THE TAO OF TURNING FIFTY AVAILABLE ONLINE

ok, a tiny bit of book flogging and self-promotion. There are at least five different ways to order this great book:

The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know - actually any one between 35 and 65 who wants to journal along with this workbook and discover exercises and prompts that encourage you towards taking better care of yourself, putting yourself on the list, and listening to your inner wisdom and body guidance, will benefit from this book.
Chapters Indigo: http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/home/search/?keywords=the%20tao%20of%20turning%20fifty&pageSize=12

Barnes and Noble online: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/the-tao-of-turning-fifty?keyword=the+tao+of+turning+fifty&store=allproducts

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/The-Tao-Turning-Fifty-Forties/dp/1466378115
Kindle Version also available on Amazon.com for $9.98

Amazon.ca: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1466378115/sr=1-1/qid=1342101044/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1342101044&seller=&sr=1-1


Various prices, starting at $14.99 and in Canada around $15.15.

or see a free excerpt and amazon.com link on my website: www.jenniferboire.com

I am looking for someone to review this book in a major women's magazine, so if you have any connections that way, please let me know.

namaste,
Jennifer/Musemother

Where Did My Libido Go? Mid-life Women Wonder

extract from The Tao of Turning Fifty, What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know, Little Red Bird Press 2012

Our sense of womanhood is inherently linked to our sexuality. Maybe that’s why some women mourn their youth at menopause. They think they will lose their attractiveness to the opposite sex and there goes their womanhood. However, according to Dr Christiane Northrup, there is evidence that some women experience a reawakening of their libido at mid-life. Scientists say a woman’s sexual peak is probably somewhere in her forties. Then again, some others experience a temporary deadened feeling: where oh where, did my libido go? 

I was one of the ones who momentarily (for a few years!) lost touch with my desire. This was when I still had fairly young children and not sleeping well, on top of being perimenopausal. I think it was largely a matter of fatigue and timing. It turns out I am more easily aroused in the morning than at midnight when I’m half asleep! Talking about things certainly helped, once I became brave enough. My marriage might not have survived if I had not decided to take matters into my own hands (very literally). Two books that helped me understand the difference between women’s and men’s sexuality are John Gray’s Venus and Mars in the Bedroom and Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality by Linda E. Savage, Ph. D.

Now I can give myself permission to enjoy gourmet sex when I need it (meaning a lot of time for foreplay), or allow my husband a quickie occasionally.  I feel more comfortable asking for what I need and less pressured to be available sexually when I don’t feel like it. Think of it this way: you might be letting your partner off the hook. He may also be experiencing a slowing of desire at his male andropause.

A lot has been written about the differences between male and female desire, and I’m not sure we can generalize, but certainly women’s arousal often starts in the head – with being courted, talked to and listened to, which creates a feeling of closeness or intimacy. Dr. Micheal Goodman considers himself an expert on this. He says, “Men’s sexuality is linear: desire leading to arousal leading to erection and sexual intimacy. Women are different; their sexuality is more circular and circuitous (“women need a reason for sex; men just need a place”), and starts with intimacy, not desire.”[1] This inherently makes sense to me.

If it’s painful sex that is slowing you down, don’t wait; get advice from your health care provider. Or try herbal teas or tinctures like oatstraw and nettle which help relubricate the vagina. Certain homeopathic remedies help too. I have found some natural lubricants (Sexy Ganga, made with hemp oil) are more compatible than the artificial ones made of petroleum products (if you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, it doesn’t belong in your vagina). Susun Weed’s New Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way is a very helpful book in this regard, with lots of herbal remedies for each malady.

Whatever happens, don’t give up on sex just because of a few hormonal changes. A saliva test can help you find out which hormones are lacking (progesterone, estrogen or testosterone). See Dr Christiane Northrup’s book, The Secret Pleasures of Menopause for a thorough discussion of all things sexual.

That being said, consider that a time of sexual abstinence may be called for to honour your own need for rest, and to give you a time to find your wholeness within. Sex is wonderful, when you feel like having sex. Not out of guilt or a habit of pleasing others. Can you stand your ground, be with your own desire or lack of desire? Be patient with yourself and know that your desire is not gone for good. 

---

[1] www.drmichaelgoodman.com/ten-best-tips-for-surviving-your-menopause/ (author of Men-opause – a book about menopause for men)

My Manifesto on Self-Care

For the second time in two days, I’ve read that self-help books are full of clichés like: learn to slow down, take care of yourself, eat healthy good food, get regular sleep, journaling (this from a book review on a book for young women to help them get beyond high heels and shopping). Hello! When did rigorous discipline and self-love become cliché? That makes it sound so easy, like anyone can do it with their eyes closed.

