Monday, October 29, 2007

animals and intuition

I have spent the day with Mollie on my knee, balancing my poor baby shi-tzu with post-op trauma on one arm, and typing with the other. (She had one huge stone removed from her bladder and many many small ones - her whole bladder was full, too late to try and dissolve them with a special diet).

She is so freaked out, all she does is hide in the cubby hole where we put our shoes, or under the chairs and table, or cower at my feet, waiting to be picked up. She's not allowed to lick her stitches, so she's a bit of a nervous wreck. The pain killer will do that too.

So I try and read her mind. Do you want food? uh uh. Do you want water. Nope. be picked up?
yes. No food all morning, however, I had to force some down her throat along with a few antibiotics and pain killer pills. Then I opened the fridge door for my own lunch and there it was...the answer to Mollie's low appetite....leftover chicken with cheese on top and rice. Cut up in tiny pieces, mixed with the vet's recovery food, all gone. But no way could I get her to drink water.

The day went by, me carrying Mollie and wishing I had a snuggly to put her in (she's only 10 pounds).

By suppertime, she had not had a bowel moment in 2 days, nor drank much, and the vet was wanting me to bring her in to put back on the IV ...but I was feeling resistant to turning her over to the Vet again. I sat down at the table with her, dog food in a spoon, and hand fed her. She licked the spoon, she ate some from my hand. (gawd, now we will have one spoiled Shi-tze on our hands.) We brought out the water bowl, and she drank!

you must think we are two addled middle-aged people, treating our dog like a baby....but I was never so happy to see a dog lap up a bit of water with her tongue.

My intuition to not bring her to the vet forced me to take her for a walk at 7:10, when I should have been getting into the car for our 7:30... but the walk was fruitful, let's put it that way.

Dear Mollie, you have tried to tell me with your big moist eyes that all you need is a bit of extra loving care, a bit of attention, some cuddling, some spoon feeding, and everything will be alright. Now I see it. What a day....


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Intuition and intentions

Well it really works! Our women's circle met again today and people weighed in our what happened since our last meeting with the Intuitive Guide clairvoyant. We had all written our intentions on a piece of paper at the New Moon, and burned them in the outdoor fireplace at Debra's. We had all had messages from her too, or hints, things we needed to hear on specific quesitons.

Today is the full moon, and we told each other what has happened since then. Amazingly, even the skeptics were confounded by the stuff that arrived. Be careful what you wish for!

I had written that I wanted to create new avenues for learning for women - partly because I'm not sure where to go next, teach workshops or learn how to give great workshops. Anyway, I ended up sending a query to my local Library Lecture series about the class I am leading now on The Feminine Mysteries, with a link to my blogs. The next day she wrote back saying Yes, we'd love to have you give a lecture in 2008. My oh my, things work quickly ....

Someone else said they'd asked for too many things, to do with family, husband, kids, and were bombarded with events, happenings coming at them, too many to deal with.

So it's a good thing I reduced my list to three.

Number one was unconditional love for myself and my family - big smile - seems to be coming in spades :)

Know that the universe is listening when you ask for things, and trust that you will receive what you need!


Monday, October 22, 2007

Body Blog

Wouldn't it be nice to have a blog that reminded us every day to be conscious, give thanks, breathe, eat well, remember the mystery?

I hope some of the blogs on this site and msmenopause will do that. I know I write for myself, primarily but it's pleasing to hear from other bloggers and people looking for knowledge about women's mysteries.

The mother line of knowing has been cut for most of us, the one where knowledge is passed down between grandmother, mother and daughter. On my desk is a picture of my maternal grandmother from sometime in the 20's (from the loooks of her hair and dress), and below that I have a picture of my mother, my teenaged self with waist length hair, and my paternal grandmother, sitting in a rocker, all neat and pretty at 80'something, with permed white hair. My mother, gave birth to eight children in 10 years. In spite of being a newly recovered alcoholic, she's looking surprisingly young in this photo. She must be around 40, but looks 30, with a wide smile and her glasses off.

What was she told about her body at menstruation? She told me recently that she woke up to a swollen lip, feeling slightly deformed, on her first day of bleeding. Her mother was not the huggy type, never said I love you, according to my aunts who I polled on her personality. I grew up a few thousand miles away, so I wasn't close to my grandmother. What might she have heard from her mother? It boggles the mind, to try and understand where we got so shut off from our bodies, from our sexuality, from our women's cycles.

Maybe it was all just matter of fact, being on the rag, having the curse, no big deal.

I remember having to wear those wide pads with a belt and clips, very cumbersome. Almost as bad as nylons before pantyhose were invented. Waddling down the school corridors in mini-skirts afraid to bend over at the water fountain.

So, what did you learn about your body from your mother? I remember her cupping her hands over my breasts to see if they were growing! Embarassing. And the speech about sex being only for when you are married and have met the 'one'. I know booklets were conveniently left around the house, 101 questions you never dared ask about sex. But most of these did not enlighten me on the female cycle.

We are still learning that what is natural is right for us when it comes to our uterus, vagina, breasts, ovaries. Can we take responsibility for our bodies, and refuse to be bullied into medical interventions, or menstrual suppression, hormonal treatments and scheduled breastfeedings? Do you know how many doctors still recommend that women breastfeed every four hours?

