Transitions: how to take care of your self when you hit a rough patch

When I hit a rough patch, I usually have two choices: to call on the Warrior, the get up and go survivor who keeps on keeping on, or to call on the Caretaker archetype, the soft, soothing one who wants to fall back into bed with a cozy blanket and have a nap.

I am a stubborn mix of both, Warrior and Caretaker.

It must stem from the way I was raised - I was brought up an army captain Dad, who was an engineer, a planner and builder,  a competitive guy who loved sports and worked hard.

He brought us out into the woods to chop down our own Christmas tree and if we complained our feet were cold he would encourage us to stamp our feet and clap our hands. He got us out the door (almost on time) every Sunday, to mass at 11:00 am  in spite of my mom’s dawdling or purposeful resistance to getting ready on time. He was a leader, a manager, a pusher and a striver. He got things done and he taught us to do the same – shine your shoes, iron your clothes, stand up straight, eat everything on your plate and don’t whine!

My dad would push me to compete in races even when I just knew my wee little legs wouldn’t go as fast on skates as the other kids. “I can’t” was my motto. Yet I loved winning at cards, and I was often left “in charge” of my younger siblings. He was my hero in spite of everything.

My mom was an alcoholic in recovery for most of my life, and as a young mother she was quickly overwhelmed by having eight kids in ten years, one after the other. She was a beautiful, bohemian spirit at heart who would have made a great writer or journalist but instead worked as a secretary and got married at age 21 (1953). She was brought up Catholic, so no birth control was allowed. She cried easily, used the fly swatter to keep us in line, but had a kind, generous heart, loved telling stories and at the bottom was a good caretaker, making us ginger ale and orange juice fizzy drinks when we had measles, mumps, scarlet fever, or chicken pox….imagine four little girls all sick at the same time, nestled in our bunkbeds with the blinds drawn, and her running up and down the narrow stairs in that 3-bedroom house in the country where the pipes froze often in winter. We lived there until I was twelve.

All that to say, I grew up a feminist in my teens, believing she was the weak one, seemingly pushed around by her stronger, bully husband. She was a homemaker, not a role model for me, not a ‘success’ in the outer world – yet, she is still here, a survivor at 89, and he died at 83….she, who can barely digest anything and weighs 90 lbs, has all kinds of health issues from depression to IBS and a heart valve, still smokes, and still survives.  Who am I to call her weak?

She was the one who sang to us, Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile. If we were feeling sorry for ourselves, or whimpering, she’d sing, “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m going to the garden to eat worms.” We didn’t cry much in front of her. She grew up in the depression and lived through WWII so she learned a thing or two about Keeping On.

So I am definitely on the fence about how to treat myself in a rough patch - not sure how I feel about this self-compassion thing everybody touts in the yoga and Buddhist community. I am a big proponent of self-care, self-love, and kindness, theoretically. But is it self pity? If I'm truthful with myself, I have a harsh inner critic, nourished and watered from childhood by the belief in Strength, Courage, Soldiering On with the battle.  I hate whiners. Those who fail, are doomed. Those who give up, die. It’s like I am living with WWII forever in my head. The photos and articles on the 75^th anniversary of Auschwitz drum it in to us – to survive, you have to resist, you have to believe, you have to fight. Never surrender.

Warrior Courage with Cougar Protector

I’m lying in yoga class when this insight comes to me. I want to stay in assisted child-pose for another twenty minutes. I want restorative yoga, not strength building, ab-crunching plank pose. Yet, I also want that muscle strength so that when I do downward dog or sun salutation, I can lift myself with ease. 

Where is the middle ground, where I can be strong and soft at the same time? Without fear of collapsing like my mother into a depressive, hoarding mess, (she survives, but she lives in a very disorganized house), or becoming too strident and harsh, in army captain mode, pushing myself beyond my limits all the time, feeling overwhelmed and fatigued.

Caretaker Archetype

So that is my question this morning and I don’t have the answer. I do not want to fall into self-pity, but I also recognize the signs of frozen emotion and know that not allowing myself to cry is not the answer either.

As I lay there, tearing up in corpse pose, (the best recompense of a tough yoga class) the feeling of Presence overcame me. A feeling of a soft, loving power greater than me, a light inside, a feeling I cannot describe. In that moment, everything was ok. All was well. I wanted to stay there longer and soak it up.

Maybe that is the middle ground I seek.

When the struggle quiets down, when the noise in the head calms, when the body lies still. But now, class is over, it’s up and at em, ready to carry that Peace into my day, like a Peace Warrior fighting with calm, reminding myself to simply be Present, Curious, Aware, self-compassionate, and kind to others as well. Let the tears fall, too.

