I was brought up the eldest daughter in a fairly happy,
Catholic, and wholly dysfunctional household with a brood of seven siblings (and
depression and alcoholism in the family tree). Somehow this grew me into a
highly functional, overly demanding perfectionist –harder on myself than
others, with a strong tendency to morph into the Overarching Boss of Everything
once I became a Mom.
My journey through midlife has partly cured me of this
kill-joy attitude, by bringing me nose to nose with this miserable character (being
with my kids helped too). Perhaps someone else who is just realizing they are
their own worst party pooper will read this and gather some hints about how to
relax and enjoy life.
10 Ingredients:
1) Kindness to self and others: no
belittlement, bullying or harsh criticism allowed. Not even yelling obscenities
at aggressive drives that cut you off! Send them blessings instead and it will
boomerang back to you.
2) Right eating: finding the balance
between the desire for pleasure and fun, and real nourishment, what truly feeds
your body. There is no one-size fits all in terms of food – experiment, be
curious, don’t follow fads. I have gone from extreme vegan to macrobiotic to
carnivore before finding the right food for my body and blood sugar (steak ‘n
eggs for breakfast)!
3) Energy In is greater than Energy Out: ask
yourself, what drains me and what feeds me? the two best questions to finding
balance. If you are exhausted and cranky, how can you be of service to others,
let alone yourself?
4) Peace in the Heart: inner bliss, find
the oasis within in stillness, submerse yourself and dive in regularly, every
day if not every minute. Life is short. Heaven is now.
5) Ease: catch up on the sleep deficit
induced by all work and no play, take more down time to chill and learn the
power of doing nothing: nap often.
6) Allies and Friends: never underestimate
the importance of being seen and heard by friends who love and fully support
you, accept you as is.
7) Gratitude Attitude: appreciation is a
wonderful antidote to bitterness. Give thanks, give back, pay it forward. It’s
a practice that feels forced at first, but grows your bliss.
8) Creative expression: let your soul out
to play: collage, art, doodling, weaving, singing, dancing, bass lessons, tai
chi; include your five senses and get a whole body rush, while being in the Flow,
lose track of time, rediscover childlike wonder. A powerful game changer.
9) Embrace your shadow: accept your
faults, withdraw projections onto others (the blame and shame game); practice
saying “I am flawed and fabulous”, “I am Enough.”
10) Emotional Wisdom: let tears flow, and laughter
ring, give hugs aplenty. Feeling is
Healing. And PAIN stands for Pay
attention inside Now!
OK, I left out something rather important for a blissful
life, Sexual Pleasure and Fulfillment. This
one took me a long time to allow (must be all that religion, wanting to be a
saint and being celibate for ten years). All I can say is, allow, allow, allow.
There are many elements to happiness, of course: where you
work and play, how many friends and companions really see you and ‘get’ you;
the health of your children, parents, tragedies that occur, but one thing is
for sure: the size of your house, car and bank account are way down on the
list.
The worst Bliss
Busters? Besides perfectionism, the worst Bliss Buster seems to be the
pushing, striving, nose to the grindstone attitude until either burn-out,
extreme fatigue or death by heart attack.
How can you find ways to move into more body ease, more
supple enjoyment, more light and laughter? Put on a soothing music CD, light a
candle and write about this in your journal right now.
If nothing else works, pray for guidance from your angels
and guardian spirits. Our purpose on earth is to enjoy, to be in Joy, as much
as possible. Besides, self-flagellation is so passé….
Jennifer Boire is a recovering perfectionist and the author
of The Tao of Turning Fifty. She
leads retreats and Creative Journaling classes for women in the Montreal area. www.jenniferboire.com
first published on MindBodyGreen July 2013
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