Healing the inner masculine, Journaling and SoulCollage®

Sometimes our inner world throws us a curve ball, we are thrown into chaos or confusion internally, the way ahead appears to be lost. I finally got up the courage to see a counsellor to work through some resistance I felt to starting my list of projects. It was the beginning of fall, and I was busy planning workshops, retreats, and proposing to write a book about my father. It’s difficult to not feel like my usual creative self. And it’s even harder to ask for help, to admit that I feel stuck, and uninspired. I set myself up as the Inner Wisdom Guide for Pete’s sake. It took me six months to make the call, but I’m glad I did, even if it feels very vulnerable to even talk about.

We started talking about my life, my family of origin, and of course, my mother’s alcoholism and how I was raised to be the little mother, a good Catholic girl, the eldest, responsible one. For a few sessions, she asked me to prod into any residual anger that may be blocking my energy. I couldn't feel any anger, just sadness.

Good Girl Saying Grace (angel watching) 

Because I work with SoulCollage®, I showed her some of my cards and she was willing to work this way. Talking was helping, but I needed to consult my cards to see what they had to say about how to deal with any simmering anger hidden under the surface. Who would help me deal with that?  The first card that appeared was one I named Healing the Masculine. 

The image on the card is of a bronze statue with a broken right arm, being cleaned by a female archeologist, against the backdrop of the Aegean Sea, or ancient Greece. My right arm has been chronically stiff, first with calcific bursitis, then a frozen shoulder and has been bothering me for almost ten years. I’ve had every kind of treatment, from physiotherapy, osteopathy, rolfing, acupuncture and now talk therapy. Looking at this card, I realized the one who carried rage in our home was my father. I looked up to him as a role model because my mother had collapsed, checked out in my teen years with drinking and depression.  My dad was an engineer, a logical thinker, an army captain, a man who always wanted to excel at what he did, who graduated with honours. But who had demons of his own.

Healing Inner Masculine

In search of more answers about this imbalance of masculine and feminine, I’m also consulting books, getting massages, and trying to figure out how to be less numb, more in touch with my body. 

What I’m learning and what I feel intuitively is that the way to heal the masculine is by approaching the inner feminine, those values I always forget are my healing medicine – rest, receptivity and allowing feelings to arise. Being at home allows me to take the time required, and embrace my Inner Hestia, the side of me that loves to putter in the house, who heals herself and others with chicken soup, slow simmered stews, herbal tinctures and teas (especially in fall and winter). The cozy home and sanctuary is already here, if I can only appreciate it. They say compassion begins at home, so Jennifer, it’s time to lay down the sword and mantle, the staff of being the one in charge, put aside the crown of Overarching Boss of Everything. Descend, my lady, to your inner comfort zone and refill the well.

This does feel awkward, not in line with the goal setting I’ve been doing.  Since last year I’ve been revamping my website, gearing up to lead trainings for facilitators, which involves more workshops, outreach and marketing. I also have a few creative projects, singing with my husband in a band, as well as a barbershop quartet, publishing a book of poems with translation, there are lots of pots on the burners. So it feels a bit backwards to be focusing on doing less when there is so much I want to do!

It feels absolutely unheroic and unproductive: instead of going up and at ‘em, dreaming big, and expanding my reach, for the moment, I’m headed down and in, asking questions of my body, and composting the dark shadowy stuff in the heart. I’ve always been one to counsel others to listen carefully to the body’s wisdom and practice self-care. Now it’s my turn (menopause was also a big teaching moment about descent into feeling).  It’s not time to Go Big or Go Home. It’s time to find out where Home is.

At 65, I have accomplished most of my dreams already: I am grateful for my wonderful hubby and grown children, beautiful home, a creative community of women, working with SoulCollage®, and journaling. There were a few disappointments -  two miscarriages, and none of the books I published were best sellers. But the books did bring me out in the public for speaking engagements. And I have had the opportunity to study with some amazing teachers, Dr. Clarissa PInkola Estes, Nathalie Goldberg, Joan Borysenko, Cat Caracelo, and Mariabruna Sirabella. Maybe this is a good time to digest what I have learned, and explore where my passions lie. I still have lots to share, and more to grow, but my soul purpose will only be achieved if live in connection with my heart and body, not just my head.

It’s not always about being productive, and doing more.

For some of us, who are always striving for bigger and better, an illness we need to be cured of  – embracing our flawed, imperfect selves and limitations can be a huge relief and healing balm. When I accept myself, and feel enough, when I know that I am small but mighty, I can relax. I can trust my intuitive knowing to lead me (which often goes against the received wisdom of coaches and marketing execs). I do not feel the need to go faster, dream bigger or be better than I am.  It feels like back peddling sometimes, this downward, inward work, but it also feels good, like a big release, like something transformative is taking place.

Ideally, I imagine standing up for myself with self-protection, rooting and grounding in presence and real-ness. Learning to acknowledge and know my limits, being able to say, I can do this and no more, and calling in my angels and guides to support me. Maybe I’ll even learn the ability to say no without feeling bad at displeasing others. Mostly, I realize, the one I fear displeasing is my own inner Father figure, who expected only the best from me but installed a very loud critic voice in my right ear.

I think it’s also time to release the superwoman rescuer.  I cannot take on all the woes of the world and still feel my inner Wow. I feel a deep need to self-nurture in a cocoon for a while, and have that be ok. I have one foot in the underworld these days, as I release the hold of the inner tyrant, and learn to snuggle in the arms of the Great Mother, the eternal feminine.  Some weeping happens, as I write in my journal and of course, having the support of a counsellor lightens the load.

