Body Love in a Dangerous Time

“What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.” ~John Lee, Writing from the Body

There is a war on Feminine Flesh. Do you know that song sung by the Bare Naked Ladies, Lovers in a dangerous time? These feel like dangerous times for women’s bodies. The worst part is that the assault comes from within us, not just from men in power, or from magazines, news, TV and video. Inside of ourselves there is a war going on against female cycles, female flesh. We either have too much or not enough. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. (I know as my pot belly gets bigger that this is an issue for me, that buying bigger pants will only partly solve!) In spite of the great consciousness awareness surrounding abuse and disrespect coming out of the #metoo movement, in 2018 it is still difficult for women to feel love and accept their own female bodies, just the way they are.

None of us seems to be happy with our shape, or our hair, (if it’s curly you want it straightened, if it’s straight you spend hours curling it); our body size, our legs or sagging arm flesh, or our boobs heading south as we hit menopause.  This gets harder as we get older, as our aging bodies go through even more changes (why can’t I get rid of that last 10 lbs as I enter my mid-sixties?) and all this self hatred and judgement has lead to a boom in cosmetic surgery and diet crazes.

But I think it’s not just about bodies' aging. An awful lot of young girls and women feel anxious about their bodies, and it starts at a young age. My daughter, at age 8 came home from school one day to tell me she had a big tummy. Her friends were starting to criticize their bodies already!  It starts with anxiety about being “perfect” – all the celebrity images prime us for self-criticism - looking through a big pile of magazines recently, I could not find any positive images of women over size 6. They were all super thin, slim, and gorgeous or a few of the opposite – extremely overweight and unhealthy – where is the middle ground? Where are the images of women who fit somewhere in the middle, who look like you or I?

These ridiculously strict standards cause serious restrictions on our self-image, our self love and our  freedom: we’re hit from all sides - from the fashion  and cosmetic industry, even at the local parents’ committee, there are  body police everywhere, measuring us up, judging us on our weight gain (or loss), our clothing size, hair colour, how much cellulite we have, and offering the best surgery or botox to correct our imperfections….the harsh criticism from self and others never ends.

Food is no longer about nourishment. We are constantly monitoring our hunger, our food intake, counting calories, working out to lose the bag of chips we just ate, punishing and rewarding ourselves for lack of effort or sticking to the diet and exercise plan, hating ourselves in the mirror. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to look and feel our best – but we go to extremes - either obsessing about it or we numbing ourselves with cookies, ice cream or alcohol.  We have learned to disconnect from our bodies, from our intuitive knowing, and from our feelings.

Which ever way you look at it, there has been a long history of conflict surrounding women’s bodies, all the way back to Eve. Our bodies, our cycles and our sexuality have been banned and sent underground for so long, either seen as depravity and evil or simply banned and nonexistent, ignored by generations of women too traumatized to know differently. We have lost our collective memory, the knowledge that used to be passed down from mothers, aunts and sisters to their younger daughters, nieces and sisters. The once sacred women’s rites around the menstrual cycle and childbirth for example became suspect and connected to witchcraft, and thousands of women were burned, drowned or hung. There are many hundreds of years of history behind our relationship with our feminine nature, our bodies and our intuition.

I think it's time to declare a truce on the war with our body. What if we picked one small part of our body to reclaim and love back to a healthy relationship? We may not be able to transform our attitude overnight, but we can take little steps, one body part at a time. What if we actually began to feel worthy and deserving of self-love? 

What is Women’s Wisdom? We can only counter the negative baggage by beginning with ourselves, with loving our bodies, one part at a time. Embodied living means learning to live consciously, in touch with our inner guidance through our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and with acceptance of the feelings in our body. It means believing that our bodies are able to receive and transmit energy and information. We can begin to develop our intuition, our feminine wisdom.

Because I need to heal my relationship and begin listening to my body too, I am offering a women's one-day workshop called Body Love in a Dangerous Time. We will start by re-establishing some open communication with our bodies, by looking at one small part, acknowledging it, listening to it and dialoguing with it in our journals, in a judgement free zone of lovingkindness. 

That’s where we begin, and then in the afternoon we’ll make a SoulCollage(R) card for a body part we want to improve our relationship with, or send some love to. SoulCollage(R) is a nourishing, expressive art form that uses images, intuition and imagination to make small 5 x 8 collages that reflect inner parts, emotions, archetypes and energies. (www.soulcollage.com) 

We’ll also spend some time breathing deeply and relaxing, finding and releasing areas of tension, and inviting in a sense of self-love, gratitude and wonderment at the beautiful beings we are.  We will take baby steps to feel good about our body parts, and infuse them with love and attention.

We will baby ourselves, ladies, we will love ourselves like we would love a precious child and make a start at healing the disconnect.

The Church says: the body is a sin.

Science says: the body is a machine.

Advertising says: The body is a business.

The Body says: I am a fiesta.”  ~Eduardo Galeano, Walking Words

much love to your on your journey
Jennifer
more information, times, date, cost at www.jenniferboire.com 

Valentine's is for the lover in you

Dear ones,

it has been too long. I am posting frequently on Facebook, sending out monthly newsletters, leading classes and retreats, but I have forgotten to come back to this blog.

I guess it's a sign of where my attention is going.

But today, this week, Love Week, here is something to watch and listen to, to remind you that your heart longs to be loved, held, cared for, to love and be loved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pm6dvYnUrIs

and here are some Lovely Quotes about Love (music by Stuart Hoffman). Watch this lovely slideshow, prepared by Mitch Ditkoff, who is trying to make this go viral and raise money for www.tprf.org (a great cause, peace and dignity for all).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR33tqKz8r4


Happy Lover's Day!

