Stress and the Tired Mid-Life Woman

Are you in your forties or early fifties and wondering why you're always tired, cranky and fuzzy-brained?

I spent a lot of time blaming menopause for these symptoms, until I began to do some reading on the wonderful website of www.womentowomen.com. They have a ton of great articles dealing with women's health issues, and particularly issues that come to light at mid-life.

It's no secret that many women are overtired from trying to perform as SuperWoman, SuperMom or some combination of the two. Yes, we have more freedom to work in whatever jobs fulfill us, and attend school and marry who we like.....but more and more women are suffering from burnout and fatigue.  With peri-menopause adding hormonal changes to the picture, starting anywhere in your early forties (you may have 7-10 years of pre-menopausal symptoms till you are officially 'menopaused' at average age of 51), it's easy to be confused about the cause of your fatigue.

Recently I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue in the second phase, by a functional integrative health coach. Now my doctor does not believe such a thing as Adrenal fatigue even exists, so I went on a web search for articles to send her. My search led me back to http://www.womentowomen.com/adrenalhealth/naturaltreatments-adrenalfatigue.aspx.

It may, in the beginning, look like a thyroid malfunction. My levels were low at my last blood test, so I'm being followed for hypothyroidism. But being more prone to finding natural solutions and working with a naturopath as well as my GP, I began to wonder if there were herbs I could take or dietary changes to make to help improve my health and overall well-being.  This led me to the health coach, who gave me a survey that revealed the adrenal fatigue, but also that I was a metabolic protein type, (I've had blood sugar problems for years), and needed to eat more meat protein to balance my system (as well as cutting sugar and carbs). I won't go into the list of supplements I'm taking, but suffice it to say, I am also supporting my liver and adrenal glands with herbal supplements.

Four months after implementing these changes, my energy levels are back up, I feel less tired and draggy, and my mood is distinctly calmer. Soon, we will retest the leaky gut and adrenals, and see how much improved my health is from the inside.

Bottom line is, don't blame all your tiredness and fatigue on menopause, nor on your age. If something is out of whack, if you're not sleeping, or sleeping too much, do some reading on this very informative website. Check with a health practitioner, and be open to learning something new about the way our bodies operate at mid-life.  We're going through changes that are not just hormonal, but it's all one package - our digestive enzymes are less efficient, we react more strongly to caffeine and alcohol, our libido is affected; if we have adrenal fatigue, we may be dragging our feet and even have signs of depression.

Unfortunately, not all medical doctors agree on this issue:

While adrenal fatigue is well recognized in other parts of the world, there has been some skepticism about it within conventional medical circles here in the US. Many physicians are quick to point to other health issues (depression, fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism) that cause similar symptoms. We’ve found, though, that many times these issues are related to an underlying adrenal problem, and that treating them on their own with medications generally doesn’t solve them — but supporting adrenal function often does wonders.

Conventional testing only looks at extremes

Unfortunately, current tests that doctors are likely to recommend will look only at the extremes of adrenal imbalance that require immediate medical intervention: Addison’s disease, which occurs when the body’s cortisol production is severely deficient, and Cushing’s syndrome, in which the body produces excessively high levels of cortisol.  http://www.womentowomen.com/adrenalhealth/effectsofhighcortisollevels.aspx 

Being stressed around the clock, working two jobs - one at work and one at home - raising teenagers, caring for elderly parents, dealing with hormonal changes - women are increasingly called on to be always on, 24/7. This puts us in 'fight or flight' mode, coping with physical and emotional stressors that drain our capacity to respond. If you suspect this might be the case for you, consult a health professional trained in Functional medicine, or begin by reading the articles on womentowomen.com.

Hope you find this information helpful,
Musemother

Journaling, Self-Awareness and Goal Setting

January is still in full swing, and it's almost time to start New Year's in February - yes, once you've recovered from the holidays, the kids are back in school, you're back at work or on your regular schedule, classes are underway etc., now you really have time to take a breather and reflect on the year ahead. 

I just did an interview with Steve Goldberg of Optimus Performance, which I hope to post later on youtube, in which we discussed our different approaches to goal setting. 

