Women's Wisdom at Fifty Gets Better

New evidence from a survey done recently shows that women ages 50 - 65  feel the happiest and most fulfilled at this stage in their life (from author Dr. Christiane Northrup, in the introduction to her new Wisdom of Menopause; see her facebook page for an excerpt).

Why does this not surprise me? Somewhere in your fifties, your kids grow up and leave home for college, or if they live at home become very busy in their own lives and need their mother's less; women in our age group are mostly well-educated and have kept a foot in the world of academia or business by either working part-time or volunteering; and women in this age group finally feel empowered enough to speak up and say "Enough" when something doesn't suit them. And now they have the time to explore their own interests without feeling selfish.

We grew up in a different world, where children were meant to be seen but not heard; where often we are encouraged to not toot our own horns or be boastful. We were taught to be good girls, to serve others before ourselves, to think about waste and share, giving the best cut of meat to the person at the head of the table. Some of us were practical, and put aside our dreams to earn a living. We didn't talk back to our superiors and obeyed authority - well, ok, some of us did. I admit that although I was supposed to be a good girl, when I hit the teen years the urge to kick against the pricks (whoever I thought they were at the time: school principals, unfair parent's rules, French teachers) kinda took over.

But many of the women in my Creative Journaling classes nod their heads when I talk about the good girl upbringing, and many of them are just becoming comfortable in their forties and fifties with the idea that it's their turn to speak up, and with taking time for their own projects or for self-care.  In class, we do all kinds of exercises to empower ourselves, to find our Voice, to shut up the Inner Critic,  to speak our own truths. Because our women's wisdom is not whispering anymore, she's practically yelling - this is how I feel. Listen to me! It becomes imperative for women at mid-life to listen to their own intuition, to stand on their own two feet, to express how they feel, to speak their truth, to be true to themselves.  And if it feels very empowering to do this in your journal, it is even more empowering to do this in a group of like-minded women.

I see the same thing in my Women's Circle: we need allies, we need to be heard, we need to believe that our voices matter, our feelings matter. And this is what loops back to the feeling happier and most fulfilled - if you can believe in yourself enough to switch career paths, or go back to school, or use your talents in a creative project - publish a book, send out some poems, take an art class, become a teacher and leader of younger women, it makes your heart Sing. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - it makes a woman very happy when the Self is fulfilled, when her voice is heard, when she gets to do what really turns her on, without worrying that she might be taking up too much space, or not doing enough 'good deeds' for others.

So get out the drums, sing your song loud and clear. The world will be a better place when you explore what makes you truly happy - find what makes you feel fulfilled, and watch even your health and well-being improve. Women in their fifties and sixties are changing the world - Welcome to the best years of your life!

happy self-exploring
Musemother/jenn

Goal Setting and the Feminine Way

“In this culture we are told to set goals. We are supposed to know where we are going and then take specific steps to get there. But this is not always possible, or even wise. It is the male model of linear, rational thinking. But the life process of women…is more chaotic and disorderly, more circular and intuitive. Sometimes we can’t see the next horizon until we step out of the old life. We don’t yet know where we are going. We may not know the place until we arrive.”
A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko

Here’s what one Jungian analyst and author says:

"The feeling values of the Feminine are woman’s earth and blood. They form the foundation of human interaction and flow out to nourish all of society. In places where Feminine feeling values are ignored or persecuted, life becomes oppressive and barren."
From I sit listening to the wind, Judith Duerk

Waiting, stillness, feelings, not knowing where I am going....

these are all uncomfortable places for me to be, to be waiting for my daughter during her physiotherapy appointment, to be waiting for my husband to come home from a golf tournament now knowing if he wants supper or not, to be inside my body feeling what I am feeling during all these moments instead of elsewhere in my thoughts, far in the future or lost in the past.

Every organization uses goal setting, every life coach encourages us to set goals for the future to help us get started on the present.

But if I listen to the feminine wisdom about being close to stillness, and feelings and being willing to wait until uncertainty clears, I may become less goal-centered and more centered: more willing to be circular....to listen to non-logic, to intuition, to quiet whisperings heaving up from underground. To pay attention to the non-visible, the not known by the 5 senses, and yes, to the five senses too.

To be a woman going in circles and spirals, getting closer to the center with each step. The goal, not out here, but in here, and unfolding.

nameste
musemother

Rites of Passage

Just spent the weekend chanting, drumming, rattling, dancing with Marcelo Lobos at Kripalu, in the Sacred Passages workshop.

Coming home is always interesting - I was in a peaceful state, a kind of 'zone', driving through the mountains with blazing red and yellow colour along the road, with my friend Debra. Then I arrived home to an empty house - everyone had gone out to a hockey game, and left me a note. I noticed the spaghetti sauce I had made was still in the fridge, so I prepared some noodles and ate, before listening to a new CD I'd bought there and falling asleep.