Actually, it’s one of the hardest things in the world to accomplish, until you decide it’s a priority  – to get the right dose of balance in your overly busy life, to make sure the things you spend the most time on are the things that really matter, to carve out some down time to take care of your bruised soul in this wearying roller coaster existence of 24-7 productivity and busyness.  The goal being to not just survive but thrive. To have a happy healthy whole attitude towards life – every day I commit to taking better care of my inner Self in a world that honours only the success of my outer Self, i.e. the number of techno gadgets I am attached to, the number of fabulous exotic trips I take a year, the shape and colour of my wardrobe, the size of my purse....is a commitment not to something cliché but rather to being a more real human being.

So forgive me if you’ve heard this before, but I need to be reminded continuously that self-care is not selfish. I need to be reminded that focusing on what feeds me, and surrounding myself with like-minded folks who encourage that quest for balance in me, is where I start to feel human. The overstressed, yelling-all-the-time person who constantly criticizes herself (and others) for being too lazy, too self-indulgent and too slow is so yesterday. I do not want to live under the shadow of my inner critic, whose bark and bite are sneakily nasty. I have over identified with that little voice for far too long. I finally feel I deserve some self-love, just like I deserve a soothing massage when I am too wound up, and alone time to write in my journal and better understand myself.   I now know that when I am kind to myself it helps me be kind to others, and the world is a much better place when we are feeling kind. Yes, I am flawed, I'm not there all the time, but it is a fabulous goal to work on.

If that is cliché, well it’s one that hasn’t been used enough by the world in general to become cliché really (at least, not overused yet). When kindness, compassion and love are the norm, maybe then we can say it’s a cliché.

So take that, Book Reviewers of the world. The Tao of Turning Fifty is coming out in a few days, the end of January I hope, once I approve the final proof. And it will be full of clues, tools, and tips for self-care. Touché, cliché.

Women's Wisdom at Fifty Gets Better

New evidence from a survey done recently shows that women ages 50 - 65  feel the happiest and most fulfilled at this stage in their life (from author Dr. Christiane Northrup, in the introduction to her new Wisdom of Menopause; see her facebook page for an excerpt).

Why does this not surprise me? Somewhere in your fifties, your kids grow up and leave home for college, or if they live at home become very busy in their own lives and need their mother's less; women in our age group are mostly well-educated and have kept a foot in the world of academia or business by either working part-time or volunteering; and women in this age group finally feel empowered enough to speak up and say "Enough" when something doesn't suit them. And now they have the time to explore their own interests without feeling selfish.

We grew up in a different world, where children were meant to be seen but not heard; where often we are encouraged to not toot our own horns or be boastful. We were taught to be good girls, to serve others before ourselves, to think about waste and share, giving the best cut of meat to the person at the head of the table. Some of us were practical, and put aside our dreams to earn a living. We didn't talk back to our superiors and obeyed authority - well, ok, some of us did. I admit that although I was supposed to be a good girl, when I hit the teen years the urge to kick against the pricks (whoever I thought they were at the time: school principals, unfair parent's rules, French teachers) kinda took over.

But many of the women in my Creative Journaling classes nod their heads when I talk about the good girl upbringing, and many of them are just becoming comfortable in their forties and fifties with the idea that it's their turn to speak up, and with taking time for their own projects or for self-care.  In class, we do all kinds of exercises to empower ourselves, to find our Voice, to shut up the Inner Critic,  to speak our own truths. Because our women's wisdom is not whispering anymore, she's practically yelling - this is how I feel. Listen to me! It becomes imperative for women at mid-life to listen to their own intuition, to stand on their own two feet, to express how they feel, to speak their truth, to be true to themselves.  And if it feels very empowering to do this in your journal, it is even more empowering to do this in a group of like-minded women.

I see the same thing in my Women's Circle: we need allies, we need to be heard, we need to believe that our voices matter, our feelings matter. And this is what loops back to the feeling happier and most fulfilled - if you can believe in yourself enough to switch career paths, or go back to school, or use your talents in a creative project - publish a book, send out some poems, take an art class, become a teacher and leader of younger women, it makes your heart Sing. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - it makes a woman very happy when the Self is fulfilled, when her voice is heard, when she gets to do what really turns her on, without worrying that she might be taking up too much space, or not doing enough 'good deeds' for others.

So get out the drums, sing your song loud and clear. The world will be a better place when you explore what makes you truly happy - find what makes you feel fulfilled, and watch even your health and well-being improve. Women in their fifties and sixties are changing the world - Welcome to the best years of your life!

happy self-exploring
Musemother/jenn

Women in transition

I just received the Kripalu fall catalogue, with workshops and classes listed - there are so many wonderful offerings for cultivating intuition, journeying to the self, awakening your feminine power, reflecting on spirituality and stress, healing emotional trauma, self healing, finding enlightenment and fulfillment, and kayaking and yoga, on top of it! (http://www.kripalu.org/)

But I didn't see anything specifically offering something for women in transition, or women in mid-life, which is where I am, and maybe some of you too.