For we are all fighting a hard battle, inside – and we must be kind not only to others, but to ourselves.

namest,

jenn

Healing the inner masculine, Journaling and SoulCollage®

Sometimes our inner world throws us a curve ball, we are thrown into chaos or confusion internally, the way ahead appears to be lost. I finally got up the courage to see a counsellor to work through some resistance I felt to starting my list of projects. It was the beginning of fall, and I was busy planning workshops, retreats, and proposing to write a book about my father. It’s difficult to not feel like my usual creative self. And it’s even harder to ask for help, to admit that I feel stuck, and uninspired. I set myself up as the Inner Wisdom Guide for Pete’s sake. It took me six months to make the call, but I’m glad I did, even if it feels very vulnerable to even talk about.

We started talking about my life, my family of origin, and of course, my mother’s alcoholism and how I was raised to be the little mother, a good Catholic girl, the eldest, responsible one. For a few sessions, she asked me to prod into any residual anger that may be blocking my energy. I couldn't feel any anger, just sadness.

Good Girl Saying Grace (angel watching) 

Because I work with SoulCollage®, I showed her some of my cards and she was willing to work this way. Talking was helping, but I needed to consult my cards to see what they had to say about how to deal with any simmering anger hidden under the surface. Who would help me deal with that?  The first card that appeared was one I named Healing the Masculine. 

The image on the card is of a bronze statue with a broken right arm, being cleaned by a female archeologist, against the backdrop of the Aegean Sea, or ancient Greece. My right arm has been chronically stiff, first with calcific bursitis, then a frozen shoulder and has been bothering me for almost ten years. I’ve had every kind of treatment, from physiotherapy, osteopathy, rolfing, acupuncture and now talk therapy. Looking at this card, I realized the one who carried rage in our home was my father. I looked up to him as a role model because my mother had collapsed, checked out in my teen years with drinking and depression.  My dad was an engineer, a logical thinker, an army captain, a man who always wanted to excel at what he did, who graduated with honours. But who had demons of his own.

Healing Inner Masculine

In search of more answers about this imbalance of masculine and feminine, I’m also consulting books, getting massages, and trying to figure out how to be less numb, more in touch with my body. 

What I’m learning and what I feel intuitively is that the way to heal the masculine is by approaching the inner feminine, those values I always forget are my healing medicine – rest, receptivity and allowing feelings to arise. Being at home allows me to take the time required, and embrace my Inner Hestia, the side of me that loves to putter in the house, who heals herself and others with chicken soup, slow simmered stews, herbal tinctures and teas (especially in fall and winter). The cozy home and sanctuary is already here, if I can only appreciate it. They say compassion begins at home, so Jennifer, it’s time to lay down the sword and mantle, the staff of being the one in charge, put aside the crown of Overarching Boss of Everything. Descend, my lady, to your inner comfort zone and refill the well.

This does feel awkward, not in line with the goal setting I’ve been doing.  Since last year I’ve been revamping my website, gearing up to lead trainings for facilitators, which involves more workshops, outreach and marketing. I also have a few creative projects, singing with my husband in a band, as well as a barbershop quartet, publishing a book of poems with translation, there are lots of pots on the burners. So it feels a bit backwards to be focusing on doing less when there is so much I want to do!

It feels absolutely unheroic and unproductive: instead of going up and at ‘em, dreaming big, and expanding my reach, for the moment, I’m headed down and in, asking questions of my body, and composting the dark shadowy stuff in the heart. I’ve always been one to counsel others to listen carefully to the body’s wisdom and practice self-care. Now it’s my turn (menopause was also a big teaching moment about descent into feeling).  It’s not time to Go Big or Go Home. It’s time to find out where Home is.

At 65, I have accomplished most of my dreams already: I am grateful for my wonderful hubby and grown children, beautiful home, a creative community of women, working with SoulCollage®, and journaling. There were a few disappointments -  two miscarriages, and none of the books I published were best sellers. But the books did bring me out in the public for speaking engagements. And I have had the opportunity to study with some amazing teachers, Dr. Clarissa PInkola Estes, Nathalie Goldberg, Joan Borysenko, Cat Caracelo, and Mariabruna Sirabella. Maybe this is a good time to digest what I have learned, and explore where my passions lie. I still have lots to share, and more to grow, but my soul purpose will only be achieved if live in connection with my heart and body, not just my head.

It’s not always about being productive, and doing more.

For some of us, who are always striving for bigger and better, an illness we need to be cured of  – embracing our flawed, imperfect selves and limitations can be a huge relief and healing balm. When I accept myself, and feel enough, when I know that I am small but mighty, I can relax. I can trust my intuitive knowing to lead me (which often goes against the received wisdom of coaches and marketing execs). I do not feel the need to go faster, dream bigger or be better than I am.  It feels like back peddling sometimes, this downward, inward work, but it also feels good, like a big release, like something transformative is taking place.

