Monday, August 27, 2007

Core Truths

In yoga this morning, a wonderful thought came to be, all by itself: I can let go of being angry with myself.

Now, I didn't know that I was angry at me. I thought/knew I was angry at my mother, my father, my ex, my spouse, my kids, my aunts, my cousins, my friends.....there's a lot of things I could be angry about. But it felt suddenly clear in my head that most of the old anger was aimed at me. Not good enough, not smart enough, not tidy enough, never 'enough'.

The other night, swimming in the turquoise reflection of a lit pool, a similar thought came to me: I can let go of past hurts. I was just swimming in circles and my husband said, you look like you're sixteen! That was nice, but I felt more like I was six, dog paddling freely in the dark with a huge smirk on my face. I even yelled out to him, I can let go of the past! (which must be a relief to him, too).

There's such an exciting newness to this. (If you knew me, you'd know it's been hanging on too long). I love that it arises spontaneously, after so much 'hard' thinking, reading, working on releasing old stuff. In yoga this morning I loved feeling the strong pull to breathe from down in the Core of me, to dive into the source and breathe it up through the bottom of my feet, into the heart, into my body's core.

Sometimes, it feels like when I was little, swimming with my sister in the Ottawa River. We would hold our breath and see who could stay the longest underwater. Once we are down there, sitting amongst the river grass and mossy stones like water babies, the world above seems far away. Above, the wind is rippling the surface of the water. We watch the waves dip and move as the sunlight throws shadows and rays of light, and yet light rests on the surface. The underwater grasses or weeds move too, but in silent motion. The fish don't even notice us, we are that still.

When I dive inside, I am sitting inside this well of peace.
Inside of me, a calm harbour while the wind rages outside.
Inside, an embrace, holding and being held.
Life's pulse and rhythm my only song.
A comfort and sweetness from the feeling that I belong.
No effort, only feeling and letting myself rest.

Let worry and defeat melt away.
Let fear and bothersome thoughts melt away.
Here is home and a Presence of something larger.
An ocean of peace.

My core, mon coeur, mi corazon.

Think I'll stay inside today,

Friday, August 24, 2007

Healing prayer

Navaho chant for healing:

Dark young pine, at the center of the earth originating
I have made your sacrifice
Whiteshell, turquoise, abalone beautiful
Jet beautiful, fool's gold beautiful, blue pollen beautiful, reed pollen,
pollen beauitful, your sacrifice I have made
This day your chlid I have become, I say.

Watch over me.
Hold your hand before me in protection.
Stand guard for me, speak in defense of me.
As I speak for you, speak for me.
As you speak for me, so will I speak for you.

May it be beautiful before me
May it be beautiful behind me
May it be beautiful below me
May it be beautiful above me
May it be beautiful all around me

I am restored in beauty
I am restored in beauty
I am restored in beauty
I am restored in beauty.

tr. by Gladys A. Reichard, as published in Women in Praise of the Sacred
ed Jane Hirshfield

Monday, August 20, 2007

Belly Heart Soul

Breathe Sing Pray
Belly Heart Soul

I am breathing this morning through the fear and tightness in my solar plexus, and learning to breathe into trust in my higher self. I also pray for acceptance of all the unloved parts of me I carry in my shadow, nestled there in the pit of my abdomen. I open my heart and accept my light.

"When you own the parts of yourself that make you feel uncomfortable, you no longer hold anyone else responsible for your pain or happiness. Then you shine with your own light, like the sun, which is the only thing that casts no shadow." The Four Insights, Alberto Villoldo

Shadow says: not good enough, unwanted, unloved, messy, unsuccessful, never happy
Then we cast those undesirables on others and say, yuck!

Heal what I carry inside me, or I'll keep projecting my self-hatred onto others.

We also project our beauty, because we have trouble embracing it too.
We fear our own sunlight, and play small.

In the EFT technique, while tapping acupressure points on the body, one repeats: In spite of my (pain, emotion), I love and accept myself completely.

Openness begins here, with my own light shining.

In spite of my nervous belly, I open my heart to love and accept myself completely :) With the help of the mirror inside, I find my light.