Great Mother/Nurturer as Tree

I had a curious dream last night  – I was playing a violin in a trio with my husband, for a party indoors. We were looking in at them, from outside on the porch, and a very tall woman stood there, bare breasted, with large pendulous breasts, nursing a baby. I leaned over drew the bow across her breast and drops of milk came out through the skin. I was in awe of the power of those breasts. It felt like a puzzle, and I was not afraid, only curious. Intrigued. 

The power of the feminine is like the power of milk, it feeds our hunger. The power of the feminine is to nurture, hold, soul tend, be tender.

That is how my path is unfolding right now, on this healing journey, moving towards embracing what I am, and what I was born to be, a woman who forgives herself for not being perfect, who can hang out  here in the shadow realms as long as needed, so I can learn to love myself, just the way I am.

Battling Dragons collage

Finding Trust in Transition Times by looking back: A New Year Beckons

Well, here we are, on the cusp of another New Year. Coming out of a busy holiday time, full of laughter, wine, friends and family, a little bit of too muchness – having enjoyed too much of a good thing, and also in need of rest.

At the same time, I am prompted by my inner taskmaster to begin to plan ahead (some of you probably planned ahead already last fall for 2019!). But one thing I have learned over time is that winter is a quiet time for me, energy wise.

Yet still I have my lists of projects, unfinished, or not yet begun. I see other facilitators’ offerings for workshops and retreats lined up all the way to fall 2019, and wonder, will I offer something new this year? Or repeat a theme that was popular in 2018, with SoulCollage(R)?

By chance I opened a journal of mine from almost ten years ago, November 2009, before I trained to become a SoulCollage facilitator. I was still leading journaling classes. There was a list of things under the theme: What do I love? I am very intrigued, because it appears to me that I have lost sight once again of what I love. I feel a bit worn down, a little fatigued with the need to always come up with new ideas and themes. A guilty part of my soul just wants to do nothing, see no-one, lead no one.

In yoga this morning, I felt a deep need to feel my own serene presence.

I got flashes during  the relaxation part of images of my child self – in Grade 4, as a competitive student, wanting to raise her hand and be seen and heard, at the top of her class. I also saw her flirting with the boys at school. Even younger, I saw her being a good helper to her mom, playing with the siblings and little ones, changing diapers, holding bottles.  

The need to be good, to be the best at school, the need to be seen and heard is perhaps what lead me to service, satsang and meditation in an ashram for 8 years in my twenties. And then perhaps lead me back to school to study English Literature and Creative Writing and compete as a writer in a world of fiction and poetry.  Then after my kids were born, it brought me out of my little part-time writing room into the classroom to lead journaling workshops and then add SoulCollage(R). Now, at age 64, I feel that need winding down.

So the list of what I loved in 2009 was:

I love talking and being heard. I love meaningful conversations, connections with people.

I love being connected to me.

I love being and feeling grounded.

I love moving with grace.

I love eating calmly with awareness, good healthy food.

I love having someone else clean and cook for me.

I love massages, Reiki and being loved.

I love my sisters and brothers.

I love my kids, and friends and family.

I love reading poems in public.

I love singing on stage.

I love the spotlight.

I love stepping out of bounds.

I love to be stretched.

I love music: flute drum bass.

I love being quiet and alone, diving deep into yoga, feeling peace.

On the next page of my journal was written, What do I want to do right now?

“Right now in this moment, I want to allow the wisdom of my heart to bypass the strategist. I want the dreamer to awake and tell me her deepest cherished dream. I want to hold her hand and shush and rock her until she dares speak out loud her deepest wish – she has not shown herself for fear of being judged and she is hiding underneath the bed. She doesn’t like to compete; she hates hype, marketing, meetings and the pressure to create goals. She is anti-goal. She lives for feeling, under the surface of things. She is a shy fish and my outer voice is too loud, it frightens her. I courted her in the past, but gave up, buried her under convention, under Should-Must-Duty.

Right now I want to listen.

Right now I want to receive guidance about where my life’s interests are – a book? Classes? Healing? I want to be healed.”

What surprises me about this list is that I did actually write and publish The Tao of Turning Fifty a few years down the road in 2012. I did lead classes from my home until the end of 2017 and workshops till 2018. I did seek out healers, osteopaths, massage therapists and acupuncturists and I did receive healing. In hindsight, it all unfolded exactly according to this desire, expressed silently in my journal, to myself.

What surprises me about reading this now, is that I am back in the same place – wondering what I really want to do. I have danced and sung in the spotlight with a quartet,  done some musical theatre and sang in an acoustic band with my husband, (check!).  I have a women’s circle and a SoulCollage(R) circle where my needs for being seen and heard, and creative expression,  are fulfilled.

I feel as if I have come full circle -  it is time for me to listen in again and receive guidance. I am still anti-goals. That hasn’t changed. I may be competitive by nature, but I have zero desire to get out there and compete in the world of self-care gurus and authors. I think I am winding down that ‘outward’ energy phase of my life. Is that possible? Didn’t I just sign up to be the Inner Wisdom guide? Will I be content to just do yoga, meditate and write in my journal? Of course, the SoulCollage(R) facilitator trainer part is new, and will unfold over the next five months. I am content to hold space for that new learning and to attend a conference of facilitators in Italy in June.

But the burning desire to share everything I learn and know has left me. Or at least died down for the moment. I feel afraid it may never return. I wonder who my persona will be without that fearless leader persona leading me.

With gratitude, I come back to the list of what I love.

I think it’s time to let go of performing and being “good”. And it's time to lose the attitude of provitude, the always striving and pushing myself to be 'better than'. High time to be releasing and letting go of the fear of the future.

I welcome my own serene presence, dive into the sacred moment, and the next moment. Trusting it will all unfold for me in 2019, as it did in 2009.

“Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours to see, Que Sera Sera.”

