Hearing the call, what is waiting to be born

This period of confinement due to the corona virus shutdown around the world is a challenging time for some, and a blessing for others.

If you are struggling to make ends meet, going crazy working at home while your children also need attention, I get it. I have the greatest sympathy (having been a writer who worked at home while my children were young).

But if you find yourself with some extra down time, and have managed to meet all your basic needs for shelter, food, safety, love and belonging, perhaps you are feeling the call for finding a deeper meaning and purpose.

Especially during the mid-life transition,  there is often a call to transformation, to reinvention. This is not so much a mid-life crisis involving little red sports cars as it is a sense of dissatisfaction, of wanting something more, of longing to get in touch with a deeper, soulful part of self. Or of finding meaning and being able to give back to the world.

Personally, I felt it most strongly during menopause, where everything I had done from age 30 to 49 began to drift away. I had been writing and publishing poetry, actively involved in the writing community doing readings and volunteering with the League of poets and local writers' organization, when I suddenly lost interest. I had two teens entering puberty at the same time as my hormones were rising, so the hot flash clash was part of this issue.

But I remember going to a week long writers' retreat and discovering over the course of that time that my true interest was not in belonging to a literary group. I wanted to reach out to women like me, mothers who were at home, part-time or full-time and trying to find their creative flow. I was not motivated by literary prizes as much as getting together with a circle of women and exploring our needs, our themes, our angst and our blessings. My women's circle became a sacred space for me to feel seen and heard.

The Creative Circle I was teaching from home sustained and fed me, as well as providing support for other women for about ten years, but then it happened again, I heard the call to reinvent myself. Maybe because I had been giving and supporting others all my life, as a eldest daughter, mother, and teacher, my well was a bit empty. I wondered how I could continue to serve while taking care of myself and feeding my soul. I took a year long course on Rites of Passage and how to create rituals so I could incorporate that on retreats with my circle of women and also celebrate their turning fifty.

But soon I was 60 and menopause long past. I was not an elder yet, nor a grandmother. Who was I now? What did I really want to do with my wild and precious life? I did what I often do when in a period of not knowing, I left for two weeks on a pilgrimage to Ireland visiting various sacred sites of the goddess with a Celtic Shaman. During a drumming ritual and ceremony, she helped remind me that my creative center was calling out for me to nourish it with something just for me. I came back still reluctant to stop leading workshops.

I was, however, keenly interested in my mother's ancestors from Ireland. How had my great grandmother's voices been shut down, and how could I dialogue with their stories of anxiety, depression and other challenges, and learn more about my own? I began writing a memoir, using letters and information from my mother, my maternal aunts, and a memoir written by a great-aunt about her life in the early years of the 20th century. I lost my mother recently, at age 89, and feel a need to get back to that writing and expand it.

All this to say, my life pattern since my mid-forties has been one of frequent reinvention, new projects, studying with teachers and travelling on pilgrimages, but above all, seeking to listen to the inner call and follow my intuition. Honing the feminine side and listening to my intuition may have been the real goal all along, rather than changing my role, giving myself a new job to do, or even a new book to write.

This call to finding our core values or selves, and honour our inner depths, may lead us to leave behind certain roles or aspects of our selves. We may feel disoriented or lost in the maze of choices available to us and not know what we really want. I know many women in my circle have gone through this in their late forties and fifties.

What I have found is that creative process has been so helpful - whether it's by using journal writing, taking a class on fairy tales and myth, using ritual and ceremony, or making collages and using the symbolic language of images, we need to find a way to go beyond our rational selves, and get back in touch with our deeper longing.

This inner voice is often covered over by the outer world of busyness, or by guilt of not being seen as productive - which makes this confinement period a great gift - we may have less structured work time, more silence, more alone time, and more opportunity to reflect, and get a clearer picture of what the elements calling out to us are. If we choose to, of course. There is always the option to pig out on ice cream and chocolate, binge-watch shows on Netflix and zone out, which I also have resorted to over the past two months. Right now my hunger is for something real, something deep and authentic, and perhaps you feel that way too.

What I want to offer you is a path to regain strength and serenity from simple practices that help to tend the soul, listen to your heart, and find where your life is calling you. Sorting and sifting, like Psyche in the underworld sorting peas and beans, is an essential task. Making peace with the past, embracing all the parts of us, the fabulous and the flawed, are also important mid-life tasks.

Life is a process of growth and change. Little by little, we find new versions of ourselves waking up, or older versions and dreams we had forgotten being revealed. Paying attention to our lives requires we grow out of the limited awareness of ourselves as merely the 'roles' we play.  Learning that our struggles and challenges are great teachers, and that we have hidden allies on our side, will help us discover our dreams, our loves and fears and bring new self-awareness, as Bud Harris, the author of Sacred Selfishness says. SoulCollage(R) and journaling have both helped me redefine who I am, embrace all the parts of myself, the fabulous and the flawed with greater self-compassion.

I hope to offer an on-line class coming soon which will help us remember What Wants to be Born in You. It is never too late to dig deep and hear the call.

See my website for more information about what I offer and sign up for my newsletter so you can find out when this class will begin.  online classes can be followed by zoom from the comfort of your living room or bedroom; a circle of support created with you in mind.

www.jenniferboire.com

Midlife tasks : Rite of passage, Crisis or Transition?

