Courage to Take the Next Step

SoulCollage card, Underwater

Mid-life is a challenging time - it's not only about the menopausal hormones, the lack of sleep and hot flashes. The biggest wake-up call is from your heart, (or some say, your soul) calling you to find a sense of meaning and passion, your purpose in life.

I don't know why it hits us in our mid-forties to fifties. It may be because we have accomplished so much, the house, the job, the kids, the car, the dream vacations. You work hard to achieve "success", you raise a family, and then....you hit a brick wall, or you just feel tired all the time, or you get challenged by a divorce, a serious illness, or a loved one close to you passes on. You feel restless, dissatisfied, confused about your purpose, and you don't know why. The big questions start to come up: why am I here? what is all for? what do I really want to do with the rest of my life?

I look at it as a huge wake-up call from the heart - it's calling: Over here! Wake up! Emotions and feelings long-buried rise to the surface. Your goal of being Salesperson of the Year is not cutting it anymore. You want to run away from your life, where daily decisions overwhelm you, you aren't sleeping well, you're irritable and impatient and you don't recognize yourself. Then you see your mother or father's face in the mirror looking back at you, and it's scary! I'm 50 and what have I done with my life? You may look back in longing at the young person you were at 20, so idealistic, so passionate about making the world a better place, the young actress to be who became a secretary or an Administrator....and part of you feels like it's dying. Where did that youthful energy go?

It's still there, your heart and passion and enthusiasm for life, but it may be buried deeper down. You have to go spelunking in caves, you have to put on all your brave courage and excavate your heart's passion from underneath your sense of Duty, Obligation, Responsibility and whatever else tells you it's not practical to realize a dream.

In my book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, Amazon.com I offer an exercise called What Time is It in Your Life? You draw a clock on a blank page, and then draw the hands pointing towards the numbers of the time you feel it is - intuitively. Is it 8 am, the start of a new day? or is it noon - the middle of something? or perhaps it's 10:00 pm - time to put something to bed. Reflect on this, ask the question, dig, reflect, write, until you find the answer popping up from within.

Remember, whatever passions you had at age 11 or 15, the difference you wanted to make in the world, you are more than adequately prepared to do that now - you have more skills, more experience, and better resources. All you are lacking is the clarity and the courage - so dig deep and find it. Your Soul is Calling! the heaviness you feel is your Heart being buried. Uncover what makes your heart feel light and know that the journey into your depths may involve facing your grief, letting go of disappointments and sadness, facing feelings you haven't allowed yourself to feel.

The journey towards going Up and Out in the world begins often with going Down and In. Reclaim those feelings, uncover your heart, thaw out the frozen emotions, unpeel the armour around your heart and chest. Begin to un-numb, to tingle with excitement, as the blood starts moving again. Feel the cleansing tears that will come, and be reassured it means you are alive, you can find your Joy again.

It is worth doing this inner work. In my book I describe my own mid-life journey, and offer the Descent of Inanna as a metaphor or mythic story that gives a clue to the real work of rebirth and transformation that happens at mid-life, for those who have the courage to face the darkness inside of them. Don't be in a hurry. It will unfold in months or years, but you will resurface, with new shiny wings. Are you ready?

Here are 10 quotes to give you courage to take the next step:

It’s so easy to give up, or just never get started on making your dream project come true. If you need to feel that your Wise Inner Self is on your side rooting for you, here are some wonderful quotes to give you courage.

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting. – Buddha

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all. – Norman Vincent Peale

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. – Rumi

‎Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. – Buddha 

It’s okay to ask questions, but get the answers. So, where are the answers? Since the questions came from within you, guess where the answers are? Within you. – Prem Rawat

What we perceive as a failure may simply be our inner being's way of telling us that we are ready to move to a new level of growth.  – Anne Wilson Schaef

What is your real work? Is it that which pays the bills or is it your art? I think your real work is healing. Whatever helps you become more loving in this lifetime. Whatever helps you forgive yourself, embrace yourself, meet yourself, and free yourself in this lifetime. – Tama Kieves  

If you can see your path laid out in front of you, step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path. – Joseph Campbell

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. – Alice Walker:

The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: you are the goal. You are the answer. It's never outside. – Eckhart Tolle

Dear Past, thank you for the lessons. Dear Future, I'm Ready! – Quan Yin, on Facebook

Namaste,
Jennifer/Musemother

Jennifer Boire, author of The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Fifties Needs to Know, available at http://tinyurl.com/d9mtc26 blogs at Musemother, also on Facebook and Twitter. She leads Creative Journaling classes and retreats for women and loves to get comments. See www.jenniferboire.com

Dream Wisdom

What are your dreams telling you?
Indecipherable at times, dreams are more like poetry than prose.