Perhaps that little shy fish, la petite fille qui chantait aux fleurs, will surface and whisper in my ear, what she really loves to do.

I'm listening....

SoulCollage(R) card: Hearing the call 

Body Love in a Dangerous Time

“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.” ~John Lee, Writing from the Body

There is a war on Feminine Flesh. Do you know that song sung by the Bare Naked Ladies, Lovers in a dangerous time? These feel like dangerous times for women’s bodies. The worst part is that the assault comes from within us, not just from men in power, or from magazines, news, TV and video. Inside of ourselves there is a war going on against female cycles, female flesh. We either have too much or not enough. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. (I know as my pot belly gets bigger that this is an issue for me, that buying bigger pants will only partly solve!) In spite of the great consciousness awareness surrounding abuse and disrespect coming out of the #metoo movement, in 2018 it is still difficult for women to feel love and accept their own female bodies, just the way they are.

None of us seems to be happy with our shape, or our hair, (if it’s curly you want it straightened, if it’s straight you spend hours curling it); our body size, our legs or sagging arm flesh, or our boobs heading south as we hit menopause.  This gets harder as we get older, as our aging bodies go through even more changes (why can’t I get rid of that last 10 lbs as I enter my mid-sixties?) and all this self hatred and judgement has lead to a boom in cosmetic surgery and diet crazes.

But I think it’s not just about bodies' aging. An awful lot of young girls and women feel anxious about their bodies, and it starts at a young age. My daughter, at age 8 came home from school one day to tell me she had a big tummy. Her friends were starting to criticize their bodies already!  It starts with anxiety about being “perfect” – all the celebrity images prime us for self-criticism - looking through a big pile of magazines recently, I could not find any positive images of women over size 6. They were all super thin, slim, and gorgeous or a few of the opposite – extremely overweight and unhealthy – where is the middle ground? Where are the images of women who fit somewhere in the middle, who look like you or I?

These ridiculously strict standards cause serious restrictions on our self-image, our self love and our  freedom: we’re hit from all sides - from the fashion  and cosmetic industry, even at the local parents’ committee, there are  body police everywhere, measuring us up, judging us on our weight gain (or loss), our clothing size, hair colour, how much cellulite we have, and offering the best surgery or botox to correct our imperfections….the harsh criticism from self and others never ends.

Food is no longer about nourishment. We are constantly monitoring our hunger, our food intake, counting calories, working out to lose the bag of chips we just ate, punishing and rewarding ourselves for lack of effort or sticking to the diet and exercise plan, hating ourselves in the mirror. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to look and feel our best – but we go to extremes - either obsessing about it or we numbing ourselves with cookies, ice cream or alcohol.  We have learned to disconnect from our bodies, from our intuitive knowing, and from our feelings.

Which ever way you look at it, there has been a long history of conflict surrounding women’s bodies, all the way back to Eve. Our bodies, our cycles and our sexuality have been banned and sent underground for so long, either seen as depravity and evil or simply banned and nonexistent, ignored by generations of women too traumatized to know differently. We have lost our collective memory, the knowledge that used to be passed down from mothers, aunts and sisters to their younger daughters, nieces and sisters. The once sacred women’s rites around the menstrual cycle and childbirth for example became suspect and connected to witchcraft, and thousands of women were burned, drowned or hung. There are many hundreds of years of history behind our relationship with our feminine nature, our bodies and our intuition.

I think it's time to declare a truce on the war with our body. What if we picked one small part of our body to reclaim and love back to a healthy relationship? We may not be able to transform our attitude overnight, but we can take little steps, one body part at a time. What if we actually began to feel worthy and deserving of self-love? 

What is Women’s Wisdom? We can only counter the negative baggage by beginning with ourselves, with loving our bodies, one part at a time. Embodied living means learning to live consciously, in touch with our inner guidance through our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and with acceptance of the feelings in our body. It means believing that our bodies are able to receive and transmit energy and information. We can begin to develop our intuition, our feminine wisdom.

Because I need to heal my relationship and begin listening to my body too, I am offering a women's one-day workshop called Body Love in a Dangerous Time. We will start by re-establishing some open communication with our bodies, by looking at one small part, acknowledging it, listening to it and dialoguing with it in our journals, in a judgement free zone of lovingkindness. 

That’s where we begin, and then in the afternoon we’ll make a SoulCollage(R) card for a body part we want to improve our relationship with, or send some love to. SoulCollage(R) is a nourishing, expressive art form that uses images, intuition and imagination to make small 5 x 8 collages that reflect inner parts, emotions, archetypes and energies. (www.soulcollage.com) 

We’ll also spend some time breathing deeply and relaxing, finding and releasing areas of tension, and inviting in a sense of self-love, gratitude and wonderment at the beautiful beings we are.  We will take baby steps to feel good about our body parts, and infuse them with love and attention.

We will baby ourselves, ladies, we will love ourselves like we would love a precious child and make a start at healing the disconnect.

The Church says: the body is a sin.

Science says: the body is a machine.

Advertising says: The body is a business.

The Body says: I am a fiesta.”  ~Eduardo Galeano, Walking Words

much love to your on your journey
Jennifer
more information, times, date, cost at www.jenniferboire.com 

Writing down the body or The Story I tell myself is....

Ever since my first creative writing class and an exercise called the Taboo Journal, I have been fascinated with the power of memory held in the body, and the way our stories define us. The story I tell myself is, as one well known psychologist and author puts it. I have stored memories, hurts, traumas, griefs, and blocked energy in my shoulders, my belly, my ovaries, my pelvic area, my broken wrist and strained right knee and god knows where else. Clarissa Pinkola Estes has a quote somewhere that wherever we press on the flesh of the body, a memory surfaces....Healing through writing has always been an important tool for me.