So much gold can be found in transition times, but mostly, we feel challenged by the unexpected shifts, changes and challenges - whether it's menopause, divorce, the death of a spouse, parent or child, job loss, empty nest or chronic illness - we are propelled into a process of Change, forced into letting go of the old way, and freaked out perhaps at what has not yet been revealed as the New Normal. 

This wonderful article really helped me reframe the mid-life transition, not as a crisis but as an opportunity for personal growth, a time to take inventory mid-journey and decide what is really important, finding meaning and purpose in the second half of life as a quest for authenticity. I especially like that she says creativity plays a central role in supporting this mid-life review. It also calls on our inner boldness and courage to be inventive and creative in the second half of life.

Here is a short synopsis of the tasks that help us do this: (ps journaling and SoulCollage(R) have helped me get started on these.)

Midlife is a time when our wisdom knocks at the door, sometimes forcefully in form of a crisis or life-changing moment. The following midlife tasks support a life-review and provide helpful signposts along the way:

·         Access Repressed Dreams and Unexpressed Aspects of Self

·        Tell and Revise Life Stories

·        Tend to Regrets and Shame

·         Name and Tame Fears and Inner Barriers

·        Make Peace with the Past

·         Clarify Values and Goals

·         Redefine Body Image and Sexuality

·        Deepen Confidence to Live Wholeheartedly and Authentically

·        Transform Anger into Self-Advocacy and Action

·        Identify Personal Gifts and Passions

·        Offer Gifts and Passions to the World

·        Balance Tending to Others and Tending to Self

·         Reformulate Intimate Relationships Based on Speaking and Honoring Core Needs and Personal Truths

·        Spiritual Quest: Define Meaning and Purpose

·        Nurture Creativity and Creative Self-Expression

·        Cultivate a deeper imaginary with self and others

·        Trust intuition and wisdom

·        Explore and create new possibilities. 

·         Discover more meaning and purpose

Journaling questions to help you gain clarity:

What are my unique gifts?

What dreams, goals and longings have I neglected? (ie what did I used to love, or dream of doing?)

What self-doubts and insecurities block me from being the best version of myself?

What beliefs undermine the expression of my full potential?

What do I need to give myself permission to let go of?

What do I need to give myself permission to embrace?

What are the missing pieces (unmet needs) from my childhood that I can now give to myself?

What feels challenging and leaves me feeling drained?

What brings me peace and satisfaction?

What brings me alive, excites me and gives me joy?

What do I value the most in myself?

What qualities do I admire in others?

What would I like others to have said they learned from me?

Allow any newly emerging ideas and feelings, goals and beliefs to surface. Honour and hold them safe, and if you need to feel held in a safe container, find a counselor who will do so, allowing your rite of passage to continue to unfold.

Adapted from an article Midlife: the Tasks of the Journey, by Elizabeth Strazar, MA, LPC Thimble Island Counseling  www.elizabethstrazar.com   

Here be Dragons: Transition Times, Facing the Unknown

SoulCollage(R) Card: Taming the Dragon 

“The human spirit is capable of an endless number of extraordinary feats. It is a dragon slayer, animating its presence within our being to challenge images and thoughts that arise from the depths of our darkness, intent upon reshaping how we see the landscape of our life.” -  Carolyn Myss

A few years ago, I took a class called Dark Gifts. I was intrigued by the title and ready to face my fear of writing the true stories of my childhood with a dysfunctional (but loving) family. I knew it was going to be scary, even though I had previously written a book of poems called “Little Mother”, and dived deeply in my journal for many years. But I also knew there was treasure to be uncovered in that dark cave.

At each transition point in my life, it seems, the dragons raise their heads and blast me with “thou shalt not pass here” messages. I am a brave and curious soul, usually, not reckless, not Game of Thrones kind of adventurer, but eager to understand my own processes and move onward and upward. Still, after the dizzying mid-life transition at menopause, I felt a bit weak in the knees, a bit less sure of myself, so this course beckoned to me.

Here’s the thing about dragons – what I found out when I asked it why I couldn’t pass (in a guided meditation), is that there was no good reason – and when I imagined my little girl self singing it a lullaby, the dragon actually lowered its hoary head and let me come closer. The tears that flowed from my eyes melted some of my own armour, showing me the true nature of courage; by allowing myself to be vulnerable, as Brene Brown says, more courage began to flow. It felt like a pivotal moment. (I’m still working on those childhood stories).

What I’m discovering with my creative practice of SoulCollage® is that the first step, after creating a safe space to play/work in, is to call in my allies and guides for help in facing the dragons. I have made several Protector cards, Wise Elder and Earth Mother cards, cards that feel nurturing and loving and accepting. I also have a few warrior cards, and a ferocious Mountain Lion who stands guard and protects my boundaries. Now I also know that my innocent girl child has a light and power that can fight the dark.