They use metaphor, the body literally translated into a scene: my feet are on fire we say, when there is a burning sensation. Then a dream of a dog, Maggie, our golden, with her feet on fire.

What does a dream mean? Only you can know and understand your own symbols. There are a ton of books that will tell you, water means this, a tsunami is bad and a well is good. Water means emotion, or a flood means this....

But I have had dreams where what I was afraid to look at, the meaning of the dream, turned into its opposite. I was working with a Rolfer at the time, someone who translates one layer of the body's experience in the fascia and muscle to another layer of the body in the brain (at least, that's what I understood). One day I brought in a significant dream and we looked at it, we went into each part, each image and asked how it felt to be that part.

I have had many recurring dreams of floods and rising water, and usually take them literally as a fear that the earth is going to be flooded when the glaciers melt and the oceans rise. Since I live on the edge of a river, on the 'lakeshore' (but it is really not a lake, just a widening of the river), this scares me.

The dream this time was a wall of water, a shimmering silvery wall of 100 feet high water coming towards a wall, where I was sitting on a fence with my husband beside me. He was trying to help me climb over the fence, but I was frozen, unable to move. The wave was coming closer. The end.

The rolfer asked me to be the wave. What did it feel like? I closed my eyes and saw it shimmering there, full of light, and the word Benevolence came up in my mind. Benevolence, I thought? the annihilation of my life can't be kindness. Then we went into how each part of the dream felt. What came out of it was a huge ton of love and kindness was coming my way, my husband was part of it, and I was frozen in fear, unable to open and accept it but when I looked at it in the face instead of running away, I could feel the love. Not at all what I thought this dream would be about - fear of success, or fear of huge changes in my life, or fear of disappearing.

In fact, it was a fear of disappearing perhaps - the ego disappearing into so much love, that boundaries are erased.

Dreams are like messages from our unconscious, or perhaps angels, who knows? But they are always interesting to look at from the inside out. Don't take the surface picture for the whole story. Ask questions about the mood and feeling of the observer, of the participant and of each item or piece of the dream and you will get a clearer picture that may surprise you.

Instead of being afraid of knowing the real meaning of a dream that may even seem like a nightmare, you may find that your dreams are giving you friendly advice and pointing you towards new growth.

"The dream keeps us
in touch with that soul
in which we all live.
The dream keeps us
in touch with our place
in that one creation.
The dream puts us
into a time and space
in which we are restored."

Coming Home to Myself, Marion Woodman, Jill Mellick
Reflections for Nurturing a Woman's Body & Soul

Dreams and Visions

"The heart of all creativity is the awakening and flowering of individuality. The mystery and magic of being an individual is to love life in response to the deep call within, the call to become who we were dreamed to be...the divine blueprint of the soul. This is where true freedom awaits us. Freedom...is the poise of the soul at one with a life which honours and engages its creative possibility."  from Beauty, by John O'Donohue

Over the weekend I was inspired to sit down with my journal and start to draw up plans for a dream of mine: a retreat centre where I could offer journal writing classes, have yoga teachers do classes in the morning, have a place to show videos from Words of Peace (www.wopg.org) and offer a haven or shelter from the turmoil without and within.

The crazy thing is, I am taking steps to find partners to help me find that perfect Oasis somewhere near where I live.

The beauty of retreating is that you get to step out of the busy activity and hectic pace of your life and slow down to the rhythm of your soul, the pace your body can breath and feel relaxed in.  The downside is that most retreat centres are far away.  I envision a center close by, in a quiet neighbourhood, with a big sunny room for stretching the body in, and a comfortable sitting room for watching inspiring videos, and an office upstairs for me.

People with busy lives who can't leave the city (moms with small children for example), could get away for a mini-retreat of a few hours on a Sunday afternoon.  Women who work could take an afternoon for themselves once a month, a kind of mini-sabbath or rest day.

Why I like the quote above from Beauty http://www.johnodonohue.com/ is that I have been listening to this inner calling for a while now (a long while) without being able to envision it as something concrete that could happen now.  It remained in the realm of dream of the future, or someday it may happen.  I did not believe enough, or it was not time for it, simply. 