Ideally, I imagine standing up for myself with self-protection, rooting and grounding in presence and real-ness. Learning to acknowledge and know my limits, being able to say, I can do this and no more, and calling in my angels and guides to support me. Maybe I’ll even learn the ability to say no without feeling bad at displeasing others. Mostly, I realize, the one I fear displeasing is my own inner Father figure, who expected only the best from me but installed a very loud critic voice in my right ear.

I think it’s also time to release the superwoman rescuer.  I cannot take on all the woes of the world and still feel my inner Wow. I feel a deep need to self-nurture in a cocoon for a while, and have that be ok. I have one foot in the underworld these days, as I release the hold of the inner tyrant, and learn to snuggle in the arms of the Great Mother, the eternal feminine.  Some weeping happens, as I write in my journal and of course, having the support of a counsellor lightens the load.

Great Mother/Nurturer as Tree

I had a curious dream last night  – I was playing a violin in a trio with my husband, for a party indoors. We were looking in at them, from outside on the porch, and a very tall woman stood there, bare breasted, with large pendulous breasts, nursing a baby. I leaned over drew the bow across her breast and drops of milk came out through the skin. I was in awe of the power of those breasts. It felt like a puzzle, and I was not afraid, only curious. Intrigued. 

The power of the feminine is like the power of milk, it feeds our hunger. The power of the feminine is to nurture, hold, soul tend, be tender.

That is how my path is unfolding right now, on this healing journey, moving towards embracing what I am, and what I was born to be, a woman who forgives herself for not being perfect, who can hang out  here in the shadow realms as long as needed, so I can learn to love myself, just the way I am.

Battling Dragons collage

Inner Critic vs Inner Coach, creating a self-nurturing voice

Journeys start from where we are. Everything starts from where we are. Where we are is

where we’re supposed to be. —Evelyn Eaton.

Journaling can serve as a private, personal journey to self-awareness and self-love. A journal can be a place where, once we have purged the negativity, we can start to forgive ourselves, boost our self-confidence, appreciate who we are and bear witness to our accomplishments.

Calming the Critic or Self Saboteur –  the goal is to learn how to recognize and silence debilitating self talk; because our secret belief is that if we don’t put ourselves down, we’ll never be motivated to achieve. By building a loving, self-nurturing voice or Inner Coach, we can change our self-talk.

Remember, we don’t have to like every single thing about ourselves or what we do.  But in order to develop, we have to accept ourselves as we are. The biggest impediment to self acceptance is the inner critic, who can be so loud and continuous that we think it is our own true voice. However, it is only one aspect of our psyche. From the book 20 Minute Retreat, by Rachel Harris Ph.D.

Self Deprecating Critic Voice vs Self-Nurturing Coach Voice**

The best way to silence your inner critics is to nurture your inner coach – when he or she is cheering loudly for you and supporting you every step of the way, your critics will pipe down and know they’ve been beat.   

Here are some ideas to calm your Inner Critic and build your Inner Coach:

1) Know that your Inner Critic will never go away completely. By learning strategies to calm it, you can reduce its destructive power and live more freely.

2) Become mindful of when and how your Inner Critic talks. Start with noticing the words it uses and write them down. Make a list of 10 ways you hear yourself criticizing you. Notice the patterns of what your Critic says and how it makes you feel. This will create awareness of your negative self-talk and the affect that it has on you.

3) Explore the sources that have fed your Inner Critic. Whose voice is it? Consider who in your life disappointed you by being critical rather than helpful. Remember that many people misguidedly think that being critical is useful, even loving.

4) Interrupt your negative self-talk & replace it with a neutral and encouraging inner voice. Imagine a mentor or coach speaking to you. As you repeat this process over and over again, it will become easier. Imagine that your inner coach is sitting next to you as you write in your journal. (It will take practice to speak words of compassion. As is true for all learning, we develop through imitating.)

Base your image on a real person: perhaps a mentor or a sports coach or a best friend who supports and encourages you, someone who has had a significant influence on your life. Visualize that person’s face and hear his or her voice.

Now draw both your Inner Critic and your Inner Coach (inner sweetheart) and give them names.

Or make a SoulCollage® CARD FOR EACH. DIALOGUE WITH THEM IN THEIR VOICES.

Example:

Inner Critic:                                                                         Inner Coach:

You never listen; you talk too much               Not always true. When you are interested you listen closely.

I should have been there for my son today.     It’s not too late; you do care for him, spend 

                                                                         time with him at supper tonight.

Your thighs are too wobbly.                             Your legs are strong, they carry you through

                                                                          the day. Give them more walks outdoors.

You can’t handle this. You’re a failure.           Little by little, I address this issue bothering me.

 One step at a time, with patience and love I grow   stronger.