SoulCollage(R) Card: Mountain Lion Protector 

In the workshop I’m offering this weekend, called Darkness to Light, Navigating Transitions, we are going to name and claim our dragons, the boogeymen who say – Stop! You can’t go forward! There be dragons here!  And we will also find and name our allies. We have all been through many transitions in our lives, but in the face of the current transition or challenge, we sometimes forget the skills and tools we learned the last time around. For instance, most of us have survived a lot of challenges: we made it through adolescence, challenging relationships, illnesses, loss of a loved one, or a job change – but when we are in the middle of it, it feels just as scary every time to face the unknown, to be uncertain of the future. I remember Joan Borysenko describing it in a workshop on Change as being in the hallway, with one door closed and the other one not opened yet.  It’s normal to feel uneasy about what is not seen yet, and unknown.

SoulCollage(R) Card: Goddess Blessing Child with Sun and Water

This is why we need to call in our allies. We also need to name our challengers, pull the dragons out of the dark and ask them to speak to us, ask them: what is the treasure you are guarding? What gift do you have for me? What can I give you in return? There is always a gift in the darkness; hiding in the shadows is our gold.

Writing this article, I came across this powerful piece called Meeting the Dragon, by Robert Holden:  “’On the path of bliss you will meet a dragon. On the dragon there are many scales. Every one of them says ‘Thou Shalt Not’," said [Joseph] Campbell. The dragon may take many forms. For instance, a person who discourages you, who says “You can’t” and “You shan’t.” When I was 20 years old, I worked at a BBC radio station for the summer. I loved it. On my last day, the station manager asked to meet me. It was a short meeting. He told me I shouldn’t pursue my interest in radio as I didn’t have the personality or the talent for it. I burst into tears in front of him. What he said sounded like the truth; not just an opinion. This month marked the start of my ninth year hosting my Shift Happens! radio show for Hay House Radio. Not every “Thou Shalt Not” is true.

The dragon is, essentially, an inner experience. It’s often a self-doubt, a judgment, or a belief that breathes fire at you. One of my dragons is the “inner critic” that would roar at me when I sat before the blank page. Over the years, I learned to tame this dragon. Initially, I did everything I could to avoid it, to outrun it, to heal it, and to slay it. One day, I had a revelation. It struck me that the “inner critic” had never been published! I was released. The inner critic still roars at me from time to time, but it has no fire.”

This piece spoke to me personally, because I studied Radio & TV Arts for one year at university, but gave it up, thinking I was not the competitive type of person it took to make it. These days, I have the chutzpah that I didn't have at age 19.

While some people express and explore through words, others use images or dance, breathwork or yoga or any other expressive art to feel the fear, find their strength and glide around the dragons. No matter which modality you use, one thing I’m sure of, your spirit has more power in it than you know. Reclaim your inner resources, your inner wisdom and find your playful spirit of resilience. Perhaps you won't slay the dragon, but have a conversation with it. Use your intuition, your imagination, and most of all, use imagery and symbolism, the language of the soul, to get to the bottom of your treasure.

And of course, if it feels too overwhelming and difficult, consult a professional who can help you face your fears and move forward.

There may be dragons here, but there also be Transformation and Healing!

Playfully yours in creativity, 

Jennifer

Art Collage: Warrior Monk Flies down the Path with Eagle 

Mid-Life Lessons

SoulCollage(R) card: Ready to Blow!

Some people associate mid-life with their forties, but menopause doesn't hit some women until their mid-fifties, and that is one of the great disruptors, along with divorce, illness, death of a loved one, end of a career, and empty nest.

Sometimes the G-force of mid-life changes flattens you back up against your seat like on a Roller coaster. You lose a friend to breast cancer, a parent dies, your children turn into strangers in their teens, and you begin to feel as fragile as a one-winged butterfly blown in the wind. You, who were the strong one, the stable influence, the core and heartbeat of the family, the one who held it all together, begin to feel like you are falling part.

As I wrote in my book The Tao of Turning Fifty, the greatest lessons I learned (and am still learning at age 64), are these:

• you cannot do it all alone - ask for help and release the Superwoman Syndrome
• you are allowed to rest, take naps, take a break to breathe, Pause often and do Nothing
• surrender, stop fighting the current
• stillness and solitude are great allies - book some time to Get Away!
• girlfriends who can listen to your rants and angst are a great Boost, cherish them
• tell your husband and your family that this temporary insanity will end and to be extra patient with you, as you swing high and low. Get them to help out and expect them to pitch in!

I know for me, my shoulders were carrying the burden of taking care of everyone and doing it all myself. As the eldest in a family of eight, I had been brought up to be the One in Charge, responsible and dutiful. It was very hard for me to soften the reins, loosen my grip, and ask for help when I needed it. Sore aching shoulders, (calcific bursitis) lead me to get some TLC and extra massages, which was a real boon. I was so used to Soldiering On, despite the pain, but I was forced to give in and get help.

That is why I am writing this message for you, mid-life women, today. You don't have to do it all alone. Grant yourself a prescription for loving kindness, small little ways to reduce the load and love yourself at the same time.

Namaste!

Jennifer

ps see my website for information on the upcoming one-day workshop Body Love In a Dangerous Time, with SoulCollage(R), and journaling exercises to help you love your body and soul!

SoulCollage(R) card: Angel Blesses my Belly

My Body is not a Danger zone

The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life

I'm facilitating a class online right now about the journey at mid-life, which I call a quest because of the challenges and tasks that we face - divorce, menopause, chronic illness, deaths in the family, job changes, reinventing ourselves, the endings and new beginnings seem to multiply.