As a writer and facilitator, this has led me to lead workshops using journaling prompts to write the body, and have a conversation with body parts that want me to shine a light on their neglected story. In one exercise, I named one breast Famine and the other Abundance and wrote a poem for each.

I had a dialogue with my vagina about what colour the wall paper in her room was, and what kind of furniture would be in there (red velvet, of course!). When I broke my right knee skiing, just on the cusp of menopause and a roiling mid-life transition, it gave me permission to take a lot of quiet time for thinking and writing about the connection between my body and my mind. I wanted to know why I broke my knee, was it significant? Was it a symbol for me needing to stand up for myself and ask for help when overwhelmed? At the same time, Louise Hay’s book and a few others came to my attention – giving me a kind of lexicon of the body-mind connection. A key resource was Dr Northrup’s exploration of the female body in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

Mid-life brought up some more intense body wisdom and learnings. I was mothering two hormonal teen age children, while facing my own menopausal angst, as well as writing, teaching and volunteering to organize events. One particular project had become too large and unmanageable, but I didn’t know how to step down without looking unreliable and disappointing the others. My shoulders and upper back began to ache so badly that every night I needed a heating pad to fall sleep. When I finally made the decision to step down, my body aches disappeared. This happened at least twice, when I was over-committed to outside projects.  I began to pay attention and listen to my body more earnestly.

Recently I’ve been taking some online writing courses specifically centered on healing and releasing old family shadows. It has been very enlightening, to learn how the trauma and pain in one generation can get passed down to the next, until we become aware of it and break the cycle. Another course used the Hero’s Journey as an outline, and urged me to enter the cave of old griefs and hurts, and face the Dragon guarding my treasures and dialogue with him. During that five day class, I wondered at the marvelous ways my body was humming, buzzing, aching and releasing. Energy was moving, just by answering journal prompts and using my imagination to enter that dark cave of old beliefs about my “story”. Reading Women’s Intuition has further bolstered my faith in the embodied guidance and wisdom from within. (https://www.amazon.ca/Womens-Intuition-Unlocking-Wisdom-Body-ebook/dp/B00466HMJG)

The story I tell myself is....This is my old story: I was brought up the eldest of eight children (born in 10 years), in a Catholic family, and became the responsible one, the Mother’s Helper or Little Mother, out of necessity. My mother was alcoholic, and I stepped in to help out, putting a certain burden on my shoulders at an early age. This lead to a pattern of valuing myself externally in my life – the need to always feel productive, purposeful, and valuable by giving and doing, and almost never allowing myself to rest. My body had to force me to stop sometimes.  I look back now, and see that in my twenties I had become addicted to the high of self-less service in my spiritual life, finding great satisfaction (but also exhaustion and stress) in being always on call, evenings, weekends, and whenever there was a need. It was for a good cause but my body craved rest and a more balanced lifestyle. Once I got married, I threw myself into studying, going back to school full time, being an A student (overachiever that I am), then having two babies while doing my Master’s degree over several years.

Bringing up two children, born twenty months apart, was a wonderfully fulfilling role to play, and at the same time I was studying creative writing, teaching part-time and working on a master’s thesis, which became the book, Little Mother. I needed to explore motherhood: my mother’s alcoholism, my childhood, and my own birth journal while I was pregnant. I wrote poems about breastfeeding, sex, and the mothering overload. Writing the body was a life-saver, once again, and it helped me make order out of chaos. But becoming a mother was also my Waterloo. My wolf-mother instincts had been awakened, my hearing and eyesight were keener than ever. My nervous system went into overdrive; it was hard to sleep, hard to share the parenting roles when babies only want their mommies, even with a willing partner. That brought me to therapy, where the psychologist kindly said, you have taken on another mothering job with teaching. I was trying to be the perfect mom, you know how it goes. I ran up against my own human limitations, and more body wisdom.

Menopause, that other womanly rite of passage, threw my body into hormonal chaos and sent my heart and mind onto a rough rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows. Some days, I felt like I was going crazy – shrieking at my kids about crumbs on the counter. Mild depression swung me on a hook for a while. I was saved again by the writing. I started a blog, interviewed other women to find out if it was the same for everyone, researched and read a ton of books, and finally wrote my own, The Tao of Turning Fifty. Since then, I’ve given lectures on the mid-life transition and written a few hundred blog posts and articles. (http://msmenopause.blogspot.ca/)

My life has been a search of that mysterious answer or clue to what ails me....for instance, a frozen shoulder, shortly after my book came out, prevented me from working on the computer for any length of time. It took five years of journaling, osteopathic treatments, shamanic journeying and finally I felt I got to the bottom of that shoulder issue.  I was in a workshop exploring the Inanna myth and down in the underworld meeting Erishkegal when I realized that the pain in my upper back was from the good girl archetype tightly wedged between my shoulder blades! Some very simple exercises from a physiotherapist helped me strengthen the back muscles. Now I sit at a desk with better ergonomics, and a good height for the keyboard. Plus, my adorable shitzu Mollie forces me to get up and take walks, and take a break from the computer regularly.

After the wild mid-life transition, in my sixties, my continuing curiosity led me to take classes to help find my inner child artist. I have rediscovered a love of artistic expression with SoulCollage and Art Journaling and once again, been catapulted back into the body, into the wild joy a child’s body feels while finger painting, drawing, or cutting up bits of images and pasting them onto cardboard. Time does not exist when I am in creative flow, and I stop feeling those aches and pains. I am grateful for the wise body guidance I receive, when I listen to it, and I want to commit to staying close to its wisdom every day.