"Without having known your truest nature, you may know other people, but you will be an alien to your very existence. You cannot be an alien to yourself. You must know....Because what you're looking for is within you. It always was and always will be..

You are blessed beyond what you know. It is time to discover every blessing you have been given so you can be thankful, so you can be fulfilled." Maharaji (for short video clip, see


Thursday, August 16, 2007

Three Daughters of God and the New Moon

"Long before the coming of the austere patriarchal system of Islam, the Arabic people worshipped this trinity of desert Goddesses who were the three facets of the one Goddess.

Al-Uzza (‘the mighty’) represented the Virgin warrior facet; she was a desert Goddess of the morning star who had a sanctuary in a grove of acacia trees to the south of Mecca, where she was worshipped in the form of a sacred stone.

Al-Lat, whose name means simply ‘Goddess’, was the Mother facet connected with the Earth and its fruits and the ruler of fecundity. She was worshipped at At-Ta’if near Mecca in the form of a great uncut block of white granite.

Manat, the crone facet of the Goddess, ruled fate and death. Her principal sanctuary was located on the road between Mecca and Medina, where she was worshipped in the form of a black uncut stone." (McLean, The Triple Goddess, 80.)
Apparently the three goddesses were represented by meteorites or aeroliths, stones that had fallen from heaven, just as the Kaaba stone in Mecca.
Now, look at the new moon tonight. The crescent moon is a powerful symbol of Islamic countries, even on their flag; but it is also very ancient.
"Each aspect of this trinity corresponds to a phase of the moon. ..Al'Lat has three names known to the initiate: Q're, the crescent moon or the maiden; Al'Uzza, literally 'the strong one' who is the full moon and the mother aspect; then Al'Menat, the waning but wise goddess of fate, prophecy and divination. Islamic tradition labels them 'daughters of Allah', or banat al-Llah, firmly associating al-Llah as a pre-Islamic deity paired with the three forms of the Goddess." (from an article on wikipedia)
The meaning of the moon cycles is apparent to women who are aware of the feminine mysteries. The moon follows the same cycle as women's bodies.
"In women's blood mysteries, when women are attuned to the lunar rhythm, they will ovulate at the Full Moon and menstruate durng the Dark Moon. During this bleeding time, if women resond to their inner selves, they will instinctively draw inward and rest in the quiet, dark, sweet stillness. " article, Mysteries of the Dark Moon, Demetra George in Woman of Power
Even in the darkest times, a light will shine. Krishna also said, "Even in your darkest hour, I will not abandon you."

There is a new light in the sky tonight. Let it remind you that the light within continues to shine, even if it wanes for a while and grows dim, it returns; it is always there.
Happy New Moon,

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Sexy menopausal ladies

Hey women who have paused their menses, or are about's a thought.

There is something very sexy about being menopausal. You can make love when you want to without worrying about where you are in your menses cycle, for one thing. And once your kids start working and don't follow you on vacation anymore, a lot can happen during day-time hours. The thing is, most of the time, I don't feel like it. Too tired, too late, too this or too that.

So it's been a long, dry spring. But after two weeks vacation, I can honestly say that the juicy-ness has returned.

Doesn't take much, does it? Just unplug the phones, drive nine hours, leave your computer and email behind, head for the ocean and a small house on a hill. Sleep in every morning till 9:00, eat lots of eggs, bacon, coffee and hot milk. Swim in the salty ocean, or the ice-cold salmon river. Read a good book. Sit around the fire and drink wine and watch the flames. Sing songs, play guitar. Share your bed with your newly-relaxed husband who is also on vacation.....or some other likely candidate.

Voila! rest and relaxation and the sexiness returned. We have enjoyed each other's bodies more in the past 14 days than in the past 6 months!

So, there are no secrets here, no big earth shattering news. Just more of the same news about self-care, self-love, slowing down, taking naps every time you can, allowing some pleasure to seep back into life. Ahhhh......and the quiet nights around the fire sipping wine.

The wind, the rain, the sun, the heat, the crisp evenings, the humidity, the salty air, the flowers fullness and abundance, the pool, the sound of soccer games, the whole fertility thing - blooming going on to the max. It's about that!

Enjoy your summer, while it's here.