The best tools I know for gaining perspective and understanding your journey better are creative ones - journaling and SoulCollage(R) in my case.

We follow the framework of Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey, the product of his study of myths and legends around the world.

At the end of the class, participants write their own story, imagined or real, about their Quest. Here is a video my son made for me, using my cards and the imaginary quest I made the SoulCollage cards for (from my first taught class).

Enjoy!

Jennifer

www.jenniferboire.com

Writing down the body or The Story I tell myself is....

Ever since my first creative writing class and an exercise called the Taboo Journal, I have been fascinated with the power of memory held in the body, and the way our stories define us. The story I tell myself is, as one well known psychologist and author puts it. I have stored memories, hurts, traumas, griefs, and blocked energy in my shoulders, my belly, my ovaries, my pelvic area, my broken wrist and strained right knee and god knows where else. Clarissa Pinkola Estes has a quote somewhere that wherever we press on the flesh of the body, a memory surfaces....Healing through writing has always been an important tool for me.

As a writer and facilitator, this has led me to lead workshops using journaling prompts to write the body, and have a conversation with body parts that want me to shine a light on their neglected story. In one exercise, I named one breast Famine and the other Abundance and wrote a poem for each.

I had a dialogue with my vagina about what colour the wall paper in her room was, and what kind of furniture would be in there (red velvet, of course!). When I broke my right knee skiing, just on the cusp of menopause and a roiling mid-life transition, it gave me permission to take a lot of quiet time for thinking and writing about the connection between my body and my mind. I wanted to know why I broke my knee, was it significant? Was it a symbol for me needing to stand up for myself and ask for help when overwhelmed? At the same time, Louise Hay’s book and a few others came to my attention – giving me a kind of lexicon of the body-mind connection. A key resource was Dr Northrup’s exploration of the female body in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

Mid-life brought up some more intense body wisdom and learnings. I was mothering two hormonal teen age children, while facing my own menopausal angst, as well as writing, teaching and volunteering to organize events. One particular project had become too large and unmanageable, but I didn’t know how to step down without looking unreliable and disappointing the others. My shoulders and upper back began to ache so badly that every night I needed a heating pad to fall sleep. When I finally made the decision to step down, my body aches disappeared. This happened at least twice, when I was over-committed to outside projects.  I began to pay attention and listen to my body more earnestly.

Recently I’ve been taking some online writing courses specifically centered on healing and releasing old family shadows. It has been very enlightening, to learn how the trauma and pain in one generation can get passed down to the next, until we become aware of it and break the cycle. Another course used the Hero’s Journey as an outline, and urged me to enter the cave of old griefs and hurts, and face the Dragon guarding my treasures and dialogue with him. During that five day class, I wondered at the marvelous ways my body was humming, buzzing, aching and releasing. Energy was moving, just by answering journal prompts and using my imagination to enter that dark cave of old beliefs about my “story”. Reading Women’s Intuition has further bolstered my faith in the embodied guidance and wisdom from within. (https://www.amazon.ca/Womens-Intuition-Unlocking-Wisdom-Body-ebook/dp/B00466HMJG)

The story I tell myself is....This is my old story: I was brought up the eldest of eight children (born in 10 years), in a Catholic family, and became the responsible one, the Mother’s Helper or Little Mother, out of necessity. My mother was alcoholic, and I stepped in to help out, putting a certain burden on my shoulders at an early age. This lead to a pattern of valuing myself externally in my life – the need to always feel productive, purposeful, and valuable by giving and doing, and almost never allowing myself to rest. My body had to force me to stop sometimes.  I look back now, and see that in my twenties I had become addicted to the high of self-less service in my spiritual life, finding great satisfaction (but also exhaustion and stress) in being always on call, evenings, weekends, and whenever there was a need. It was for a good cause but my body craved rest and a more balanced lifestyle. Once I got married, I threw myself into studying, going back to school full time, being an A student (overachiever that I am), then having two babies while doing my Master’s degree over several years.

Bringing up two children, born twenty months apart, was a wonderfully fulfilling role to play, and at the same time I was studying creative writing, teaching part-time and working on a master’s thesis, which became the book, Little Mother. I needed to explore motherhood: my mother’s alcoholism, my childhood, and my own birth journal while I was pregnant. I wrote poems about breastfeeding, sex, and the mothering overload. Writing the body was a life-saver, once again, and it helped me make order out of chaos. But becoming a mother was also my Waterloo. My wolf-mother instincts had been awakened, my hearing and eyesight were keener than ever. My nervous system went into overdrive; it was hard to sleep, hard to share the parenting roles when babies only want their mommies, even with a willing partner. That brought me to therapy, where the psychologist kindly said, you have taken on another mothering job with teaching. I was trying to be the perfect mom, you know how it goes. I ran up against my own human limitations, and more body wisdom.