In the past, I have been pretty much an anti-goal person, so I went searching on the web to see if I was the only one with such a strong reaction to the word goal. Is it perhaps the military connotation I wondered? It seems such a outward focused word, so linear and logical, something you need to do to get ahead, to proceed, to conquer. It gives me a feeling of overwhelm just to write the word - goal - as if it will add one more thing to my already too-full To Do list.

I did find a few kindred spirits on-line. It seems that for women at mid-life especially, who are often tired, overwhelmed and trying to make space for themselves on that famous list, a better word may be Intentions. (One of my intentions is to play more - hence the snow woman, made with my daughter and her friend after an afternoon of sliding in the snow.)

In the new year's message in my newsletter, I narrowed the Intention Setting question for the year down to two things: what do I want more of, or less of? It felt like a good way to make sure that whatever I come up with is doable and doesn't lead to more overwhelm. 

There are simple things I can do like taking a nap when I'm tired, enlisting help from my family to get meals prepared or grocery shopping and laundry. More quiet time for me to dream in, less busy time that makes me feel scattered and stressed.  

The thing that helps me see where I am, and what my intentions are, is journaling. In my journal I write about what I want more of, what I love, and what I want less of or what blocks me from being happy, healthy and whole. It's a bit of an organic process, but I do find answers come to me.

I also use my journal to set an intention for the day - one that is doable and realizable. For instance, today I will breathe deeply before responding to my kids' persistent requests instead of getting impatient. Or today I will not sweat the small stuff. Or just for today, I will cultivate lovingkindness and compassion. I will be happier in my body. Then the next day I can check in with myself and the journal, as I start a brand new day.

This way of keeping on track is similar to what author Abby Seixas calls a victory log -  a list of all the things that go right, in her book Finding the Deep River Within, A Woman's Guide to Recovering Balance and Meaning in Everyday Life.  http://www.deepriverwithin.com/findingdeepriver.html 

"A victory is any shift that you make in the direction you want to go, any step, no matter how small toward a goal you have set for yourself." Or an intention, if you prefer.

Don't overwhelm yourself by making a mountainous list of 'things to do' - make your intentions doable, and simple. Keep that self-compassion in mind. Be your own best Coach, and give yourself encouraging messages of support, or enlist the help of a friend to keep your promises, whether it be to do more exercise, eat fewer chocolate cookies, or hug your kids more often. And remember that your journal can be your best friend and a cheap form of therapy.

My intention for this week is to exercise regularly - for me, that means two yoga classes a week, and three home-exercise sessions of 20-30 minutes each, set up for me with a personal trainer who is a friend of mine. So far, week one, I'm on track. But I'm taking it one day at a time....one victory squat at a time. 

namaste,
musemother

Stress and the Mid-Life Woman

I'm so glad I'm not the only one eating whole bags of potato chips! yes, according to Women's Health Mag editors, here's what women turn to when we're stressed or under duress:

- Nutella or peanut butter straight from the jar - (guilty as charged)
- a whole bag of Oreos
- a whole pint of HaggenDaz ice-cream http://www.haagendazs.com/
- a pound of Twizzlers
- sprinkles by the spoonful (nuh-uh)
- a dozen ready-bake cinnamon rolls (baked!)
- chocolate in any form
- booze
- a bag of potato chips

(from poll and survey done by WomensHealthMag.com)

What are your favourite de-stressors?

Recently I posted a quote on my facebook page from Gail Sheehy The Silent Passage (http://www.gailsheehy.com/ about how rest and restorative relaxation are so important for women at mid-life. When I was 45, mother to two pre-teens, and running like a chicken with my head cut off from volunteer work to doctor's appointments to after-school chauffering, stress seemed to be a constant. Being in peri-menopause had a lot to do with it - juggling all my time commitments seemed more challenging and my patience seemed to wear thin more easily. Yoga and meditation were helpful, but I needed to stop pushing myself so hard. After I broke my leg skiing, at age 47, I began to take regular naps and give myself permission to rest more. With a leg in a cast, I had no choice!