SoulCollage(R) card Inner Critic

**taken from various sources on-line, and adapted for my Creative Circle Journaling Class

Fall Equinox and revamp

SoulCollage(R) card: Colour Life Art

Dear readers,

What a hot summer we have had in Montreal! I have also done some traveling outside of the country, on an artist's residency in France and on a week long retreat with Prem Rawat https://www.premrawat.com/, but I'm back in town, getting ready for the new fall season.

Happy Fall Equinox by the way! I can feel the cooler air and see the geese already winging south overhead. It makes me feel a bit melancholy to hear that honking, as the wheel of the year turns, and we head into fall and winter.

But with a new season comes a new look for my website - you'll probably see it at the beginning of October. I'm very excited about the new video, and can't wait to show you what I've been working on!

Apart from the revamp, it's been a little quiet from the blog and newsletter (haven't sent one out in a year!). Nada! you must be wondering what I have been up to.

All will be revealed, very soon, in a few weeks.It still involves SoulCollage(R), journaling and sacred self-care and seasonal retreats, but I'm stepping away from offering weekly classes. Hoping for more down time, more inward musing time, perhaps more writing time, who knows?

In the meantime, here's a poem by Meister Eckhart to whet  your whistle.

A human being 

has so many skins inside, covering the depths 

of the heart. 

We know so many things, 

we don't know ourselves! 

Why, 30 or 40 skins or hides, 

as thick and hard 

as an ox's or bear's, 

cover the soul. 

Go into your own ground 

and learn to know 

yourself there.

Autumn colours 

That is the lesson our life journey brings us, doesn't it - how to know ourselves.

Please stay in touch!

xxxxx

Jennifer

www.jenniferboire.com

www.soulcollage.com

Why Practice SoulCollage(R)

You've heard me talk about SoulCollage(R) often. It's a fun,

Now watch a video by founder Seena Frost (with Mariabruna Sirabella) to help you understand what it is, and why we practice this creative, learning process.

https://youtu.be/mkEKXjfOXOs


This process can help humans “wake up” and evolve into more whole beings. SoulCollage® can even help people find their passions and find more fruitful and satisfying directions for their lives.

xxxx
jenn

Why Practice SoulCollage(R)

You've heard me talk about SoulCollage(R) often. It's a fun,

Now watch a video by founder Seena Frost (with Mariabruna Sirabella) to help you understand what it is, and why we practice this creative, learning process.

https://youtu.be/mkEKXjfOXOs


This process can help humans “wake up” and evolve into more whole beings. SoulCollage® can even help people find their passions and find more fruitful and satisfying directions for their lives.

xxxx
jenn

Living Selfishly: Circling the Self

A friend and mentor just pointed out to me today that selfish means: circling the self.

Why is it so hard to give myself (ourselves) what I/we need?

The body aches, or is hungry or tired, or the brain hurts, and we are just plain exhausted, yet we keep on keeping on. We are built for struggle, it seems, not ease. Feel uncomfortable giving ourselves comfort. It feels selfish!

I can only speak for myself. This has been a year of struggle between my Hermit Self and my Productive self. Lately, in my collages and art, I see a weary circling, a need for rest, and a strong determination to continue, both at the same time.  I am determined to make my Voice matter. I am weary of marketing, promoting, and pushing myself "out there", wherever that is. That "self" wants to stand up and be counted, but she's tired of figuring out ways to do it and longs for Solitude to muse in.

I feel the urge to communicate, to have deep conversations about what really matters, to connect soul to soul with creative, conscious others and I feel the call to rest and meditate and do yoga. That sense of connection will be renewed soon, with my women's circle which has been on hiatus all summer,  starting up again next week, yeah!

It is always about me circling the Self, wanting to nourish it, give it some real food. And it's about your circling your Self. It is me sending out feelings, emotions, information to others around me, and me also receiving information, emotions and feelings back. Choosing to hit cancel, delete, or Save and savour.

Right now, I'm offering an online class, but no local in-person classes. After ten years of facilitating workshops and retreats, maybe something is shifting. I'm paying more attention to my own needs, and SoulCollage(R) has helped reveal the parts of self that need nourishing. that Hermit self will not be ignored! (Using a creative process like SoulCollage(R) has been a revelation to me).

This year that I've dedicated to vision questing with mythos journey and Cat Caracelo, this year of living selfishly, is starting to affect my conscious choices. The needs start as a little whimper of complaint, or a burble of joy, or a simmering of hushed energy that I can't name yet. Then I put pen to paper, or pastel to art journal or glue to image, and voila, something flows creatively from Source and names itself.

So circling the Self, I am learning about this human life, this humanity, its gold mornings and darkish nights. Its greedy off-kilter face-stuffing addictive behaviors, its child-like wonder, its magical and musical delights.  I am all these. I am none of these. I am enjoying my many creative circles where I can share with other like-minded women on-line.

