Sacred Feminine in the Center of the Circle

Dear readers,

I had such a beautiful morning and am feeling like sharing a bit of it with you. This has been my year of trying new things - a new Dance your Bliss class, seeing a counsellor bi-weekly ot overcome some writing blocks, attending a drum circle for the first time, and today I got brave and attended a Red Tent circle in Hudson, Quebec.

Run by Aine Sun, a beautiful heart-centered woman, this new Dana Center is a place for women to gather, listen to each other, share their stories and feel welcomed, seen and heard, with a minimum of ritual and ceremony.

Being seen and heard myself this morning, made me feel like a bucket of sunshine had been poured on my heart. I have been in a lot of circles in the past 20 years, lead some, started some, and I always come away from that deep listening space feeling renewed and happy.  It's simple, in a way, that really all we want is to be accepted for who we are, have a short space to express how we feel, and feel the invisible embrace of listening hearts mirroring back to us, I am valuabe, I am loved.

SoulCollage(R) card: Brigid 

On my drive home, I thought back to 1986, when I went back to University here in Montreal to study creative writing and a minor in women's studies. I already thought of myself as a feminist since my teens, bu my thirties I had let that slide a little. I loved the courses on mythology and women's religions around the world, and on women's literature. It began a life-long fascination with writing the feminine, writing about taboo subjects - breastfeeding, sex during pregnancy, the joy of children in their bodies, (although my daughter when she was seven or eight did not appreciate coming across my poem of her vulva dance, dancing with blue chalk all over her two year old body, like a little Goddess), and later a book on the emotional turmoil at menopause.

I have written about the feminine mysteries of menstruation and menopause, published articles and books, taken courses like the one I'm doing online right now called Goddesses of Self-Care, read a ton of books about When God was a Woman, and the 5,000 year period since the goddess has been demonized and relegated to the underworld as a witch or fertility figure. But now, today, I felt the light fill me up from within. I felt this sacred part of me could shine as I danced to some gentle music at the end, mybody was moving in tune with the heart-filled center, the feminine essence.

My struggles to understand both the feminine and the masculine as archetypes, and release myself from wounds and patterns instilled during childhood, have lead me here - to embrace the sacred feminine at the center of my being, as a living energy, not a stone statue, nor a picture on a wall, but inside my flesh and bone, my belly and thighs, my breasts and uterus, my legs and arms and all.

I can dance with my sacred feminine life energy in the center of my body. I share my appreciation, my wounded brokenness, my joy and my wild feminine life force with other women in the circle.

Next thing I'm going to do is take every book I have written, every poem, every class offering on the feminine, and dance around it, to celebrate my creative participation in awakening the goddess within, the sacred feminine energy of life within.

Aho!

Watch me dance!

Drinking Serenity Tea

in the quiet snow of January, I am drinking a cup of serenity tea and watching Prem Rawat's New Year's message on Timeless Today https://www.timelesstoday.com/

What is my focus on, he asks, something lasting? how to hook up to the real joy and prosperity

Is my focus on how to be fulfilled?

After an intense training session this morning, followed by a thirty minute Thai massage which targets my very sore shoulders and neck, I realize this armour that is being broken down, painfully, comes with a harsh attitude towards myself. I push myself harder than I need to, out of this fear in me of not being "enough", not a good enough writer, or a good enough house cleaner, or dog owner, or parent.

This shoulder pain is a good teacher.

It says, ease up on yourself. Stop thinking everything is urgent.

Stop the hypervigilante mode, breathe, relax.

Start paying attention to how full you feel.

Start being fulfilled, not with the things you buy, the things you decorate your home with, the things you feel you need to get by. 

Just be fulfilled, with life, with existence.

I am pressing the Start button now.

I am pressing the Easy button now, today.

I am lifting this armour off my shoulders, bit by heavy bit.

Serenity begins with me.

Mid-Life: Ripe with my own Knowing

Ripe is defined as something that has matured: having arrived at a stage of growth or development as to be ready for reaping or eating, as in a grain or fruit, or a high point of development or excellence, as in a human being.

Sometime in your mid-40's you may start to get a whiff of fall changes coming. You can smell those tomatoes ripening on the vine....it's not mid-summer anymore. You might not be looking forward to this kind of ripening, even though it may turn out to be the best time of your life.

Every season has it's challenges and discoveries, but somehow, for a lot of women turning fifty is a big one. It may be the fear of growing older, wrinkles, gray hairs and pudgy love handles. It may be fear of losing your shiny fertility, mourning (or celebrating) the closing of the baby factory. It may be facing a knee or hip replacement, or even your own mortality, or the grave illness of your parents.

But the joys of turning fifty, for me, far outweigh the slight inconvenience of any changed facial features and hair colour, or having to deal with new creams, hair dyes and oh yeah, more Zumba. The calm acceptance and internal joy didn't come right away though - at first it was all topsy turvy emotions, upside down confusion and a lot of questions.