So here's the thing about stress: you can eat your stress, or you can do some deep breathing exercises, take up jogging, or lie down for a nap every day between 5:30 and 6:00. So what if supper is a little later one or two nights of the week? Can you cut down on some extracurricular activities or carpool? What will make your life seem a little less crazy? Can you ask your spouse to pick up the slack?

Until I broke my leg I was doing all the errands, appointments and meal preparing, figuring that since I was working from home, it was easier on my schedule. Asking for help was hard for me, having been programmed to do it all myself, and having a strong control freak in my nature. But it was a very wise move - and it helped my husband feel more included with the kids' activities. He'd take them skiing on Saturdays while I rested with my legs up the wall, and prepared a hot meal for them and a roaring fire (while sometimes; my fire-building skills took a while to perfect).

"It is of utmost importance for any woman over forty-five, faced with high-stress professional or personal demands, to commit herself to some restorative relaxation measure. It might be biofeedback, prayer, yoga, or routine meditation. ...The single most important aid to continued health through the menopausal transition is proper rest." Gail Sheehy

by the way, I recommend this Women's Health Ultimate Yoga Guide, found at the local pharmacy. Great easy yoga moves to tone your body, food to help slim down and chill out, and more.
(womenshealthmag.com)

Soul Food (and Chocolate) for the Woman's Heart

http://www.itimes.com/files/blogfiles/184708/karate-bradley-stressed-out.jpg

Soul food for the hungry woman’s heart

It's Valentine's Day and High Time you reclaimed your spiritual Mojo ! Give yourself some long overdue self-love and attention by following these tips:

The biggest Mojo killer is Stress. So what can you do to de-stress? Dr Susan Mertz Anderson says stress is just a thought, it doesn't come from circumstances, which is an interesting way of looking at things. Stop taking those thoughts so seriously (it only leads to anxiety). Change your focus by learning how to breathe for calm, to center and ground yourself.

Three part breath: breathe in the for count of four or five, hold the breath for the same count, then exhale for four or five. Just a few moments of this calm breathing will remove 90% of your stress.

One of the reasons we get stressed is cause we say yes when we mean No. Learn how to stand your ground and not be such a push over.  Simplify your life – say no, more. Shake the 'should's....it's your shoulders that will feel lighter.

On top of this, it's stressful trying to please other people: we want to perform well for our bosses, or be perfect hostesses, perfect friends, perfectly dressed fashionistas; we each have our little areas of weakness where we compare ourselves to someone more 'perfect'. Stop making yourself miserable with comparisons.  Repeat after me: I am fabulous and flawed!

A great de-stresser: clear and declutter the mind – write in your journal - get it all out on paper. What's really driving me crazy is.....then let it rip.

Unplug and give yourself permission to turn off the blackberry, email, or cell phone during lunch or after you get home. Your brain will be less overwhelmed if you give yourself a breather at some point in the day. Take a walk at lunchtime, force yourself to leave the desk (home office too!).  Forget about work for a while, recharge and refresh your batteries with some oxygen.

Know your limits, you are not a machine; honour how you feel and practice self-compassion. Knowing how to avoid stress builds health.

Now for rebuilding that spiritual Mojo, grab a piece of some 80% dark chocolate and make yourself a list:

What is working for you? What feeds you? What drains you? Take stock of your life. Where is good energy coming in, and where is all your energy going out, with no return?

What did you used to love to do? When was the last time you did it? It's time you got out there to shake your booty again, whether by hiking, skiing, skating, dancing - bust out those Latin moves and salsa, zumba, cha cha cha. Even better, find a friend to join you.

If you have a creative streak that has been languishing on the back burner, it's time to mother the creative fire in you. You know that the eggs are growing in darkness where you planted them; but they might not end up seeing the light of day unless they feel the sun’s warmth. How can you nourish the invisible birthing being prepared? What keeps your creative fire humming? soft music, a wide blue sky, reading poetry? It's your turn to create now, the world is waiting for your unique voice or splash of colour, so bring forth your creation into the world - make the unknown known!