Mid-life is a time of transition and learning about sacred selfishness. I am working on an e-book by that title in fact, some tips for soulful self-care for body and soul. Something I want to give away to anyone who reads this blog, signs up for the newsletter or takes a class with me. I'll let you know when it's ready!

Just a little bit of giveaway to help you be more selfish! In a good way, of course.

xxxx
jenn
www.jenniferboire.com
Her Journey: The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life begins on-line, and with a weekly conference call, Wed Oct 12. See my website for more details and description.

Living Selfishly: Circling the Self

A friend and mentor just pointed out to me today that selfish means: circling the self.

Why is it so hard to give myself (ourselves) what I/we need?

The body aches, or is hungry or tired, or the brain hurts, and we are just plain exhausted, yet we keep on keeping on. We are built for struggle, it seems, not ease. Feel uncomfortable giving ourselves comfort.

I can only speak for myself. This has been a year of struggle between my Hermit Self and my Productive self. Lately, in my collages and art, I see a weary circling, a need for rest, and a strong determination to continue, both at the same time.  I am determined to make my Voice matter. I am weary of marketing, promoting, and pushing myself "out there", wherever that is. That "self" wants to stand up and be counted, but she's tired of figuring out ways to do it and longs for Solitude to muse in.

I feel the urge to communicate, to have deep conversations about what really matters, to connect soul to soul with creative, conscious others and I feel the call to rest and meditate and do yoga. That sense of connection will be renewed soon, with my women's circle which has been on hiatus all summer,  starting up again next week, yeah!

It is always about me circling the Self, wanting to nourish it, give it some real food. And it's about your circling your Self. It is me sending out feelings, emotions, information to others around me, and me also receiving information, emotions and feelings back. Choosing to hit cancel, delete, or Save and savour.

Right now, I'm offering an online class, but no local in-person classes. After ten years of facilitating workshops and retreats, maybe something is shifting. I'm paying more attention to my own needs, and SoulCollage(R) has helped reveal the parts of self that need nourishing. that Hermit self will not be ignored! (Using a creative process like SoulCollage(R) has been a revelation to me).

This year that I've dedicated to vision questing with mythos journey and Cat Caracelo, this year of living selfishly, is starting to affect my conscious choices. The needs start as a little whimper of complaint, or a burble of joy, or a simmering of hushed energy that I can't name yet. Then I put pen to paper, or pastel to art journal or glue to image, and voila, something flows creatively from Source and names itself.

So circling the Self, I am learning about this human life, this humanity, its gold mornings and darkish nights. Its greedy off-kilter face-stuffing addictive behaviors, its child-like wonder, its magical and musical delights.  I am all these. I am none of these. I am enjoying my many creative circles where I can share with other like-minded women on-line.

Mid-life is a time of transition and learning about sacred selfishness. I am working on an e-book by that title in fact, some tips for soulful self-care for body and soul. Something I want to give away to anyone who reads this blog, signs up for the newsletter or takes a class with me. I'll let you know when it's ready!

Just a little bit of giveaway to help you be more selfish! In a good way, of course.

xxxx
jenn
www.jenniferboire.com
Her Journey: The Heroine's Quest at Mid-Life begins on-line, and with a weekly conference call, Wed Oct 12. See my website for more details and description.

Sacred Self-Care Retreat

L’ERMITAGE STE CROIX

SATURDAY APRIL 30/SAMEDI LE 30 AVRIL

9:30 TO 4:30 PM

Restorative yoga & guided meditation with Debra Leibovitch

Creative Play/SoulCollage(R) with Jennifer Boire

Spring is here: It is time for some sacred self-care, some down time, some tranquil restorative movement. It is your time now, to receive tender nurturance and find Creative Flow. Let this day long retreat in a natural beautiful landscape soothe your soul and help you restore your energy.

As we open our eyes and our hearts to the always, already present holding environment which is our true nature, we behold the drop of grace which pours through the eyes of everyone we meet, including that unknown precious one that we see when we look in the mirror. And then all that could possibly remain is an unshakeable faith in love’s perfection.  - The Mystery of Holding

COME JOIN US $90 INCLUDES LUNCH

REGISTER AT: www.jenniferboire.com

Why Practice Self-Care

Why practice self-care?

To replenish energy, renew faith in life and yourself, be playful, express creativity and be more productive, everyone needs more down-time.

Sometimes a vacation is in order, but sometimes those vacations leave you more tired than when you left!

A Retreat is a special invitation to relax in your core, to attend to that sacred self-care you’ve been putting on the back burner for too long. A retreat is set up for you to take some time for reflection in your journal, to do some creative mapping of your inner soul, connect with other like-minded souls, and rejuvenate your energy with lots of rest and healthy food.

If your retreat is in a tropical paradise like Costa Rica, even better! Sun, sand, beach, ocean waves to soothe the frazzled spirit and provide a warm, gentle, green eco-friendly environment to refresh yourself in. I just came back from the Hummingbird Retreat, and feel so energized and renewed.