It's wonderful to feel things are moving towards realizing that dream, even if only by baby steps, spreading my wings, taking short flights over the terrain, asking the Creative Power for the strength and clarity to fulfill the vision, accepting my role as an individual responding to the call.

happy Monday,

jenn

 

Dreamer

What do I love, what do I want to do right now? I wrote in my journal sometime before the Christmas holidays began.

I was away in the mountains this past weekend with my kids. While they skiied with their Dad, I sat and read, wrote in my journal, did yoga, some writing exercises. It felt very grounding and peaceful. After the rush of the holidays, the marathon of friends and parties and family do's.

Reading this journal entry put me back in touch with the space I was in then, and the space I want to be in right now.  The wisdom of the heart.

Right now, in this moment, I want to allow the wisdom of my heart to bypass the strategist. I want the dreamer to awake and tell me her deepest cherished dream. I want to hold her hand and shush and rock her until she dares speak out loud her deepest wish - she has not shown herself for fear of being judged, and she is hiding underneath the bed.

She doesn't like to compete, she hates hype,  marketing, meetings and pressure to produce goals.  She is anti-goal. She lives for the feeling mode, under the surface of things. She is a shy fish. My outer voice is too loud, sometimes; it frightens her. I courted her in the past, but gave up, bured her under convention, under the 'should's', the must's, and Duty.

Right now I want to listen.
Right now I want to receive guidance.
Where are my life's interests sending me - a book, more classes, healing?
I do want to be healed.

Sometimes you have to let the wounds show, let the air at them.
Here's to opening up to heart's wisdom in 2010.

that's as far as I can go with 'planning' or goals.
Trust, surrender, giving myself the space to explore in.

Life coaching for one

Thoughts on how to be your own best coach:

I was reading Oprah's magazine the other day, a copy in the physiotherapist's waiting room that must have been 2 years old, but the article on women changing career paths couldn't have been more timely.

One woman had recently ditched her day job to buy a trawler, and without knowing anything about boats, took a nine-week training course, and set out for the Maine coast, fulfilling a life-dream to be her own captain. There were some truly awesome inspiring stories.

But the line that stayed with me a week later, was what the coach used to help these women find their passion. He said, sometimes you are already in the ballpark of your best job, but there is some fine tuning to do. You may love design, but hate the deadlines, or prefer working in solitude to working with a team. You have to tease out the parts that make you feel the best. and the parts that you hate. Where are your strengths?

To do this, ask yourself, where do I feel strong? I feel strongest when .... (fill in the blank).

For me, it was this: I feel strongest when I am helping other women find ways to help themselves. I feel strongest when I share information and resources with others. I feel strongest when I am speaking from my calm center.

There are probably some very good coaching books out there - but I haven't read any that didn't seem overwhelmingly complicated, filled with goal setting exercises, which don't appeal to me right now.

I do want to picture myself in the future doing what I love however. One exercise I did with a therapist was very visceral. She had me imagine how I would feel if I continued on the way I am now. Just putting off till tomorrow all of my dreams, reading and writing about them, but not taking any action. Letting fear and depression be my allies. I could physically feel my shoulders getting droopier, my eyes heavy, my insides felt like lead, as I aged visibly in my inner mirror. Until there I was, five years, ten years, then 20 years later, very depressed and ill (a lot like my mother in recent years). That scared me!

Then we did the oppositive exercise. I pictured myself doing what I dream of, leading workshops for women and retreats. I saw their faces as I left the retreat, their happiness, and gratitude for what they had learned. I saw my own face, lit up with gratitude too, and 5 years later, 10 years later, perhaps a book is published, talk shows, touring the world doing retreats for women.

The response in my body was amazingly different. I felt upbeat, happy, light, energized; actually I felt full of light and confident that this was my destiny. The next month I prepared and lead my first all-day retreat, and it was wonderful.

Sometimes we need a coach to help us find our way, to help us believe in our full potential, but sometimes we just need to picture ourselves doing what we love, and then have the courage and patience to let the universe bring it forward, bring us towards it, one step at a time.

nameste
musemother
ps I did also attend a 3 day workshop on Facilitating and Creating Transformational Workshops with Ken Nelson, and found a wonderful resource in the Women's Retreat Book, on the same weekend at Kripalu. The universe helps those who help themselves :)

back to school

It's not fair! it's still summer, the cicadas are buzzing, it's hot and the pool is empty. My girl has begun last year of high school (sec 5 in Quebec, Gr 11 elsewhere); my son has started 2nd year of Cegep (2 yrs of college pre-university). They've bought their books, and binders and pens, their favourite pencil leads, done their own laundry, shopped for new clothes (altho thank god the school uniform from last year still fits, and the shoes!)

