Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Marrying myself

This morning in yoga, something delicious happened. The instructor was leading us in some gentle postures for balance. I think it was in Tree pose that I noticed the breath was freed up, and I could feel my belly and abdomen open, not obstructed with tension.

Then we lay on the floor and did some back bends, each time resting our head on the floor between making effort, relaxing.

It took a bit of effort to keep bringing my mind back to center, stop it from wandering off. But when I was finally present, it felt so good to just breathe and be here, on the floor, in my body.

My body! that location of so much turbulence, many emotions, and so much tension! But this morning I could feel it all melting away, as I kept coming back to the breath. Being purposefully gentle with myself, because of a very stiff neck. Every time my inner voice said, don't do that pose, I listened.

Then this wonderful thought popped up : yoga=union, or marrying myself. Inside of the breath's gentle embrace, I am finally opening, accepting that this is where I am. I can love myself, right now, the way I am, in the shape I am in, with the light and dark of me, with all my neediness, and the letting go.

A smile lit my face, even with my eyes closed, and I felt warm and calm, knowing that there is nowhere to hide from me, and I don't want to run away from me anymore.

Acceptance, surrender - no, just a little more being-ness, just a few more breaths of one-ness, and wanting this, feeling longing and desire line up inside of little me.

be well today, let the harsh winds of November blow around you,
stay connected inside,


bella said...

This spoke to me profoundly.
To marry ourselves and in doing so marry the light and dark, the masculine and feminine, is such wholeness. I feel myself at such a similar place. and to allow myself to be exactly where I am and love myself fully, is the most healing thing I know.
I am and continue to be, so grateful to have found you.

bella said...

my email:

Looking forward to connecting.