Here are some affirmations for nourishing your spirit:

Today I give myself permission to go at the pace of my breathing, and not push the river....

I am a co-creator with the creator.

I let go and trust the creative process. 

I love my life!

Now you can eat that chocolate :)

namaste

Musemother

ps If you want to really get your chocoholic moving, try IKOVE acai and chocolate face cream, organic botanicals that smell like chocolate, great for your face, easy on your figure.http://www.ikove.com/

Being Calm and Gentle with Myself

Last June I was seeing a naturopath who heals with Chinese herbs and energy treatments. She told me my adrenal glands were depleted, and made me realize how stressed my body is, all that coritsol rushing through, all those muscular tightness issues and clenching in the jaw and shoulders – from years of working on the computer yes, but also from hunching up in fight or flight mode. Anxiety, stress, constant stimuli, parenting, work deadlines....it all adds to the body being winched up tight.


So today, I am breathing into those muscles and allowing myself to relax. I take a deep breath and tell myself, I am ok, everything is alright. I try to catch the worry wart in me before she takes over my day. Don’t we all need a break from this ‘being on edge’? Bad news, famine, war, and bombardment of tv, radio and newspapers doesn’t help me find my balance. I firmly believe that my being stressed and ready to take flight, jumpy at any noise, unable to relax does not help the world one iota.

So what can I do, what helps? Giving my family the gift of my serene presence. It's time to make it real, Jennifer. Make it a priority. Do whatever it takes to stay calm. I even bought a poster at the MOCA in LA that says Calm so I can have a visual reminder. I’m off to yoga now, and I’m sure it will help me find my calm center.

Ahh, back from yoga, and shivasana and wow, that did help me feel grounded and relaxed. I'm a much happier camper at home, with my kids when I kick the adrenaline habit, the stress addiction, the enjoyable "I'm so busy get out of my way" buzz.....

I wish that for you today, to know that it’s alright, everything is ok. Be well. Be calm.

Musemother

Stress Equation

Mike Moore at http://www.motivationalplus.com/mpimages/gameoflifesmall.jpg

How Stress affects the Body:

Unresolved, unexpressed painful emotions = physiological stress = immune system dysfunction, dgeneration of body systems and abnormal cell growth, + time = illness and disease

So there you have it, a simple equation, isn't it?

Where are you on the scale of one to ten on the Stress Barometer?

Have you resolved your unresolved painful emotions? or do you even know where they are living in your body?

Are you feeling overtired, overwhelmed and under motivated about life in general?

The best remedy I can think of is Rest.  Unplug, hunker down, and take a nap.

Second best (but not one I readily turn to): Exercise, fresh air, a brisk walk near water or trees

Third best (highly recommend): talking with a close friend or bosom pal

But my favourite Self-Awareness tool is my journal. I try and make time to write every day even if its only for 10 minutes. Free hand writing is best - just sit and let yourself express whatever you are feeling, following no set pattern, not lifting your hand off the page. First thing in the morning is a good time for accessing the subconscious, fresh from dreams.  (recommended by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way) http://www.theartistsway.com/  .

Another method of understanding the sources of stress and/or emotional pain is through Visual Journalling. I've discovered that it allows a similar process of self-discovery but through drawing (crayons, pastels).  The idea is not to produce a work of art, but to access the wisdom of the right brain, let the body talk to us in its metaphors (circles, houses, colours, shapes, flowers, rainbows, dark pits).

Most of us think stress is normal, and we just live with it.  We don't question where it's coming from, or we assume it's just part of life: if I can't change it, I might as well accept it.

What if you looked at things differently?

Take some time to access and assess your body's wisdom today.  Explore the 'pain in your neck', or the 'cramp in your gut'.  What stresses you? What's keeping you from your joy?

Emotions are teachers, and we need to allow their safe expression.  Don't ignore your own needs, make them felt, seen and heard.  Dance with them. 

According to the authors of Visual Journaling, work with cancer patients has shown that, the act of expressing a stress-producing emotion through drawing/painting moves the emotion energetically outside the body where it can no longer activate the stress response.