Menopause, that other womanly rite of passage, threw my body into hormonal chaos and sent my heart and mind onto a rough rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows. Some days, I felt like I was going crazy – shrieking at my kids about crumbs on the counter. Mild depression swung me on a hook for a while. I was saved again by the writing. I started a blog, interviewed other women to find out if it was the same for everyone, researched and read a ton of books, and finally wrote my own, The Tao of Turning Fifty. Since then, I’ve given lectures on the mid-life transition and written a few hundred blog posts and articles. (http://msmenopause.blogspot.ca/)

My life has been a search of that mysterious answer or clue to what ails me....for instance, a frozen shoulder, shortly after my book came out, prevented me from working on the computer for any length of time. It took five years of journaling, osteopathic treatments, shamanic journeying and finally I felt I got to the bottom of that shoulder issue.  I was in a workshop exploring the Inanna myth and down in the underworld meeting Erishkegal when I realized that the pain in my upper back was from the good girl archetype tightly wedged between my shoulder blades! Some very simple exercises from a physiotherapist helped me strengthen the back muscles. Now I sit at a desk with better ergonomics, and a good height for the keyboard. Plus, my adorable shitzu Mollie forces me to get up and take walks, and take a break from the computer regularly.

After the wild mid-life transition, in my sixties, my continuing curiosity led me to take classes to help find my inner child artist. I have rediscovered a love of artistic expression with SoulCollage and Art Journaling and once again, been catapulted back into the body, into the wild joy a child’s body feels while finger painting, drawing, or cutting up bits of images and pasting them onto cardboard. Time does not exist when I am in creative flow, and I stop feeling those aches and pains. I am grateful for the wise body guidance I receive, when I listen to it, and I want to commit to staying close to its wisdom every day.

Your story has a surprise beginning says this collage from my art journal, with a naked woman riding a white horse, facing backwards. Yes, it is a surprising rewrite. For instance, I have loved singing and music all my life. Where was that in my old story? The story I tell myself now is different from the one I have been telling myself all these years: eldest daughter, little mother with an absent mother, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I have found my joy in the magical child, the story teller, the little girl who sings to the flowers, la petite fille qui chantait aux fleurs.

Embodied wisdom, the body’s wisdom, is still something I am exploring. Creativity and Flow have become my go-too therapies. When I am stuck in the writing, I immerse myself in making collage, in playing with images instead of words. I am learning to speak the body’s language – it uses imagery, metaphor and symbols. Myths and the imagination emerge from the collective unconscious, as Jung taught, in the same symbolic language that speaks to us through dreams, in poetry and art, in our body’s intuitive knowing... Now I know that anything is possible.

See my website at www.jenniferboire.com for a free excerpt of the book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, and to register for my latest class offering, Her Journey, the Heroine’s Quest at Mid-Life.

My mid-life journey

I have always considered myself a writer, first and foremost, until I discovered in my late 40’s that I enjoy working with women in creative circles more than sitting at home alone writing. I’m also learning about my archetypes – and how my Caretaker, Spiritual seeker and Creative artist side are all balancing out in this facilitating and teaching role.

While the kids were growing up, I spent my spare time writing poetry in my little office at home, alone, without much feedback, besides the odd publication, without nourishing conversations with other women, in a competitive literary environment. On the Writers Spa trip to Taos in 2006, I was asked if I really wanted to make it in the literary world, and I realized my answer was no. I wanted to reach mainstream women, and write a blog on my menopausal journey. The Tao of Turning Fifty (2012) was born out of that blog.

The search for meaning and purpose is rarely a straight line. There are many dead-ends, wrong turns, swamps of despair, mountains to climb, but as Carolyn Myss says, we have a blueprint in our souls, and if we follow our excitement, our passionate likes, we will uncover the energy we didn’t know we had, that has been pushed down or covered up. Following our ‘loves’, what we used to do and love, gives us a big hit of an endorphin, pleasure rush. For me, getting back to dancing and singing on stage with the Hudson Music Club was 100% more fulfilling than reading my meager poems in front of a static and often unappreciative audience. I rediscovered my Performer self, by following my love of singing.

Lately, taking classes in expressive arts and working with creative process has awakened my inner child-artist self. The one who loved drawing and colouring, sketching flowers and seedpods in my science workbook at school, before somebody shut me down in Grade four by accusing me of copying someone else’s work in an art class. Now I’m integrating this love of art making into my Creative Circle, and have reinvented myself online as Creative Soulful Woman. Naming and Claiming my creative energies has been so empowering.

At mid-life, we are free, more than ever, to rediscover what we love, to get into Creative Flow, find out what makes us glow. It’s high time to let go and release what no longer serves you or makes you feel small. It’s time to tune in, receive inner guidance, and get help from intuitive clues.

Ask yourself, What do I love? What would I do if it weren’t so selfish? (especially if you’re a caretaker type).

My own Caretaker/mother and Artist/performer selves are no longer in conflict. My kids have flown the coop and I am free to pursue my hobbies and creative interests (as long as I don't overload my self with lists of things to do and house projects!)

How about you? Can you carve out some time just for you? 

Make a plan, pencil it in, take a class, put on your dancing shoes, buy a bike. It’s time to enjoy the rest of your life.

See www.archetypes.com for a quiz to find your Archetypes

Jennifer Boire

Creative Soulful Woman

find me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, LinkedIn

https://www.facebook.com/creativesoulful/ 

NOTE: New On-Line Class called Her Journey: The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life, 8 weeks, weekly conference call, begins Wed. Oct 12. 7:30 PM EST, all calls recorded, more info and registration on the website. www.jenniferboire.com

Living Selfishly: Circling the Self

A friend and mentor just pointed out to me today that selfish means: circling the self.