It was a rite of passage weekend for my son, turning 18, and three parties later (Friday night until 4 a.m. at our home) he had a very gravelly voice over the phone when I called on Saturday. My daughter, 16, was even allowed to participate in the party, and all his friends loved her. (News for my son, your sister is a cool person to hang out with!)

So he was drinking, dancing and partying - and I was chanting, drumming and celebrating my womanhood. There were 30 women there, forming a circle, holding the space for each other as we entered the spiral, or danced our darkness away in the fire, or bathed in the lake to wash the past away and welcome the present moment, as well as the future. We dressed up, put make-up on each other and acted 'silly' in some of our old 'mother voices' opinion. We danced until we dropped at 11:30 p.m., after a full day of ceremony. We birthed a new self, said good-bye to an old way of being. We entered the birth spiral to be transformed. And it was good.

We hugged and said good-bye on Sunday, with sparkles on our skin and lavender scenting the room. We thanked Marcela and her helpers for providing the sacred space and the structure to hold us safely as we journeyed. It was very simple, much lighter than I imagined it would be, the warmth of laughter and tears and women's faces holding me up. It was exhausting to dance and sing all day, but how liberating!

And so, back to the home, the cooking of meals, the washing of clothes, the keeping of sacred space inside this smaller circle of four. I feel different. I feel closer to the seasons, to the fall, to mother earth, pacha mama. I feel more. And that's a blessing.

happy new year to those celebrating Rosh Hashanah,
musemother

Knowing what you know as a woman

I find this book so comforting. It's a companion book to the Circle of Stone by the same author. There are times when we are beginning to birth something, a new idea, a new book, an essay or work of art, or even just a new phase of our life such as menopause, when we are unsure. And it's tempting to have someone else tell us what to do, what to think, where to go. It's easier to rely on outside authorities to shore us up.

But as Duerk says here, if we always rely on someone else, someone with 'authority', someone else will author our existence. We want to be our own authors. We want to spread our own wings, and for that, we need mirroring from a positive source. Often, in our birthing, we need the support of other women.

from I sit Listening to the wind:

"How might your life have been different, once, long ago, when you had worked very hard to know what you knew inside, and were ready to bring it forth....but were suddenly filled with fear and guilt and unable to express yourself...and you felt utterly alone? If there had been a circle of women waiting to receive you, eager to listen to your understanding of life.

If the women had known, from their own lives, that whenever a woman dares to bring forth the deepest meaning from within, she will be attacked by an old force inside, whose only purpose is to keep things as they are ...and the fact that those women existed made you feel less lonely.

And if the women had helped you, supported you with their warmth...and by the wisdom and daring of their lives, given you the courage to speak.

how might your life be different?

Judith Duerk

So, dear women reading this blog, take heart, take courage, and find that circle of women, in your community, in your city, or in your on-line community.

Soul Purpose: making the unknown known

I made this promise to myself at the Taos Writer's Spa, in the closing circle, that I would help make the unknown known. Once a clairvoyant friend had also told me that my goal in writing was to make the invisible visible.
What does it mean to me? I wondered after I spoke it. What is the unknown? Actually it's simply whatever we do not know (yet), what is not visible to the seeing eye, but definitely visible to the seeing heart. We have all felt Presence within us - at special moments, at our daughter's wedding or the funeral of a dear friend or parent; watching a sunrise or a sunset, contemplating the multitude of stars in the night sky while camping, visiting a wilderness spot in the mountains or just sitting in meditation or doing yoga - glimpses of the unknown are rare, but they do happen.

What does it mean to make it known? For me, it is to write about my own experiences, as a young person thirsty for self-knowledge or meaning, as a mid-life quester seeking answers, the “who am I” phase that has dogged me all my life. The heart is the doorway to the unknown, where feeling masters intellect, another way of knowing.

In Taos, I found the voice of encouragement I was seeking, in the persons of Suzanne Falter-Barnes (howmuchjoy.com) and Jennifer Louden (comfortqueen.com), two marvelous facilitators who helped me believe in me, and gave me the courage and encouragement (courage: comes from Coeur, heart) to manifest on the outside what I was looking for, my soul purpose.

My three main projects were already in infant stages, but I was stalled, waiting for confirmation of my talent or something outside of me, I don’t know what. There, I discovered that the themes I have been working on a long time are still the right ones for me: women’s cycles and spirituality. I ask the circle of friends from Taos to pray for my continued learning and the courage to spread my wings.

I get it now, I have lots of work to do and I also need to pace myself. I left a lot of sadness and old aches behind me – a rebirth of sorts occurred in view of the Sacred Mountain of Taos. I thank the goddesses of creativity and the women who have touched my life, and my generous husband, for the learning I brought home and the continued learning in the future.

follow your heart,

jenn

musemother