My tall gorgeous daughter who loves to dance, doing all kinds of auditions, stressed about getting on to the competition teams in hip hop or jazz ballet....beginning an Ayurvedic diet this week to help her bones and her health.

My tall gorgeous son who is driving himself wherever he needs to go, buying his own textbooks, marvelling at the cost of things. Booking his own orientation counsellor appointments, figuring out his next steps, without much advice or help from us.

And I am at home, negotiating, organizing, getting estimates, approving prices, buying furniture, planning our first major move in 12 and a half years, since the beginnings of grade school for my son. Packing up the likes of a five bedroom house, and emptying all its cupboards (soon, very soon).

All I want to do is lounge by the pool, savour the heat. Fall coming usually inspires me into action, but the crisp cool days are not here yet. We are jumpstarted into fall with school schedules, but far from sweater and loafer days.

sigh, this menopausal cycle is spiralling me inwards and out of words.

I love my collages, the cards I am making, the pastel colouring I do occasionally. And I love looking at the clouds. The dreamer in me wakes. The sky is my companion. and the sound of Om resonating from my stereo grounds me and soothes my agitated mind.

too much thinking makes the system acid, said the ayurvedic consultant. OK, maybe singing, swimming and meditating will make me more alkaline.....

happy weekend,
musemother

Opening to Dream time or Liminal Spaces

For ages and ages, women have, by the very nature of their cycles and connection to the moon, enjoyed a special connection to dream time or inner sight.

I believe that the greatest damage we do to ourselves is not allow for enough down time, rest time or dream time, especially around our menstrual cycles. How many women even know when they are going to menstruate? We are so out of touch, we need a calendar to remind us, and we forget to look at where the moon is in the sky. Do you ovulate at the full moon? do you menstruate at the full moon? try getting in touch with where you are in the cycle, and maybe you will open the door to getting in touch with your 'inner dreamer' or inner guidance system.

Alexandra Pope has this to say about the liminal time:

"Liminal spaces are windows of opportunity, a way of liberating our thinking, a place of dreaming, a time for magic, a place to garner soul food and guidance for our life. A place to collect ourselves. It's where we step out of the world, out of our mundane life, into a kind of in between territory. No longer confined by the material world, it's a place where we can travel into the farthest reaches of our selves and the universe.

When a woman moves from one part of her cycle to another she's crossing thresholds: transitional moments she must pass through as she moves from one phase of the cycle to another. Some of these transitions will feel slight, a momentary dip in feeling or rise in energy, sometimes a pain as ovulation occurs. For other women the post ovulation phase can feel intense, not unlike what many experience coming into menstruation itself - the premenstrual angst.

....a woman often thinks she's stupid or clumsy at the premenstruum because she's dreamier, less clear in her thinking and behaves in apparently illogical ways. She's not less intelligent - her intelligence is simply operating in a different way. ...women multi-channel at this time, the way mothers do all the time, operating on many different levels all at once."

She suggests that maybe in the premenstrual phase, we are just 'in between' - neither one role or another - we become more open to the unseen. We can't hold things in, or repress our feelings. All kinds of socially unacceptable sides of ourselves get liberated - like in the time between dreaming and waking, we're not quite sure where we are, vulnerable, and open to the unconscious.

And if during this time you also have PMS or symptoms of discomfort, it's time to pay attention: "Menstrual problems, whether unpredictable moods, pain, fatigue, endometriosis or fibroids, are signaling some overall health difficulty." Your cycle is signalling a problem through its increased sensitivity at that time, not causing the problem.

Wise women slow down and listen to their cycles and stay open to the liminal space, the place of learning and self-growth. You are your own best 'thermometer'. Stay close to the symptoms and ask the deep questions. Use this time as an initiation into yourself, and be willing to explore the inner labyrinth.

What is it you most want to do, or need to receive at this time?

Remember that dreams can be healing, and get lots of rest. "Accommodate the dreaminess", says Alexandra. "Slow down and allow your curiosity to extend your vision of the world. Dreaminess softens the boundaries between our inner life and the outer world, opening us to surprising discoveries." And if you're operating machinery, give yourself frequent short breaks.

Some advice taken from The Wild Genie, by Alexandra Pope, sub titled, The Healing Power of Menstruation.

enjoy the day,
musemother