Writing and your Creative Process

image from: www.wanderlust.co.uk/magazine/articles/

Someone asked me today what my creative process was like. Did I use a pen and paper, or type directly onto a computer? Did it really take me four years to publish The Tao of Turning Fifty? And that started a long conversation, in which the following tips came up. Some of them I am trying for the first time, like doing different kinds of writing at different times of day.

Make it special: I’ve moved my desk three times in the last year, and each time there was something ‘not right’ about the spot – view great, internet connection lousy, or no view, great desk and internet. Or Room is too cold! I need some sun and a warm sweater. So finding the right spot is important, in the quietest corner of your house preferably, or if you need noise and stimulation, find a busy cafe somewhere out of the house, but make it your “special” spot. It helps to create a routine.

Ritual: some of us don’t like to do the same thing twice, others like to perform little rituals of preparation. It could be as simple as lighting a candle or making a cup of hot Chai, but if you prime your subconscious mind that ‘this is how my writing time begins’ with an additional signal or ritual, it can help you get past the mind blocks your inner critic throws at you, like ‘now is not a good time, there’s all that laundry waiting’, or “now is never a good time, you suck at writing”. I may need to light some incense or play some 70’s music (David Bowie) to inspire me to write about my teen years, for instance. That’ll put me right back in my 16 year old bedroom with the turntable and my younger sister sharing a room...egads!

Treats: add a treat to the ritual! Don’t look at writing as a punishment, and crack the whip. Get out the licorice or dark chocolate. Give yourself a reward for getting your bum into the chair and doing it. Make it something not too distracting: vodka or rum may lead to relaxation, but you might not get very much writing done. Then again, whatever turns you on....

Writing schedule: this has never worked for me. Every year, I make resolutions, I rearrange my priorities, I skip yoga so I can write...today I decided that realistically, mornings are best for creative writing: Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings I will write for 90 minutes, in my journal, long hand. And in the afternoons, I will give myself another 90 minutes for ‘business’ writing on the computer: Facebook posting, quote gathering, promotional blurbs and blog writing. We’ll see if this works. My theory is that as I finish meditation at 8:30 a.m. or so, and  my journal is close by my bed, the morning time will be best for musing and creative writing. Then again, my kids are studying away from home, and once my husband leaves for work I have the house to myself. Choose a time that works for you. And one you will actually be able to do.

Know your self: this sounds obvious, but you need to be able to describe who you are, what you do, what your expertise or area of knowledge is, why you want to write this book – I am ....is a powerful beginning. Think of those 30 second elevator speeches that force you to summarize everything you know into a few short lines. You’ll need this on your book jacket.

Network with the people who love what you love: there are many more readers of books out there than you realize. Don’t get discouraged by all the books already published (I know the feeling, it hits me whenever I enter a bookstore). Join a writers club (www.shewrites.com for example), connect with other writers and you’ll learn tips, share experiences, and maybe find your audience (depending on whether you are a fitness instructor or a romantic novelist). MindBodyGreen http://www.mindbodygreen.com/  has published several articles of mine, and now I’m looking at TinyBuddha http://tinybuddha.com/ to find like-minded readers.

Hire a copy editor: if you are self-publishing, and want this to turn into a viable book, don’t just proofread and correct your own spelling. Hire an editor, a neutral third person whose only job is to see what is working (or not) in your syntax and punctuation. They will also be a good first reader in general. Get a few quotes and compare. I found a good one, in Canada, at http://www.editors.ca/hire/index.html.

These are just some of the things that help. If you have anything else that works for you, please feel free to share it with us!

Jennifer

Busy Mothers at Mid-Life

How are you? 

Busy! is the proud reply.

How we love to brag about how tired we are, how full our calendars are, how overfull our lives are.

But it's killing us, too.

Thomas Merton calls it a form of violence:

 "The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence."

And women seem particularly prone to this over-doing, over-giving. It's as if all our lives we've been praised for being busy, for you know what your mother said, idle hands are the devil's workshop. That's an old adage, but this drive for constant productivity has at its root a fear of laziness, a fear of the dreamer, the impractical one described in Aesops' fable of the Ant and the Grasshopper. The hard-working ant stored food away for winter, and worked hard to provide for the hard times, while the lazy grasshopper fiddled and played and sang, and starved once the cold weather arrived.