Your story has a surprise beginning says this collage from my art journal, with a naked woman riding a white horse, facing backwards. Yes, it is a surprising rewrite. For instance, I have loved singing and music all my life. Where was that in my old story? The story I tell myself now is different from the one I have been telling myself all these years: eldest daughter, little mother with an absent mother, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I have found my joy in the magical child, the story teller, the little girl who sings to the flowers, la petite fille qui chantait aux fleurs.

Embodied wisdom, the body’s wisdom, is still something I am exploring. Creativity and Flow have become my go-too therapies. When I am stuck in the writing, I immerse myself in making collage, in playing with images instead of words. I am learning to speak the body’s language – it uses imagery, metaphor and symbols. Myths and the imagination emerge from the collective unconscious, as Jung taught, in the same symbolic language that speaks to us through dreams, in poetry and art, in our body’s intuitive knowing... Now I know that anything is possible.

See my website at www.jenniferboire.com for a free excerpt of the book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, and to register for my latest class offering, Her Journey, the Heroine’s Quest at Mid-Life.

10 ways to practice Self-Love, on Valentine’s Day or Every Day

As a Scorpio, eldest daughter and born Caretaker (I found this out at www.archetypes.com), I am often great at giving out advice but not so great at doing it myself. This list reminds me how important it is to fill my own well so I can share the love with those around me.

1.      Stop, listen, pay attention: I love the acronym for PAIN. Pay Attention Inside Now. How do you feel? What are you missing right now? Where does something not feel right? Where do you feel awesome? Noticing how you feel is the first step to taking action.

2.      Body Love: Honour the body’s messengers/guidance: those signals are popping up to help you. Don’t put it off. For instance, if you’re tired, take a short nap. If you’re hungry, make yourself a healthy snack or smoothie; if you’re stressed, take a stretch break and breathe. Don’t make excuses; love yourself by listening to the body’s messages.

3.      Loving TLC - Pamper yourself: this is not selfish. You can’t feed the world from an empty well. Need a mental health day? Give yourself permission to lounge and relax, read a book in bed all day. Or if this is difficult, book a massage. Get your hair or nails prettified; buy yourself a bunch of yellow tulips. Mid-February can be pretty bleak, so add some color to your life.

4.      Free to be me Love - Do something silly only you love to do: jump on the bed and giggle, convince a friend, sibling or partner to go sliding with you (even if you hate the cold, get out and play). Make a chocolate fondue and smear chocolate all over your fingers then lick them clean.

5.      Funny Love - Loosen up and laugh more: find a funny movie you haven’t watched in years, make it as corny as you can find, The Three Stooges or Maxwell Smart, something you used to love as a kid that will tickle your funny bone.

6.      Friend Love: call a friend you haven’t spoken to in over a month – we get so busy, we forget that a long talk with a close friend can open the heart; not a text, Facebook message or email – a real heart to heart in person or on the phone, if possible. If they live far away, surprise them with a Skype call.

7.      Creative Love: give yourself a creative break today. I love Sark’s book Succulent Wild Woman - she recommends staying in bed in your jammies and colouring with pens or crayons. Getting your creative flow on is a surefire mood booster. If you haven’t gotten your paints out for a while, set up the easel in the kitchen and make a mess. Do some collage, if you want something simple – all you need is glue, scissors and a few magazines. Get in the Flow; you’ll love yourself for doing it. As Sark says: Live like a full cup of self love, sharing the overflow with the world.

8.      Soulful Love - Pray/write/dialogue with your Soul: Don’t have a soul mate? Your soul or inner voice would love to speak with you. Author Janet Connor of Writing down your Soul, suggests that you just lay it all out in your journal – what you’re feeling, a dilemma you’re in, a challenge facing you – then let your inner voice respond with what is sure to be wise words. I love using this journaling tool to access my inner wisdom.

9.      Full Body Love: look at yourself in the mirror and see past the crow’s feet, the crooked eyebrows and the shadows under your eyes – see past the flaws, don’t curse them. Bless them! Say out loud while gazing into your right eyeball. I love you! I will cherish and love you all the days of my life. To help you with this, put on John Legend’s gorgeous song: All of Me.

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections

10.   Ultimate Self-Love Party: strip naked, in front of a full-length mirror and touch with a loving touch every part of your body that needs some extra attention or love right now. Unhappy with your thighs? Touch them with loving thoughts. Saggy underarms? Touch them with love. Purposefully ignore the self-hate and ride over it with the voice of your Inner Best Friend, and again, sing All of Me: Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections… Remember, what you curse falters, and what you bless, flourishes.

Bonus points: a little sexy self-loving can’t hurt – get out your rose smelling almond oil and an inspiring book (Deep Down or 50 Shades of Grey) and play with your partner or your pillow!

Find the time and space to be your own best lover this Valentine’s. Don’t get caught up in the cliché of red roses and chocolate hearts: you deserve to love yourself, today, and every day.

December Light Celebrations

Ok, it's an auspicious day, 12-12-12. And the ice has newly formed on the lake outside my window (actually a widening of the St-Lawrence River). Winter has finally arrived.

What I want right now, in this moment, is to breathe into this little quiet spot, this brief oasis of tranquility before the holiday parties are unleashed (well, we've had two already, but the crunch will be Dec 24-Jan1). My classes are over, my shopping is almost done, and I'm taking a break today to bask in the sunshine (even if it's freezing out there), and take a minute to be thankful for all that has come my way this year. All the new friends, and the new learnings.

I am celebrating peace in my heart. I can't wait for the whole world to find peace, but I can practice peace, now.

I am celebrating more joy and happiness, after a lot of self-work, self-love and body-work, to release the holding and negative thought patterns of yesteryear.

I am celebrating my children's accomplishments, as they wind up their busy exam and project schedule.

I am celebrating having a warm home and hearth to cook in, eat in, and to enjoy the company of my spouse at the end of the day in.

