Thursday, August 10, 2006

A new reality

So, back from Taos, and easing into the new 'real' world. Funny about reality, how it changes with your perspective. My life feels like a movie, or a story, that is constantly unfolding. What did I want to find at the Taos Writer's Spa? The freedom to choose, to express my creativity in new ways, to play, to open up to the unknown, to the possibilities, to learn how to work without pushing myself too hard. I have so many ideas for projects that I wanted time to settle down with my self in a quiet, supportive setting and listen in, to decide which project called to me.

I heard coyotes howling almost every night in the mesa behind the Mabel Dodge Luhan lodge. We walked on the pueblo land and saw the sacred mountain up close. There was a very quiet energy flowing through us on that sage-filled land.

Taos Mountain was sitting in front of my window every day. It/he/she made a believer out of a skeptic. I started to fall into a comfortable place inside, a deeper more meaningful place, where I could believe that what I feel is real. Morning affirmations and visualization exercises helped to ground me, and to connect within. to beging to trust my inner guides and messages, start to pay attention to the little things, like the humming bird that hovered beside me on my little 'deck' one morning; to drop down into my spidey senses, and be in my heart-space. It feels like being at home, at one with my body, not separated into mind-body or in my head.

It feels like I'm going against the 'program' to believe that messages can come from inside to guide me, but it also feels increasingly right in my body to believe that I am guided from within with every move I make, every step I take. I begin to let go and trust that the universe loves and supports me.

One morning in between conversations, a rabbit ran right by me - then froze not far away. I walke closer, and it turned and showed it's one eye was watching me. Rabbit in my Native American cards represents 'what you resist will persist'. Time to let go of fear.

"The dream of my life
is to lie down by a slow river
and stare at the light in the trees --
to learn something by being nothing
a little while but the rich
lens of attention."
Mary Oliver

Here is a poem I read at our last council meeting with all the beautiful, creative women there:

Taos Mountain

The air smells of clean laundry or detergent.
A huge cumulus cloud sits over the mountain, called Sacred.
A field with a leaning tree-pole fence leads towards the green foothills
and birds are chortling in the trees nearby.

What is it I came here to find?
Why travel so far to find yourself?
It's inside us, yes, but ungraspable, covered over, like the cloud that
covers the mountain.
From a certain viewpoint or perspective it all becomes clear -
I sit at the foot of the mountain and watch the splendour of cloud shadow
moving over its face.
Without words, the wind reminds me of my breath.
A few thousand miles away from home
I find myself at home.



Beverly Keaton Smith said...

Lovely! Thank you for taking me back to our lovely circle. ~Beverly

Francine said...

Hi Jennifer,

My husband and I just watched the 8 pples. and now I just found your site. Your writing is lovely and tender. It reminds me of the magic that we all found in Taos (and is still in our hearts}. Have a great vacation.


musemother said...

thank you both for your comments. this is the first time I have had some! makes me feel like writing some more