We have taken that message so much to heart in our busy culture that we can't allow ourselves to rest! Busy bees, busy ants, constantly moving, doing, connecting and creating. Except that at mid-life, the battery starts to run down. The wear and tear shows not only on the joints, but on the soul. We need a little more R&R, or the sabbatical day of the week to be brought back. Add to that, a tech-free zone where no one can reach us.

In her book, Overwhelmed, author Brigid Schulte makes the case that mothers have the least leisure time at all. In an interview in the Globe and Mail yesterday, she says we do it because it makes us look like 'a good woman" - look how busy I am. I'm putting myself last. 

She remarks that even our leisure time is spent driving kids to soccer games or carpooling. True leisure time is when you have time for yourself, to refresh, connect with your inner longings and desires, or simply sit and read a book, time you have a choice in what you do.  (read the article http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/too-busy-to-live-in-a-contemporary-world/article17758066/) 

So what can we do? downgrade our expectations of how much we can get done in one day. Strike 2-4 items off the endless to-do list, and be satisfied. Learn to say, I am enough, I do enough, I am enough!

Push back against the constant pressure to be busy! allow your inner creativity to come out and daydream a little. Give yourself some down time to do what you love. Explore why you don't even know what you love to do anymore. Get off the Guilt Train. That old feeling that it's never enough, never good enough, and pat yourself on the back a little more often.

Mothers at mid-life have many stressors and lots of 'things' to do. But they need a day off too! Give yourself that, at the very least. Let the laundry sit in the basket one more day, and get outside for a walk, listen to the birds. 

I'm headed out there now, while the sun is shining!

Musemother/jenn

 

A Mom’s Salary

(written several years ago and salvaged from my computer for your reading pleasure).

SoulCollage Card

This week in the Social Studies section of the Globe & Mail I read a fascinating statistic: the average stay-at-home mom in the U.S. could be earning the same salary as a top advertising executive or a judge, according to salary.com: $134,121. Her real work includes the earning power of ten jobs: housekeeper, daycare teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry worker, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive and psychologist.

Well, I’ve discussed that kind of salary with my husband, and it just isn’t in the budget. But it certainly made me feel better to know my actual financial worth. Now I know why I don't have time to go back to 'work'. It got me thinking about multi-tasking, and how that word doesn’t describe doing more than one thing at a time anymore, since I’ve turned fifty and can’t split my brain in five directions, but it still applies to the multi-job description of M.O.M.

Yesterday I was walking the dog around the block (they forgot that in the list of job descriptions) when I saw one of those corporate housewives at work in her garden. A nanny rushed out, portable phone in one hand. The woman gardening pulled off one earthy glove, and the chief executive took over, giving instructions and making decisions. I bet there are thousands of housewives in suburbia managing small armies of staff (usually part-time or on contract) to help us manage our little domains. For instance, on Monday, the Sears repairman was here cleaning out and hosing down the Heat Pump, while two more blue-clad technicians were vacuuming the air ducts and furnace; the man from Val Morin Pools was pumping stagnant water from the in-ground pool and a gardening specialist was spraying my bushes with dormant oil. I was rushing from backyard to basement to the front door, signing cheques and keeping the puppy out of their way.

Spring is here and my list of household projects has taken on a new ‘ampleur’. I put on my facilities manager’s hat from 9 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. when I don the chauffeur’s cap to pick up two girls from after school dance class, then switch to the chef’s hat for meal preparation time, and retire after supper to an outside activity, choir rehearsal, and coaching session with singing and choreography, accapella style. Home at 10ish, my army sergeant voice booms out – all lights out now! After a quick toothbrush swiped over my teeth and a brief flossing (I am my own dental assistant), I turn down the covers and remove all the hats to entertain a short dialogue with my hubby (co-producer, co-author, co-manager and major salary provider) before succumbing to deep sleep (oh yes, there was also a brief interlude as child-psychologist after school with fifteen-year-old who is itching to go downtown and check out the club scene and has girls tattooing hearts on his arm at school. We need to hire a road hockey coach or enroll him in basketball for the summer: intense physical activity needed to ward off spring fever.

As I lie there, the birthday party planner kicks in: Kaye’s fourteenth birthday in two weeks and I’ll be away at choir competition. Must help her poor Dad plan for an afternoon pool party for 10 adolescent girls, evening sleepover for four ‘best friends,’ and next day drop them off at Bazoo for a pillow-making party. Tomorrow morning, must not forget the personal trainer will arrive (actually a close personal friend of mine who charges very low rates) to prod me into shape with a big ball and five pound weights attached to my arms…then I’m going shopping for leather furniture and a desk for the new home office I plan to create, to entice hubby to work from home within five years. Then he can really call himself co-manager. Soon he’ll be wearing ten hats, just like me. Then maybe I can retire.

