Monday, January 26, 2009

Flu forces surrender

Careful what you ask for, that's what I say, after a week in bed with the flu, chills, fever, coughing, weakness, aching lungs, and all that fun stuff.

I had been feeling like I needed to surrender the reins for a while, give in to the Universe and its guidance instead of worrying about the future all the time. I remember writing in my journal that I was ready to accept what the fates decree, trust that even if I didn't know what lay ahead, I surrendered needing to know.

My heart wanted to lead the dance, I said, and I would follow any insight from within. I even thought I needed softening.

Well, that prayer was answered. The flu has a way of forcing you to surrender the battle, give up the illusion that you can control your life. One has to give in, lay low and wait for the the germs to give way.

I lay in bed a lot, and rested. I managed to read almost a whole book, in French no less. Gabrielle by Marie Thiverge (sic). And I let my husband do the suppers and drive kids to appointments and feed the cats and dogs. I didn't have the strength to battle with my teenaged daughter over her outings. When the fever slays you, you have to ask for help from those loved ones still standing, and be on good terms with them.

Thank goodness he had his flu shot. I have revised my resolution to never have a flu shot, by the way. It now seems like a huge waste of time to lose a whole week, end up on antibiotics because of fear of infection in the lungs, and cancel all the wonderful activities I had to cancel last week, including my class on Mini-retreats.

But one thing is true, I do feel less belligerent about things. I do feel a small amount of trust in the Universe and my connection to spirit. I may have surrendered a tiny bit, the way feeling weak and tired forces you to give up and let go.

Is this the beginning of a new wisdom? too soon to tell, but I'm glad to be out of my bed, fully dressed, and able to drive again.

As long as I remember it's not just me in the driver's seat,

nameste, keep healthy,

1 comment:

tami said...

So sorry you were ill. We do need to give in and let go at times. Difficult for me and for women generally.
I do wish I lived close enough to attend your classes!

be healthy!