It was really a treat, to bathe in the ocean twice a day, practice chi gong under a mango tree, visit with a hummingbird in the Hibiscus flowers every morning and eat a healthy lunch around the pool. We made a lot of SoulCollage(R) cards, and did a few Readings. We practised our Hummingbird dance and attracted some stray cows wandering down the beach. We honoured the Full Moon with a fire ceremony and burned away what was no longer serving us. Mostly, we rested and played and nourished our souls.

A huge thanks to Brigitte Bauhart, ShamamamaNextDoor, for inviting me to participate in the Creative part of this retreat.

Going on a retreat is definitely part of sacred self care.

If you are curious about what a retreat looks like, or would like to know more about my retreats please contact me at info@jenniferboire.com  You can also sign up for my monthly newsletter on the website.

 

 

“The hummingbird spirit animal symbolizes the enjoyment of life and lightness of being. Enjoy the sweetness of life, lift up negativity wherever it creeps in and express love more fully in daily endeavors. ...The hummingbird generally symbolizes joy and playfulness, as well as adaptability. “

Self-Care: What Small Daily Practice can you do?

“Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion and treat themselves accordingly.” ~ Martha Beck

(from my March Newsletter)

Happy Lunar New Year,

Welcome to the gentle, dream-filled year of the Ram, symbol of o-operation, strength and determination. I am writing to you from the depths of winter here in Montreal, a still white landscape out my window. The land is sunny, most days, but caught in a polar freeze.

And I feel the need to confess something to you, who may look at me as a teacher, retreat leader or wise woman. It’s taken me a long time, but I have finally begun, at age 60, to intuit what my inner rhythm is. Especially since the empty nest years have arrived now, with more free time to be creative, volunteer my time, or just have tea with friends, it has been challenging to not be over busy. I love taking on too many projects, (I’m sure it makes me feel worthy and deserving). But lately, my body has been sending me messages of overwhelm and I have to listen.

The other day, on a teleconference about Self-Care, I heard three small words that shifted something in my inner world: small daily practices. The presenter was making self-care sound important, she was writing a PhD on the subject. I sat up and took notice. She acknowledged the challenges we face because our culture, our work and our schools don’t train us to respond to our need for feeling at ease. We are trained to look elsewhere, to treats or movies and vacations for contentment. The whole notion of tuning inwards takes practice.

While I have been practicing meditation and yoga for a long time, my daily work habits are more about running around in circles, needing to feel useful but often feeling pressured for time. Even the cat and dog take priority over my well-being! On top of that, I have some of the paradoxical characteristics of the creative personality. *

For instance, I can be wildly energetic, then crave quiet and rest; am both extroverted and introverted, needing social company and solitude in equal measure; both painfully self-doubting and wildly self-confident. “Despair alternates with bliss, despair when they aren’t working, and bliss when they are,” says Juliet Bruce.

Which means the energy vortex in my home is not always calm and flowing.
But in the words of Tami Kent, author of the book Wild Creative, there is a way to work creatively that honors inner flow. It may mean throwing out the list-making habit: “Rather than attempting to be creative in all areas at once, I follow the creative flow to the priority at hand. If I tried to make a list of everything I did, crossing off tasks in a linear manner, I would accomplish much less and with less creative insight. Instead, I live each day from the presence of my center and take direction from the guidance that arises naturally. …pausing and receiving guidance from within is the way to align with your creative channel. …Simply follow the flow.”

This was my aha moment this week, both Tami Kent and the Self-Care piece. I had had a crazy Monday, jumping up from meditation too fast to call someone who needed help making costumes– I was ready to throw away the Monday mini-retreat, that small practice that keeps me feeling grounded in my internal oasis. And in the process, I rode roughshod over my Creative Soul in panic. It turns out she had spent the night at the hospital with her daughter, and couldn’t use me until later in the week. So I thankfully returned to my journal and continued where I had left off. Inside my body, I could feel how off-kilter the rushing had made me. So this week, I decided that was the end. It does harm to my psyche as well as my body, to respond in panic to the adrenaline rush.

A lifetime of bad habits sometime overcomes our common sense or inner wisdom. I know that I want to make self-care and creative flow a habit, not just for the hour I sit to practice meditation, but at the computer, in my kitchen, and generally, all around. Small daily practices help me slow down and pause, checking-in to see how I feel and what is needed before dashing off in high gear.

I’m going to need help. I release the worry that other people may feel I am not responding quickly enough to their needs. I honour and pay attention to my own feelings. What small daily practice can you do?

One last thing: I am starting a give-away March 3 on my blog and Facebook site, with 3 great prizes – 1) an autographed copy of The Tao of Turning Fifty plus my Musemother Relaxation CD, 2) a copy of the book, and 3) a copy of the CD.