Yep, now that I’ve run through all the jobs on my to-do list, I can sleep. Just wish there was somewhere to punch in and pick up that paycheque…. My hat's off to all you chief executive moms out there

So next Mother's Day, you can insist they give the Chief Executive a day off.

love,

Musemother

Feminine Goal Setting at Mid-Life

“In this culture we are told to set goals. We are supposed to know where we are going and then take specific steps to get there. But this is not always possible, or even wise. It is the male model of linear, rational thinking. But the life process of women…is more chaotic and disorderly, more circular and intuitive. Sometimes we can’t see the next horizon until we step out of the old life. We don’t yet know where we are going. We may not know the place until we arrive.” —Joan Borysenko A Woman’s Journey to God  

I received an e-newsletter from coach Jan Carly, all about how goal setting sometimes trips us up. It really made my heart glad to read this from a coach who uses goal-setting as an important tool. Personally, I have some large perspective very big goals that are sometimes a bit vague, and several smaller detail oriented or focused goals, but I don't always find it possible to sit down and plan my day or week with a calendar, in fact my brain resists this kind of linear thinking like crazy (by going foggy and nonfunctional). I have the luxury of structuring my days by following my intuition (most of the time), on which projects are calling me or are my priority. And yes, I do have appointments, meetings and other people's calendars to deal with too.

But something about goal setting really rubs me the wrong way. Perhaps its the rebel in me, but I in spite of my circular paths and methods, I do manage to get a lot done. I have discovered that I need to leave a lot of room for spontaneity and last minute changes - like this morning for example. I had planned a cleaning day at my chalet - my niece was going to come with me. Our contractor had also picked this day to fix some shingles, inspect water damage and do caulking (it's a nice sunny day here, no rain in sight). But I was also dead tired after a very full weekend, with two supper parties and a full-day retreat I facilitated yesterday. So....although my goal for the day was set a week ago, in the end, my niece cancelled due to a hospital emergency, my contractor still hasn't showed up and is sick at home himself, trying to round up a crew to come here, (it's 11 am as I right this), and instead, unplanned,  I spent the morning listening to soothing music and writing my evaluation of the retreat, and perusing my SoulCollage(R) cards.  Which felt really 'just right' and just what I needed today.

This doesn't mean the shingles won't get done, or the caulking (I hope), but my schedule usually flows like this, and when I flow with it, I am a lot less frustrated.

Here's something that struck me from Jan's newsletter:  "Achieving a goal is a finite moment in time. The real living is in the journey. Success lies in being fully who you already are. Do you want to define yourself by one external moment? If you have the mindset that nothing is worthwhile until you reach a goal then what is day-to-day living really all about?"

Exactly! The day-to-day living in the moment, enjoying the circular, labyrinthine journey while remaining grounded, connected to the steps I am taking and the earth I am walking on, is paramount.  I find that, especially in mid-life, women discover they can't multitask successfully anymore (and new brain science tells us that our brains can really only focus well on one thing at a time anyway). I do need to promote my work, get out and meet readers at live events, plan for writing time and research time, but I don't see it happening in straight lines, from point A to point B. It works with synchronicity, spreading my web of contacts, woman to woman, attending conferences and workshops, remembering the local community I am living in and offering my services there. I can jump in my imagination to some far-future goal of being a famous author, and despair at the low number of book sales, or I can enjoy the journey.

So I make it my goal to be centered, and work with flexibility. Going in circles or spirals, doesn't indicate lack of forward motion. It is just a more intuitive way of working. Time is an illusion anyway, and the boxes we like to build around time usually get knocked down. You will know the place when you arrive, as Joan says. Allow your feminine wisdom to guide you, even while you are setting goals.

Have a great week,

Jenn/Musemother

The worth of a woman's work

"Consider a woman in Somalia who rises early to walk two miles to the nearest well to get water for her family, rturns to feed her children and ready them for school, spends the morning working the soil of the family garden, the afternoon tending to the sick and infirm of her village, then in the event cooks and mends clothing and sings songs to her tired children and makes love with her husband. As measurd by the G.D.P. this woman has no value. She is useless; a drain on the nation's wealth."

