in your arms.

Love your body as you take that shower or bath, loving every light-filled cell.

Be gentle with yourself.

Be tender with your heart, like a newborn baby child.

Know that you are love, and you are loved :)

I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go....from a song by Karen Drucker

Last night the moon came dropping its clothes in the street.
I took it as a sign to start singing,
falling up into the bowl of sky.
The bowl breaks. Everywhere is falling everywhere.
Nothing else to do.
......~ Rumi


Happy Valentine's,
musemother

Inner Guidance is one breath away

What I love about my Inner Guidance System is that it's so close to me.

Only a breath away.

All I have to do is sit quietly for a moment, and close my eyes, take a breath and relax into my body.

I gently breathe and let go, letting thoughts float away like clouds passing in the sky.

I let my attention come deeper down, into the belly, with my breath.

And rest there.

In this quiet place inside, I find my inner guidance or inner wisdom comes to me naturally without forcing

Answers to questions arise, I remember things I had forgotten. In this still empty place, the waters are clear and I see my peaceful reflection.

Often, I feel gratitude for just being here. I feel the simplicity, the oneness.

I feel grateful to my teacher for showing me how to go inside.

And grateful for finally turning within for guidance. Because it's so portable. It's always with me.

nameste,
jenn/musemother