You can share this with your friends. I also want to make it to 1000 likes on my Facebook page.

TO ENTER THE CONTEST (starts TUESDAY MARCH 3) :  here is the link - http://gvwy.io/rm1eizq

Namaste,

Jennifer/Musemother
www.jenniferboire.com


*  http://expandedconsciousness.com/2015/02/17/10-paradoxical-traits-highly-creative-people/

How to find Harmony & Peace

It's the end of the year, very very soon. But first we hit the holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Solstice, Christmas, the ring in the New Year...

But before that, before any resolutions come across the plate like a home run hit.....ponder this.

"Trying to be all things to all people leads to anxiety, irritability and burnout. It's time to dial it back - by about 30 per cent - and put your own well-being first."

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/giving-your-70-per-cent-can-be-better-overall/article22068990/

This excerpt from a great article in yesterday's Globe & Mail hits the nail on the head. Constantly striving to do more, faster and better only makes us less effective sometimes. It can affect our productivity by using up all our reserves of energy. We're so afraid of appearing lazy or selfish, even to our own Inner Critics, let alone our family and co-workers, that we don't know how to let up on the gas pedal. Crash and burn victims are all around me, too many cases of burn-out and chronic fatigue.

This article quotes several  life-work balance experts, such as Renee Peterson Trudeau, who say it actually makes more sense to dial it back a bit, and reserve up to 40 per cent of your energy for yourself. Take the time to slow down, put important things first, and really, finaly, tune into your inner wisdom. 

To that end, this year I have done 70% of my shopping on-line, and rejoice every time a big box is left at my door - I have a big extended family on both sides, and even with gift exchanges and name picking, there is a long list, including not only my children, siblings, but god-children and niece's new babies, etc.

I have yet to hit the shopping mall and face the wrath of tired shoppers circling the parking lot looking for a spot that isn't 3 miles away.

If you still feel like you need to feel worthy and acceptable by 'doing it all', read this article and take a deep breath. Consider the notion of "The power of Less" or "haiku productivity" - that introducing some idea of restraint on your activity may actually help you prioritize. Go from frazzled to peaceful - it's worth a try.

Love yourself, love the holidays, love your family, but save 30% of your day for resting, recouping and relaxing. Get the little elves to help you decorate and wrap and cook. 

How does that sound?

best wishes for happy festivities and Love,
Musemother

Menopause Mothers 10 Ways to Feed Your Soul

I have gathered the challenges and gifts at mid-life and menopause, and there are many. But as I listen to women who are still mothering, with children under their roofs and in their hair, I realize there is a great conflict that arises due to our 'late blooming' motherhood, or having children in our late 30's and early 40's.

They (children) still need our presence, but we feel uber-irritated by their constant demands. The world in general gets on our nerves, big time! We are ready for the Big Pause, but can't see how to do it.

At menopause, ladies, we are called to withdraw our over-caring of everyone else and go within, seek our authentic self, gifts and talents, and do some much needed reflecting on our life purpose. For this we need some down time.  But who will give it to us?

Susun Weed suggests a year's sabbatical for women at menopause, but that ain't happening when you've got kids at home. How to deal with this split in consciousness, and divided loyalties without dropping the ball on mothering, or on self-care?

Here are some practical  ways to soothe your soul and your need for creative introspection without feeling Guilty:

1. Find some like-minded women to share some deep talk with. Being seen and heard feeds your soul. You'll feel less crazy once you realize you are not alone, you are not the only one who is sleepless at night and hot flashing all day. Quit tearing your hair out, and let down your hair with your sistahs!

2. Release the Good Girl 'tude right now! Good mother, daughter, wife - we were trained for this from an early age, especially if you were born in the 50's. Give yourself permission to be SELF-FUL, not selfish. A little more self-compassion will go a long way. Do something JUST for YOU once a week, or once a day if you can swing it. When is the last time you bought yourself from roses? Repeat after me, I am worthy and deserving!

3. Practice peace - whether it's breathing, centering, meditation, yoga, chi gong, tai chi or a cup of herbal tea  - find some time to find your own rhythm and you will feed your soul's need for tranquility and silence. Just cut out one of those volunteer activities and make time for Peace.

4. Body work to release stress and get in touch with emotions. You need to feel to heal. Choose the modality that works for you - Reiki, massage, EFT, Rolfing, Shamanic journeying, talk therapy. Stress freezes our muscles, and when we bury our feelings, they end up Exploding in PMS - don't let the Bitch Goddess take over your life.  Dealing with feelings is healing!