Our intuition and famous 'maternal instinct' notwithstanding, I think it's an insult to our intelligence, as well as very sad, that mothers need to be told when to feed their babies, that girls are being advised to take the pill continuously so that they never bleed or have any 'inconvenience', that hysterectomies and caesarians are so common.

When will women stand up for our own bodies?

If you're not a Vagina Warrior already, please read Eve Ensler's famous book, The Vagina Monologues.

have a great day in your Bodhi-body,

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

listening to the body

For many years now I have been fascinated with the connection between the emotions and the body. It started when I broke my writing arm just before having to submit a portfolio to the Master's Program in Creative Writing. I wondered, why the right arm, and why at that specific time - was I manifesting fear, uncertainty about moving ahead into my gifts and talents?

Then after being in the Master's program for 6 years, having two babies and working part-time, I broke my leg skiing. It seemed an obvious message: time to rest. Other benefits arose, speaking up about my need for help with the kids, the house; stopping the 'too busy' syndrome so I could slow down and feel what I was feeling. I started teaching classes about what I needed to learn: listening to the body.

Menopause has been one of those lesson learning times as well. Hot flashes were not so bad, but the emotional roller-coaster and two weeks of PMS a month during peri-menopause lead me into therapy to understand my anxiety and anger. I started discovering how shut down my feelings were, where I was numb, where I was deaf to my own grief.

Now my kids are teens, and their emotional roller coaster drags me up and down, when I am not grounded enough to stay 'zen'. I'm still learning about the emotions and the energy that is blocked in the body. Once in a massage session, as the masseuse touched my legs, I burst into tears, sobbing for no apparent reason, at least not connected to my emotions of that day, but of something ancient buried in the muscles.

I was reminded of this while researching some material for a class on Sexuality, Entering the Mystery, this morning:

"Our feelings carry energy - the need to cry or laugh, to move and touch, to express anger or tender feelings of the heart. If this energy is held back, it is stored in the body, particularly in the muscles that form the layer between the body's core and its surface. Often, in relaxing our muscles, buried conflicts and memories and similar kinds of blocked emotional energy start to emerge from the subconscious. This happens when, for instance, people start an exercise program or receive a deep massage - tears may flow, memories may come flooding in, unnamed fears may surface." Margo Anand, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy

It also happens when you make love sometimes. The few times I have burst into tears or laughter after sex, it has felt like a huge release, a healing energy sweeping the body and cleaning up the past.

So, a thought for the day. How can I let go into feeling, not always control my body with my head?

Perhaps menopausal symptoms are signals about buried feelings, lost dreams, old hurts and joys. Get a massage, let down your body armour, become a lover of your body.

Loosen up! move, dance, sing, cry....

Friday, October 12, 2007

balance and harmony

Yesterday at our women's circle we celebrated the New Moon by making an intention for ourselves, to see it manifest during the coming month. Mine was to create sacred space to rest and create projects in. It is the only way for me to restore sanity and balance in my harried world.

Our Western world, is so keen on making us crazy busy!

I buy into it, scratching off items on my too do list to make myself feel productive.

Today, I took an extra hour after meditating to consult my inner self, my guides, my higher self, whatever you want to call the presence of the Universe inside me. I actually used a deck of Native American animal cards, to find out what was up with me. Whatever works for you...

I put on some yoga music, flute and drum, with voice, and lit some candles.

Breath, and the thirst to go inside and be still - were my highest need.

I even found a place on Oprah's web site that gives you four easy steps to being still. If Oprah thinks we need it, we probably do!

Calm yourself, stay inside, don't let the winds of busy-ness drive you crazy. Find your center and focus, one step at a time. Make room in your life for this balance and harmony.

"Be humbled by your thirst, it is your god calling out to you to be fulfilled". Maharaji, Mexico City, 10 October 2007


Friday, October 05, 2007

Thanksgiving poem

please click on to read a poem called Living by Denise Levertov.

Every day is the last day. Give thanks,

now blogging at msmenopause for your reading pleasure

Monday, October 01, 2007

Breathing Deep

The phone rings, you jump out of bed, before you're even dressed or showered there is the list of things to do, the daily monster.

You hop on the computer, read your emails, remember you haven't fed the cats, run downstairs.

Have a cup of tea, throw some waffles in the toaster, run back to answer that email you left open.

Once back upstairs, you see yourself in the mirror, hair uncombed, pyjamas on, and remember you wanted to do some yoga before you started your day. It's already 9:30 a.m. The day began a long time ago. the middle of my 'to do' list and the course work I want to write about, there is also the weekly blog. And I have no new insights or inspiration this afternoon, (what, already 2:00 pm?) except that life is flying by to quickly. I did stop and do some yoga and some breathing work, because my stomach was tight and achy and anxiety was kicking in.

The only remedy I know is the STOP technique. Stop, think, organize and proceed. When I get too panicky and running wild and scattered, it's hard to feel satisfied at the end of the day. Better to stop, breathe, find my center, and flow with the universe once again.

The list is like a genie, threatening to cut your head off if you don't give it another command - Do this, make that, call here, go there. It keeps us running all day. Keep the genie busy climbing the pole of your breath, up and down, while you get the real work done.

So breathe deeply, friends, that's my clue for today.