What is the true measure of the wealth of a nation? It's a good question, posed by the author of Sabbath, Wayne Muller.

When we create art, when we create beauty in our surroundings, when we experience joy and good health, when we measure our lives not only by the money we earn for 'producing' but for the presence of love, beauty, health and harmony around us, it is perhaps not measurable on any economic index.

Or is it?

We are learning to value clean water and healthy fish stocks, after the mess of the BP Oil Spill. We are putting a monetary value on the education of girls in Africa. We can also learn to value our time for just being, for tuning into our inner peace, for experiencing good health mentally and emotionally as well as physically.

Know that the effort towards valuing our work in creating a peaceful environment for our families begins with each one of us. I begin by placing value on my work as a woman working in the home.

I place value on the work I do of writing poems and inspiring blogs.
I value my contribution to the human race as a singer and entertainer.

I may be a semi-professional at a lot of things, meaning I don't get paid much for it, if anything, but  my worth as a woman is priceless.

musemother

Listening for My Own Wisdom

"I listened for the faint sound of my own true voice, buried far below all of my identities and roles and accompplishments, below my shoulds and my have-tos, my fears and my hopes.

..."Finally, slowly, I began to hear the voice of my deep womansoul crying out for a life of my own, pleading for a chance to discover my own unique song; to dance to my own choreography; to define my own purpose, direction, and vision, separate from what the world expected of me; separate from trying to be good and stay out of trouble.

I heard her saying, You are enough; just you, just who you are; you are good enough. You can stop proving it now. It's safe to come out; trust me, I will lead you. Trust this process. Trust that you are not alone." I Am A Woman finding Her Voice,

I just re-read this on an earlier blog posting, and can't believe this is still my theme! But I am putting it up here again today, to remind myself, and any of you who need to hear it, that now is the time to Listen In carefully for your own wisdom.

I am always too busy for this. Every day, I get up and meditate, ok, that's a good start, but my journal sits on the desk not used, my yoga strap waits on the chair for me to lie down and do some leg stretches, the list of things to do and things to shop for is right here beside me, and I managed to pay some bills and get toilet paper holders installed - but look at the time! 11:12 a.m. and I didn't manage to write anything in my journal, or sit and calmly listen for my own inner wisdom today.

When will I make time? If I don't schedule time for writing in my journal it doesn't happen. Or rarely, on a whim, once every two weeks. I am blogging more often, and also at http://www.owningpink.com/, which is a great place to find unconditional love and support, and read about finding your mojo. I've started editing a poetry collection, and I sent out copies of my Tao of Turning Fifty to friends for comments and feedback. So yes, small steps towards acknowledgeing my Womansoul.

Had lunch with a close friend from way back on Tuesday, and she is going through menopause. The thing that she misses the most is finding her own rhythm - needing time alone so she can find out what her rhythm would be like, if she didn't have to cook meals for someone else, oversee homework, be interruped in her creative process by house management details and daily stuff. She's a dancer, movement director, choreographer living the precarious life of grant to grant funding for projects, with no fixed income.

I thought her point about rhythm and being constantly interrupted was so apropos - finally at menopause you think the kids are big enough to handle breakfast alone, drive themselves to appointments (note: I had to interrupt meditation this morning at 8:15 to drive daughter to college for exam because my son was exceptionally not going today), and you think, I love my family, love my spouse, but I just need to find TIME for ME. It sounds so selfish. We are trained not to put ourselves first. But I think it becomes a necessity, and if you are a creative person even more so, to put yourself on the TO DO list.

Ok inner voice, I'm going to schedule you in, right now. And then I'll get to the errands, appointments, bills, and things.

sigh,
jenn/musemother

What Women Want Now Time article

The Time poll on the status of women in America was published this week (US participants only probably, but as we are so similar I presume Canadian stats are not much different).

Maria Shriver produced the Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, and according to an article by her in Time magazine, it's a "landmark study that examines how families live and wok today." It sounds like women have made great strides, but are still carrying more of the load, especially in the home.

It's a good thing that 70% of women say they are less financially dependent on their spouses than their mothers were. But the level of stress may have increased as well: 40% experience stress frequently, and 39% sometimes. And what to make of the fact that 65% of adults surveyed think that not having a stay-at-home parent is a negative for society (whether male or female is not specified).