5. Learn to RECEIVE: this is the hardest but the most rewarding thing on this list. OVERGIVING is our #1 downfall or trap, as women and mothers. Enlist the help of your family in daily tasks. Don't let the well go dry, or you'll have nothing but bitterness and resentment.  See #4: getting a massage is very nourishing, not just for your body and skin, but for your inner self who needs to fill up the well before she can give out again. Weekly would be good, monthly may be more realistic, but once a year is NOT enough.

6. Eject the Superwoman Mantle: learn how to say no, and ask for help. Takes practice, I know, but it's worth it. You cannot do it all alone. You are no longer capable of Multi-tasking, so give it up!

7. Embrace the end of Fertility- make peace with the end of your cycle. Face your fears of entering a new cycle. You're not old, but 50 is a meeting with mortality and a limited time frame. You can't mourn the empty nest yet, but you can celebrate the growing maturity of your kids, and realize how quickly the nest will be empty. Soon, now Mama, soon. Journal about it, and celebrate your Menopause with some cronies.

8. Get Creative: your new cycle involves creatively exploring that energy that used to go into making babies. Your energy is moving up and out of the womb center into your Heart, throat, Wisdom and Insight centers. Growing your intuitive powers and Dreams. Listening and Expressing this new found creativity is essential for your happiness. Find out what you LOVE to do, then Flow with it! Many women go back to school, or take pottery or piano classes, creative writing, SoulCollage(r), photography - what turns you on?

9. Recognize this is a Sacred Journey - a Heroine's Quest. Your life stages have brought you this far. How can you learn to see the symptoms of menopause as gifts? ie Fatigue is a message you need to rest more. Hot flashes are really just Power Surges. See the Soulful Woman website and listen to the Gold Tent for more about the gifts of Menopause: http://thesoulfulwoman.com.au/the-gold-tent/

10. Give yourself a break before you need a breakdown. REST is the most essential nutrient for the menopausal mom. As important as good nutrition and exercise. Your body is the vehicle - you can't pedal to the metal all the time. Take good care of you, and just lie down and rest, as often as needed. Write yourself a prescription for Self-Care. I will rest whenever I feel overwhelmed.

So try healing and feeling instead of yelling and freezing up, finding peace instead of feeding the frazzle. Anger and impatience are all symptoms that you are Doing Too Much and need to get away.

It's your time, baby, and even though Mothering is a challenge right now, you will get through this. It is temporary insanity, I promise you. I made it through without a huge bill for therapy, and my kids at 22 and 24 seem really well adjusted and are still speaking to me! And if you really feel like the straitjacket is calling you, get away on Retreat!

Take good care of you, darling, Mother Nature is begging you,
xxx
Musemother

10 Ways to Navigate Mid-life Smoothly

It's hard to live through any transition but Menopause is a real Trickster! Follow these tips to smooth out the rocky ride.

1.   Sleep when you’re tired and don’t feel guilty. Banish guilt. Take naps.

2.   Do one thing at a time and breathe:  Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so stop, take a few deep centering breaths and reconnect to the parasympathetic nervous system. Feel each out-breath grow longer than the in-breath. This brings you into deeper resonance with the rhythms of your body, slows your heart rate and allows your mind to unhook from anxiety or worry.

3.   Say NO more often; release perfectionism. Learn to say, I have enough, I do enough, I am enough. — Sark

4.   Get away – time alone is the #1 thing most mid-life women crave.

5.   Discover the power of doing nothing. Rest, hot baths, alone time, retreats, mini-retreats in your home – lower anxiety and regenerate energy.

6.   Listen to your inner Bitch Goddess – don’t stuff your anger, and don’t dump it on others. Write it in your journal. Rock your anger like a crying baby.

7.   Cultivate your own IGS (inner guidance system) by listening to your body’s needs for healthy food, rest, exercise, connection with others. Be Present.

8.   Mothering Ourselves: stop stretching yourself too thin. MAKE A LIST of things you can do for yourself. If you want to feel cherished and appreciated, start by cherishing and appreciating yourself. Speak up and ask for what you need. For example, write yourself a prescription for rest if you are tired.

9.   Fifty is Feisty. Change your mindset. Find the 10 best things about menopause. Celebrate being 50+. These are the best years!

10.                 Creativity: find what you love and do it. Use Journaling or SoulCollage® to discover where you are now, what your heart desires, get into Flow. Take some down time to rediscover what makes your heart sing. Do something just for the fun of it. Your joy is waiting for you!

first published on MindBodyGreen under 10 Ways to Celebrate Aging at http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6335/10-Ways-to-Celebrate-Aging.html

Jennifer Boire, MA, www.jenniferboire.com, author of The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know, Follow Musemother on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

"None of us needs instruction in how to recognize what our heart is saying. We do need guidance, however, on how to have the courage to follow those feelings, since they will force us to change our lives in any case. But consider the consequences of not listening to the heart's guidance: depression, confusion, and the wretched feeling that we are not on our life's true path, but viewing it from a distance." — Caroline Myss