Why is it so hard to give myself (ourselves) what I/we need?

The body aches, or is hungry or tired, or the brain hurts, and we are just plain exhausted, yet we keep on keeping on. We are built for struggle, it seems, not ease. Feel uncomfortable giving ourselves comfort. It feels selfish!

I can only speak for myself. This has been a year of struggle between my Hermit Self and my Productive self. Lately, in my collages and art, I see a weary circling, a need for rest, and a strong determination to continue, both at the same time.  I am determined to make my Voice matter. I am weary of marketing, promoting, and pushing myself "out there", wherever that is. That "self" wants to stand up and be counted, but she's tired of figuring out ways to do it and longs for Solitude to muse in.

I feel the urge to communicate, to have deep conversations about what really matters, to connect soul to soul with creative, conscious others and I feel the call to rest and meditate and do yoga. That sense of connection will be renewed soon, with my women's circle which has been on hiatus all summer,  starting up again next week, yeah!

It is always about me circling the Self, wanting to nourish it, give it some real food. And it's about your circling your Self. It is me sending out feelings, emotions, information to others around me, and me also receiving information, emotions and feelings back. Choosing to hit cancel, delete, or Save and savour.

Right now, I'm offering an online class, but no local in-person classes. After ten years of facilitating workshops and retreats, maybe something is shifting. I'm paying more attention to my own needs, and SoulCollage(R) has helped reveal the parts of self that need nourishing. that Hermit self will not be ignored! (Using a creative process like SoulCollage(R) has been a revelation to me).

This year that I've dedicated to vision questing with mythos journey and Cat Caracelo, this year of living selfishly, is starting to affect my conscious choices. The needs start as a little whimper of complaint, or a burble of joy, or a simmering of hushed energy that I can't name yet. Then I put pen to paper, or pastel to art journal or glue to image, and voila, something flows creatively from Source and names itself.

So circling the Self, I am learning about this human life, this humanity, its gold mornings and darkish nights. Its greedy off-kilter face-stuffing addictive behaviors, its child-like wonder, its magical and musical delights.  I am all these. I am none of these. I am enjoying my many creative circles where I can share with other like-minded women on-line.

Mid-life is a time of transition and learning about sacred selfishness. I am working on an e-book by that title in fact, some tips for soulful self-care for body and soul. Something I want to give away to anyone who reads this blog, signs up for the newsletter or takes a class with me. I'll let you know when it's ready!

Just a little bit of giveaway to help you be more selfish! In a good way, of course.

xxxx
jenn
www.jenniferboire.com
Her Journey: The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life begins on-line, and with a weekly conference call, Wed Oct 12. See my website for more details and description.

Living Selfishly: Circling the Self

A friend and mentor just pointed out to me today that selfish means: circling the self.

Why is it so hard to give myself (ourselves) what I/we need?

The body aches, or is hungry or tired, or the brain hurts, and we are just plain exhausted, yet we keep on keeping on. We are built for struggle, it seems, not ease. Feel uncomfortable giving ourselves comfort.

I can only speak for myself. This has been a year of struggle between my Hermit Self and my Productive self. Lately, in my collages and art, I see a weary circling, a need for rest, and a strong determination to continue, both at the same time.  I am determined to make my Voice matter. I am weary of marketing, promoting, and pushing myself "out there", wherever that is. That "self" wants to stand up and be counted, but she's tired of figuring out ways to do it and longs for Solitude to muse in.

I feel the urge to communicate, to have deep conversations about what really matters, to connect soul to soul with creative, conscious others and I feel the call to rest and meditate and do yoga. That sense of connection will be renewed soon, with my women's circle which has been on hiatus all summer,  starting up again next week, yeah!

It is always about me circling the Self, wanting to nourish it, give it some real food. And it's about your circling your Self. It is me sending out feelings, emotions, information to others around me, and me also receiving information, emotions and feelings back. Choosing to hit cancel, delete, or Save and savour.

Right now, I'm offering an online class, but no local in-person classes. After ten years of facilitating workshops and retreats, maybe something is shifting. I'm paying more attention to my own needs, and SoulCollage(R) has helped reveal the parts of self that need nourishing. that Hermit self will not be ignored! (Using a creative process like SoulCollage(R) has been a revelation to me).

This year that I've dedicated to vision questing with mythos journey and Cat Caracelo, this year of living selfishly, is starting to affect my conscious choices. The needs start as a little whimper of complaint, or a burble of joy, or a simmering of hushed energy that I can't name yet. Then I put pen to paper, or pastel to art journal or glue to image, and voila, something flows creatively from Source and names itself.

So circling the Self, I am learning about this human life, this humanity, its gold mornings and darkish nights. Its greedy off-kilter face-stuffing addictive behaviors, its child-like wonder, its magical and musical delights.  I am all these. I am none of these. I am enjoying my many creative circles where I can share with other like-minded women on-line.

Mid-life is a time of transition and learning about sacred selfishness. I am working on an e-book by that title in fact, some tips for soulful self-care for body and soul. Something I want to give away to anyone who reads this blog, signs up for the newsletter or takes a class with me. I'll let you know when it's ready!

