Renovations, finishing up on house building, workers in my room every morning finishing a closet door panel, shingles, soffits, front door bell, new furniture - it's all very exciting, and very draining. But I'm a trooper, I deal with it all, feed my family (mostly) home cooked meals, and ignore my own books, journals, needs.
Until this week, looking for computer connections and disks, I opened a box in the new office full of boxes of books unopened, and came across one that said Jenn's books, women's spirituality....and my heart went Ah....that's what I have been missing. Time for me, time alone.\
Actually that's the title of the course I'm giving in January - Mini-retreats, Time for You. And of course, I've been so busy with the move and settling in that I've forgotten about me. Skipped yoga to b e here for deliveries, skimp on meditation because the house is full of people at 8 am and my old schedule doesn't work anymore. Can't use the bathtub for a long soak cause there's no curtains (well, since Monday there are, finally!)
I am learning that what I teach is what I need to learn the most. The long ago days of summer when I had lots of time to practise soul collage, colour mandalas, and listen to peaceful music while doing yoga on the floor in my room seem a distant memory.
This morning I escaped the busy house to the hair dresser - Christmas concert is tomorrow, and I need to spruce up. NO make-up on, my face looked tired in the bright mirrors. I was pretty quiet til my hairdresser asked how the house was coming along. After letting out my list of busy week stuff, a tear crept in, and my shoulder started spasming....and I couldn't stop the flow.
It will pass, I said to Patrick, but really, it's just my body and soul crying out for time alone, time for me, time to be with the beautiful view of the lake we moved here for. Lake and sky? oh yeah, right in front of me. Breath and feeling anchored ... oh yeah, right under my nose.