I am thankful for all of you who pop up on occasion to read Musemother's thoughts and articles.

May your world be a quieter, gentler, inner-directed, peaceful place this holiday season.  May you go at your own pace, and follow the rhythm of existence, slow down and enjoy yourself with all your company, family and friends.

Merry Holidays, Solstice, New Year,
Jenn/Musemother

Feminine Wisdom from Musemother: 15 Tools to a Happier More Connected You

What do you need today to feel whole, happy, authentic, true to yourself?

What elements of the creative feminine do you need to play with? Ie how to listen to your body and honour your emotions, feel what you feel.  Here are some things I do to tune in:

1.       Journal writing and Affirmations: I am flawed and fabulous (for self-acceptance)

2.       Develop my inner coach – write a letter from my 80 year old self to me now

3.       Fire the Inner Critic and let negativity be overridden by loving messages from Inner Coach

4.       Time alone, quiet time in nature, attunement to inner self

5.       Soothing rest, naps, music, breathing and centering, find my core again

6.       Dancing and singing, celebrating life and being a woman

7.       Dialogue with my Wise Inner Self  when I’m in a quandary, over a decision

8.       Self-love – practising compassion, loving kindness, forgiveness for mistakes

9.       Soothing the frightened child, rocking my fear

10.   Patience as a practice

11.   Whole body healthy eating: happy healthy whole

12.   Increase Intuition and body guidance, listen to the body

13.   Weaning myself from my addiction to adrenaline rush, speed demon - the art of slowing down

14.   Inner peace – finding a daily practice I can live with

15.   Make a written vow to Self: commitment to Conscious self care

Women's bodies and their wisdom

Just read a very deep post from Roots of She http://www.rootsofshe.com/ about a young girl's first experience of sex, as an invasive assault camouflaged of course as 'older man initiating young girl'.

I am stalled on writing some of my own stories of not only losing my virginity but losing my self to nonconsensual sexual encountners more than once - by not speaking up for myself, by looking for love in all the wrong places, by not knowing the boundaries of my own self, by not feeling empowered enough as a woman to say, Stop, not ready to go there. By thinking it was cool, and hip, and of course it was the sexual revolution in 1970 something and being a good little Catholic girl, I was breaking out of the mold, longing to be a rebel.

Hah! lessons learned, yes, water under the bridge, and sexual politics and games are still going on between men and women. People in power use sex to control those they see as younger, weaker, easy to manipulate for their own ends. What's love got to do with it? very little, in those kinds of situations.

Women's bodies and their wisdom : yes, lately been seeking treatment for muscle tightness that lead me to do some Rolfing with a therapist, and begin to see the relation between the muscles that hold in our emotions and freeze, and need retouching with gentle art and therapy to loosen up and breathe again.  Reading The Wild Feminine, http://www.wildfeminine.com/wild-feminine-book/ I learned that even the muscles in the uterus and vagina, especially those muscles, are connected to our bodies' wisdom at the core of a woman.  Did you know you could dialogue with those hidden places? Would you dare to even touch yourself there and find out how much your divine feminine sexuality is alive and well? Doing Kegels is another way to get back in touch with those lost parts.

In my journaling class, we do a dialogue with different body parts. We give them names ( a little along the lines of the Vagina Monologues). They speak up and let us know what they are feeling, where the hurts and joys are. It's a really good exercise to free up some subconscious 'stuff', some holding on. What is your story? are you ready to hear your body's wisdom? are you ready to reclaim your feminine power?

I named my uterus Famine and Abundance. I had two miscarriages, so there was a period of seven years that felt like Famine, longing for a pregnancy that would hold. Then there was abundance,, two gorgeous babies 19 months apart, with so much golden light and love in them.

I bet you could come up with a name for your female parts too - or do a dialogue with your hands - what do they do for you? how do they please you with the sense of touch? your feet that carry you everywhere, have you thanked them lately?

let's honour the feminine wisdom and honour the body's gifts. And begin to heal the lost places....and hear our own stories.

Musemother/Jenn
www.jenniferboire.com

Dream Wisdom

What are your dreams telling you?
Indecipherable at times, dreams are more like poetry than prose.

They use metaphor, the body literally translated into a scene: my feet are on fire we say, when there is a burning sensation. Then a dream of a dog, Maggie, our golden, with her feet on fire.

What does a dream mean? Only you can know and understand your own symbols. There are a ton of books that will tell you, water means this, a tsunami is bad and a well is good. Water means emotion, or a flood means this....

But I have had dreams where what I was afraid to look at, the meaning of the dream, turned into its opposite. I was working with a Rolfer at the time, someone who translates one layer of the body's experience in the fascia and muscle to another layer of the body in the brain (at least, that's what I understood). One day I brought in a significant dream and we looked at it, we went into each part, each image and asked how it felt to be that part.

I have had many recurring dreams of floods and rising water, and usually take them literally as a fear that the earth is going to be flooded when the glaciers melt and the oceans rise. Since I live on the edge of a river, on the 'lakeshore' (but it is really not a lake, just a widening of the river), this scares me.

The dream this time was a wall of water, a shimmering silvery wall of 100 feet high water coming towards a wall, where I was sitting on a fence with my husband beside me. He was trying to help me climb over the fence, but I was frozen, unable to move. The wave was coming closer. The end.

The rolfer asked me to be the wave. What did it feel like? I closed my eyes and saw it shimmering there, full of light, and the word Benevolence came up in my mind. Benevolence, I thought? the annihilation of my life can't be kindness. Then we went into how each part of the dream felt. What came out of it was a huge ton of love and kindness was coming my way, my husband was part of it, and I was frozen in fear, unable to open and accept it but when I looked at it in the face instead of running away, I could feel the love. Not at all what I thought this dream would be about - fear of success, or fear of huge changes in my life, or fear of disappearing.