Go for some crazy scribbling, in your notebook or sketch pad.  Ask the question, and receive the answer.

Do it now!
jenn/musemother


stress equation from: Visual Journalling, Going Deeper than Words, Barbara Ganim and Susan Fox

Stress and Breathing

I don't know why we forget, but we do. When I'm stressed and anxious or running like a chicken without a head, I forget that to stop and breathe will push the stress away and bring me back to the ground - to center.

In singing lessons, I'm being taught to breathe all the way out before taking in a new breath, and this is also great for stress. The other day I was preparing the house for our women's circle meeting, baking banana muffins, sweeping the floor, setting up the teacups, and noticed time was ticking by and I hadn't had lunch yet. So of course I picked up the pace and got even more frantic.

Then I remembered I was going to lead a 15 minute centering exercise/mini-retreat to begin the circle, and that I should shift gears now! It was not automatic, but I did remember to breathe all the way out, before breathing in. Somehow, when we take little quick sips of air while we're buzzing around, it doesn't get empty enough to fill up again. So breathe out, push all the air out, then let the belly expand as you open your mouth. Voila!

If you sit and practice this for a even 2 minutes, you will feel the benefit,, as the swirling, dizzying busyness of life settles around you, and you step off the merry go round. You need to slow it right down. Maybe a few things on the 'to do' list won't get done, but you will be fresh and centered instead of fried and frazzled.

It's always up to you - or me. I can always choose the speed I'm running at. However, sometimes I need a little help. Lately, I have been getting help to relax from a wonderful reiki-reflexologist-therapist named Diana Claudi, who calls her business Connect With Calm. She does chakra balancing, therapeutic touch, chelation, alll kinds of therapies that make me feel absolutely calm, centered, and grounded again. Joy creeps back into my body, and I smile at my teenager's requests peacefully.

It feels better than a massage - I may make it a weekly treat.

I found a great website and social network at Pink, http://www.owningpink.ning.com/ which has some great articles about finding your mojo, accepting your light and dark, and many more of interest to women.

have a great stress free day\

jenn

Snow Day and Mother Daughter Hair Colour

Snow Day: not for the kids, but for me. Heavy snowfall yesterday, freezing rain overnight, and more thick fluffy flakes this morning means, stay at home. Cancel yoga (do some stretches on the rug in my room), a delivery was cancelled too, all smart people stay off the road today (those who can afford to - my husband made it to work, Caitie is at school).

There are days like this when the lake is whited-out, a hazy dark shoreline on the island across from us, a thin open patch of water greyish and closing in, the muffled sound of crows cawing in the big maple, a few workers on a saw below (oh yeah, the shingles are going up in back, slowly but surely).

I was going to say, there are days like this when I remember why we moved here. Believe me, I haven't had much time to look at the lake and enjoy a peaceful cup of coffee or read a book. Still finding boxes of DVD's and video games, or CD's that need unpacking, files that need filing (a huge pile of paid bills), and my closet is full of 'stuff' that I should have given away.

But this morning I am grateful for the snowy slow-down day. Grateful to find a few moments between phone calls and list making (I am an eternal list maker, but still disorganized), to look at the white expanse before me.

Christmas cards have not been sent, the Christmas rush has barely begun, we have a huge open house to show off our new place this Saturday, but today, just for today, and really, all I have is this moment, I am not going to panic, not going to rush left right and center. Just accept the moment, one heartbeat at a time.

I invite you to put aside the list for a moment, and look at your window. Is there a cardinal calling to you? is there a squirrel burying nuts? or is there a blank slate, a white board of fluff, for you to gaze at and relax for a minute.

enjoy the pre-holiday, pre-rush if you can.

musemother
ps I must write to you about discussions with my daughter about hair colour - she's 16 and already streaks her dirty blonde hair with darker brown and lighter highlights. Now she wants to go dark brown! and I say, too much money every 6 weeks, and too much hassle with roots showing and getting it done all the time. Vanity permits me to cover the gray, but why does a 16 year old have to change her colour?