Just a little bit of giveaway to help you be more selfish! In a good way, of course.

xxxx
jenn
www.jenniferboire.com
Her Journey: The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life begins on-line, and with a weekly conference call, Wed Oct 12. See my website for more details and description.

Mid-Life Mothering and the Heroine's Quest

In some parts of the world, it's back to school week. In others, it's after Labour Day weekend, in a few more days. This year, I have only one child headed off to university out of town, for her last year. My son has flown back to the coop (almost, not living at home),  living in the same city. It always makes me wonder about my mothering role - when they are not at home anymore, and don't need me as much, but are still tethered to me by phone messages and texts.

What does it mean to have children later in life? I was talking to my hairdresser today, who has done a lot of weddings this summer, about the age women are getting married. She says most of them are in their 30's, but some as young as 24 (my daughter's age). Fifty years ago, this was probably the norm - my mother got married at age 21, and was done having kids by age 31 (eight in ten years, wow!)

My story was different, and I determined to be a different kind of mother. As I told my hairdresser, I got married at age 29, and wanted to have kids right away. But two miscarriages and seven years later, we had our first when I was 36, and my second child at age 38. I felt young, I looked young, but when you flash forward 12-13 years later, I was 46 and hitting menopause or pre-menopause as my kids were hitting puberty.  Not a pretty sight, lots of hormones flying in the air, lots of attitude, pouting, and mood swings hitting the fan!

It's not something we plan for - so many women getting married and having children in their 30's do not even think about menopause yet, they are focused on finishing school and getting in some working years before having children. But I wish I could tell them, from the vantage point of my wise old 61 years, remember that Mid-Life is only a decade away - and your priorities shift again. Mid-life has actually been the richest period of my life, and my 50's have been the most satisfying and creative years. But as I was leaving my forties, it didn't feel that way. There was a period of descent into overwhelm, confusion and lost wondering, where I was not sure of the way anymore, or of who I was, after so many years of intense mothering full-time (and writing part-time). The only way I got through it was with journaling, blogging and writing a book, The Tao of Turning Fifty about my rollercoaster ride through menopause.

The Heroine's Quest at MidLife 
Now in my early 60's, I have a much stronger handle on what the mid-life transition is about. It's about transition! It's about change. It's about redefining our sense of self (yet again). It's about finding mean and purpose and understanding our own story.

New Yorker Cartoon

'm preparing an on-line course in October for the first time, and am very excited to offer mid-life women (whether in their 40's, 50's or 60's) a chance to look at the story arc of their lives, and be their own Heroines. By that I mean, be the main protagonist in your own story - not necessarily Superwoman or Wonder Woman, but an ordinary woman going through the ups, downs, sideways moves, two steps forward, four steps backwards that constitutes a woman's cyclical life. The story we tell ourselves adds to our sense of the meaning and purpose of our life.

We may not be facing dragons and slaying monsters, on the outside at least, but we are facing challenges every day. Choices we make, juggling a home life and work life and children's lives, and still trying to find a sense of Self somewhere in there. The older we get, the more obstacles we've faced, the more achievements we have accumulated, the richer the stories that we will look back on and say, Wow! I did that, I went there, I can see the story unfolding (but often, only in hindsight).

"Our personal myth-or story- provides a way for us to understand our origins, who we are, where we belong, and whether our life has meaning. If we can be aware of our own story as it unfolds, we have a better chance of understanding and making friends with our lives. Mythic patterns provide guidelines or maps." The Heroine's Journey Workbook, Maureen Murdock.

If you are in the middle of a mid-life transition, or are curious about how to reclaim your story, or name what are living right now, I hope you'll check out this on-line offering -

Her Journey: the Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life, an 8 week class to help you reframe your midlife journey as a sacred task.

More details and Registration on my website: www.jenniferboire.com

Jennifer
xxxx

The Tao of Turning Fifty, https://www.facebook.com/TheTaoOfTurningFifty
and Creative Soulful Woman  www.facebook.com/creativesoulful 

The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life

I am relishing this latest Creative Circle class, as we near the end of exploring our Heroine's quest or Journey. We have been journaling and making SoulCollage(R) cards each week, for seven weeks now.  Below is a card I made about meeting the Beast, and my brave-hearted little girl (lion-heart or Coeur de lion) who is leaping into the fray, small but mighty.

The mid-life journey (anywhere from mid-40's to mid-60's) has lead me on many inner adventures, and a few life changes too. Why do I look at it as a Heroic Quest? 

A woman's cyclical journey through life involves many transformations. She leaves behind one self to become another - from pre-puberty to teen, from maiden to mother, and at menopause, her body and hormones are changing once again. The Heroic Quest involves a separation from the old life, a descent into the abyss, a revelation or transformation, and a return. Most women go through this more than once! Even Joseph Campbell calls mothering a heroic task.

It takes courage to be a woman, but it also calls on the power of the Feminine. We can stride into the forest and wrestle the Beast or bears, but more often the strength that is needed is slower, more patient, as in labour and childbirth. 

A woman's strength comes from her center, from the wholeness of her being, and it demands her Presence, her intuitive knowing and response to what is needed. At menstruation, we learned to tune in and listen better to our own hormonal rhythms, our mood swings and emotional needs. At childbirth, we learn to surrender to the body and a baby coming out, and then to its needs for food and rest. 