57% of men think it's better if the father works outside the home and the mother takes care of the children. Surprisingly 51% of women agree. But who is actually taking care of the children in either case? 69% of women are primarily responsible for taking care of their children versus 13% of men. Some lucky ones say "both of us" (26% of women, 40% of men).

It's all about negotiating the load - there's a book reviewed in the Globe & Mail today which examines the Superior women who take on that load or burden of working plus housecare plus childcare. The theory is that we have trained our men to do less, by being superior at multi-tasking.

An interesting thought - because it lays the onus for change on women, of course, the superior ones. Who must now retrain their spouses to not only take out the garbage but change diapers, take junior to piano lessons, doctor appointments and the rest of the parenting duties.

What do women want? I think it's a faily simple answer. We want an equal partnership. We don't want to be boss (not really....), we don't want to be under his thumb, and we don't want to raise a family all on our own (not really....). We want help bringing home the bacon, frying it up and putting it on the table for the little piglets, I mean kids.

We want to play more, put up our feet and relax more, have meaningful conversations with our loved ones, be appreciated for all we do, and we thrive on a fair challenge.

That's all. Not much to ask.

40 years later.....from Time's first special issue on the status of women, there has been a lot of progress. College campuses are filled with women, Half the Ivy League presidents are women and two of the three network anchors (soon will be). Women win Nobel Prizes, publish books under their own names, and have babies when they want to, not because they have no choice.
Now what women want is a break! time off to take care of themselves....

Let's hear it for women. You rock, baby! You are not getting older, you ARE getting better.....
musemother

On Women and Men

The lake is oddly still this morning, a grey and silver palette of moving light, no waves but large ripples coursing towards shore, one after the other, repetitive patterns, while white black-tipped gulls wing over head. One boat leaves a wake of silver behind it, ruffling the softness. Clouds hang low, and the tree tops emanate humidity. The new dock is luminous too with its aluminum legs and bright new cedar planks , hosting its two teak Adironack chairs, a perfect cottage picture.

Large white bellied fish leap in an arc out of the lake and return, wiggling off the parasites on their backs, I am told. We are patiently waiting for the rain to stop, and for the hot sunshine to dry us out. But it will be another grey, humid, possibly rainy day.

But enough of the landscape. I am eager to engage with a question brought up by an article I read yesterday.

What is woman’s work? Anne Southam, a well-known contemporary minimalist composer has been described in the G&M as “proud to call her work women’s music, or at least to point out that there’s something in what she does that is deeply grounded in women’s experience.

“’In the very workings of the music there’s a reflection of the work that women traditionally do, like weaving and mending and washing dishes...the kind of work you have to do over and over again.’” from an interview with Robert Everett-Green. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/ann-southam-a-one-woman-tone-poem/article1208502/

She describes how she creates a tonal centre, by taking a 12 tone row of notes and spinning it out one note at a time...

Although I have not heard her music, I like her description of the attraction of repetitive tones like bagpipes and drones, that can induce a trance-like state in the listener. It reminds me of what Blood Bread and Roses author Judy Grahn, www.judygrahn.org says about women’s menstrual cycles and women’s work: spinning wool, weaving, knitting, crocheting demand a total concentration from part of the mind, while the other part is left free to dream or create something from the imagination. Early women’s rituals around the menstrual cycle seem to dig into this needful repetition of sound or activity, whether through chanting, drumming, knitting or watching the breath in meditation. They are linked through repetition with the cycles of life that repeat in a woman’s body, flowing monthly, repeating like the phases of the moon, in recognizable patterns for those who pay attention.

Women’s work long ago was of planting, weeding, bending, gathering, washing, lifting, nursing, sweeping, pounding cloth on rock to clean it. Since ancient times women have aligned themselves with natural patterns of nature when they want to find themselves, restore their own rhythms, become attuned to life’s pulse.

Of course, it is a human thing, and men can attune to these rhythms too, but their world is more ‘outer’, less inner minded, by their physical design. Women's bodies through menstruating are naturally aligned with the rhythms of tide and moon.

Of course, all this is open for debate. Some will argue there is no difference between men and women, between male and female brain, psyche, intelligence, spirit, and so of course, there is no such thing as women’s work. Have we left some power or magic behind in our rush to embrace the masculine work-style? Have we left our creative imagination behind in our disdain of repetitive homely tasks? Is there such a thing as women’s writing, women’s music?

I leave it to you, to puzzle on this,
Musemother