Being a work at home mom, the big question was what to do now that the fledglings had pushed off out of the nest into university. They didn't need me hovering, there was no more school to volunteer at, and I felt distinctively un-useful, unneeded, but also free! After a few small pangs of grief at letting go, I realized the upside: no more cranky voices calling Mom! down the hallway when they couldn't find their cell phone or their favourite pair of socks. No more laundry baskets overflowing in the hallway. I could buy eggplant and cook my favourite spicey meals!

But what would I do with my new found time? and what did I want to do?

This is where my journal came in handy. I asked myself a lot of questions on my Quest. And, being a perpetual learner, I also took courses, went on weekends away on retreat or to workshops, sniffing out that ever elusive Purpose to my Life. I had already gone back to school in my 30's, and gotten two degrees over ten years, so that was not the object of my search.  It took a few years of trial and error, but I ended up back where I had started - teaching writing classes to women,but with some new tools to add to my journaling classes, (SoulCollage(R) so that it morphed into a more Creative Circle. I also wrote a book on the mid-life transition and menopause and incorporated those learnings into my classes as well. (The Tao of Turning Fifty).

Above all, though, my biggest realization was how important self-care, down time and rest and napping were to keep me sane and balanced. And somehow, my own need of self-nurturing, self-kindness and compassion has lead me to help other women nurture themselves and put themselves on the list. Developing an inner coach and realizing how loud my inner critic were was a big part of that.

So the mid-life journey has been a circular one, not linear, not outer goal oriented, but more inner goal oriented. I asked myself, What do I need to make me happy? How can I use my skills and talents to give something back? What do I love to do? What will make me feel fulfilled and aligned with my purpose?  With over half my life gone by, and many accomplishments (including two beautiful, healthy children, by some grace), turning fifty was a good time to re-evaluate, re-assess, look into my deepest heart's longing and allow it to surface. This involved getting some help to re-imagine myself as a retreat leader, doing what I love to do - with a focus on yoga, meditation, visualization and more time swimming in that centered core place that feels so nourishing.

Entering one's fifties is high time for becoming a little more mature - and the ripeness I'm feeling is that connection to my inner knowing. A little more confidence in following my intuition, a lot more of being sure of what I want, what I am willing to do, the kind of people I want to be around. Last night my husband was talking about his own future - at what age he would like to retire, how much of a nest egg we will need, and then he added, what I want is to be around people with Heart!

I had to laugh, because both of us are nearing age 60 now, and after 30 years of marriage, at least we can agree on this - no more wasting time on cocktails, business meetings, fundraisers, parties and events where there is no Heart. And that's what the ripeness of my own knowing has brought me. Knowing what I love to do, and who I love to be with.

Happy Mid-Life Journey to you,
Musemother/Jenn

Empowering the Feminine within: A woman who follows her own heart

“The things women are most yearning for---such as deeper connection, spiritual awakening, self-expression, creativity, right livelihood, creating an enlightened world for generations to come---all require a new level of Feminine Power to bring them forth.” Jean Houston

A woman who follows her own heart has learned to listen to her intuition.

A woman who follows her own heart listens to her body guidance.

A woman who follows her own heart shares deeply, listens deeply, is present with others.

A woman who follows her own heart feels her fear, acknowledges it, but is not held back by it.

A woman who follows her own heart is always expanding, growing, learning.

A woman who follows her own heart discovers her true desires and interests.

A woman who follows her own heart is impatient to get started.

A woman who follows her own heart believes in herself, and her creative powers.

A woman who follows her own heart is able to say no, and speak her truth.

A woman who follows her own heart knows the value of doing nothing, of rest and recuperation.

A woman who follows her own heart knows that to go down and in is preparation for coming out and up.

A woman who follows her own heart is a source of calm, a balm for others.

A woman who follows her own heart leans inward in times of trouble, but is not afraid to ask for help.

A woman who follows her own heart knows that angels and guides are watching over her.

A woman who follows her own heart knows her own value.

A woman who follows her own heart accepts herself as she is, flawed but fabulous.

A woman who follows her own heart lets her children be flawed and fabulous too.

A woman who follows her own heart stands her ground.

A woman who follows her own heart knows how to be grounded in root energy.

A woman who follows her own heart lets go to the flow of synchronicity.

A woman who follows her own heart trusts the Universe and knows she is loved.

A woman who follows her own heart has a constant companion and Friend within.

A woman who follows her own heart reaches out in compassion to those who suffer, she has been there too.

A woman who follows her own heart creates an atmosphere of love and caring around her.

A woman who follows her own heart remembers where her Joy is.

A woman who follows her own heart laughs from the belly.

A woman who follows her own heart loves her body and knows she is beautiful within and without.

A woman who follows her own heart forgives herself for her mistakes.

A woman who follows her own heart is in love with Beauty.

A woman who follows her own heart is in touch with her feminine power.

Any woman who follows her own heart can learn to be this woman.

Any woman who is aware of where she is and how she feels, and doesn’t try to pretend to be something different, can be this woman.

You are that woman with heart, unfolding, becoming, and realizing herself as the goal.

Heart is the Hearth and Home of you. Come home to your heart!

Namaste,

Musemother