What is this mid-life transition about? why is so fraught with emotional turmoil, ups and downs? It seems like it should be the best time of our lives - garnering more experience, more wisdom, more time for ourselves, if only we can give ourselves permission to take the time....

In my forties, my kids were hitting puberty as I was entering peri-menopause. The tug of war between their needs and roller coaster emotions and my needs and roller coast of emotions seemed to take up all the space in the house sometimes.  I often felt the need to just get away, so I could calm down and find myself again. It seemed like huge waves of hormones or emotions were always sweeping me away, pulling the rug out from under me.

I did find some herbal helpers, thanks to Susun Weed's wonderful book, Menopause the Wise Women's Way, (http://www.susunweed.com/) and finding Dr. Christiane Northrup's book The Wisdom of Menopause was another lifesaver - http://www.christianenorthrup.com/.  Reading that my brain was being rewired in menopause for greater intuition and inner wisdom helped me trust the changes my body and brain were going through. A few homeopathic remedies like sepia helped with feelings of overwhelm.  And eventually, I got through it, I made it through the other side of fifty.

That is why I am working on this book, The Tao of Turning Fifty, to share the wisdom and resources I discovered, and to let women in transition know that they are not going crazy, that it's temporary insanity at best, and that things will be better, much better once the Change works its magic.  You see, you do need to go through a transition, to become more connected to your own intuition, trust your inner knowing, and become that wise woman you always admired in other women.

Stay tuned for the book's publishing date, I'm working hard to get it out in the fall of 2011, as well as a new website which will link to this blog.

syonara
jenn/musemother

Connect with your intuition

Garner your own soulful connection to the creative spirit within.

My goal is to help women cultivate faith in their own inner resources and increase their self-awarenes through journalling exercises, both visual and written.

To that end, I am developing a new website and a workbook for women in mid-life called The Tao of Turning 50.

I am making time this summer to follow my own advice and unplug from activities that no longer serve me, so I can focus on making my heart's desire manifest - to help other women understand their own mid-life journey.

Today I am looking at all the collages I've made and the vision boards, to help me make this come true. Hiring someone to design and build the website was the first concrete step I took a few weeks ago. And now I'm browsing my computer for pictures and artwork I can use for the new site. It's very exciting, a little intimidating, and completely do-able. 

Connecting with my intuition and journalling about what I wanted to do with my skills and talents brought me here.  Writing it down, asking the questions, turning in circles, attending workshops, doing yoga retreats, talking with the women in my circle, more questions and confusion. Finally, after what seemed a very long time, it became clear.  I was not headed back to school for more classes or degrees (I did that while having 2 babies and completing my master's over 6 years). I had published one book, but had no further offers of publication for poetry - so that seemed out.  I had been journalling since before I got married in 1984, so it seemed a natural first step - and less restrictive than teaching creative writing at university  - to help other women express them selves and get in touch with their own intuition, desires, dreams through writing.

So here I am - taking a giant step to manifest that intuition on paper and on-line.

I hope you'll follow me on the journey.  The way up and out is often by going down and in, first off.

Here we go,

jenn/musemother

Grounding Myself in Self-Knowing

"Can one actually find oneself in someone else? In someone else's love? ... I believe that true identiy is found as Eckhart once said, by 'by going into one's own ground and knowing oneself.'" Gift from the Sea,  Anne Morrow Lindbergh



I am trying to discipline myself this morning, through writing in my journal after meditating, and before getting to the To Do List.  To discover where my own ground is, and how best to know what I want to work on. I am trying to put my work on the front burner, on the top of the list.  But it's very tempting to let the world decide for me what is important. My daughter or my son, the quartet or the chorus can all throw 'stuff' at me that needs to be done. The house is an octopus with tentacles in every room, and piles of laundry await me every Monday. I still need to put away the table and decorations from our Easter Brunch yesterday, and my son came back from residence with suitcases full of sheets and things to put away.

So I was reading some quotes from Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsh http://www.cwg.org/
that inspired me and I share some of them here:


"I am is the strongest creative statement. It sets in motion what you call forth.

First think about what you want to be, do, have. Think often until very clear. Think about nothing else. Discard all negative thoughts, pessimism, doubts, fears, disclipine your mind to hold fast to the original creative thought. When your thoughts are clear and steadfast, begin to speak them as truths. Say them out loud. Use the command, "I am".

I tell you this...your life proceeds out of your intentions for it."

So here goes, I'm going to take my own advice, and think long about some "I am" statements that I want to manifest.  Affirmations written in "I am" form may help me get where I'm going.

I am focused on helping women give themselves permission to take care of themselves.

I am worthy and deserving of putting my full attention on writing this book, Tao of Turning Fifty.
I am reaching out to other women in mid-life to share their stories with me.
I am worthy and deserve time to pursue my own interests and have my needs met.
I am growing in self-awareness, self-knowledge, and this make the world a better place!

I am enjoying the sunshine on the lake this morning and a calm meditative mood.
enjoy the Spring Sun,
musemother/jenn