At Menopause, we transform once more, and learn the big lesson of Descent and Return. We are on our way to becoming Elders. And the need for self-care becomes paramount, so we can better serve the young children, men and women coming up behind us. 

We can fight these rhythms of change, the seasons and cycles, and suffer being out of whack, out of tune with ourselves. Or we can listen to the inner rhythm, connect to body, mind and soul, giving ourselves that tender, gentle care we so lovingly lavish on others. 

That self-compassion and kindness, that gentle self-love goes a long way to healing the heroine's angsts and fears. Follow your intuition, and a pathway will open up in the dark woods. Follow your bliss, and don't let the dragons of fear paralyze you. 

This is your Quest, your Journey. And you will emerge brighter, better, stronger than before. The second half of life awaits you. Enter and Enjoy!

Musemother

www.jenniferboire.com

Five Gifts of Pro-Aging, by Marcia Newman,

Balboa Press, $11.99 US

Baby Boomers may have been at the forefront of many liberation movements, (and there are 78 million of us in the cohort) but currently, more and more women are succumbing to slavery of a different kind - to a youth-obsessed culture: dying our hair, injecting botox, nipping, tucking and otherwise refusing to accept looking our age.  Author Marcia Newman had her own aging crisis one day while looking in the mirror, and decided it was time to confront the fear of looking like her mother by letting her hair go gray.

Newman’s work as a psychologist had also convinced her that what women particularly need to do is to age consciously and comfortably, and her intention with this book is to provide some tools for a happier, more aware ageing process, mainly for women. Her chapters focus on the five gifts of the title: Authenticity, Self-healing (by allowing emotions to be felt), practicing the gift of Discernment, contacting our inner Wildness and Collaboration with others.

Newman provides journaling questions throughout the book, and a questionnaire to start off with, so the reader can assess and confront the fears about growing older, and also discover the ways we exhaust ourselves by taking care of Everything and Everybody. Part of learning a healthier conscious attitude towards aging is in learning not to feel guilty when it’s time to take care of ourselves. Living an authentic life, according to the author, means that sometimes others around you may be upset with your decisions, but healthy women are able to let go of the guilt. She offers tools to help women develop healthier instincts and boundaries and manage their own high expectations of themselves (and also release perfectionism and procrastination).

In The Gift of Discernment chapter, I especially liked her description of the exertion/exhaustion cycle-- how women love to keep busy, yet how this continuously drains our energy, because we never learn to use the brake, only the gas pedal. She suggests journaling, and asking the body for a dialogue, to check in and find out for instance, which warning signs you receive when you’re heading for an over-exertion/exhaustion cycle.  Two questions help the reader discern what their level of energy is:  what depletes you and what gives you time and space to come ‘home’ to yourself?

It’s time to get back in touch with our inner wildness, Newman says, stating that the inner Wild woman is weary from too many choices, too many electronic gadgets, and having to be pleasant and nice all the time. Her pro-aging consciousness promotes unplugging for half a day to get back in touch with nature, and finding a place that makes you feel at home, to let the mammalian side come out to play. More wildness includes allowing more time for erotic intimacy. She quotes Gail Sheehy, author of Sex and the Seasoned Woman, who describes the spicy, seasoned woman as one who wants to live a full and passionate life over 50, and won’t settle for less. 

Facing the limiting beliefs, the inner ‘dragon’ or negative naysayer, and taking steps to reduce its power over you, is crucial, according to Newman. She offers steps for allowing the inner howl to come out, and find creative joy again.

Bottom line in this book, ladies, is all about self-care. Newman rightly says that creative ideas will flow when we nurture our selves, and will also bring back more energy. Feeling more alive, less deadened, is the antidote to feeling ‘old’.  “The Universe will remind us when we go down a people-pleasing, passionless, dead-end road that we weren't in love with in the first place…..The gift of wildness will always help you find a new open road.”

The only small off note in this book is the last chapter, The Gift of Collaboration, where I felt the voice got a little preachy in that new-age way. I grow tired of reading about The Patriarchy, especially when it’s capitalized, even if I agree with her. We do live in an overly productive, always 100% on society, and  suffer from “the competitive game of compare and despair” as she calls it. I have watched one of the movies she recommends, The Burning Times, about the 50 years of European witch hunting and inquisitions, but I’m not sure why watching the list of movies she recommends will help us be more pro-aging. It was the only chapter that felt like a lecture instead of a helping hand.

Newman finishes on a high-note with some ‘feminine (heart-based) principles’ to foster collaborative learning and leadership and a Pro-Aging Women’s Credo.

“…we don’t buy into the old aging stereotypes nor endorse today’s youth worshiping…

We are responsible for our own wellness. …We are the lightworkers,

the peace bearers….We appreciate and nurture our chosen tribe

… We’ve always heard the cries of Mother Earth and are active participants in healing our planet.”

I recommend reading this book and journaling along with it, as you face the monster in the mirror, and the received beliefs you carry inside you about aging. I also believe the second half of life can be as vital and passionate as the first half. Now, if I could only get used to seeing more gray in my hair…. yesterday I swear I saw my mother in the mirror!

Musemother

link to purchase the bookhttp://bookstore.balboapress.com