Musemother

The Tao of Turning 60

What does it mean to turn 60? Since I’ve written the book on turning fifty, and am now 59, it seems people want to ask me, what about the tao of turning 60? Will you write that book. If I do, what would I write about?

The celebration of the journey from baby to young girl to youth to young married wife to student and writer and mother, then menopause and wise woman, teacher and facilitator? Might be a place to start, by feeling grateful. Instead of what I have done mostly all my life, complain complain complain about the hardships, the curves thrown at me, the things that have not turned out the way I wanted.

It was not without adventure that I set out on this journey, born eldest of eight children in a small house in the country that quickly grew too cramped. Little mother, helper and caretaker, house cleaner, house mother, secretary, poet, writer and proofreader, volunteer and organizer, communicator… oh the roles I have played, cook and breastfeeder, birther and nurse, playful sister and overarching boss of everything.

But turning sixty is not to look forward in fear and loathing of getting older, but in celebration of all that came before. Failures as well as successes. Forks in the road, unexpected turns, returns and circling back as well as moving sideways and forwards, crab-like. Ok there are wrinkles and aching joints and stiffness, but some of that is within my control and there’s no point complaining.

I want the comfort and grounding of the continuing present, as the circular spiral path of my life continues;  I am not looking ahead so much (although there is a part of me that is reassured by money in the bank account once my husband and provider retires). Physically I want to remain strong and active, so I know there is work to do, or ‘fun’ to have, in yoga, walking, zumba and dance. Some stretching and relaxing of overused muscles, some breathing and centering in meditation and yoga. A lot of letting go.

My heart has grown and stretched too – to the new babies that come along in the extended family as nephews and nieces marry and grow their families. We are 25 on each side! And still growing. 

My heart also stretches towards new friendships and women I meet in classes, lectures and retreats. I am learning, still taking classes, stretching my inner growth in rites of passage training and women’s circles and creative exercises. Life is too short to stand still and become cemented in one spot. My roots move with me, I am a dancing tree who feels connected by my underground spores to all the trees around me.

Sixty may bring health challenges, but I am conscious and aware of how my diet, exercise and movement or lack of it affect my health. I can only do what I can do, stay in the middle ground, not get caught up in extreme health fads, but listen to my body’s guidance. My emotional health needs care to – can I listen and embrace sorrow, sadness, joy, grief and happiness? Conflict with children and spouses or friends? It gets easier the older I am. I know that I am flawed, and fabulous, but can I allow others their flaws too, without hope of changing them? Acceptance and compassion are life lessons I am learning, loving kindness not only towards the self but to others, less judgment (oh that is an easy trap to fall into), less shame and blame, and more laughter and reassurance.

 Good company, flexibility and awareness. I don’t know what else I want – a bit of travel, but not too much. New vistas, but mostly, a comfortable home that reflects colours and fabrics and spaces I love to be in, and the added comfort in knowing my own center travels with me everywhere.

I may have Ireland, Italy, Provence, Australia and the wilder side of ancient Persia and China on my bucket list, as well as the barren landscapes of Arctic and Newfoundland, but I am patient and not in a hurry. My own backyard has treasures that have not been uncovered completely. I can explore this new inner landscape of meeting women at lectures and in public, women who have the same need for understanding their journey, the whys and wherefores of creative transformation at mid-life.

I am enjoying this 59^th year, and am in no rush to move ahead, but as life is moving, always, I need to stay flex and move along with the current of this river – with curiosity and awareness, alert, relaxed and trusting. One day at a time.

I do look forward to seeing grandchildren, to growing older with my ‘chum’ and husband, to seeing more family added to our tree. A bountiful harvest then, that is what turning 60 means to me.

A bountiful, beautiful orchard full of ripe trees and juicy fruit. And feeling loved and held in the center of it. Community, family, and love.

namaste

Musemother

Unconditional self love at mid-life

http://anitamoorjani.com/?page_id=58

Perhaps you've heard Anita Moorjani's story about recovery from cancer that seemed miraculous.


She was interviewed by Lilou on Juicy Living.com and I watched it last year, but since I'm doing a retreat on self-love and opening the heart, I went looking for it and found her website.

In an interview with The Near Death Research Foundation in 2006, Anita described how her view of the world and her fears were turned around by her close brush with death. She had been admitted to hospital after 4 years of living with Hodgkins Lymphoma and the doctors gave her 36 hours to live. In her near death experience, she said she felt the whole world was within her, and it was filled with unconditional love. She woke up convinced that we create our own reality by the way we think, and that we can control our negative thoughts and realize we are made of love, that our 'real' life is the illusion. As if what we believe becomes real, and what we allow into our consciousness manifests outside of us. In this case, she said, she decided to live from love and not from fear.

"The universe has a way of presenting to you exactly what you believe. If you think life is great, you are correct. If you think life is tough, you will be proved correct too....The external world is only a reflection of my internal world."  She goes on to say, there is not more negative in the world than positive, it's just what we choose to see and believe that creates our reality. We can choose to know unconditional love and feel our own magnificent oneness with that reality. 

A lot of us our own worst enemies, she continues. So if we learn to stop beating ourselves up with self-criticism and judgments, we will be less judgmental of others, and create and attract more love. "The more I love myself unconditionally, the easier it is for me to see beauty in this world, and beauty in others." 

In conclusion, she says the best way to attract more love in your life, is to fill yourself with self-love.

In a cynical world such as ours, where spirit and business operate on two different planes, and the 'real world' of debt, war, chaos and despair threatens to overwhelm us every day, I find her words very important. It requires a major mental shift to even think this way, let alone believe it. Let's hope we all don't need to have a near death experience to find unconditional love at the center of our universe.

For anyone interested in learning more about where to find this inner love of self, I have been very inspired by the words of Prem Rawat, at www.wopg.org.

Enjoy this spring weather!

Musemother