Cultivating your Inner Spark in Winter

Recently I was looking at a photo of mine taken this summer for my website; and, oh how she glowed! Yes there was make-up and a hairdresser involved, plus sunshine and a little perspiration making my skin particularly shiny. I remember it was a very hot day for a photo shoot. So it’s unfair to compare it to my face mid-winter, pale skin, and bags under the eyes.

But I do find that on these dark gloomy days that I am missing some radiance, and need to find that sparkle in the eyes. How do I do that, I wondered, when it’s -20C outside and even my dog doesn’t want to walk very far....going down south is not an option for another month. What to do?

My resolve this year has been to muddle on through winter, especially January, when my body just wanted to curl up and sleep. I decided to do just that yesterday,  nap on the couch with a book instead of berating myself for not having any energy. It’s that time of year when you think you should be planning ahead, at least for this self-employed workshop leader, it’s a good time to plan my year. However, my creative mojo was way down in the basement, and pulling up my socks was not helping.

SoulCollage(R) card: Seeking words

I realized my energy needed more pumping up or plumping up, like a duvet cushion that needs a good shake and thump. So I decided to attend yoga class more often – bump it up to twice a week and also hired a personal trainer to get me started with some cardio and stretching.  I vowed to stick to my small daily practices that I know work.

For me this means sitting down to meditate every morning, first thing, while it’s still dark. Breathing into the silent mantra of breath: rest, silence, breathing. Such a sweet (and sometimes challenging) practice that fills me up from the inside.  The benefit is immediate, and leads me to appreciate and be grateful instead of listening to the overactive whiney, critical voice. This morning in my restorative yoga class the teacher had us do a few heart opening poses, and hip openers, lying back on a bolster, breathing pranayama style, 4 counts in, 4 counts out. I looked at myself in the mirror once I got home, and I am feeling calm, less frazzled than yesterday.

SoulCollage(R) card Tasting the New

Beauty flows from energetic presence, the Yoga Journal article I’m reading says. And I believe. All of a sudden I have patience. I can give attention to my work, to my dog, to my friends in need. I have energy to share. Last week, I was a muddled mess of confusion. But after sleeping in, napping and eating lots of home-made chicken soup and slow simmered stews, pampering myself with good vibes and yoga, I am slowly coming out of that swamp of emptiness into a pool of fullness again. Soothing oils in a diffuser  like frankincense, lavender and rose also help me feel good and keep the cold bugs away....

It is true that building energy with quiet, calming practices like Creative Flow helps fill the well too. When I am really unable to work, plan or think, I head to my collage table where all my supplies are laid out: images, glue, cardboard. It helps that in an on-line class we had a vision board project to make, and that deadline got me moving. But before the vision could come, I needed to plump up the heart energy with some rest.  

What do you do to find your inner spark?

Spring Energy

I am learning something powerful and useful in my 61st year. I'm starting to become more aware of what feeds my energy and what drains my energy, and where my cycles flow up or down.

For instance, this winter I laid low., very low, lots of resting and napping to get me through the cold winter and lack of light. On sunny days, I sometimes laid on the rug with the cat and dog, soaking up the light. I made a lot of art, collages and SoulCollage(R), but no lesson plans.

My coach had suggested to look at my calendar and schedule a year in advance, and notice in which parts I felt most inspired and energetic, and when I usually felt low energy. Up until now, I used to begin teaching classes every January and April following the school year. But this winter, I realized I'd be tired after the holidays and put it off.

And put it off, and put it off.

I spent the months of January til March recuperating, as well as dancing and singing in a Broadway show, but I didn't teach any classes. (I did lead my first long distance retreat, in Costa Rica, which was fun & challenging). But I kept thinking my energy would come back, and it finally did - once the play was over, end of March!

In some ways, this has been a Year of Living Selfishly, by which I mean, soulfully listening in to my Self to see what need comes up first  - what my body, heart and soul need.  (and since my kids are studying out of town, it's mostly  'me time' anyway). It's taken a lot of patience, (and I am not by nature very patient) but I'm learning to listen in.  Actually, I keep thinking I've found the "next thing", the next project, the ideas on the back burner come forward, and then go right back to simmer mode. It's been hard to not dig up the roots and stir the earth around the little shoots to pull them up out of the ground.

I did, however, come up with a Seasonal Retreat plan. Instead of deciding last minute, I've actually got a women's spring retreat http://jenniferboire.com/event/sacred-self-care-retreat/, booked for April 30 and one for August 6 (Summer Retreat). The Fall and Winter retreats will be end of October and end of January. 4 Seasons, 4 Retreats.

What have I learned about myself in this process? that there's no point pushing things - I'm a Type A person who likes to organize and plan ahead - but this is not a full-time job for me, there is no where to punch in. I am my own boss and I can adjust my schedule. What I do need, at this venerable age of 61, is to envision my work as a cycle that feeds me as well as feeding other women - all the Creative Circle classes and retreats I've lead in the last 8-10 years, have been very fulfilling. But as a teacher and facilitator, sometimes I'm on the "leading" side of things and not receiving as much as I need to.

I'm just musing here, but it is slowly become clearer. I journal every morning, and that helps me see patterns. I practice collage in my Art Journal and SoulCollage(R). I make myself mini-retreats to check in on a weekly basis and ask for guidance.  Having a creative life is not a linear thing, and surprisingly, I'm just learning that.  The spiral of life, and of life energy, moves in and out, around and back. The cycle of the year, of the months and the moon, is connected to my energy cycles and even sleep cycles.

So it begins with listening in. It begins with circling my self, with keen awareness. Sitting down and paying attention, hearing the still small voice that guides me so subtly. Making a friend, yes, befriending that soul energy that is flowing underneath my list of 'to do's and my activities. Changing gears at the last minute, if it feels right to.

Mapping and making art with Cat Caracelo has been very nurturing and nourishing. thanks to this artful process, I'm gaining new insights.

Spring Energy is definitely here!