In fact, it was a fear of disappearing perhaps - the ego disappearing into so much love, that boundaries are erased.

Dreams are like messages from our unconscious, or perhaps angels, who knows? But they are always interesting to look at from the inside out. Don't take the surface picture for the whole story. Ask questions about the mood and feeling of the observer, of the participant and of each item or piece of the dream and you will get a clearer picture that may surprise you.

Instead of being afraid of knowing the real meaning of a dream that may even seem like a nightmare, you may find that your dreams are giving you friendly advice and pointing you towards new growth.

"The dream keeps us
in touch with that soul
in which we all live.
The dream keeps us
in touch with our place
in that one creation.
The dream puts us
into a time and space
in which we are restored."

Coming Home to Myself, Marion Woodman, Jill Mellick
Reflections for Nurturing a Woman's Body & Soul

My Manifesto on Self-Care

For the second time in two days, I’ve read that self-help books are full of clichés like: learn to slow down, take care of yourself, eat healthy good food, get regular sleep, journaling (this from a book review on a book for young women to help them get beyond high heels and shopping). Hello! When did rigorous discipline and self-love become cliché? That makes it sound so easy, like anyone can do it with their eyes closed.

Actually, it’s one of the hardest things in the world to accomplish, until you decide it’s a priority  – to get the right dose of balance in your overly busy life, to make sure the things you spend the most time on are the things that really matter, to carve out some down time to take care of your bruised soul in this wearying roller coaster existence of 24-7 productivity and busyness.  The goal being to not just survive but thrive. To have a happy healthy whole attitude towards life – every day I commit to taking better care of my inner Self in a world that honours only the success of my outer Self, i.e. the number of techno gadgets I am attached to, the number of fabulous exotic trips I take a year, the shape and colour of my wardrobe, the size of my purse....is a commitment not to something cliché but rather to being a more real human being.

So forgive me if you’ve heard this before, but I need to be reminded continuously that self-care is not selfish. I need to be reminded that focusing on what feeds me, and surrounding myself with like-minded folks who encourage that quest for balance in me, is where I start to feel human. The overstressed, yelling-all-the-time person who constantly criticizes herself (and others) for being too lazy, too self-indulgent and too slow is so yesterday. I do not want to live under the shadow of my inner critic, whose bark and bite are sneakily nasty. I have over identified with that little voice for far too long. I finally feel I deserve some self-love, just like I deserve a soothing massage when I am too wound up, and alone time to write in my journal and better understand myself.   I now know that when I am kind to myself it helps me be kind to others, and the world is a much better place when we are feeling kind. Yes, I am flawed, I'm not there all the time, but it is a fabulous goal to work on.

If that is cliché, well it’s one that hasn’t been used enough by the world in general to become cliché really (at least, not overused yet). When kindness, compassion and love are the norm, maybe then we can say it’s a cliché.

So take that, Book Reviewers of the world. The Tao of Turning Fifty is coming out in a few days, the end of January I hope, once I approve the final proof. And it will be full of clues, tools, and tips for self-care. Touché, cliché.

Finding my still center of peace

What I need today is to find my still center of peace.

Yesterday I had such a hectic day, although it was Tuesday it felt like a Monday. Monday I was at a funeral in Toronto with family all day, and sort of in another world, off emails and phone calls, away from the list of chores and household stuff.

While I was driving into town to pick up a table yesterday, my mind still in a bit of a haze, the thought came to me that what I really want is to find that calm center inside of me, to weather the storm of activity.

I need to stay calm in the face of busy, scheduled days.
I need to stay calm for my teens, facing their return to or beginning of, college.
I need to stay calm to thinnk about what projects I want to work on today, out of the many options presenting themselves: poetry reviews, interviews, articles, course planning and research, blog writing and research, book draft to work into a final form, and meetings, rehearsals, singing practice and volunteer work.
I need to stay calm in the face of whining cats who are always hungry.
I need to stay calm in front of family members who irritate.
I need to stay calm for my own sanity and health.

I need to find my calm center as I drive, walk, eat, sing, talk, meet, rest.

There is no other thing (besides eating, breathing and sleeping) that I need to do more of.

So that's my focus for today, and maybe even, if I'm lucky and I remember, for the rest of the week.

Luckily, I had a yoga class this morning that reminded me of my calm center, and brought me there, as well as a meditation practice that roots me.

Happy September,
musemother

7 Tools for Gaining Essential Wisdom

Tuning into body guidance - a revised version from earlier blog post
(with thanks to all the teachers who have inspired me: Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Marion Woodman and special thanks to Maharaji for showing me the well of peace within).

I believe our wisdom is close at hand, right within us, and very doable. You don't need a book to tell you how to tune in. All you need you have already, if you can live close to the body/
belly/heart wisdom.

If we can listen to our need for rest, food, inner peace, we can begin the healing we need. In my experience this involves trusting myself, and accepting that I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.

This is my challenge right now, and I share it with you because it is simple, (if not easy) to start following your body's guidance right now. (The first rule is so simple, you'll laugh. But it has been trained out of us since childhood.)

l. Eat when you are hungry. Enjoy your food (fresh, organic produce whenever possible) sitting down - taking time to digest and savour the flavours. Notice when you feel satisfied. If you are really adventurous, let yourself be served once a week. This feels wonderful!

2. Sleep when you are tired and take naps whenever possible. Set your body clock by going to bed at a reasonable hour. Can you find your own need for rest?

3. Strike two items off your to-do list every day and be happy with that. Do not be a slave to ‘getting it all done’. This helps me to practice feeling "I am enough". And from the Adrenaline Junkies List by Cheryl Richardson, I add, Do Not Spread yourself too thin. Learn to say No and disappoint people, gently.

4. Take time to sit in silence once a day to center yourself in the breath for at least 10 minutes. Make inner peace a priority, because it is :)

5. Stretch, shake your body, dance, do yoga, walk, or move a new muscle. Wake up your body every day. (thanks to Brigitte for this insight)

6. Go pee when you have to – respond to the first call. This is harder than it sounds.

7. When you have your monthly period, give yourself what you need – either rest or exercise. Consider that PMS is the result of not listening to your body guidance. Sit with your center and ask yourself, hot water bottle or pilates? Your gut will guide you. This is your time to be alone; your intuition is stronger now. Pay attention.

As with any list, you can start with any one of these in any order, and do what you can. Just begin somewhere to take care of you!

I have found that when I take care of myself and treat my body less harshly, more lovingly, I naturally become less harsh and more loving to others. My favourite gift to myself is a massage or Reiki session to balance my energy and relieve anxiety and stress.

Remember, whatever I bless flourishes, whatever I criticize falters. So love your body.
(from the Woman's Belly Book)

nameste,
musemother

Preventing burn-out in middle-age

Over the weekend, I held my first retreat for women, Heart's Rest or The Power of Doing Nothing. Well, it's not true that we did 'nothing', but to our crazy minds bent on staying busy and productive at all costs, it may have looked like 'nothing'.

What it was, was rejuvenating, like drinking cool water from a deep well. Part of the pleasure was in stretching into our bodies, giving each other a light massage and doing some partner breathing - all of which slowed us down, brought us into the moment.

The other pleasureable aspect was sharing such fun and creativity with six other women. We danced, we moved, we played, we told our stories. We did some journal writing and collage to express "what we need right now" - I hope it was as much fun for the participants as it was for me. Especially to sit and talk in a circle about our needs, and about the need for balance, and try to discover what nurturing the feminine means.

One thing I want to provide with these mini-retreats is a safe space for women to explore their stuff, whatever that may be. I can see that the format and exercises will change each time, depending on the need or theme of the retreat. But underneath it all is the need for busy women to 'get away', for however short a period, and be alone, or be with other women who need to 'get away'. To acknowledge our need for leaving the house and family behind occasionally and filling our own cup.

When that cup is empty, we are at risk for burn-out, even if we are stay-at-home moms. I have felt close to that dry, arid, empty feeling that precedes the smell of smoke and actual burning out, and I don't want to go there.

I have also seen friends go through burn-out and seen how long it takes them to get their health, both physical and mental, back again. It's like a coiled wire that has lost its spring, no capacity to bounce back, no capacity to respond to normal stresses, always on crisis mode, always feeling overwhelmed.

So to prevent that 'frying' experience, what can we do? Simple things, but so hard to do. Like establishing boundaries - what my limits are, what I can do, and what I cannot do. Knowing when to say no. Knowing when the tired feeling comes and doesn't leave that I need more than a good night's rest. I need to get away, drop all my 'duties', and swim in the fresh waters of "doing nothing" so I can restore my imagination, pleasure in life, and creativity. I need a retreat.

Even if it's something small, treat yourself to a swing in a hammock, or run outside in the rain, do something fun and unexpected, drink your tea with your left hand if you're right handed, hang upside down from a monkey bar, swing, and pump your feet higher and higher, till you can see blue sky.

Let the world glimpse your girlish wildness, (see today's poem Trust, at http://www.wisdomforwomen.blogspot.com/)

and above all, listen in to your body's guidance,

have a great day,
musemother

Tools for Gaining Essential Wisdom: body guidance.

I believe our wisdom is close at hand, right within us, and very doable.

You don't need a book to tell you how to tune in. You need to learn how to live close to the body/belly/heart triangle.

If we can listen to our need for rest, food, inner peace, we can give ourselves the healing we need. In my experience, this involves trusting myself, and knowing that I am enough. I have enough. I do enough - stop the worrying and the rushing and let the Universe take care of things.

This is my challenge, and I share it with you because it is simple, if not easy, to start following your body's guidance right now. The motto is, keep it simple.
(For example, the first rule is so simple, you'll laugh. But it has been trained out of us since childhood.)

l. Eat when you are hungry. Enjoy your food sitting down and notice when you feel satisfied. If you are really adventurous, let yourself be served once a week. (I am loving this last one)

2. Sleep when you are tired. Take naps whenever possible. Set your body clock by going to bed at a reasonable hour. Can you find your own need for rest?

3. Strike two items off your to-do list every day and be happy with that. Do not be a slave to ‘getting it all done’.

4. Take time to sit in silence once a day to center yourself in the breath. Make inner peace a priority.

5. Stretch, shake your body, dance, do yoga, walk, or move a new muscle. Wake up your body every day.

6. Go pee when you have to – respond to the first call. This is harder than it sounds.

7. When you have your monthly period, give yourself what you need – either rest or exercise. PMS is the result of not listening to your body guidance. Sit with your center and find time to relax. Hot water bottle or pilates? Your gut will guide you. This is your time to be alone; your intuition is stronger now. Pay attention.

I have found, that when I learn to take care of myself, and treat my body less harshly, more lovingly, I naturally become less harsh and more loving to others.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Balance effort with relaxation. Learn compassion for yourself. And remember, whatever I bless flourishes, whatever I criticize falters. (from the Woman's Belly Book)

ps I am trying to put these into practice, one day at a time. As a confirmed 'woman who does too much' and chronic worrier, this is also my antidote to stress.

may life bless you,
musemother
(with thanks to all the women who have inspired me:
Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Jean Shinoda Bolen,
Marion Woodman and to Maharaji for showing me the address
of peace within).